tw: mental health and pregnancy complications mentioned, also this is not proofread /: sorry
first, i would like to thank every single one of you who follow, interact, and take the time to read everything i’ve written. i love the comments, and reblogs, and even just the likes.
i know i have been very inactive compared to how i was before, and i hope that things turn around so i can be active with writing again. my unfinished drafts are full, my ideas still run rampant, but it is reflecting in my empty docs that my heart cannot continue to put in what it needs to in order to write the quality i want you as the reader to receive.
i am currently 29 weeks pregnant. good news first— i passed my glucose test, every ob appointment i have the doctors mention that baby’s heart sounds healthy, despite having to repeat the anatomy scan baby looks good. my rhogam shot was administered and i’ve got another appointment this coming friday before my trip to disney world (i know that sounds crazy, but i was not pregnant before this trip was planned.)
now, i am not typing any of this trying to complain or gain pity, i promise, so sorry in advance. i like everyone else who has carried a baby before are having normal pregnancy annoyances like having to get up in the middle of the night to pee, being hormonal, feeling uncomfortable, etc, but on the other note, i have never been in so much pain in my entire life. not even with my first child did i have this type of pain even through labor. i work full time, i have another child, and my fiancé is working full time while also doing night courses at a technical college.
that being said—i can hardly roll over at night without feeling like my legs are splitting apart, my back hurts like a mf, and i can hardly get a break because my job is so incredibly demanding. i work with children 4 and under, and will have more children who are school aged to care for once school gets out at the end of may. i mostly am outside interacting and playing with them in the heat which drains me even more. i know i shouldn’t, but i barely have other help at work, so i continue to pick up children that i should probably not be lifting and doing straining activities that pain my pelvis and sides. but regardless of that, on top of all the neediness that i know comes with my job i am needed at home constantly when i get off of work. my “mommy” does not turn off, and i feel as though many mothers can relate to that statement.
my anxiety has been insanely increased so much so that a person on my care team put me on zoloft, and almost every appointment i am asking them to please increase the dose. i feel so scatter brained most days that i can’t focus nor do i even feel like i have the time to focus. and i already feel like this post is all over the place. i am sorry.
unlike my first pregnancy this little fella is kicking my ass. i went to l & d at 26 weeks because i was bleeding, i’ve had abnormal blood work, and also blood in my urine (tmi, sorry). this is like a whole different experience for me. i wasn’t nervous at all with my first and i don’t know why i am so freaked out about having a baby when i have kept the one i have now alive for three years.
um, but yeah? i suppose that’s the life update.
i’m still going to respond to messages and tiktoks like always. they make me laugh and smile so i can’t avoid them.
here’s my baby momo for you to smile at after all this bs i typed.
also i have a recipe blog in my drafts that’s been there for months, but i thought it would be fun to share! so hopefully i can finish that and you guys can make some dinner! but ugh do i need to actually get back to writing some nasty,icky stuff for you peeps. anyways i love you all so much.
comments? questions? concerns? advice? i’ll hear it all no judgement!
Omg I’ve stumbled upon your Lalo fics, can I just say how beautifully well you’ve written for him. You captured him in such a way that honestly made me feel sad when I reached the end of the fic because there’s so little fics on Lalo here 💔💔
I’d really love to see you do something again for the reader being his wife/partner. I was imagining what a bunny!reader might look like paired with Lalo. But if you’re not too sure how to incorporate the bunny aspect I understand.
I just need more Lalo fics PPPPLLEASSE!!! ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️🙏
heya anon! thanks for so much love on lalo!
i actually have a draft from back in november i haven’t finished yet. it’s not bunny reader but it’s puppy play. i’ll probably finish bound not questioned (last part in the lalo series) first but it’s been so hard to write because i am having a bit of a hard time with my pregnancy right now and writing the reader’s pregnancy while also having to deal with lalo is making my head hurt. so i guess i’ve sorta been on a hiatus. i really need to get back to writing i’m so sorry.
pick of the litter is going to be nasty and gross and just smutty and kinda raunchy i suppose. i don’t even know if i added all the tags i need because it keeps growing when i outline it occasionally.
Hihihi I absolutely adore your Lalo series and I’m so excited for pt 2!!! I recently just finished BCS for the first time and ugh him and Ignacio are soooo yummy
this is me telling myself i need to finish bound not questioned and get on with my life so pls excuse me:
WTF is wrong with you not picking up your typing hands to do some shit people have been waiting months for. get ur life together mami and write the fucking Lalo smut people want. do it. do it. now.
Oh wow sorry that was a little weird, back to reality. Maybe a little hard on myself who knows (,: I really do appreciate all the love I get on Lalo when i write him. I love a man old enough to be my dad js. Ignacio is nice looking don’t get me wrong but Lalo just fucks with my head in the nicest way possible.
BCS was a full fucking masterpiece like kisses to all who worked on even a sliver of that show.
Hihi hope you’re doing well! Every time I see Matty Matheson’s posts I’m just reminded of you. Hope you and your family are healthy and I hope you’re enjoying whatever weather you have. Random mail ik but you’re so cool. Ok, byeeeee!!!
