#pommeyap

[steelepomme]

It feels like everyone is collectively doomed to be interested in at least One (1) absolutely terrible piece of media at some point on their lives. It’s almost a fandom rite of passage at this point

[steelepomme]

Wait What do you mean Plur1bus is slow for yall. This is like, average even slightly quickish pacing for me. Did everyone forget how to witness a story arent tv shows supposed to take a while what. Is the problem here

[steelepomme]

ACK finally caught up with pluribus and i dont think i have Ever related to a character (thats from a normal piece of media Shut up house of leaves) more than I have with Carol Sturka. Her sheer misanthrophy. Her Distrust. The hatred of people who she just Doesnt like the vibe of. The Yearning. She curses too much. She hates everyone, and now she Basically hates EVERYONE. Hating yr writing. Im witnessing myself dance in the mirror in the form of a middle aged white woman.

Theres new genres of yuri being invented here. Woman courts a woman who is also 7.3 billion people. RIP to the 900+ million people who died in the Joining but unfortunately, The yuri virus manipulation scheme,

[steelepomme]

In 4 days i can no longer literally be neurodivergent and a minor. Theyre taking it all away from me

[steelepomme]

You see, House of Leaves is a really interesting book for me personally because this is probably the strongest I have ever had a hyperfixation on anything. Practically everything reminds me of it and I was warned of such. The blue of the sky kinda reminds me of the House itself and hell the place I have lived in has its exteriors painted this blue that makes me wonder if I will find some labyrinthe abyss beneath these floorboards.

So you would assume I have read this book, right? Like, in its entirety?

Nope.

I read the prologue, half of Chapter 1, isolated segments in various chapters from Johnny Truant, the climax of his psychosis (i forgot when this is in the book but it is when Lude dies) and the appendices (except the Pelican Poems because for some reason those poems really hurt for me personally when you recognize the context of when they were written). Any other segments were filled in by my friends, and youd think this is weird and almost insane until knowing that any attempts I have made at reading further seem to trigger my mental health issues in such a way that is a pretty significant risk to myself and others.

Even still in this muted state of having read the book I get this fundamental ache when reading anything about it. I have the paperback copy from my art teacher who gifted it to me as a graduation present alongside a 25 dollar Starbucks gift card; I have touched neither. Its like my brains attempting to preserve a certain mysticism about the book and some grand aspect of myself that would be fundamentally changed from fully parsing through this.

I passed Drawing with an A because I made my final about House of Leaves and the teacher loved it so much she wanted to use it as an example piece. Through the project I read more Johnny Truant segments I previously didnt in an attempt to find paragraphs to make collage pieces with.

I gave the project to my 11th grade English teacher, because me and my best friend reccomended the book to him and hes reading it over the summer (even though I will be off to university and my friend will be in senior year and not have him as a teacher anymore).

I dreamt about Johnny last night. He was getting his hair fixed after some sorta AU where he was able to pick the pieces back up with help before it was too late.

If thats what that practically-a-preview would do to me, imagine wtf that would do to me when I fully read it. I sorta fear it. I hope to read it but I also fear reading it. I guess if a piece of art is a masterwork due to impact on the self, then House of Leaves is Starry Night in front of me where every single brush stroke is indicative of grand inspiration and post-mortem cultural impact. If art is only as powerful as its emotions, then this is “Cant Help Myself” by Sun Yuan and Peng Yu cleaning blood constantly until it utterly failed to do so and could not any longer.

[steelepomme]

Who here is setting up for ArtFight…

I have been inserting one of my stories recently and the connections feature is Being Used To Its Fullest Extent lmao

[steelepomme]

If I actually was allowed to be completely self indulgent in fanfiction, I believe that my takes on characters would produce such a malevolent discourse it would probably cause at least 4 fandom schisms. My character headcanons always seem to taste like sandpaper to average fanon consensus as is, and those are always based off of at least semi-reasonable evidence. I feel like adding ACTUAL “I like it so im doing it” type self-indulgence to my headcanons would probably kill an elephant in real life

[steelepomme]

Sometimes I feel pretty bad about the kind of media I get into, bc it feels like I have to actively search for media that…well, cares about women or trans or queer or nonwhite people, but then I realize I basically never engage in pop culture. Everything I get into I only know or learn about by it wading to me on a frayed mildewy log to my isolated island of years-long maintained hyperfixations.

I got into Hollow Knight from some random animation I watched in 2019 and I would have never learned about this game that helped cracked my trans egg and completely changed my life trajectory into wanting to write graphic novels and do gamedev if I didn’t do this. I literally have no idea how it was reccomended to me I genuinely don’t engage in anything new unless told to because I am in my metaphorical cottage nook re-analyzing deltarune for the 700th time