Media, Fanfics and Polyamory
Okay, I need to get something off my chest. I... am kinda annoyed with how media - and that includes fanfiction - often shows polyamory. Because most of the time it is depicted as "monogamy, but with more people".
It is kinda how a lot of queer representation in media is often "straight relationships with two people of the same gender" (as in, still kinda forcing people into the traditional roles within a relationship, with one partner taking off the "female" and one the "male" part - often with the characters then getting shown with more stereotypical female or male traits). I mean, for the longest time it was, what kept me from Slash stuff: That it so often casted one character as the "woman" of the relationship, before going ahead and just... do the same sexist tropes, you will usually see in straight romances.
The thing with polyamory is, that it often gets depicted as a closed relationship that involves most of the time three people. Rarely more than three, which is problematic for a reason I am getting at in just a moment. First of all...
Yeah, sure, there are absolutely closed polyamorous relationships. Meaning, relationships that have a fixed number of people, with a strong understanding that there is nobody getting into that relationship later on.
But... A lot of polyamorous relationships do not work that way. While not all go directly into relationship anarchism, there generally is an understanding that at least with some communication a partner would be allowed to date someone else as well. Because a lot of the polyamorous experience is about learning Compersion (feeling happy for someone to find love).
Which brings me also to the problem with OT3s. I have tried to explain this before, but it seems people are struggling with it. See, the problem with Triads is, that they rarely last, as long as they remain a triad. Does not mean that no triad ever lasts - but most don't. Why? Well, because there is one problem. If there is an argument in a triad-relationship (and yes, even polyamorous people argue) it will often end up as a 2 vs 1. And usually what happens is, that in the end it will end up as often the same two people against the same one person. Which will lead to the one person to feel isolated and end the relationship.
Which brings me to Relationship Anarchy. Relationship Anarchy is basically a relationship philosophy that is anti-normative. Which is against heteronormativity, allonormativity, mononormativity and so on. It is very much based around the ideas that:
Love is not a limited research. A single person can give a lot of love. (After all: Even a person in a monogamous relationship will still love their family and friends.)
All Love is equal. So basically there is no overidealisation of romantic love - which also means that queerplatonic relationships are seen as as serious of an involvement as alloromantic relationships.
I just want to ask everyone who is writing anything that involves polyamory - no matter if it is a book, a comic, a tv show or a fanfic - to understand this.
Also... please just stop overidealisation of alloromantic relationships period! Please! I am begging you!
