Me + a spider = world record sprinter + a confused arachnid
Person: I went to australia
Me: congratulations on your survival *remembers my dad’s stories about australia*
Person: here’s a gift I got you from australia *hands me koala bear keyring*
Me: thank you :) *takes it then runs away*
Me: *checks all crevices in koala bear keyring for poisonous spiders
Me: *cautiously declares it safe*
Friend: I hate spiders but I don’t think there’s one in there *confused face*
Me: *goes to friends house*
Friend: *converses on porch*
Person: look at that spider
Me and Friend: *look and see a massive spider*
Me and Friend: *retreat to safe distance*
Me: it must have come off your koala bear
Friend: that thing’s bigger than the koala bear
My dad: *proceeds to tell me a million more of his ‘two years in australia stories*
Me: *becomes even more paranoid*