tw: mental health and pregnancy complications mentioned, also this is not proofread /: sorry
first, i would like to thank every single one of you who follow, interact, and take the time to read everything i’ve written. i love the comments, and reblogs, and even just the likes.
i know i have been very inactive compared to how i was before, and i hope that things turn around so i can be active with writing again. my unfinished drafts are full, my ideas still run rampant, but it is reflecting in my empty docs that my heart cannot continue to put in what it needs to in order to write the quality i want you as the reader to receive.
i am currently 29 weeks pregnant. good news first— i passed my glucose test, every ob appointment i have the doctors mention that baby’s heart sounds healthy, despite having to repeat the anatomy scan baby looks good. my rhogam shot was administered and i’ve got another appointment this coming friday before my trip to disney world (i know that sounds crazy, but i was not pregnant before this trip was planned.)
now, i am not typing any of this trying to complain or gain pity, i promise, so sorry in advance. i like everyone else who has carried a baby before are having normal pregnancy annoyances like having to get up in the middle of the night to pee, being hormonal, feeling uncomfortable, etc, but on the other note, i have never been in so much pain in my entire life. not even with my first child did i have this type of pain even through labor. i work full time, i have another child, and my fiancé is working full time while also doing night courses at a technical college.
that being said—i can hardly roll over at night without feeling like my legs are splitting apart, my back hurts like a mf, and i can hardly get a break because my job is so incredibly demanding. i work with children 4 and under, and will have more children who are school aged to care for once school gets out at the end of may. i mostly am outside interacting and playing with them in the heat which drains me even more. i know i shouldn’t, but i barely have other help at work, so i continue to pick up children that i should probably not be lifting and doing straining activities that pain my pelvis and sides. but regardless of that, on top of all the neediness that i know comes with my job i am needed at home constantly when i get off of work. my “mommy” does not turn off, and i feel as though many mothers can relate to that statement.
my anxiety has been insanely increased so much so that a person on my care team put me on zoloft, and almost every appointment i am asking them to please increase the dose. i feel so scatter brained most days that i can’t focus nor do i even feel like i have the time to focus. and i already feel like this post is all over the place. i am sorry.
unlike my first pregnancy this little fella is kicking my ass. i went to l & d at 26 weeks because i was bleeding, i’ve had abnormal blood work, and also blood in my urine (tmi, sorry). this is like a whole different experience for me. i wasn’t nervous at all with my first and i don’t know why i am so freaked out about having a baby when i have kept the one i have now alive for three years.
um, but yeah? i suppose that’s the life update.
i’m still going to respond to messages and tiktoks like always. they make me laugh and smile so i can’t avoid them.
here’s my baby momo for you to smile at after all this bs i typed.
also i have a recipe blog in my drafts that’s been there for months, but i thought it would be fun to share! so hopefully i can finish that and you guys can make some dinner! but ugh do i need to actually get back to writing some nasty,icky stuff for you peeps. anyways i love you all so much.
comments? questions? concerns? advice? i’ll hear it all no judgement!
