Polywise Review
When I first learned of non-monogamous, I seeked out as many resources as possible to learn if I really was it. Some of the most important resources were a few books. The communities I found made it seemed like you were not even allowed to have a license to be polyamorous unless you first read certain books. At that time, the holy bible of polyamory was More Than Two and before it was The Ethical Sluts. These were the books everybody recommended as a must-read if anybody wanted to learn more about polyamory, no matter what aspect of polyamory they wanted to learn more about. These books were hyped up like they would cover everything. Those books have fallen out of favor now a days and are hardly ever recommended and when they are people are quick to jump in to talk about their controversies as a reason why nobody should read them for them anything. So a new book had come along to become the new holy bible of polyamory. That book was Polysecure by Jessica Fern. How do I feel about Polysecure? I think it is a good book that is over-rated and over-recommended. Unlike the previous bibles, I do not see Polysecure as a polyamory 101 book. It does not get into the very basics of polyamory at all. It is much more of a polyamory 102 book, a book to read once you are ready dig deeper and study the more advanced topics. I think it is great we have 102 books! I am glad that every polyamory book out there is not just an introduction to polyamory. I often mention that "Love's Not Colorblind" by Kevin Patterson is a fantastic polyamory 102 book! Polysecure feels more focused on attachment theory than polyamory honestly to me. It is really interesting stuff to read but I never really felt like it applied much to my relationship, I rarely felt insecure in my relationships. I had other problems that needed working on in different ways.
So all that to say that Jessica Fern had a second book come out. And despite having some issues with the community worshipping the first book, I was ready to give the author another chance. It sounded like this book was going to be more of what the community makes Polysecure out to be. And yeah, I am happy to say it is accurate. Now I still don't think this is quite a polyamory 101 book. If you want an introduction to polyamory that covers all the basics there are other books I would recommend like "The Smart Girl's Guide To Polyamory" by Dedecker Winston or "Ready For Polyamory" by Laura Boyle. But Polywise is more of a 101 book than Polysecure is. Maybe Polysecure is really a 103 book with Polywise being 102.
Whhat do I have to say about the contents of Polywise? Honestly not much despite everything I prefaced it with. The book is good and i liked quite a bit! But like the last book, it is meaty intellectual topics that make your brain think. Which makes it a bit hard to summarize and untangle in a simple review without going page by page. I do like how much focus is put on how many little tiny things change when going from monogamy to non-monogamy that you wouldn't think of or plan for. Also the whole book has an angle of not just monogamy to non-monogamy but also one form of non-monogamy to a different form of non-monogamy. It is very thought-provoking. From my favorite chapter was on codependency & differentiation. It was amazing to have words for these phenomenons I had personally observed serveral times but didn't know what to call it. I feel like that chapter in particular will be really useful to a lot of people. Finally there was a lot of unpacking old habits that were once useful but are now harmful. It really shines a spotlight on the shift to non-monogamy being a really big change that I don't think a lot of newbies often understand.
I highly recommend Polywise: A Deeper Dive Into Navigating Open Relationships by Jessica Fern & David Cooley. I think it is a better book than Polysecure. My caveat is I don't know if it should be the very first book you read about Polyamory.