Ps: pics of my pets in silly hats as a gift
i feel like such a slacker with my matty posts lately omfg. his glambot was absolutely him and you should check it out if you didn’t see it (,:
it’s been unreasonably hot for two weeks and the weather has suddenly dropped again so my sinuses are absolutely whacko!
we celebrated my birthday at work yesterday and it was super busy and fun with all the kiddos i take care of! i cried a bit at some of the comments parents left me and i’m going to blame it on my pregnancy hormones and not because i’m a cry baby. oh speaking of—i’m having a boy and he’s a little over half baked now at 21 weeks!
also your fucking pets are so fucking cute omgggg. I love the torture of hats and clothes on animals it’s so funny. i know they are always angry but i love it.
pitties are the best doggies! and tabby cats oahdhdhdhhd my heart will always go out to them. i love them so muchhhh.
also i hope yore doing well and thriving 🩷 always best wishes to you my friend (,: snuggle them cute lil hat babies for me!!
my pup pup went to the vet last week and he was miserable for like two days. he had to get his teeth cleaned so they put him under anesthesia and came home and cried for two days. he’s all better now though!
so I see that I have a problem when it comes to replying to you... I am still quite busy as I have three exams coming up again 😭 almost done with one but I still have two once that one is submitted unfortunately 😓
replying to the latest inbox that I had sent you and the reply that I got back:
my previous exams actually went well! I had gotten first class grades in all of them :D hopefully I get first class grades in the next three aswell 🙏 and I am enjoying my break, they gave me a month and a half off so I have been doing so much and so little as well, bit of both hehe :) my depression has actually not come back surprisingly during this break, I did think that having such a big break without a set routine would send me into an episode, but I only experienced very minor anxiety attacks that were handled well for once ❤️🩹
I'm very glad that you have also said that you are going to stop focusing on positive things in your life. it is very important to remember that we choose to be angry and frustrated at things or people, and often forget that we also have a choice when it comes to wanting to be happy. being happy or being positive does not rely on a certain factor. we do not need to wait for it to happen, we can just want it to happen.
I'm very happy for you for being able to get another car! also glad that nobody was hurt, thankfully!! I don't remember how long it's been since you replied to my inbox but I'm assuming that you are either off for winter break still or have just gotten back to work, the way I hope you enjoyed the Christmas break that you have had (so far of its ongoing). and congrats on winning your fiancé the grand prize, im sure he was very happy for that kind gesture of yours <3
I hope that you have been able to process the news that you are not exactly thrilled about in a healthy way. i am always here for you if anything 🫂
totally understand the whole writing brain being stuck but the idea brain just suddenly has so much energy, like I have so many drafts that I keep making but when it comes to actually writing it... yeah no.. 😭 one day we will get rid of writers curse and we will be able to write freely 🔮
I hope that what has been about two weeks of 2026 is already full of opportunity and joy for you. I hope everyone in your life is having a wonderful time, I hope that you are being treated well and with the love that you deserve, and just remember that 2026 is a year for good. it is a year for happiness. it is a year for ourselves to excel and move forward. it really is a new beginning 🩷
I feel like I sound cheesy but there's just something in this air that is making me feel very positive and motivational. and I will not apologize lol 😋
anyways I will go back to doing my assignments and hope to talk to you soon! you will probably hear from me when all three are submitted and I am finally free from the shackles of deadlines 🤞
p.s ur doggo is so cutesie look at his little face 🥹 in turn, here is few pictures of my six month old kitty! he is sleeping.. idk why he was sleeping like this
i think it’s been genuinely so long that you’ve finished everything you mentioned, so in all seriousness i hope everything went your way!
although i’m not in school my fiancè has decided to go back and try again. i’m super proud of him and he has his own finals coming up. so far he’s gotten good marks on everything ((: schooling can be ridiculously stressful for no reason other than existing to overwhelm people, so i am so glad you are both paving ways for something greater!
I’m so happy you mental health has been on the mend. it’s so good to hear of only minor episodes. i started some meds and i can say that they have definitely been helping me stay mostly clear of the mental ick.
it’s almost break time for me again, mardi gras! i don’t think i’ll be doing any big parades this year, probably just a small local one so my son can have fun. but he’s definitely enjoyed king cake. and i can’t blame him bc i have too. carnival season brings out some fun times and memories for sure.
and as for my physical health, i’ve come to terms with it—it only took me four months but here we are. happy and calm and definitely appreciating the meds not making me feel so overwhelmed and dreadful all the time. i suppose i can say it (,: i’m pregnant. which i know is totally a lot right now bc i am going to be working full time until my body decides to go into labor and my fiancé also working full time and doing night classes, but it’s just gonna have to work out. no going back now, and that’s okay. everyone in our families are excited so that’s a good thing, less stuff to worry about. i’m almost at 18 weeks so that’s exciting too (:
and writing omfg, i have been so low energy bc i’m pregnant and working. i am never as tired after i give birth even with getting up and down in the night, but pregnancy is another fucking beast istg. i’ve been passing out at like 8-8:30 every night. the thought of doing anything extra even for enjoyment is just too much.
but all is well and hopefully will continue to go well.
so your cat is fucking adorable. he looks like my mom’s cat when he was a baby and now he’s a freaking beast.
and yes my mom fussed him for sitting on her cutting boards.
