#pr rep bunny

[interrogate-hawks]

hawks stop destroying your wings otherwise who will be there to be the wingman

They’re insured, so if I’m not dead, I’m still winging

[interrogate-hawks]

Ahem.

Once upon a time, there was a great man named Hawks, a man who valiantly carries his agency on his shoulders and takes his employees under his great big red wings (which are great, btw). One Monday morning, Hawks walks into his building to see his PR representatives unfortunately deprived of sleep. A tragedy. Ivan is chewing paper, Bunny is struggling to keep her claws from the coffee machine, and Simba is shitposting out of habit like a zombie.

So, the legend himself, Hawks—kind, caring, compassionate Hawks—decides to rescue his precious staff whose faces are covered by the mountains of paperwork (thanks, Tanaka from accounting).

Hawks puts his hands on his hips and surveys room trashed by stray paper. He whistles, and it sounds like a harp an angel plays. “Man, Tanaka really crunched the wrong numbers here,” he says. The dashing young hero moves to release his reps from guweh;guhegfq;u4;8oyt2882579826583yfhi--

(Enough of these lies, Hawks!)

The truth of what happened, as narrated by PR rep Bunny:

The Winged Headass: Hawks stumbled into his overworked PR Team's office an hour later than agreed with a half-melted frappe in one hand and a suspiciously large bouquet of flowers in the other, soot-stained face as guilty as ever.

"Guys," he called out hesitantly, "how much trouble am I going to be in if I started a new fried chicken meme? Hypothetically, of course."

Rep Simba, the only reason Hawks hasn't been banned from Twitter in 240 characters or less, raised her head from the keyboard. "Hypothetically," she drawled, "I'm going to personally see to it that you're banned from every KFC in a fifty mile radius for the next month."

"Hypothetically, I'm going to take two weeks off, paid and let you handle this yourself." Rep Ivan, dead tired to the point of delirium in the form of chewing up complaint forms- many, many complaint forms- didn't even bother to open her eyes.

Rep Bunny, currently breaking an astounding all time record of two days without caffeine, yet somehow still twitching, fixed Hawks with a glare. "Hypothetically," she said, "I'm going to wreck your shit."

Hawks cleared his throat awkwardly, like the awkward dumbass he is, and gently set the bouquet between the three overworked saints and his southern-fried dumbassery. "Well, then I didn't start a new meme about fried chicken being a euphemism for sex."

Rep Bunny didn't bother to look at the horror on sweet, pure Rep Simba's face as her laptop started pinging with notifications. She nailed him in the head with a chipped Ryuuku mug.

[interrogate-hawks]

BIG MOOD 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