It feels strange to type here again, yet I find myself needing to. I don't know when the writing left, when the creating no longer became an outlet, when the spark faded. But it did. Sucked into a world of grey and numbness. Of feeling exhausted. Of dragging my feet. A month away from what I've worked for for SO long. For literally 10 years. And i don't even feel joy about that? Insane. Truly. I feel so lost and distant from the person I thought I was, from the person I wanted to be. Scrolling on my phone for hours. Anxious. Depressed. And so tired. I feel like I've closed my true self off from everyone. I feel alone, even though I'm not. Somewhere vulnerability became weakness. Somewhere the parts of myself that felt, that cried, got locked away in the darkest depths of my soul. Is it really just my job? Or is it my life? Is it not doing things that bring me joy? And i sit, a hypocrite, telling people to find those things again. Yet i don't even know where to start, so why should they? I want to cry but I can't. I want to scream, but I can't. I want to crash out, but i can't. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. But what if I can't anymore? What if I can't but I still do? What happens then.