I ATE THE MATTY MATHESON KFC COLLAB! (not clickbait)
you might be saying, carls matty and kfc collaborated? yes, they did, as told by the many advertisements that were catered to me by my love of matty matheson. i also had three friends send it to me which is hilarious because they understand my love for this man.
i would also like to say that i have eaten kfc one other time in my life and did not enjoy it…but for matty i had to go again and see what this poutine-inspired bowl was about!
as a true louisiana girl, popeyes is the choice if someone mentions fried chicken (unless it is homemade.) so not only did i go out of my way to the only kfc in my area, i went out on a limb to betray my cajun roots.
ON TO THE REVIEW!
i paid $7.19 plus tax (not accounting the extra spent for my son’s kids' meal) for matty’s cheesy nuggy gravy bowl combo. i wanted to pair it with a nice diet pepsi, but my kfc was out, so starry it was!
the service was great. i did wait additional time in the drive-thru line despite being the only person there, but i’m assuming it was because they were making something fresh. no complaints there, friends. again, the worker at the window was very nice and the worker who later walked my order to my car was also kind.
part of this experience is somewhat my fault. i grabbed food after work and then couldn't eat my bowl until i got home which meant a 45 minute drive plus an extra 30 minutes after i bathed my son and got him settled. so was it soggy…yeahhhhhh. yeah, it was soggy, but that was my fault, truthfully.
but what wasn't my fault? the bowl i received was matty’s cheesy nuggy gravy bowl adjacent. they added a few extra ingredients not listed in the picture or description of the item. also, i did not include a picture of my own bowl because i felt like it wasn't fair after i unfortunately had to let it sit.
the bowl i ate was fries on the bottom, corn under the cheese curds, nuggets, gravy poured over, and then shredded cheese. so not as described by kfc’s website. after a bit of digging, i think they basically gave me a famous bowl sub mashed potatoes for the fries?
was it good? i mean honestly, yeah. the cheese curds were so bomb. they did not skimp on them either. they were probably my favorite part of this entire meal. the nuggets were still so tasty and somehow slightly crispy even after having to wait to eat my dinner. they had a wonderful flavor and were battered nicely were you could have extra crispy bites! the fries were the soggiest part, but weirdly turned into mashed potato logs since the gravy softened them so much so that at that point they didn't seem like fries. not to mention the gravy seasoned the fries so nicely and it wasn't overlt salty like i was thinking it would be. the shredded cheese, although it wasn't supposed to be there, added a nice touch. the corn, which was also not supposed to be there, added a weird sweetness that was not to my liking. i ended up picking most of it out because it wasn't the bite i was expecting. hopefully you have better luck at your local kfc!
to wrap this up quickly: if you think you'd like something sorta like poutine i’d go for ordering it. it was a hefty portion that left me full after a few bites for what i would say is a fair price. it was $5 plus tax without the drink! i certainly think if i ate it fresh it would've been even tastier and despite my kfc’s hiccup with extra ingredients the bowl was still fulfilling for my dinner after a very long day.
christmas (baby please come home) | michael berzatto
they’re singing, ‘deck the halls’
you didn’t know how much drunk rendition of that christmas song would make your skin crawl, but it did. the bar was packed because of the rail sale, cheap ass liquor being bought up while everyone enjoyed each other’s company. the really inebriated guys huddled around begging the bartender to turn up the music a little more while the stumbled over every word, and it only made you think of mikey. you crying into your drink while everyone else laughed and cheered them on because mikey would've been the guy singing the loudest.
but it’s not like christmas at all
not without mikey, poor guy could light up an entire room with one mediocre joke just because of the delivery. he’d sip his beer with one arm slung around you because everyone in the room needed to know you were his regardless of how much shit he decided to talk about you being his ball and chain.
family dinner was more bearable. you had someone to lean on, someone to comfort you after, someone to let you know not every ridiculous argument was your fault. and just like he was your support you were his. you had each other’s backs without question, no matter how ugly it got.
even the food didn't taste the same. you saw him make the same dishes every year. you helped him time and time again, but when you made it alone it lacked a certain flavor. you could've sworn if he just touched the spoon the entire pot could've been fixed.
the holidays wouldn't ever be the same, especially not with people saying “we always had a good time with him.” you didn't need that reminder.
‘cause i remember when you were here
fondness—even through the heartache of it all. you could rip him to shreds and he would bite back with the same fierceness you showed him. anger—all balled up and ready to throw back and forth despite the love that was no good for anyone. comfort—the kind you reminisced in most because it was easier than unpacking how evil grief truly was; it was an ugly thing, unpleasant in every form.
it's was so frustrating to know that he was standing, living, and breathing, and the next day it was like he was never meant to be by your side at all. everytime you looked to your right he wasn't there, and now that had to be the new norm.
Btw this is nsfw, but I saw this on tiktok and it reminded me of your Fak x Reader smut and it said:
“This and a bearded big fat fuqq of a man grilling me a steak for breakfast after he woke me up before the sun. just to split me in two like a piece of fire wood”
The video was just of a road trip timelapse but yeah.
