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warnings: ANGST!! (happy ending) fluff, 18+ MINORS DNI smut (mentions of making love, nothing explicit) insecure reader (body image issues), mentions of trauma, torture, explosion, bruises, serum and drugs. Pre-serum Steve and post-serum Steve.
words: 5.9k
a/n: this is the longest fic I have written. i think i have a thing for angsty fics with happy endings. Also I love pre-serum Steve, he deserves so much appreciation. I got emotional while writing this one. To all people who have body issues, I personally know it’s not easy, remember you are all very beautiful. I really really hope you all like this one.
REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED
DO NOT COPY OR REPOST MY WORK
(made the moodboard and dividers)
“(Y/n)?”
the warmth, the pain, the love, all missing from her face. her stare is blank, like a person without a heart. Steve didn’t think he would ever see her again, he wanted to see her again, to talk to her, to tell her how he felt all these years, how everything seemed incomplete. But now what he sees, it seems worse than his worst nightmares, he wanted to see her but not like this. Not like this.
“Steve!” she calls out for her date who stands up for her in front some bullies. “You think you’re a hero protecting that fatso over there?” a guy laughed as he punched Steve. (Y/n) didn’t know what to do, should she just stand there or go to help Steve. “Tell me skinny boy, getting tired aren’t you?” Steve looked daringly into the eyes of the bully. He spit a little blood that occurred from the bruise near his lips. “I can do this all day”
When they reach her apartment, Steve is accompanied with bruises. He sits down and she prepares to take care of his wounds. She gently, very gently, wipes his bruises and the slightly dried blood with water and applies medicine. “Steve, I really appreciate what you did but you didn’t have to do it, I am used to being called names, I feel so bad.” Her touches are so gentle, feather like, as if she is - “Are you afraid to touch me?” Steve asks her directly. “I-I- don’t wanna hurt you” she avoids his gaze. He places his hand on hers “Is it because of how i look? is it because i am skinny?” he looks a little hurt but nothing he isn’t used to. “No Steve, it’s because I am fat, I don’t wanna hurt you in any way, you are strong, very strong, I just, I know I shouldn’t care about what people say but they say I’ll crush someone or something like that.” she feels stupid but she is insecure. even though this was officially their first date, they had met before when Bucky introduced them, she already likes him, thus she really wants this to work out. “Hey, look at me, trust me I know how it can feel to be a little different, to be someone who doesn’t fit the society’s physical beauty norms. But being different doesn’t make you any less than others, that’s what I try to believe now. you know how I still am trying to join the military even after being rejected because of my size, so in a way I am challenging society and it’s norms. I know very well I am not as strong as a buff man but I know I will work harder than anyone to serve my country.” she looks at him with awe. she is so proud to know this guy. she hesitates a lot but after a minute she quickly gives him a peck on his cheek. she looks away again and blushes a little. “I know this is just the first date but I kind of like you Steve, you’re very kind and nice and- and cute” he cups her face gently and lifts up her chin to meet his gaze. “I like you too (y/n), I honestly can’t believe someone as nice as you can like someone like me, you’re nice and so kind and pretty. You know I would have kissed you right now but unfortunately I have medicine applied on my face.” he chuckles and she laughs. They just sit there holding hands without saying anything. As if they both have found the person they were looking for, who accept them for who they are.
“Steve if you want we can lie down on my bed?” he raises his eyebrows a little and she realizes how her words can be interpreted and blushes. “No I mean - uh I mean we can talk, you have bruises and I thought you will be comfortable- oh god I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I have no other intentions- I-I should stop talking.” Steve can’t help but chuckle at her cuteness, she is adorable. “Yeah I get it, it’s okay, we can do that, I like talking to you, want to get to know you more.” They end up lying beside each other, smiling and talking almost the whole night. The sunlight outside knocking on the windows. They both look outside and realize how long they have been talking, they look at each other and start laughing again.
“Well I guess I should go now.”
“Alright”
Neither of them want this night to end, even though technically the night has ended?
“See you soon on our next date.” Steve says and (y/n) nods with a smile. Just like that they keep on meeting whenever they can, they love spending time with each other, they grow closer and closer. One night, after almost a month since they started dating, (y/n) hears a knock her door.
“Steve?” he comes in with an excited look on his face. “I got a chance, I am joining the army!!” he said with excitement and hugged her. She couldn’t help but smile at Steve’s happiness, she knows how much it means to him, even if she is scared about the whole situation. “(y/n)!! i am going to be a soldier” she smiles softly at him and tries her best to be supportive even she is nervous and scared. “well I guess your dreams came true.” he didn’t miss the hint of fear in her words and expressions. “hey it’s gonna be alright, yeah I know I am not that strong but I’ll learn so much in the army and I will become stronger.” he says as he takes her hands up to his face and plants kisses on them. she smiles as she gently kisses him. Steve blushes a little, he always does when they kiss, they haven’t really moved past kissing and Steve being a gentleman wanted to give her time before taking the next step.
