Prayers for Sammy...
She was a single mother to her only child, and every morning via zoom I watched as she cradled her boy during the morning routines, as she tried to keep up with her boy during gym classes. I had never met her since this entire school year has been virtual. But I’ve heard the story about her untimely death this past Wednesday due to fucking Covid. I’ve cried for her. I’ve cried for her boy these last couple of days and nights.
You see, Sammy is an only child. He’s twelve-years-old, just like my boy. He’s nonverbal and on the higher side of the autism spectrum, just like my boy. How will he be able to understand that he can’t see his mommy ever again - at least not in this lifetime. How can he survive this? I cannot help but wonder... I’ve heard his father is also a much older ill man who lives in Africa, and whose beliefs were different when it came to raising a child with autism. And so his mother had no one, except an elderly sister who has decided she cannot watch him and will put him in a group home if his father doesn’t come for him. Who will give him comfort, love, and support when he needs it most? Who will walk with him through the life challenges he will inevitably face? Will he ever recover from this trauma? How could this have happened? I’m having a difficult time trying to make sense of this because that woman deserved to live for her son. Until Covid, she had lived a healthy life, I've been told. That boy deserved to have his mommy here with him still today! How could I not be sad about this? How could you not be sad after hearing such devastating news?
As parents, our hearts ache at the thought of something happening to us and leaving our children. However, many of us with typically developed children know that eventually, they’ll be okay. Eventually, they’ll be able to care for themselves and go on with their lives. But as a parent to a child with special needs that cannot yet take care of himself, and perhaps never will, THIS hits differently. This is a fear my husband and I live with daily. And although our faith in God is huge, this is our reality.
And so when I think about what Sammy’s mother went through as she felt her life slipping away, wondering if her son would be okay - my heart breaks. Last night, as I massaged Evan’s body, as I do every night after his warm bath. As I cuddled him in his bed and read him bedtime stories, I prayed for him. I couldn’t help but wonder what nighttime routines Sammy would be forever missing with his mommy. Tears and snot covered my cheeks, my mouth, and my pillow. I will forever keep Ms. Sharon in my heart and prayers. Praying that wherever she is, she can one day find peace. In the meantime, I will continue to try and find out about his whereabouts and figure out in what small way I can make a difference in his life. In the meantime, PLEASE keep this little angel in your prayers too. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, let's ALL pray that his daddy, who arrives today to sign papers, will instead decide to take him. I pray he realizes what an angel his son truly is, and how much he needs him now more than ever. I pray they find comfort in each other.
My Evan had been sad too, and every now and then, we’d find him tearing. I wonder if he knows what’s going on and if he’s feeling his buddy’s pain...