Happy holidays queen <3
sign me up right now.
this response is going to be nsfw, but here we go. also happy holidays (:
we’re not going to focus on how he’d fuck you—no—we’re going to focus on how he’d be eating you out while you’re half asleep. he’s at least a gentleman if he was going to wake you up that early.
not saying you wouldn’t get split in half moments after this, but i don’t feel like writing that right now (,:
LET ME JUST BEGIN *ahem*
first and foremost he would eat you out from behind because you feel so tired and lazy from him trying to wake you up so early. you’d be grumbling into the pillow that your face is turned into and he’d be parting your ass saying, “i’m sorry, but only a little. you were rubbin’ your ass on me all night and i’m not supposed to wake up with my dick hard? ain’t no way. no fuckin’ way.”
neil’s face would be snug in your cunt, licking you all the way up and down with no shame. pussy to ass, not stopping while one of his hands moves to cup you right above your clit. his thumb would find a nice spot to rest right against your outer fold so that he could open your skin further. the moment he licks your pussy again he’s focusing on your clit.
while you’re making your pretty little noises, you’re grinding against his tongue. his spit is dripping from your ass hole and he’s licking it all back up only to spit it into your cunt. he knows you like it when he eats you messily because you always hold his face after and wipe his chin. then you kiss him so you can taste yourself while you sink down his cock, and that's exactly what neil wants.
his jaw is completely slack when he's against your little wet hole, digging his tongue in hungrily to make all your wetness come forward. he’s eating you like he's trying to finish off a pudding cup with no spoon—deep and determined.
he had you the moment he started thumbing your ass and your entire body was melting into the sheets, still attached to your pussy and you're writhing against him.
that was only the beginning, because then he's lying back and pulling you on top of him. his boxers dragged down quickly, so he could watch you with your starry eyes sliding down his hard, dripping dick. you’d be gripping his meaty chest, trying to breathe through the split.
oh and then of course…the steak? neil knows how to grill. you'd eat in silence knowing he made you happy more than once this morning. he'd definitely come behind you and kiss your head, ask you if you wanted eggs or maybe even a little more coffee.
has it really been a year? 🥺 thanks for putting up with my shenanigans. i love you guys. cheers to next year which will be more old men, nasty smut, the angst no one asked for, and more of my anxiety that i won’t stop apologizing for. again, i love you all so much for giving this blog some attention 🤧
Can I put in a request for Lalo Salamanca? I absolutely love him, and I feel that there aren't enough stories about him, and reading your crazy oneshot about him made me absolutely crazy for more.
HELD NOT HEEDED | LALO SALAMANCA
summary — after your wedding venue goes under new management, you and lalo meet with your wedding planner to try and amend the unfortunate landscaping predicament.
word count — 4.7k
warnings — 18+ MDNI, porn w/plot (spitting, fingering, f receiving oral, dirty talk), natural bodies with hair and curves, rusty spanish (sorry), age gap (lalo 44, reader 24), toxic & established relationship
author’s note — stargirl is the anthem when i write lalo. also sorry bc even with my new spanish reference material, i think it is still badly written. AND before someone asks, yes, i have started writing part 2.
part 1 | part 1.5 | part 2 coming soon
taglist: @rustnroll
a bride-to-be, all dolled up in the front seat of lalo's monte carlo, only expecting a day of dread upon meeting with your wedding planner. you had expressed your concerns to lalo well before today, being met with the same generic response: “why are you worried when you know i handle everything?” but, you didn't want lalo to take care of everything; you wanted him to understand.
for once, you wanted to have a voice because you had planned for a breathtaking venue, but even now you didn't have the ability to speak because lalo controlled how loud you were allowed to be.
“you brought the binder,” lalo opened the front door of the car for you, watching you fiddle with your handbag and the wedding scrapbook at your feet. “¿en serio, amor? (seriously)” He questioned, attempting to take it from you, but your grip was tight. he instead held the small of your back to guide you along the path to the outdoor venue.
“i needed it to compare it to the old photos,” you explained, leaning into his touch as you walked, your heels clicking against the pavement with your mind dedicated to the task at hand.
“you’re something else, amor,” lalo jokingly groaned. his stride slowed to catch yours easily, noticing you were trying to keep in line with him. “strange little bird, but, hell, you're pretty.”
you softly exhaled, no sense of the disdain you wanted to show, rather just acknowledging what he said. you looked down at your left hand, two rings gracing your ring finger and index finger respectively. the cartier band on your index finger was a gift; specifically given to you a full week after he threatened you with a gun. it wasn't an apology or even out of sympathy—it was to keep you on the line. he acted like he had done no wrong and could so easily mend your “overreaction” with a new piece of jewelry.
the ring, of course, was only gifted after three days of silence had been completed. lalo wanted to stew. you used to become upset over the silence, but now it was routine when he was annoyed. then it was the overly nice spiel that was always backhanded, and the gift.
there was one more thing, after the shiny ring, he handed you the phone. the cordless landline was sitting on his dresser next to his cologne. he gave you an extra privilege, one that you hadn't had in a very long time—the ability to call your parents. not always, only at certain times, and of course it was quick, but it was priceless. lalo explained that it was because he trusted you could behave after the last incident, which was true, you were overly cautious about how you spoke around him. a small part of you thought he might have only given you the permission to use the phone because he wanted you to slip up again.
your wedding was only a few short months away—four to be exact—the october air had cooled the summer humidity. although it was autumn, there were a few weird weeks of heat still trying to pass through. the breeze was strong today, cradling your wedding plans like they were gold even in the hard shell of the binder.
you were looking at the new gravel landscaping with a lackluster expression, wondering why anyone in their right mind would have pulled up the thick bedding of palms and the angel's trumpets. modernization seemed to have been the overarching theme of the letter, email, and call you and lalo received. modern seemed as though it was another term for blank and dull.
every step further to the area that would hold your ceremony made you tighten your hold on your binder. your wedding planner, blanca, stood where the seating would eventually be.
blanca put her arms out gently, almost in sympathy. “i know this isn’t what you want, but we have a few options,” she immediately spouted; she knew this was far from your vision of the perfect wedding.
you had brought that “stupid binder” as lalo called it, to every meeting you had with her. it should've been practically ingrained into the back of her eyelids.
