"Director Steward offered to loan me her dad for Father's Day, and I'm only half-sure she was joking. You know her better than I do. How worried should I be?"
The Doctor laughed. "Whether joking or serious, The Brig is alright for a military chap. We're old friends, if tha' makes any difference. You'd probably get on."
He thought of Tracey, of how trouble seemed to follow her and how creative her solutions could be, then considered Alistair's reaction to it all. He grinned. "Actually, if you intend to take Kate up on the offer, let me know. I'd be happy to introduce you, and it's been a while since I've seen the man."
#also idk if you meant it as foreshadowing but the *almost forever* promise reeeaaalllyyy got me here cuz the part making it *almost* is right around the corner 😰 #like did the TARDIS know this while teaching Rose??? #did the TARDIS intentionally tell her to make that line just so so that it wasn’t entirely forever?? UM???????????????? NO I DID NOT. SO THANKS FOR THAT MORNING PUNCH TO THE HEART. I would PAY you good money to keep that GOING
ohh goodness, here we go. I got a bit carried away but hope it is all that you’re looking for :)
Almost Forever (a continuation of Did You Make This? by @loupettes)
The Doctor made his way back to the TARDIS. His feet were heavy as blocks of cement, his mind was empty, and he couldn’t tell if he was actually breathing or not, but on he went. Last of the time lords and all that, what other option did he have? He found his ship, he walked inside, he shut the door behind him.
It’s gonna follow us!
The assembled hordes of Genghis Khan couldn’t get through that door, and believe me they’ve tried.
He pushed the memory out of his head as he made his way up the ramp.
You think you’re so impressive.
I am so impressive!
He blinked away the vision of his past self and the much younger girl of pink and yellow and continued on.
That’s what you are, a big old punk with a bit of rockabilly thrown in.
He could almost hear her following him around the console, but shook it out of his mind. He trudged along, aimlessly falling onto the jumpseat.
You alright?
He tilted his head to see a Rose in a blue Witchita Falls t-shirt, a look of both sympathy and hurt spread on her face. But as soon as she was there, and before he could have responded, she was gone. He turned his head back forward.
The Doctor just sat. Maybe it was a day, a few weeks, a decade, although really it had only been a few minutes. He tried not to think about how quiet it was, how not even the TARDIS had been making that comforting wheezing sound. As if she was mourning herself.
I looked into the TARDIS, and the TARDIS looked into me.
He tried to move his hand to stroke her in support, but he just physically couldn’t. Instead he just stared off into the distance, into the eerie emptiness of his ship which not even a few hours ago had been filled with joy and laughter and…
Imagine watching that happen to someone who you –
What, Doctor?
He let out a sigh. No use in denying it anymore, he supposed, now that neither of them needed protection from those feelings. Or rather, now that the option of just being a coward about it had been taken away from him. The Doctor leaned forward, catching his head in his hands in shame.
When he finally looked back up, a post-it note attached to the monitor caught his eye.
Hold on. Did you—did you make this? This is your post-it note? You wrote this, in Gallifreyan?
Yep.
You learnt how to write Gallifreyan?
Mmm.
You learnt how to write ‘forever´ in Gallifreyan?
Yeah!
As gently as he possibly could, the Doctor pulled the note off the monitor and held it between his fingers. His mind shot back to the first time she had given him that impossible promise of forever. He knew he shouldn’t have let himself fall for it. Not that Rose didn’t mean it when she said it—he knew she did, and that’s why it was so easy to believe. But the universe had a funny way of catching up to him when he got too happy. He shouldn’t have led himself on like that, and he certainly shouldn’t have led Rose on. What had he been thinking? Letting her believe they could ever have a happy ending? He swore he usually wasn’t that daft.
It’s just… it just doesn’t actually say ‘forever’. Not quite.
The Doctor shut his eyes tight. At the time it had just been an accident, a line a one thousandth of a degree off. It was a mistake he had probably made centuries ago when he was a child. But now it had turned out to be an unavoidable fortune, a dark omen, a black spot calling for their theoretical kraken. It wasn’t enough that this whole ordeal had essentially been one big, awful practical joke the universe played on him. It had needed more as it always did.
