It’s been weird. At first, after Terry and I broke up, people said I’ve been more cheerful. But now for the past several weeks, people keep asking if I’m okay or saying I’ve been seeming kinda down lately. Honestly, I don’t know what I am. I’m feeling all these different emotions and I’m just so confused. But I have decided something. If I have to be homeschooled again I most definitely will kill myself. And I’ll make sure it works. I’m not going to fail the next time I try. I know what works and what doesn't. I could kill myself whenever I want. I know how. I can do it anytime I want. But I can’t do it now. I think to be on the safe side I should wait until Terry is graduated and gone. That seems long enough to wait. I wouldn’t want him thinking it was his fault. Cause it’s not. I was going to break up with him anyways.
Anyways...I’ve been talking to Alex every day again. I really like him a lot. And I care about him. And know he cares about me. I really wish we could meet in person sometime. If I could just run away from here and go live with him I would. And I know he'd be perfectly fine with that. But my parents are crazy and I’d be found and then they’d never let me leave the house again.