“it's not what i expected,” you mumbled. you thought that through their many ways of notifying you that they had possibly scaled back the landscaping, but not completely uprooted everything.
“no, i know,” blanca said, rubbing your upper arm. “but we can fix it.”
“sure, in four months it'll be fixed,” you muttered sarcastically. the white and grey gravel was mocking you, and the paved bricks made it look like a mausoleum at a cemetery.
“sra. don't think like that. we have options and a blank canvas,” blanca tried to twist the situation into a positive one, which would've been wonderful if the venue was awful to begin with, but it wasn't—it was perfect.
lalo, despite his annoyance with your wedding planning, was the one who told you that you had full control over how the wedding would look. He was busy managing a stockpile of products and a multitude of people, and needed something to occupy your mind while he was away. He wanted to give you the satisfaction of thinking you had the power over something important, but in actuality, it would just be another party.
lalo snickered as you joined the woman. he was checking his cell phone, standing casually in the venue. “you should’ve heard her on the way over. she’s so worked up over nothing,” he shook his head frivolously. in literal terms, you were worked up over nothing—the lack of something for that matter, but figuratively it wasn't nothing.
“i want it to be full,” you gestured to the blank rocky spaces. “to have some life.”
“and it will be,” blanca assured you, while looking at lalo. “i think she’s worried the guests are going to think it's plain.” she seemed to be your voice of reason, but to lalo you were still being fussy.
“you think anyone is going to be looking at the plants?” lalo asked pacing the open space, taking his time to march upwards on the elevated platform that was the stage.
you opened the binder, the wedding planner huddling a bit closer to look at the various flora you had liked. “i think the plants looked nice,” you mumbled, peeking at the gravel again. it might have been for aesthetic, partially for the photos, but mostly it was for you. you wanted a full garden—varying colors and textures—something substantial.
“dios mío,” lalo exaggerated. “you and the plants. it never stops.” he slid his phone back in his pocket. “blanca, she has an addiction. there are plants hanging all over the sunroom.”
blanca gave a giggle while your cheeks flushed. “she knows what she likes,” blanca jokingly defended you.
you wanted the wedding flowers to remind you of the catalogs from your parents’ floral shop that you spent hours skimming through. you wanted the nostalgia of looking through your mother's event order forms for floral packages. you wanted it to be easy when you walked down the aisle to officially say goodbye to how life was before lalo. you needed a sense of comfort on what was supposed to be the happiest day of your life.
“everyone is going to be looking at you, amor.” he stood under the staged wedding arch, seemingly comfortable as he watched you hold the binder for the wedding planner. she was flipping through the pages and humming to herself. “you're going to be prettier than all those flowers anyway,” he stated, gesturing you over to his place with two fingers. he displaying his nicest person today. these were always the moments you craved.
you handed over the binder, joining lalo under the archway. a smirk spread across his face as he backed away. he framed you in the empty square he made with his fingers.
you had your hands folded in front of you, looking at blanca skimming your ideas, then at your fiancé, who was watching the breeze nip at the end of your dress as you stood in front of him.
“sra. salamanca, we can get some hedge walls to block this area, or maybe we can just get a few potted ferns to line the aisle,” blanca tilted her head, hoping to appease you with one of the options; none of them felt right.
you sighed deeply, trying to consider other ideas. “i mean i guess, but i don't feel like it's going to match anything else.”
you were currently wearing an expression of purse unhappiness, distaste, and displeasure. you were also trying to sort out your own solution. lalo was still watching you center stage for another moment before joining you, his slender fingers meeting your face.
“we could go for the modern,” blanca said, tapping your binder. “but only for the ceremony, not the reception, on the patio and in the ballroom we could bring in tons of arches and columns and wrap them with the vines you showed me.”
blanca’s offer was yet another let down. you tried to pull away from his touch, but lalo was firm.
“mira esa cara (look at that face),” lalo teased, shaking the bottom of your chin lightly between two of his fingers. “amorcito, you're wound up, and over what? some dirt?”
“well, no,” you mumbled, looking at blanca. “i mean…” you started again, but fell short.
“what if we take the silks we are using to border the outdoor patio, so we can cover the gardens? add a few columns out here and then it will be cohesive and then we can stick some palms in front of that?” blanca offered another suggestion.
you felt like you were falling flat again and with a tightness in your throat you could hardly speak.
“she doesn't like that idea,” lalo spoke up, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead, leaving you standing on the stage while he sauntered to blanca.
the wedding planner gave a faint smile, watching lalo take up for you so quickly.
“what do you want?” he asked, walking backwards from the stage, standing back acting like you had the room and power of enunciation while he was doing all of the work.
“i want it to look how it did before,” you answered, getting straight to the point, knowing your fiancé wouldn't settle for anything else.
“so, this is what we're going to do,” lalo began, pointing at blanca. “you tell the venue that they are going to redo all the flowers and those trees she likes for our wedding and then they can go and rip it all up again.”
“señor,” blanca addressed lalo skeptically.