The TARDIS finally offered the Doctor a small hum of support… but there was something else mixed in there. An apology. Except it was more than that. It was… guilt.
The Doctor looked up, confusion spreading across his face. “What do you mean you…?”
Ok- don’t laugh! But the TARDIS has been teaching me little bits of Gally… Gal- what’s it called?
Gallifreyan?
The TARDIS had known… she had known all along.
“You knew and you only tried giving me this bloody rubbish warning?!” he yelled, pure hot anger ripping through his body now. Of course he knew it wasn’t really the TARDIS’s fault, knew she never would have possibly been able to stop this from happening. But he didn’t exactly have the capacity for rationality at the moment.
The TARDIS shot back at him with a stronger, more indignant sort of growl, and the Doctor’s face turned even more puzzled.
“What do you mean it wasn’t a warning? What else was it supposed to be, then? Just a sign that I was getting too happy?! A sign that…” his voice trailed off into thought now. Was he crazy? No… well, maybe… but maybe- just quite possibly for once- he wasn’t. “A sign that I can get back to her?” he whispered.
He stayed frozen in place now waiting for some kind of response from the TARDIS, but she remained disappointingly quiet. The Doctor’s face fell and he slumped back down in defeat, back into his grief.
And then his head popped back up again. He threw himself out of his seat and started running around flipping switches and pulling levers like a mad man. Because the Doctor wasn’t ready to give up, not just quite yet, not on Rose Tyler. It wouldn’t have been the first time she had left them clues to get to where they needed to be, and it certainly wouldn’t be the first time he had disagreed with the TARDIS about something.
Over the next few weeks, the Doctor worked tirelessly. He had only experienced disappointment after disappointment, but he frantically held onto that last shred of hope. Until one brilliant day he had finally done it. He had located a crack, just the tiniest little one that hadn’t properly healed up yet. A nearly giddy smile spread across his face at that discovery, but it wasn’t long before he was crashing back to reality. It was a highly unstable fracture, one that would undoubtedly collapse two entire universes if not travelled through properly. And that would take a lot of power he didn’t have.
The Doctor paused for a moment, considering his options. He had come so far… so far. And to give up now when he was so close… No. He wouldn’t do it. He pushed forward.
After what seemed like an additional infinite amount of failure, the Doctor finally found exactly what he needed: a great big ball of energy and power, a sun. He scanned for life all around, but to his relief there was none to be found. Well, there would be some plant life caught in the crossfire (which he hoped Rose wouldn’t be too angry about), but nothing detrimental in the long run. More than confident now, he began to draw in its power, his smile growing wider with each passing minute. Maybe the universe was finally doing something for him, finally realizing that a happy Doctor was good for everyone. Maybe after everything he had been through, he was finally being rewarded.
And then he heard the ding from the monitor and all of that hope and happiness drained from him.
It should have kept drawing power… there should have been more… He couldn’t get through.
The Doctor’s legs gave out and he collapsed onto the grating beneath him. He could feel his body filling back up with pain and exhaustion and despair, yet somehow he was completely numb at the same time. How could he have done this to himself again? Get his hopes up so high when he should have known- he should have known- it was never going to end the way he wanted. The universe had not only won, but it got another good laugh at the pathetic man who would do anything for the woman he loved. He leaned his head against the coral behind him and shut his eyes in defeat.
Then the TARDIS hummed at him. Since starting this mission, she had been constantly warning him off, trying to stop him, trying to calm him down. But now she was giving him encouragement to keep going? Without even opening his eyes, the Doctor gave her an empty laugh in return.
“You know as well as me it isn’t possible,” he answered tiredly. The TARDIS moaned back at him again. “I can’t,” he cut her off, practically spitting out the words. The TARDIS gave one last quiet groan, before letting silence overflow the room again.
“I’m sorry,” he tried a few minutes later, finally calming down. “But there’s nothing left to try, there’s not enough power… there’s not enough...” he breathed out, along with that last bit of light he had been clinging onto. Rose was gone, lost, stolen from him too soon and that was that.
