You think you still love someone but you’re having doubts. When the only time you can think right is when you’re all by yourself, cause when you’re with people you can’t think straight cause they’re giving you second thoughts. The thought of having friends to make you happy but they have their own lives, their own problems and happiness. The moment when you think everything is alright but when you look back, everything changed. I changed, everyone changed. When you keep on sticking to what you like and you never notice those who want to be with you, when you’re dying for someone who doesn’t care while somebody is already dead trying to please you. When you think to yourself, I want to go back, I want to go back, but you just can’t. You keep on promising to yourself that you can do better, make yourself proud, not only yourself, but others too and you keep on failing and failing to do it. You shouldn’t blame others cause it’s you who made that promise, it’s you who didn’t make a single effort to do what you wanted. When one moment, everything is alright and the next thing you know, it goes bad. When you think the only person that makes you happy is yourself, trying so hard to get what you want and when you finally have it, everything goes back to normal. When you keep on having second thoughts to give second chances. When you listen, and people want answers, you can’t say a word, but in your mind, you have every word you can say. When you think how to be brave, to love when you’re afraid, to be there for them, to earn trust, to give back trust. When you waste your tears on someone who doesn’t even deserve to see you smile, to the person who doesn’t even care. When you had one’s attention before, but now you have to wait ‘til he/she is free to talk to. The feeling when you ask someone what if I lose everything and you want them to say, “You’ll always have me.”. When you assume things but end up getting nothing. When you feel like people don’t give a damn about how you feel and they ask because they’re curious and not because they care. The feeling that you just want to get what you want with no consequences. It’s painful to say goodbye to someone that you don’t want to let go, but it’s more painful to ask someone to stay if you already know they really want to go. But hey, this is life, we just have to deal with it. It’s mind over matter. I just wanted something real to happen in my psycho, flaky life. But I guess I just have to deal with it, and be happy where I am now. I’ve learned so much being where I am. Actually, I love where I am, and I’m glad I’m here. I’ve had a hole in my heart for 9 years, and somehow being here, it slowly started to heal.