“no, no, mi amor wants her plants and i have the money, so get her the plants,” he clasped his hands together. “that's your job to plan, right?” he asked, only being met with a slow nod from blanca.
“so then plan it right, and then i don't have to see this one throw a fit.” lalo chuckled looking back at you. “huh, amor? no more throwing a fit?”
if that was a fit then lalo had surely trained you well. you had barely spoken before he took charge of the conversation, and though you did like his idea you could only hope that the new managers of the venue would take kindly to his idea.
lalo had the windows cracked in the car, letting the natural breeze flow through the windows. he had his hand resting on your knee, pushing the speed limit just to hear the noise of the engine.
“amor, you've still got that look on your face,” lalo noted, having to speak a little louder because of the wind.
“i just want it to be pretty like before,” you slid the binder off of your lap, letting it mingle on the floorboard as it had before.
“i handled it,” lalo reminded you. he took care of it—verbally anyway. he'd probably be receiving some calls later in the week pertaining to his demands in which he would offer more than enough to cover the costs for you to get your way.
“i know, but—”
“but what? you couldn't have done that. why do you think i had someone else in my place at work today? i knew you would need me.” lalo slid his hand closer to the inside of your thigh.
you swallowed, only looking ahead, knowing that he was right. you wouldn't have gotten what you wanted unless lalo was there. you probably would've agreed with blanca or helped to come up with another idea that wouldn't have been within your vision completely.
“what did i tell you on our first date?” lalo prodded, nudging your leg a little more. his hand was securely in the gap between your legs, inching further upwards by the second.
you turned your head away from the windshield to look at him. your thighs tightening as his fingers rested at the meat of your thigh closest to your panty line.
the first date occurred precisely one month after your first meeting. you should've taken the signs then, but you were freshly nineteen and naive. you thought you had won the lottery because no one else was giving you the kind of attention he was. you still had a young spunk in you that lalo craved to manipulate. he didn't want you to be lifeless and numb, but rather refilled with a personality that would suit him and his life.
he had initially come into your family’s floral shop for a bouquet—specifically an apology bouquet—come to find out lalo wasn't very sorry. whatever poor girl he used to string along was receiving a gift just like you were accustomed to. then, week after week, he had a bad excuse as to why he kept needing to show up—“for his mama,” “purely business,” “they smell nice,” “i like who makes the bouquets.”
it wasn't just the flowers, because after the first time he was bringing a pastry, and then the next he had coffee, and before your first date it was simply asking your dress size because he wasn't going to let his date to a wine tasting featuring a popular local band to be underdressed.
and even now it wasn't just about the flowers or some silly wedding venue, it was about what was before him. you thought you were slick trying to upsell him with a custom bouquet, and he let you be because he was acting like he owned you before you even knew his name. you were playing into a game you didn't know had existed.
“well, huh? go on amor. i know you know it,” he encouraged you with a gentle prod with his fingers.
“you said you would take care of me,” you recited,
lalo shrugged, plucking at the fabric of your dress. “i belive it was ‘i will take care of everything,’” he corrected.
lalo did take care of everything which was probably the most comforting thing about him which was the easiest way to look at it because the real truth was that you had no other option than to allow him to take care of everything.
“thank you,” you rested your head against your hand, not wanting to press the issue any longer, at least not outwardly. lalo decided it was settled and that had to be enough for now.
you had made a beeline for the bedroom after taking off your shoes. lalo hadn’t made any room to follow you after he slipped off his own turquoise moccasins and left a kiss on your head.
you binder set open on the dresser as you removed your stacked necklaces. they were hanging next to your jewelry dish where you set your remorseless ring. it felt heavy and burdened because you weren't completely satisfied with the meeting with blanca. you were worried that four months from now you would be staring at extra silks and potted plants because lalo wouldn't tell you if the issue had been resolved the way he demanded.
you were so immersed in yourself and not your surroundings. you were brushing your eyelashes upwards with the back of your index finger while looking at the shimmery eyeshadow near your lower lash line.
the phone rang, although before you could back away from the mirror and grab it off the block either yolanda, the housekeeper, or your dearest fiancé picked it up first.
you sighed, now finding yourself staring at your open wedding binder. everything was pasted and folded together, organized just how you wanted it. if only the real-life situation could match what you were initially planning. it was was more disappointing than anything, having something you could finally control and then have it saved by the man who was always so quick to make it known that you were less than him.
you thought you were alone, although you should have known better, being under the same roof as lalo meant you would never have that luxury again. you were holding back a wall of emotion, trying to dab away the tears as they fell.
“amor,” lalo called out, making your hands shake more than they should have as you unclasped your right earring. the bedroom door opened and you were patting the underside of your eyes, though quicker this time.
“es tu papá (it's your dad),” lalo had the phone extended to you as he walked up behind you, teasingly pinching your ass just because it was there. his voice was light and happy, being able to turn on his quick charm was a deadly talent. “he wanted to ask you about his tie for the wedding—”
you were about to take the phone, though lalo's head was cocked as he caught your watery eyes.
he brought the phone back to his ear. “she'll call you back a little later she was about to get in the tub,” he smoothly covered, rubbing where he had pinched your bottom. “uh-huh, no i won't let her forget. bye now.”
with a quick beep, lalo placed the phone on top of your wedding plans.
