"Do you plan on getting married?"
I get nervous when I begin to type up a post on singleness. I type up a lot that get deleted. I mean, I'm supposed to be so content with Jesus, so excited to use my singleness for him and so enthralled with Him that I don't even notice that I lack a husband. Right? And of course, I don't want to come off to the world as desperate. A desperate woman is not an attractive one. But here I sit. Here I type.
It seems like people have been throwing marriage comments my way more and more lately. As if my heart isn't heavy enough with this issue, their well meaning comments only tend to make things harder for me. It's not their intention to drag these emotions that I have to the surface, but the emotions exist and they are very, very real. Every once in awhile someone will speak words that bless me, but those moments are few and far between. Especially when it comes to my family. My love life (or huge lack thereof) is a breeding ground for their jokes.
These moments have caused me to be introspective into how I can use my time as a single to glorify God. Obviously, I am in this season for a very specific reason. I would not be able to serve God in the way that I currently am if I was married. That fact is very real. I am extremely happy with the life I have right here and right now. Yet, the pain is still there. The desire is still there. The hope and the prayers are still strong. Some days those things are right below the surface. Other days I have to search to find them.
God knows. He knows why I am here. He knows where I am going. God is a provider and he knows my hearts cry. Marriage is part of his wonderful providence. Rest your hope in that with me, dear sister.
Meanwhile, while I rest in God's promises I am not in wait mode! I am called to live full throttle. I am called to be chasing the things that God has called me to do. As a single. I do the next thing. Move forward one step at a time. Sometimes one tiny baby step at a time. And trust. Trust. Trust. Trust. Trust in the sovereignty of God. Trust that when His timing comes that He will provide for the desire that He placed in my heart.
It's not easy. God never promised me that it would be. I think that these tiring moments are going to make my future with my husband all the more sweeter.