Thinking about leadership roles in polyamorory.
I would like to start this off by saying : TO ME being in a triad relationship (and this probably applies to most closed polyamorous relationship) means that all partners have equal say and if any veto power exists it exists within each individual partner equally. And I feel that it is extremely important to for each partner to feel comfortable and confident enough to use their equal voice. Because you don't really have a voice unless you know it'll be heard and you know it will count for something. Now that being said I have run into what seems to be an interesting contridiciton to this while not an absolute one. I have noticed lately that both my wife and girlfriend look to me a lot for the decision making, and I have basically been doing my best to shy away from doing so out of fear of making their voices feel invalidated or something like-natured. Reflecting on this I realize too that my wife generally has looked to me for direction with our life. While that is a bit of pressure I understand that that is just part of our dynamic and I shouldn't expect her to feel differently about that due to the addition of our wonderful girlfriend. (I don't know if I mentioned but she lives with us now <3). I really noticed it over the last few weeks that our girlfriend has been looking to us more and more for direction and decision making. Just to be clear I'm talking about all the day to day stuff. Things like when are we leaving? What are we doing? When are we eating? These sorts of day to day things. Noone is trying to throw all the important decisions on one person. And since she is looking to both/either of us and my wife looks to me it seems that I feel that I'm supposed to be taking a bit more charge over our lives. It's not really a role I prefer to have to be honest because I'd rather discuss everything and come to a consensus however I understand why they desire otherwise to a degree. Is anyone fimilar with this kind of dynamic in a traid? I would certainly like to talk to others who have found themselves in similar situations. I don't know why for me it is a less comfortable to have a leadership role when there is another person with us but I also know I want them both to be happy so I need to push myself to be a bit more decisive and deliberate.
Thanks for listening!