“sorry,” you croaked, having to clear your throat. “i just got a little worked up.”
you began to reach for your phone although lalo was quick to pull you back against his chest. “is that right?” he asked with that same light voice he was using with your father, but maybe even a touch softer. “started worrying all over again?”
you nodded, a sniffle surfacing as you appreciated a calm moment between the two of you.
“amor,” lalo shushed you softly, his hands finding your waist and pulling you closer. one of your hoop earrings was still dangling, the other sitting in your jewelry tray with your ring. “you know with all the worrying you do you’re going to make yourself sick.”
he tsked, brushing your hair back to see more of your face in the mirror. his cheek was next to yours pressed together as he studied your face. a slight pout was still sitting upon your lips. he took out your remaining earring, his breath hitting the side of your neck as he popped the hinge clasp open.
“how about you go finish that bottle of wine from last night while i finish up a quick call and then we'll spend some time together?” lalo wasn't going to take no for an answer. it was his idea after all. despite lalo's ability to control and find a solution to every problem, a glass of wine did sound nice.
his fingers were supporting the fabric near your zipper as he began to edge it downwards. slowly your body began to become exposed as the limp fabric of the dress kept falling until it was pooling at your feet. your eyes were still red and teary, but you were climbing down from the ledge of your upset.
he was placing kisses on the back of your shoulders as he undid the hooks on your strapless bra. your hands immediately went to your chest, watching each of his movements in the mirror ahead. it wasn't even overtly sexual. he was undressing you in a way that showed he cared with his surprisingly gentle touches and kisses.
“too much thinkin’ amorcito” lalo was tugging down your underwear, letting you hold onto him as you stepped out of the leg holes. “i don't like when you do all of that. it makes your pretty little head spin.”
he stepped away to fetch your robe that was hanging on the bathroom door. you looked at your feet as you slid your arms into the sleeves he was offering. he kissed your temple as he adjusted the sash around your waist.
he untucked your hair that was caught upon tying the robe and smirked. “see, there we go, already starting to look better.”
now wrapped in your robe like a security blanket you were sipping an overfilled glass of wine, leaning against the counter admiring your aloe plant on the windowsill. you didn't know how long you had been enjoying your glass of wine before lalo made himself known again, all you knew was that there was significantly less wine than what you started with.
“come'ere,” he directed. you left your wine sitting on the granite countertop to join him in the dining area.
lalo had moved the head seat from the kitchen table, patting the sturdy wood. you glanced at the chair and then at the surface of the table, a few faint scratches in its polished surface. he smirked rubbing the small tuft of hair under his bottom lip as you pulled yourself onto the dining table.
he had his hands cupping each side of your face. his eyes were dragging over you, taking more time than necessary to focus on your lips that were slightly parted. he nipped at your bottom lip, making you stiffen as he was engaging further in a kiss with simmering heat behind it. it deliberate and with just enough force behind it to make you gasp as he took one hand to pull you closer to the ledge of the table. he steadied you, feeling a bit of a shake as he did it. with his lips still connected to yours he was petting your cheek and pulling the sash of your robe loose.
your hand was weaseling its way to his jeans, only for him to stop you.
“that's how i know you're still thinking,” lalo mumbled against your mouth. “you’re worried about me and not about how much your pretty little pussy is askin’ to get eaten out.”
blush was riddling your face upon hearing lalo's blunt statement.
“so, stop thinking, lay back, and let me take care of everything.” there was a seriousness behind his eyes and you immediately obeyed his command without a second thought.
it was only a matter of seconds before lalo was on his knees. kneeling in front of you between your thighs was probably the most respect you would ever receive from him. your robe was parting further apart and he was wasting no time admiring your pussy.
“i was gone for two days, then spent all of yesterday getting organized so i could be with you today, and you…” lalo stopped himself to spread your legs a little wider, hungrily awaiting your swollen cunt. his fingertips were tracing your outer labia, making you stay even more still. your stomach was tight with anticipation as he pushed more of your robe away.
lalo to spit directly onto your core. you swallowed roughly as his fingers began tracing that same pattern again, only this time spreading his spit around.
“that's three days without me and your little pussy was missing me,” he continued his unfinished thought, now taking his thumb to your clit and rubbing continuous circles against it.
he spat again, pushing one finger and the saliva into your hole that was slick with arousal. you were already a mumbling mess because there was truth behind lalo's words. you had missed him because an empty house was somehow more terrifying than the man who owned it. disregarding lalo's bad qualities and having his disturbingly tender and sensual side was exactly what he wanted. he wanted to keep you crawling back—to keep relying on him.
“filthy little pussy, amor,” his grip tighted on your inner thigh, leaving a kiss next to his hold as he slid another finger into your throbbing walls. “just how i fuckin’ like it,” he praised, curling his digits just to see you squirm.
your back arched, trying to push yourself further onto his fingers to become more satisfied. lalo could see your desperation—hell—he could feel it gripping the life out of two of his fingers. you put your legs over his shoulders, trying to coerce him into bringing his mouth to your needy cunt.
lalo chuckled, his wide, handsome grin dawning on his face as your thighs jittered from the pleasure. “don’t let me do that to you again, yeah? letting you go that long without playing with you is just fuckin’ wrong,” even in his silent treatments lalo was fucking his anger into your pussy or mouth—quietly, but still getting the job done. he was taking accountability for his mistake for once, admitting he had been too harsh.