“You’re stronger than you know Steve, I am just worried that you will get too carried on, you will face so many dangerous situations and after all this time I know you won’t lose the chance to jump in front of danger. So yeah I am happy and proud of you but I am also worried about you. And not to sound selfish but I will miss you a lot too.” she looks down as she says the last sentence, she still isn’t sure how much Steve’s feelings have developed but knows about hers, she is pretty serious about him. She doesn’t wanna lose him. “You don’t sound selfish honey, I understand what you are feeling, I will really miss you too and I will try to come back as soon as I can but as you said this has been my dream, to protect my country.” she nods, she respects him and his dreams, she tries to be strong for him still somehow a few treacherous tears sneakily try to fall off her eyes.
Steve wipes off the tears and plants gentle kisses all over her face which makes her cry harder. “honey, look at me. I’ll take care of myself, besides I now have someone waiting for me eh?” she smiles at that. “so when do you leave?” he informs that he has to leave in two days for more than a month. Just two days then gone for a month? her insecurities creep up rapidly. What if he forgets her during this time? she is not the most memorable person anyway, what if he meets someone better, someone prettier? Steve shakes her off her thoughts, literally.
“Anything else on your mind?” she shakes her head to say no. “Can I spend the night here doll?” she loves that nickname so much, maybe just as much as- well. “Yes please”. (Y/n) prepares dinner and Steve keeps looking at her admiringly. He will really miss this, will miss her. After having dinner they go and lie on the bed, remembering the moments of their first date, although they don’t talk much like they did on that day, they just keep holding their hands. Both wanna say so much but afraid of ruining this moment. Steve looks at her and she looks back. He leans in for a kiss. the slow and soft kiss turns passionate, unspoken words being communicated through that kiss. Steve brings her closer and deepens the kiss only pulling apart when they need to breathe. They kiss, pull apart, kiss again, pull apart again, kiss again and again. It feels like neither is ready to let go. Steve moves to kiss her neck, placing small kisses all over her jaw and neck, she traces patterns against his chest. He pauses to look up at her, she is staring at him longingly. “Do you? you want to?” he asks, she nods but a tear slips her eyes, he gently moves on top of her and kisses the tear away. he spends some time appreciating her body with his hands and lips. he softly tugs the end of her dress as if to ask for permission. “Steve, I-I am not beautiful, my body isn’t attractive you won’t like what you see.” Steve can’t imagine a kind person like her not being beautiful. “I am sure you’re beautiful doll, but it’s okay if you don’t wanna do this, there’s no rush.” they both realize suddenly that even if there’s no rush there’s very little time too, what if things go otherwise, is this their only chance? She guides him with her dress. he helps her out of her dress and undresses himself. both of them vulnerable in front of each other, bare and close, as Steve said, they defied society’s beauty norms, yet to both of them the other seemed like the most beautiful person they have ever seen. The whole night they express their feelings in the form of touches and kisses. Steve spends time in making her feel how beautiful she is. They make love in the bed they once laid down talking the whole night. It is intimate and emotional and passionate. Hands intertwined and their bodies too. Living the moment to the fullest, feeling alive after a long time, it’s like they were meant to be, this was meant to be. They live an eternity with each other this night, not wanting to let go, but they know they have to. This night seemed magical, but reality is waiting at the door. When they drift off to sleep, bodies close to each other, they hold each other, unspoken promises being made.
They kiss each other goodbye before it’s time for Steve to leave. “(Y/n), I’ll come back, wait for me okay? I will miss you, I-“ He decides it’s best to not say anything more. She will wait for him, she promises him that, no matter what.
When Steve is injected with the super soldier serum, he becomes a new person for others but he is still the same guy from Brooklyn. the news breaks out about the birth of Captain America and people start rejoicing for a new face of the country. (Y/n) sees the pictures of Steve, sees the effects of the serum, but when she sees his pictures with that smile on his face she knows no matter what he is still the guy from Brooklyn she is in love with. She loves him. Even before the world knew, she knew in her heart that he may not be a perfect soldier but he is a good man.
Captain Steven Grant Rogers soon becomes a sensation, from performing on stage to fighting Hydra bullies in the battlefield, accompanied by his best pal Bucky Barnes, who was the second one to become a super soldier. Yes after Steve, Bucky was given the serum and the two super soldiers fought many wars together. Steve was supposed to be away for one month which turned into more than four months. With all the fame and popularity, (Y/n) wonders how he must feel. So many women want to be with him, beautiful attractive women.
