#polyfuckery

[diaryofmonopoly]

constantly hunting + is this the end?

The issue I currently have with my partner is that he is constantly on the hunt for, shall we say, conquests. 

Not new partners. Well, perhaps. He has no intentions, he says, to have new relationships. He says he wants casual, established fuck buddies.

Look. I may be monogamous, but it's a lot of work to uphold polyamorous relationships, whether you're actually poly or not. It is even more work for me, in a sense, because I do not have to juggle partners and I choose not to seek partnerships outside what I have already. While it sounds like less work, it's only one piece to focus on. And I put my all into it.

I am tired of my partner seeking multiple partners. Literally, tired. It's been almost every single week since at least the end of January in which it's been, "Oh, I've been talking to a girl who used to be friends with an ex," or "I'm reconnecting with a girl it didn't go well with," or "there's a new girl, it will be casual, she's older," and "I'm vetting" - YES, "vetting," is that really what to call going on a date with someone? - "a new girl. Two, in fact."

Seriously? Fuck that.

I can accept being one of two or three girls in his life. He has another regular partner. That's fine. That's cool.

In fact I'm totally cool with a third, casual partner. He has proven to me that he comes back to me.

But this isn't just a third, casual partner. This is, "let's fuck everything in sight." It erodes my trust. It makes me question what my purpose even is, if he has to constantly search. He has bigger problems than the girls he's dating; he has problems with his bills, problems with his ex wife. He has bigger problems than who he's dating. Yet he continues to search.

I'm not enough for him, fair enough. But he still has the energy - when he can barely stay awake to be intimate with me - to search for other girls.

No. That's not acceptable.

It's not responsible, it's not smart, it's not kind. It is using. 

This could be the last post I write actively in a polyamorous relationship. I can't believe it's going to end that quickly, if that is what happens. But that is what it looks like, right now. It looks like my future post will be recollections of past situations with a poly partner. And guess what? It may be all to discourage Mono/Poly. Because I'll tell you what: this is not working. This is not working at all.

[wire-man]

What possesses polyamorous couples to message someone for a one night threesome who has the following clearly stated on their dating profile? -strictly monogamous -demisexual, borderline gray ace -not interested in hookups

-looking for a long term relationship with someone I can bond with

Do you not know how to read? This is the third time this has happened this year!

[lostuntilsunday]

You'll Destroy Your Mind Overthinking a Pointless Emotion

The secret is, none of them are allowed to mean a thing. No, stop, don't think about it. They just don't. Delude yourself into this belief that you're happier than any other time, just because there's no risk of pain. But is lack of pain truly happiness? Can you know happiness without a little sore here and there. Be cold, throw their emotions down, don't let them get any closer; no matter what you do if you stay the night you're screwed. Bodies linger close or drift apart in the night, and morning tells the truth every time. 

[polyamo]

Poly Luxembourg… a short-term study

The text below I wrote 11 Months ago, it is out of date. Most things are still true to a certain extent but things have changed somehow.

This is probably due to ME being more outgoing, plus, having more wonderful people in my life, who do not per se live a Poly life, but are rather humane when it comes to their approach. This with a good portion of rationale makes my life a lot easier.

So I decided to go on in blogging and talking about non-conventional relationship choices, let's us break the norm.

After some pondering I came to the conclusion that I will abandon my quest to find more like-minded (poly) people.

Usually seeking doesn't help in that area anyway. But I tried.

It has nothing to do with the people but rather the constellation of Luxembourg and my social behaviour as well as my social entourage.

I also had some time to reflect on what my choice of a more libertarian approach to romantic relationships mean.

I also agree that Polyamory != Polyfuckery but I cannot deny a very close link. (Yes, we are humans, we have chemistry going on and some are more horny than others. Without that, human kind wouldn't have survived in such great numbers.)

When I noticed that having an intimate relation with someone that involves bodily fluids usually leads to some confusion about what I said about my beliefs, I decided to take that out of the equation.

Since then I have learned that being celibate isn't that bad and that you focus better on your needs, thus reflecting becomes easier.

(Admittedly I slipped once, and had a near miss on another occasion, but I will blog about that too)

All in all I am happy about my choices. If some think that love, sex, compassion, hugs, kisses and all the beautiful things in life should only be shared with one person at any given time, so be it, I don't mind sharing in parallel.

[polystumbles]

The People you'll meet in Polyamory part 1

I'm looking to document the people I've met along my polyamory journey. This is an exercise in classification that will likely exclude every healthy type of person I've met. These aren't just people I've met, some are roles I've been guilty of playing as well. I think they also form a sort of too meet list.  Sorry.

The Wrecking Ball:

This person professes their acceptance of your other relationships, then proceeds to try to wreck each and every one. Rescheduling at the last minute, having emergencies to force cancellations on others, and recognizing only faults in your other relationships.

I dated an ex-colleague who turned out to be a wrecking ball. My long work hours, she imagined, were due what was missing at home, not my  commitment to a better world. She bad-mouthed my wife and homelife once, and I was done.

Zombie Denier:

The Zombie Denier is in an undead primary relationship. Rather it died a while ago but is now being stored in the closet like a zombie as they await a cure. They "opened up" the relationship to try and save it. Instead it festers undead it until eventually escapes to eat you too. Sexless marriages, love death victims, we're looking at you.

She was kinky and very sexual, but in a sexless marriage that dragged down her energy and ability to connect. I had no interest in putting that zombie down so we didn't go much further than two dates and a daytime tussle in the bushes by the train tracks.

Elvis:

An Elvis leaves a trail of heart break in his/her wake. They actually do love/care quickly and deeply, they actually get poly, they just don't do it well. They either have issues with communication, balance, scheduling, or are just plain over-committed. 

My Elvis wasn't actually poly, she just didn't mind that I was. She was an stereoptypical musician, creative, brilliant, passionate, and late to every single date. She eventually just stopped calling, until she called out of the blue to let me know she was madly in love with a girl.

Tricky Dicks:

Tricky dicks draw you in with their aloof cool and keep you at arms length. Very secretive, they always have the emotional upper hand and are fervent non-committers. They'll connect physically but never emotionally. 

I've actually never dated a Tricky Dick, but I did date someone who was partnered to one. She was emotionally abused by Tricky, and wasn't ready to hear it and I wanted none of the situation. We stayed friends and they eventually broke up. Maybe someday we'll date again because I still think she's amazing.

Polyfuckerists:

Polyfuckerists are all about the fuck. Nothing wrong with that, however, they aren't always clear about their intentions. I find this is because, in my experience, they may not know they are practicing polyfuckery or simply looking to keep it out .  They may have double standards such as espousing being sex positive, but thumbing their noses at swingers. Solo Polyfuckerists can have high libidos and are insatiable. Do not try to satisfy a polyfuckerist. Get in the ring, tag someone else in, and get out with your orgasm or three. Couple polyfuckerists may really just want swing but don't like the swinger establishments. 

Duh. Guilty. I have a freakish libido. I prefer to build relationships but at times I've been a polfuckerist. It's these times that my wife describes our openness as a "Venom Elimination Program" instead of Polyamory.

Hot-Bi-Babe Hunters:

Arguably the most annoying poly stereotype, we all recognize them, and probably 50% have been guilty. They are actually a MF couple, often misleading as to that fact. They have an unspoken one-penis-policy, and are sometimes just living out the man's fantasy. The issue is that this couple wants a unicorn for themselves, a closed off triad -- quick close it before another penis wiggles in.

Just about every heteronormative poly couple has been guilty of this. Its almost a rite of passage. 

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More to come. Care to add, disagree, or share your story? Please do.