The TARDIS whirred again, apparently with a new suggestion. “There isn’t enough power for that,” he shrugged it off. He wasn’t about to make the same mistake of getting his hopes up for a third time, but his ship didn’t seem to care. “We’d need at least another three times amount of power. Maybe if that fracture weren’t so bloody delicate, but—”
The TARDIS cut him off this time, and what she said apparently grabbed his attention. “Two minutes?” He let the words linger for just a moment, pondering them over, before snapping himself back to reason. “No… it’s not possible.” She wheezed back at him again. “Leave it to you? What do you mean leave it to you?” He waited for an answer, but this time the ship remained quiet knowing he already knew.
The Doctor looked up in concern now. “I can’t let you do that.” She wouldn’t have that answer though, and he knew there was no point in arguing further. He knew that his ship knew this wasn’t exactly a smart idea, but he also knew she wouldn’t suggest it if it were completely impossible. And above all that, he knew she missed Rose nearly as much as he did and wanted to do this last thing for her.
With what seemed like the last of his strength, the Doctor hoisted himself up and pushed himself back over to the console. “We’ll have to get a signal through to her beforehand. I’ll find a few stars that should be enough for a few minor messages. Can you direct them to her?” he asked, to which the TARDIS replied positively.
Over the next few days, they worked together to send through the messages and prepare for the full image transmission. With the ship’s help (and a few life-shortening breaths of power from the Doctor), everything remained on track for success. Still, he didn’t let himself get his hopes up. There was no real way of knowing if Rose would get their breadcrumb trail, no way of knowing if she would follow it, no way of knowing if she would arrive in time, no way of even knowing if all the power they were building up would be just enough to break through. And even if it all did miraculously work, it would still be just a couple minutes. A far cry from whatever sort of forever he had ever hoped for.
Finally everything was ready, or at least as ready as it was ever going to be. The Doctor had gone back to sitting on the grating, hugging his knees and trying not to think about how impossibly close he was again. Then the ship gave a gentle whir.
It was time.
The Doctor stood up and slowly made his way to the monitor. He continued telling himself not to be surprised if she wasn’t there, not to be disappointed if the transmission cut out earlier than expected or if it didn’t work entirely, and to just stay as calm as possible.
The Doctor flipped a few switches, pulled a few levers, and then waited as the power flowed through and the TARDIS boosted it up. He braced himself one last time for whatever sight he was about to come across.
At first there was just a little spark, and then an image faded in. He saw some sand, a quiet ocean, and—
Her.
The Doctor took in the view of Rose Tyler standing before him and did something he hadn’t done in months: he smiled.
---
After an exhausting day on every level he could possibly think of, the Doctor was back in the TARDIS. Alone.
After shaking the fake snow out of his hair, he finally gave his ship that comforting stroke. “I hope you’re feeling all better now,” he told her, and she replied with a half hearted groan. “I know,” he gave her one last pat and a sad smile.
As he sat down he found that post it note lying haphazardly across the console, and carefully stuck it back onto the monitor. He sighed. “Suppose it wasn’t nearly as almost forever as I was hoping for.”
The TARDIS gave him a wheeze of sympathy, and then silence washed over the room again. For some time the Doctor just sat in it, giving himself a chance to simply grieve one last time. But then he entered in some coordinates and he continued on as he always did- as he always had to.
Days passed and months passed and years passed. The Doctor found new friends, went on new adventures, and made new happy memories. And without knowing, he waited. Waited for one night at the almost end of the world where that woman he loved would be standing impossibly on the other end of a deserted street. He waited for the rest of that post it note to come true. And he waited for the moment he would have to give it all up.
You’re a wizard, Doctor.
That must be it.
You have a magic box
that takes you wherever
you want to go--
whenever
you want to be there,
providing anything
you could wish for.
Your clothes never seem
to wear out, and if
they did you’ve got a
wardrobe
that goes on for miles.
And your cupboards
are never bare. Also,
you make the best
hot cocoa
in the universe,
and that must be
magic.
Besides, she adds with a
giggle, what’s your
screwdriver
but a magic
wand?
. + . + .
He remembers her
voice,
her laugh,
her cheeky grin.
Emptiness
echoes
in his
hearts.
I’m no wizard,
Rose Tyler.
A wizard
could bring you
home.
