#poly boatem

[hmshermitcraft]

Spare poly boatem for the theme??? 🙏🙏🙏

There is only one more confusing polycule than boatem and that is the entirety of Hermitcraft itself. Boatem being poly is the only thing all of them have in common label wise (other than overtly queer).

Mumbo, the cisgender vampire who thought he was gay until Pearl entered the mix and great now he has to rethink his whole life.

Grian the genderfluid pansexual avian who can and will perch on top of your head until you give him kisses.

Scar the transmasc vex whose smile and voice will trick you into giving him all your diamonds.

Pearl the demigirl bisexual moth who you have to steal kisses from in the middle of the night or else you will not see her.

And Impulse, the asexual genderless creature; no one really knows what he is but they know he is eager and really that's all that matters to them.

[ok-ish-hermitcraft-headcanons]

Grian, introducing boatem: this is my boyfriend mumbo and my boyfriend scar and my boyfriend impulse. we all love eachother very much. and this is my sister pearl :) hi pearl

Poly boatem my beloved <3 (and sister pearl ofc)

(Not the actual people!!!)

[hmshermitcraft]

For theme!

The Bad Boys are very proud of their Bread Bridge Bakery. Business is booming! And of course, it helps that they each have their own regulars that come in to see them all.

Tango and Scott come to visit Jimmy, and occupy one of the window tables for hours on end. Lizzie and Etho come to see Joel, they like to sit closer to the counter so they can poke some fun at their Bad Boy. And of course, it’s always a whole thing when all of Boatem come to see Grian.

All of the respective partners have memorized when the bakery usually gets down time, and as they learn those times more and more, they all end up showing up at the same time. Now it’s basically a family event!

The downside of them all showing up at once is making sure they've got enough food for them and and customers that come after! They love their partners, but they are running a business here. If they're going to buy them completely out of donuts then get back here and get this batch ready, jeez!

[hmshermitcraft]

(poly boatem)

Season 8 grian getting way too into working on his base (despite promising he'd "take it slow" this season) and overworking himself. the rest of boatem corners him and forces him to relax (possibly by pampering him in the bedroom but that's neither here nor there)

(I'm brain rotting over boatem help me)

It eventually becomes a rotation, because it turns out all of them are terrible at this 'taking a break' business. So whilst the focus is only on one of them, it still forces all of them to stop working.

Or else. Give Pearl a reason to hunt her idiots down, she dares them.

[hmshermitcraft]

hijinks week!

one that always comes to mind for me is season 8. boatem? big eyes? why, that was just two polycules using the excuse of setting up and planning pranks to flirt with their respective partners! safe to say, the airdropped ravagers took a little extra time to set up, with how much tango and bdubs kept distracting each other with silly one liners and giggles...

Sure, they could just go on normal dates. But where's the fun in that? What is a prank but a really elaborate date night? Plus, it's nice to see the others as well, even if it's just annoying each other! It was surprisingly relaxing, cleaning up the giant boat with Grian's help.

Pranks truly bring them all together.

[hmshermitcraft]

Sadly I don't have a proper narrative for this but just... Poly boatem suddenly becoming Moth hybrids for like a week until the Luner Cult is dismantled and everyone goes to sleep finally.

~🪶

It was... A very strange week. None of them really knew what to do about it, the moon was already making them all a bit insane but this just accelerated it into a week of utter chaos.

Other hermits affectionately referred to Boatem during this time as a cave full of bats. Just hermits flapping around everywhere and landing on top of each other.

After turning back, their ultimate review was 'kinda fun, wouldn't do again.'

[hmshermitcraft]

Grian is a big ol void monster that crawled out of the Boatem Hole. Truly, the Boatem members weren't scared of him- not exactly, anyways. It was less terror, and more "what if we accidentally hurt him?" They don't mind having to make their doorways extra big so he can fit, plus the cuddles from a monster big enough to tower over an enderman is pretty nice! He uses magic to look "human" but when he drops it, they don't fear the inhuman skull or fur or scales. Or dozen or so eyes.

Grian doesn't mind looking human when he has to. Whether that's fitting through doors, or trying to pretend to Xisuma that yes he's a totally very normal person.

There's a lot of fun things they've been teaching him! Scar keeps putting hats on his head, trying to find the perfect one. Impulse has a lot of farms to make resources Grian can build freely with! He likes sleeping under Mumbo's waterfall, and Pearl has been desperately trying to teach him terraforming. Apparently 'stacking rocks on top of each other' is not an acceptable look for a base next to hers.

Mostly, he enjoys the cuddles. He's big enough all of them can cuddle him at once (with a lot of blankets, apparently he's pretty cold.) They share lots of human treats with him too - like cookies!

He did send Impulse through the roof once in the middle of the night looking for cuddles. Grian's not scary to them, but that changes when it's the middle of the night and you find too many eyes staring at you in the dark. He was easily forgiven, but it doesn't stop Impulse teasing him over it. Grian teases him right back once he's done apologising.

[hmshermitcraft]

Big scary void monster Grian ask, but it's just boatem gaslighting the hermits into thinking nothing's there because they worried grian will be feared. "What? You saw 12 eyes in the forest looking at you? That's crazy, Gem! That doesn't happen!" "X, truly, there's nothing in boatem- promise! No, you didn't watch a "13' monster" eat an enderman almost-whole, i think you need to sleep more, mister!" Boatem Inc. Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.

related ask

It's a comedy. Half of Boatem are terrible liars to begin with (nobody's buying Impulse's bright red cheeks when he stammers that 'no, there's totally nothing in the dark, no way!') So they're just absolutely blagging it.

It helps that Grian is a menace and fully on-board. He's been hiding himself for years, he's an expert! However, it also doesn't help that he's a menace and that includes causing problems on purpose. It's not his fault it's so fun to hide in the big eye crew's cave and scare them! Have they heard those three scream?

So it's only a matter of time until Grian gets caught out in a way that's a bit hard to explain away. It turns out that no, the hermits don't care that Grian isn't quite a normal player! They are going to get revenge for all the times he's scared them, though.