I can’t post this. In fact, I probably have to be careful about where I keep this at all, as it was buried in a compartment in my heart and brain so deep and painful that turning the key opened up a sort of Pandora’s box.
It doesn’t feel good to feel like, maybe, you’re falling out of love with your best friend. The one you pictured life with. The one you saved a spot for in your future. Especially when you’re drawn to something else. Something just slightly different but enough to intice you and leaving you wanting more.
And this is the thing. I don’t know where any of this is coming from. If it’s coming from the inticement of something different or if rather, it’s coming from a darker place full of uncertainty, fear and heartache. A fear that you won’t figure it out; that we will be broken apart because my heart yearns for stability and yours yearns for new adventures Something that easily could drive a wedge between us and stop us from pursuing the future we have so elaborately planned out.
Or if rather it is this other thing that i am so drawn to. The energy I thought we once had but maybe is lacking now. The excitement of new, the smell of vulnerability. As i write this my heart aches. It’s tired and sad and yearns for just you, but is confused by this thing that is now distracting it from you.
Part of me is curious and yet the other part of me is screaming no. And there’s too big a part of me that is uncertain why I am drawn to this thing to cause me to make any decisions. I just hope time will tell, and it’s just a blip in our story that will be forgotten as we find our peace, love each other unconditionally and begin our future together.
When your heart tells you this, LISTEN // (d.k.)