______
for @doctorroseprompts Summer Fic Bingo || prompt: magic
Pairing: Ten x Rose (and a teeny bit of Four x Rose)
Rating: Teen-ish (to be safe)
written for @doctorroseprompts 31 Days of Ficmas (day 5 - candy canes)
AO3 TS
Rose absently twirled her tongue around the red and white peppermint stick as she flicked through her magazine. She only had another 10 minutes or so to work on her tan until the Doctor returned from the TARDIS with a picnic for their lunch. She closed her eyes and stretched out on the lounge chair.
The sound of whistling coming down the beach…their private beach, had her sitting up and lifting her sunglasses to the top of her head. The Doctor had chosen this spot specifically because of its privacy. In Rose’s proper timeline, it was approaching Christmas. Rose’s first Christmas after losing Jackie to Pete’s World. So they’d just…gone somewhere they wouldn’t have to think about it.
A man carrying a stool and easel strolled along the beach toward Rose. Trailing behind him was a woman walking rigidly and carrying a canvas and paint set. She was clearly unhappy about something. Rose peered again at the man and did a double take. You’ve got to be kidding me. The man, with a wide smile and riotous head of curls under a floppy fedora, had on a ridiculously long scarf that was out of place on the beach. Rose smirked and readjusted her sunglasses before laying back down. The Doctor is so gonna get an earful on this one. Hmm, but I may have to dig out that scarf later.
From the corner of her eye, Rose watched the younger Doctor setting up his easel not far from where she lay sunbathing. He sat down and began painting enthusiastically. The woman fretted and kept throwing quick glances at Rose.
“Um, Doctor…”
“Yes, Romana?”
“Do you really think this is the best place to work on your painting?” She gestured toward Rose.
“Oh! I didn’t see you there.” The Doctor stood and rummaged through his coat pocket until a white bag appeared from its depths. “Jelly baby?” He walked closer to her.
Rose held up her half eaten candy cane, and offered, “Candy cane?”
The Doctor’s eyes flicked from the confection to her lips and swallowed. “You seem to have just the one, miss…”
She purred, “You can call me Rose, an’ I don’t mind sharin’.”
He stumbled back and nearly tripped over his feet, but he couldn’t stop his eyes from raking over her bikini clad body.
Rose - 1; Doctor - 0.
Rose laid back down and popped the peppermint back between her lips.
“Doctor?”
Rose peeked at Romana through slitted eyes.
“What…what is it?”
Romana was looking at Rose and frowning. “I thought the bikini was invented in 1946?”
“Um, that sounds about right. Why?”
“Well, it’s 1929 and she’s wearing a bikini, if I’m not mistaken.”
Rose curled onto her side and propped her head on one hand. “Oh, is that when we are?”
The Doctor’s eyes went round. “You don’t know the year?”
Rose shrugged. “Didn’t seem particularly important. I just asked for a beach.”
Romana was aghast. “Not important? You’re laying on a beach in a bikini, 17 years before it was even invented. Where anyone could see you!”
“It’s supposed to be a private beach.”
“Private? In Antibes? At the height of summer?”
The Doctor frowned. “How’d you get here?”
“My husband brought me for a holiday. Was trying to avoid the Christmas rush.”
Romana crossed her arms. “It’s July.”
“There you go. Mission accomplished.”
The Doctor contemplated the frustrating creature before him. “What’s wrong with Christmas?”
Rose let out a peal of laughter. “You! You of all…people are…askin’ me…what’s wrong…with Christmas?” Rose wiped her eyes. “That’s brilliant.”
The Doctor pouted. “Well, okay, I may run into a bit of trouble myself at Christmas, but that’s no reason to go around avoiding it.”
“You avoid Sundays.”
“Sundays are boring. Hang on, do I know you?”
Rose’s smile slowly faded. “I lost my mum to a parallel universe this year. It’ll be my first Christmas without her, and I kinda wanted to put it off for a little longer.”
“Oh, my dear. I’m so sorr– Wait, you lost her to what?”
The younger Doctor leaned toward her, as a new voice piped up behind Rose.
