#posts i make

[dogphoric]

pride parade was today :) my first parade on T

my husband, qpp, and i went together as we do every year. a local queer organization had made a post offering for people to walk with them, so we met up once we got there and went with them through the parade

i got to hand out candy (mostly jolly ranchers) - the organization we met with asked if i wanted to, and i said sure! i did give most of it out to kids, but i also made sure to give some to people who were older, from teenagers to seniors. everyone would get so excited, and the ones who weren’t sitting with kids didn’t expect it at all! it was really nice to make people across the entire age spectrum smile :]

i got a surprising amount of compliments on my shirt, and more comments than last year about my hat! i didn’t see that coming at all, but i’m very happy that it did. someone from a local news organization also asked us if we wanted to do an interview about why we were there, but being on tv was a little more nerve wracking for me than just being in person. although it would’ve been very funny to be on the news with the shirt i was wearing (picture below read more)

[dogphoric]

today i start testosterone :)

[dogphoric]

afternoon sunshine ☀️

it really feels nice to be able to look at my body and actually enjoy it. i don’t worry about my weight as much, because it has a different shape on me than it used to, and it feels like it matches a lot better. i don’t really worry about my stretch marks, because my husband loves them. my chest will forever be a comfortable flat.

i am so happy

[dogphoric]

kind of an update to my last post

i have actually started correcting people on pronouns, which is surprising - i didn’t know if i would have the confidence in the end or not

it’s been taken well so far by the 2 people that i did it with, so that’s good

it’s oddly nice, which i wasn’t expecting. i don’t know how to explain it, but it’s nice to stand up for yourself. feels kinda freeing in a way

probably gonna keep doing it now that i know that i can. starting is always the hardest part, but i think i can keep it up now that i have

[dogphoric]

had fun at the pride parade today (even though it was absolutely frigid for the end of june)

[dogphoric]

how top surgery looks in the sun ☀️

[dogphoric]

tangent of thoughts, feel free to respond if you read

been thinking a lot recently about what my next steps are going to be regarding the unsupportive work environment at one of my jobs. i’m not expecting that it’s something i’ll have to worry about for at least a month, but it does come into my head. i want to be prepared more than i want to be caught off guard

i interact with a lot of people at that job, probably at least 100 in a day. many people are regulars. i’ve also been working there for over a year now, so many people are at least familiar with who i am visually. i’m worried about when that starts to change

my coworkers are another part of this. there’s only one that i can think of who doesn’t misgender me every time he says something about me. there are slip ups, but he still tries, which is more that can be said from anyone else. i have stickers on my water bottle, but nobody seems to notice. they’re gonna notice eventually

i keep thinking about how i have to choose myself. i will eventually get questions. i will have to start correcting people on my pronouns and terms. i will probably have to come out many times, even in short quips. i can’t lie that this isn’t intimidating. i’m nervous to have what feels like such a public transition

i’m not usually one to stand up for myself, and i think that’s why i’m anticipating things so much. i’m a very passive person and at some point, whether that’s in a month or a year, that is going to have to change to some extent, however drastic that’ll be

more than anything, i worry about being annoying and inconvenient. people will be unhappy with me if i correct them. people might talk about me when i’m not there, and i might not know. i don’t expect anyone to get particularly violent, but i’m not confident that people will adjust well. this is the main thing that i’m actually worried about.

ultimately, though — if i want to exist as a transgender person, and i want to be happy, then i need to make that choice. i need to be annoying and inconvenient, and i need to accept that people might be unhappy with this. i don’t owe them comfort and ease. i do owe myself the right to be who i am

at least, that’s what i’m trying to tell myself