A Witch's Guide To Helping Sick Friends (Even When They Think Your Methods Are Just Hippie Bogus)
*On Alternia, a few months before the start of Sgrub and the planet's destruction*
Sollux:*lying on his couch, trying to enjoy whatever is on the television, but he's sick with a cold, so all day he's been sniffling and coughing, it being clear from the look on his face and the tissues all over the floor that he's feeling like Hell right now*...... Ugggggh.............
*Suddenly, the door bursts open, and Rosali is seen walking in, her heels clacking on the floor and the hood of her cloak over her head while she carries a picnic basket in one hand and has her satchel over her shoulder*
Sollux: !!!!!!!!!! *looks up at the strange cloaked Troll that just came in unannounced, it taking him a moment to realize who it is once he sees her deer antler-shaped horns*............ Rosali? The fuck are you doing in my hive? You shouldn't be here, I'm sick as hell!
Rosali: Thats why I'm here, Sollux! Aradia told me you were sick, so, I thought I'd come by and try to help! ^v^ *pulls down her hood, then places down her satchel, carrying her basket with both hands* First, I brought over some snacks and refreshments for you! Some stuff i know you enjoy, and some stuff i thought might help with your cold~
*Rosali gives Sollux the basket full of food that she packed, consisting of some sandwiches she made for him, a flask of water, some herbs to put in tea, jars of different jams she made for him, some chocolate chip cookies..... and also a bright, shining crystal she packed with all of this*
Sollux:............. Rosali, I appreciate the thought and that you made all of this for me.... but..... *pulls out the crystal and examines it*....... Why is this in here too?
Rosali: Its a healing crystal, Sollux! ^v^ If you keep it close to you, it just might make the cold go away faster! It can also help with keeping away bad energy so your mood will improve!
Sollux:............. Rosali. I know this whole New Age Witch thing is basically your entire lifestyle, and I know you're trying to help, but a crystal is not going to--.......... What the fuck are you doing??????
Rosali;*humming happily to herself as she's seen placing incense in almost every corner of Sollux's hive, and them lighting them all up*
Sollux: Rosali, what--........ are you lighting more than one scent??
Rosali: I am! ^v^ eucalyptus and peppermint for congestion, frankincense to relieve coughing, and lemon for the antiviral properties! The frankincense will also help with emotional balance!
Sollux: Rosali.....! *starts coughing more, all the scents at once getting to him* I don't think your supposed to use all of these at once......! Look, I have medicine, and MAYBE this crystal can be good for something! Really, I think this is enough!
Rosali: Nonsense! *now searching for something in her satchel* All those pills and cough syrups? Sollux, you don't know what they put in those! Half of it is all just a bunch of shady chemicals hardly anyone can pronounce the names of, all with a vast, alarming variety of side effects that can do way more harm than good! You know you're more likely to just end up getting a bloody nose or die from taking those, right? Hell, they can actually end up causing depression and suicidal thoughts..... You're depressed enough these days as it is, you don't need that worsened from a tiny pill!
Sollux:.......................... Rosali? The chances of any of that happening are actually very rare. Very, VERY fucking rare. Besides, its not exactly any better just relying on crystals, incense, or whatever else you think might help me! God, how the hell did you survive on your own all these sweeps?? Cause I'm sorry, but if this is how YOU handle being sick? I'm pretty sure logically, you should be dead by now.
Rosali:*giggles to herself, shaking her head* Oh, Sollux...... If you and the others only knew how much our people have forgotten and taken for granted the gifts that Mother Alternia has given us.......*pulls out a couple of sage smudge sticks, her matches still in hand*
Sollux:............................. No.