“Oi!” Her Doctor was showing all the classic signs of jealous Time Lord. She grinned and watched his face as the realization of just who had joined Rose on their little stretch of beach came over him. “Blimey.” He ran his hands through his hair and then noticed Romana. “Blimey.”
“Darling, I see you’ve noticed that we’ve company.”
“Blimey.”
“Did you marry an idiot, my dear?”
Rose had to cover her mouth to stifle her giggles. “I don’t know, you tell me.”
“Oi!”
“‘Oi’ and ‘blimey’ are those the only two words you know?”
The Doctor, Rose’s Doctor, put down the picnic basket, and turned to his predecessor. “I’ll have you know, I’m brilliant with words. I’m the King of Communication, the Sovereign of Soliloquy, the Duke of Discourse, the–”
“Oh, do shut up.”
The older Doctor snapped his mouth closed with a click of his teeth, crossed his arms, and stood pouting.
Romana’s eyes travelled worriedly between both Doctors. With a gasp she turned to her Doctor. “He’s you!”
“Don’t be absurd, it’s not a good look on you.”
“She’s right, Doctor.”
“But you said you were here with your husband.”
Rose pressed her lips together to hide her smile. “I did.”
“You mean…”
She gave him a bashful smile and small nod.
“Oh, my dear.” He opened his arms to Rose.
“Hands off the blonde.”
“But my darling wife and I have been separated so long.”
“You haven’t even met her yet.”
“Like I said, so long…lifetimes of separation.”
Rose giggled into the younger Doctor’s shoulder as he picked her up in a great big bear hug.
The older Doctor’s lip curled. “All right, you’ve made your point.”
With a tap to the nose, the younger Doctor released her.
“Now then, old man, why don’t you tell me why our dear sweet Rose is separated from her mother.”
***
Rose clutched the Doctor’s hand tighter. “Do you really think it’ll work?”
A snort came from Romana who was in the younger Doctor’s TARDIS, but could be seen over the monitor. “Rose, you have three Time Lords and two TARDIS’s working on it. Of course, it’s going to work.”
A wobbly smile spread across Rose’s face. “Thank you.”
The younger version of her husband leaned over Romana so that he could see her on his end. “Nonsense, my dear. It is my sacred duty as your husband to see that the smile never falls from your lips.”
Rose looked up at her Doctor and whispered. “Oh, he’s smooth.”
His lips turned down. “I’m smooth too, Rose. You always say–”
“You’re smooth too. Same man, yeah?” She patted his chest with her free hand.
Romana interrupted, “We’re through. Rose, you’ll have 3 and half minutes. We’ll sign off now.”
“Goodbye, and thanks. It was lovely meeting you both.”
“My love to the future.”
Rose’s Doctor nodded and flicked the monitor off.
“Stand here, love.” He positioned Rose to stand off to the side of the console and pressed a button. She saw a holographic image of her mother.
“Rose!”
“Mum!”
“You look like a ghost.” Rose looked to the Doctor.
“Hold on.” He pulled out his sonic and adjusted something on the control panel. The image grew stronger.
Jackie reached over to hug Rose.
“She’s still just an image, Jackie. No touch.”
“Can’t you come through properly?”
He walked to Rose’s side and hugged her around the waist. “I’m sorry. The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse.” He glanced down at Rose, with tears and mascara running down her cheeks. “We managed to find one tiny little gap between the universes left, just about to close, and it takes a lot of power to send this projection. We’re in orbit around a supernova, burning up a sun just to say goodbye.”
“Goodbye? What do you mean, ‘goodbye?’ Am I ever going to see my daughter again?”
Rose bit back a sob. “You can’t, Mum. I’m so sorry.”
“Rose!” Both women were openly crying.
The Doctor gently said, “We’ve about two minutes left.”
Rose laughed through her tears. “I can’t think of what to say!”
The Doctor pulled her closer and when he glanced at Jackie again he spotted Mickey in the distance. “You’ve still got Mister Mickey, then?”
Jackie rubbed her eyes. “He an’ his gran. And, um, they’ll be five of us soon.”
Rose’s breath caught in her throat. “You’re not?”
Jackie nodded. “Three months gone. More Tylers on the way.”
“Oh, Mum, I’m so happy for you. And Pete?”