“mhm,” you whined in agreement, clutching your hands into fists, your nails digging into your palm. you didn't think you would forget that reminder.
lalo took his fingers halfway out, halting at the line of his second knuckle only to spit again, pushing them back inside again. you cut off your moan with a sharp gasp, at his re-entrance.
your slick arousal was not only on his fingers but falling into the palm of his hand. you were helplessly writhing against the dining table, your body begging for his mouth as his fingers were nested inside of you stimulating your g-spot. your mouth was parted, releasing a slurry of whiny pleas for just a little more.
“amor, you’re making me feel bad,” lalo snickered, crookedly smiling against your pussy as he removed his fingers. “acting like i haven't ever touched you before,” he teased, licking from your perineum to your clit in one swift motion. he gave a low groan, your pussy that he had made sloppy with his spit and quick fingering made it taste divine.
his shoulders hunched a bit more, forcing your thighs to stay apart with his hands and his head burying his face into your wet cunt. he was lapping at your spilling arousal, occasionally flicking his tongue against your hole.
his flattened tongue was against your clit, giving quick upward licks while you found your hands to his hair. you were instinctively trying to close your legs, only feeling a sore burn from even attempting because lalo's strong, veiny hands were holding their spot protectively. he wasn't leaving his meal.
he shook his head, deepening his position to taste you more. his tongue moving in around your slick folds, paying attention to every exposed he could find blindly, all while looking up at you—squirming and working towards your climax.
that was until he released one side of your thigh to use his thumb again. he was spitting on your clit, taking the dripping saliva to your cunt with his tongue while his thumb was satisfying your heated clit.
you were unraveling before him, so desperately trying to keep your legs open to keep receiving the oral stimulation. your toes were curling, moaning his name repeatedly as his thumb sped up and his mouth worked against your core.
your mouth fell open, though no sound was leaving as your orgasm rushed through your entire being, pulling his head closer to your center as your body tightened for a brief moment.
your chest heaved pathetically, finally releasing your grip from his greying hair as you came down from your high. your vision was still spotty, trying to gather yourself just a bit as lalo littered kisses on your leg.
“i know, amor,” lalo placed a kiss directly to your bush of pubic hair, your clit was puffy and red from the abundance of pleasure. “i know,” he repeated, his sweaty head laying against your thigh, consoling you the best way he knew how.
babe i swear i js been so fuckin busy that replying to stuff was not on my radar and im pretty sure i went through life on autopilot for a bit...
to reply to my last inbox check in lol:
i hate everything about anxiety it sucks so bad and im always here for u 🫂
it's cold here too!! it usually is but its the typa cold that makes me hope for snow, we don't get it a lot but no harm in wishing
i hope u got that day off of work. if not, ima fight ur boss rn
winter motivation loss is so real i felt it so bad this season and i still am :( it sucks so much but i gen don't know how to get out of it aside from pushing through even when feeling so drained and brain-dead practically (i js dont wanna another depressive episode)
i STILL have to watch Frankenstein and all the other shows/movies that came out so far.. I'm so behind
i am actually off uni now!! got a huge break for the winter and when im not focused on my coursework exams im definitely gonna be online to read all the treats u feed my brain (goes to say that i have not read that mikey fic but i am ITCHING to and might tonight lolol)
okay, when i say i have rewritten this response like five different times 🫠 also none of this is probably proofread sorry.
first, i would like to start with that i hope your exams and all went well! i know schooling is exhausting and tedious, but you did it—another semester down and now you have a break! that is wonderful, a little time to relax before getting back into it! you are welcome any time to come and decompress on my page (: i completely understand how depression and anxiety can cripple you so i get the need to push through.
in my other responses i had previously drafted i was going through the list of bad shit that has suddenly happened to me, and i deleted all of it. it sounded yappy and negative and just not great. i was very angry and frustrated and tried and overworked—which to all of those things i definitely am. but instead of focusing on the clusterfuck of life that the universe or whatever you believe in decided to throw my way i’m going to quickly focus on some positive things.
i managed to easily get past my car insurance claim and sum all of that up after i totaled my car in an accident and now i’m driving a new (well used but it’s nicer than my other one honestly) car! no one got hurt luckily and i felt like an adult actually managing it after i cried for two days.
after this week i am off for winter break, so hopefully i can get back into writing gear. we are having our annual hanukkah/christmas pajama party at work tomorrow which is always fun. the parents (i work with kids) have already gotten me such nice gifts and it just seems so thoughtful that they think of gifting me something.
i also won my fiancé the grand prize at his own work’s christmas party! it was a totally random raffle and i won him an almost $700 smoker/grill!
i did get some other news that i’m not exactly thrilled about just because of my certain circumstances. i’ve been debating on sharing or not, but when the time comes i’ll definitely let you in on all the nitty gritty. just give me more time to process.
oh and finally—my writing brain hasn’t been wonderful, but my idea brain is flowing. if only the writing curse would leave me be i could actually post something or even just edit a video—WOOF! okay yeah wow that was a lot of yapping still.
i’m hoping next year brings some peace my way. the last few months have been kind of a lot and i’m hoping it settles in for the better. it’s hard to look on the bright side but i think we’ll make out handsomely if we find the little things in all this funk.
anyways, hopefully 2026 will bring opportunity and joy to us both, friend. feel free to check in anytime (: below is a pic of my dog to bring some giggles, don’t mind my son’s bathroom the picture was taken before i cleaned.