Rosali:*looks up at Sollux as she stands back up on her feet, carefully slipping off her high heels* ^v^
Sollux: Rosali. No. I swear to god, the fucking smoke from those things is only going to worsen my breathing right now! Do not--
Rosali: Just keep the crystal close to your being, okay? ^v^ It'll be fine, Sollux! These sages will help all the pathogens from your cold go away, AND help get rid of all the bad energy plaguing your hive! *lights up a match and begins to light both sages*
Sollux: ROSALI--!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Rosali doesn't hear Sollux's pleas at this point, as out of nowhere, she begins to do some sort of ceremonial dance while she waves the sages around Sollux's hive, all the while, singing in what sounds like an older, ancient Alternian dialect, like a sort of ancient incantation for healing sick Trolls*
Sollux:*coughing uncontrollably from all the smoke from the sages filling his hive, it just making him feel even worse than before*
Rosali: Its okay, Sollux! Thats just the sickness being purged from you! It won't go away completely, but, its the start to your healing process! ^v^ Its working, see?? *continues singing the healing incantation she was singing before*
Sollux;*overwhelmed both by the smoke and from Rosali's persistence in her use of alternative medicine, he lets out a loud, irritated scream at the ceiling, holding the crystal close to his chest, more out of a need to clutch onto something out of anger, but perhaps also in the hopes that just MAYBE this Mother Alternia that Rosali believes in so much can help him*
A few minutes later
Rosali;*lets out a quiet, relieved sigh from the healing ritual she just performed as she packs away her matches, closing up her satchel and putting her heels back on* There. That should all help you with your cold in no time, Sollux. I know it sounds silly to you and the others, but, Mother Alternia can help you through sickness if you just open yourself up to her. Course, make sure you get lots of rest and drink plenty of water, okay? Those are the most important things while She helps your body fight off the virus.
Sollux:*laying on his couch, still staring at the ceiling, a look on his face that says "I hate my fucking life"*...................
Rosali: Well..... I'd best go now, you do need your rest, after all. But don't be hesitant to contact me if you need anything, okay? Rest well, Sollux! ^v^ Bye for now~ *pulls the hood of her cloak over her head and puts her satchel over her shoulder, leaving Sollux's hive*
Sollux:..................................*pulls out his phone and begins to text Eridan*
twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]
TA: Hey, fii2hdiick. Ro2alii liives an hour away from you doe2n't 2he? Do me a favor; Next tiime ii'm 2iick, or next tiime anyone el2e we know ii2 2iick, tell that damn hiipiie not to fiill theiir hou2e with 2moke cau2e 2he thiink2 "mother alterniia" or whoever the fuck wiill magiically make them not siick.
TA: Maybe al2o educate her on modern mediiciine and how "biig pharma" ii2n't out to kill u2 dammiit!
CA: Oh cod........
CA: Sol, I swwear to god. I tried to tell her. I did. You knoww howw persistent she is, though. Anytime one of us is in some sort of dilemma, she alwways has to come and savve the day wwith her misguided ways.
TA: ii fuckiing nearly had an a2thma attack from her 2ages, Eriidan. 2ages! My whole hiive wa2 full of 2moke! What the fuck????? Where doe2 2he get the2e fuckiing iideas iin her head that any of thii2 iis normal?????? 2eriiou2ly!
CA: I don't knoww, Sol.... I really don't but
CA:........ Oh cod.
TA: What?
CA: I just heard from Kar...... apparently Rosali is on her wway to his place next to....... givve him an acupuncture???????? Oh god.........
TA:............ Do ii even want to a2k what that ii2?
*Meanwhile, at Karkat's hive*
*The sounds of Karkat's screams can be heard all throughout his neighborhood as Rosali has him laying shirtless on the floor, his entire back covered in fine needles*
Rosali: Don't worry, Karkat! ^v^ Just one more pressure point, and you should be in a state of calm in no time!
Karkat: HOW THE FUCK IS THIS SUPPOSED TO HELP ME BE LESS ANGRY?! Why do I even need to be less angry, my emotions are just FINE! Rosali, you can't just barge in here, say you want to help me with my supposed anger issues, and then pull this--*feels one more needle enter one of the pressure points on his back* AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW THE FUCK ARE NEEDLES EVEN SUPPOSED...... supposed to..... whoa.....
Rosali: So? How do you feel? ^v^
Karkat:.............. Weirdly more calm than I ever have in my life...... heh...... *has a goofy smile on his face* Suddenly I love everyone right now..........
Rosali: Great! ^v^ Exactly what I was hoping to hear~
Karkat:...........*laughs a bit* Witches are so fucking weird............ but this is actually nice........