“Of course Pete. Who else?”
“Oh, good for you, Jackie.” The Doctor grinned brightly.
“Doctor, you take care of my little girl, you hear? Or so help me I’ll rip through the whatsit…fracture reality, just to give you a good ol’ Tyler slap in person.”
“Mum, stop it. You know he takes care of me.”
“Promise me, Doctor.”
“Jackie, I swear to you, Rose is my utmost priority, and that I’d do everything in my power to see her safe. I love her with all my hearts.”
Jackie nodded and sighed in relief. “I know you do. I just don’t want her to lose herself in that life of yours. Forget Rose Tyler.”
“Mum, I wou–”
“No, Rose. Listen to your mother. Jackie, we’ve been avoiding going back to Earth because it’s Christmas and Rose didn’t want to face it without you.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I’ll always love you no matter where I am. Just don’t forget me.”
“How can you–”
“Keep my memory alive, remember the little things we did when you were a kid, like movie marathons on bank holidays. An’ decoratin’ the tree while singin’ silly Christmas songs. Dancin’ around the tree in our pajamas with hot chocolate. Don’t forget who you are or where you came from. I’m not dead, Rose. I’m happy. An’ I want you happy, in that silly box with that one.”
“Oi.”
“Please, Rose. Be happy for me. And go back home every so often so you don’t forget.”
“I will. I promise. I love you!”
“Love you too, Rose. Take ca–”
The image faded before them and Rose collapsed into the Doctor’s arms. He rubbed her back and let her cry into his shirt. “It’ll be alright, love. It’s gonna be okay.”
Rose sniffled and pulled back from the Doctor’s embrace. “I miss her, and I just don’t want to forget her.”
“We won’t forget her. We’ll…we’ll put pictures of her all over the TARDIS and–”
“You want pictures of my mum all over the TARDIS?”
He made a moue and his hand went to the back of his neck. “Erm, weeeell, maybe not in rooms where we have sex.”
Rose laughed. “We have sex in all the rooms.”
“Right. Right. How about if we put photo albums around, that can be closed when not in use and put those around the TARDIS?”
“Really?”
“Really, and how about we decorate a little tree in the library with some of the ornaments we collected from your mum’s flat, and we can dance around in our jimjams and drink cocoa and watch movies?”
“Okay. Merry Christmas, Doctor.”
“Merry Christmas, Rose.” The Doctor bent his head to kiss Rose when a woman in white dress appeared in his peripheral vision. “What?”
Rose snapped her head to where the Doctor was staring in shock.
The woman, the bride, spun around to face them. “Oh!”
“What?”
Rose giggled and leaned into the Doctor. “Now I know it’s Christmas with you.”
Hello! Congrats on your follower milestone! For your one-word prompt, how about: tranquil?
Fic: A Light In the Darkness
Rating: General
Summary: The Doctor muses on his emotional history when it comes to one Rose Tyler. The good, the bad and everything in between. Ten x Rose.
Notes: Hi lovelies, this little fic is another one of my very, VERY overdue Tumblr milestone prompt giveaway fills. @lastbluetardis prompted me with ‘tranquil’, and after a little muse poking, this is what came out. It’s a little different from my usual again, largely sn introspective piece, and I hope you like it, Ashley- I’m sorry it took so long! Thanks so much for all your support!
This fic is set post-doomsday and is canon AU.
Thanks to the lovely @goingtothetardis for the quick look over!
Also on A03 and Teaspoon.
Tranquility was hardly a state anyone would associate with him. Well, not in his last body, at any rate and certainly not in his current one.
The Doctor slid his hands into his pockets and leaned against the console, remembering.
His last body had been born in the aftermath of the Time War. He’d been angry, so angry, grieving and furious, ultimately despairing….until her.
Until Rose.
She’d turned him inside out, confusing and intriguing him by turns, challenging and irritating him, frightening and inadvertently hurting him (although honestly, she was harsher with herself about 1987 than he’d ever been), and utterly enthralling him with her light. He’d been bewildered and afraid, in the beginning, and then grudgingly affectionate, if a bit defensive and more than a little jealous. Very quickly, he’d become unquestionably and hopelessly devoted and his battered and lonely soul had basked in her uncomplicated affection, her compassion, her love and her zest for life. Though it terrified him, she’d pulled him back from the abyss and he’d lived for her and died for her. He’d died loving her.
As for his current body….
He sighed and shook his head.
His current body had been born hopelessly smitten and utterly devoted, the same way his last body had died. But soon old fears had crept in and he’d grown afraid, panicked, becoming notably distant where it counted- rushing, babbling, rarely stopping to talk or think, a whirlwind. Worse, he’d been cruel and selfish, weak, all the while grieving and yearning for her. For Rose.
He’d hurt her.
And so she’d pulled back. His pink and yellow Rose had become careful where she’d once been open and affectionate, blank where she’d once been expressive and remote where once her presence had always touched the edges of his mind.
His foolish, selfish actions in France had been the final straw, costing him dearly (although his actions with Sarah-Jane certainly hadn’t helped) and the very next day she’d been chasing after another man, her ‘not-father’ in a parallel world, wounded, raw and desperate for the acceptance and affection, for the belonging, the Doctor had unthinkingly denied her.
That was when he’d realised he’d also become a hopeless hypocrite; he’d been afraid, had drawn back to protect himself, and pursued any distraction in his path to drown out his fear but when Rose had done the same he’d been wounded and wanted it to stop immediately. He’d been so very afraid he’d lose her, that she wouldn’t come back and hadn’t been able to bear the thought, calling himself every kind of fool, because that’s what he was. It might well have cost him the most precious gift the universe had given him.
She had come back, in the end, partly because that Pete Tyler hadn’t been her Pete Tyler, and he’d hurt her, rejected her just as the Doctor had. But she’d come back nonetheless and he’d seized it for the second chance it was.
He’d been terrifyingly open, honest, and so very contrite. He’d begged and pleaded and promised, abased himself before her and because she was better than he’d ever be, she’d forgiven him and they’d been…happy. They’d been together.
The fear had still raged in the back of his mind but he’d tamped it down and continued smilingly on, believing her when she said forever, though he could see the approaching storm.
Then had come Canary Wharf. He’d been presumptuous, sending her away, and she’d come right back, furious with his arrogance. She’d fought by his side, helped him… only for the universe to rip her away again.
He shuddered.
It had broken him. He’d despaired and sought death, many times, heedless of his companions or the rest of the world. He’d felt ashamed, afterwards, knowing what Rose would have thought of that, of what he’d put Martha through and he’d forced himself to continue, to the be the last of the Time Lords.
But still he was broken, incomplete, turbulent and utterly, terrifyingly alone in his mind once more.
Without Rose, he could never be anything else. There could be no peace, would never be any peace for him without her. His one light, his hope, had been taken away leaving nothing more than the shell of a man shrouded in darkness.
“Doctor?”
He jumped as a pair of warm, familiar hands slid around his waist and onto his stomach, tugging him into the wonderfully warm, familiar, beloved body at his back.
He smiled, a fierce joy coursing through him.
“Rose.”
Because of course, she had come back. His brilliant, determined Rose had absolutely refused to accept the impossibility of such a feat, working with Torchwood’s best and brightest for four years, blasting herself time and time again through the walls of the universe. She’d finally found him on a cold winter’s day, on a deserted planet the TARDIS had stubbornly refused to leave and for the first time since he’d lost her, a light had shone in the darkness.
He turned in her arms, and held her close to him, burying his face in her hair and revelling in her scent. Her love for him blazed across their bond and he gloried in it, the ache he’d felt at dwelling on old losses fading into nothing.
The agony and the brokenness of her absence were past, now, only resurfacing in nightmares, when he woke screaming, convinced that she was still gone. Only now, Rose was here, beside him in their bed, to fight them, to dispel them, to love him. Just as he did for her.
His soul was no longer broken, no longer turbulent or restless or wounded and he had no more need to run from life, from emotion, from people and their all too perceptive eyes. Oh, to the rest of the world, he was as he ever had been- the adventurer, the warrior, the seeker of truth and destroyer of worlds, rude and not ginger, an alien in a blue box.
But here, in her arms, he was simply content to be.