After four months, Steve comes back in town, they have succeeded in an important mission and are now back to celebrate. (Y/n) is so excited to meet him, all this while Steve has not been able to contact her, he was always moving from one place to another, finally she will meet him. She is nervous too, her insecurities getting the best of her. Even if Steve is the same guy she is in love with, what if Steve feels differently? He meets so many beautiful women, women who want to be with him, so what about (y/n)? will she still be beautiful to him, will he still like him? she dresses up nicely to go and meet him, trying her best to look good.
Word on the street is that the soldiers will be at a bar to celebrate. (Y/n) knows that bar, she goes to meet him. She got him a little gift, nothing expensive, just something with a personal touch, a small pouch for him to use with the letters S G R engraved.
There he is, having a drink with Bucky and his team. Even if he is all bulky now, his smile reminds (y/n) of the old days, when he used to hold her hand and flash that beautiful smile at her. He hasn’t seen her yet though, busy drinking and laughing with his friends. She giggles at the sight, she is so happy for him, they finally know his worth which she knew from the first day she got to know him. (Y/n) gradually moves closer to him with a smile on her face.
Steve turns and smiles, but not at her, he hasn’t seen her yet, he smiles at this beautiful brunette wearing a red dress and matching red lipstick. Wow she is gorgeous (y/n) thinks. He gets up to dance with her, they dance slowly but Steve maintains a distance from her, his smile seems polite but not like the one he used to flash at (y/n). (Y/n) tries her best to not think much of it. She waits. Everything is fine. She hopes. As the music stops temporarily, people start moving away from the dance floor, Steve too stops dancing and is about to move when she pulls him close and smashes her lips against his. Pull apart, pull apart, as if an alarm sets off in (y/n)’s brain. Is this really happening? To her shock, to her complete shock, Steve kisses her back, even if just for few seconds before pulling apart. He kisses her back. Is she really that big of a fool to have thought Steve will wait for her? After getting so much attention from beautiful ladies. She cannot control the tears. To make things worse Bucky notices (y/n) and calls her name.
Steve who is taking deep breaths, hears her name and with a swift movement turns to look for her.
There she is, all dressed up, her face accompanied with tears. She turns to leave, already feeling humiliated and stupid. “(Y/n)!!” he yells out. He runs to her, she runs away from him. “(Y/n) wait, please” She looks back, tears not stopping, “It’s not what you think it is, I know it looks bad, I am sorry please let me-“ he is interrupted when she raises a hand to stop him. “No Steve, I am sorry for being stupid enough to come here, to think you would still want to see me, I should have understood, so I am sorry for ruining your celebrations, please go in, have fun.” She says in between sobs. “(Y/n) no please, there is nothing going on, she is my senior in the army and I don’t know how and why she kissed me.” Is he really justifying, she saw him kissing her back, she knows how his face moves when Steve kisses, he clearly kissed her back even if for few moments. “But you kissed her back didn’t you? Don’t lie to me at least, you may not like me or care about me but at least respect me. Don’t lie.” she says and steps back when he tries to come close. “I-I am - it was a mistake, a sudden response, I am not justifying it but I am sorry- it means nothing” He tries to move close again but she steps back.
“This is goodbye Steve, or should I say Captain America? May all your dreams come true. I got this for you which probably doesn’t matter now but here, if you feel like using it.” She hands him the wrapped gift. He takes it and before he can say anything, before he can stop her, she runs as fast as she can, with a heavy broken heart. She runs and takes the first left turn into an alley. He is running after her, the gift in his hand. He reaches the alley just seconds after her but she is gone, literally gone no trace of her. He yells out her name on top of his lungs. He runs as fast as he could, but no sign of her.
Steve frantically unwraps her gift.
He finds the pouch with his initial on them, handmade. A note inside the pouch.
I am always proud of you Steve and I am happy for you. This is nothing much but I hope this pouch is useful to you somehow in your new adventures. For the world you may be Captain America, but for me you’re still my sweet Stevie. I love you, wasn’t brave enough to tell you so wrote it down.
Steve starts crying after reading that. How could he mess this up? The girl he loves the most is hurt because of him. To know she loves him too but at what cost? He reaches her home as quickly as possible but she is not there, he can see the dark windows still knocks on the door in hope, but no she is not there. He decides to come back tomorrow.
Tomorrow comes, still no sign of her, she is not home, her neighbors haven’t seen her, her few friends haven’t heard from her. Where is she? How can she vanish out of thin air? A week goes by, he haven’t found her. Steve and Bucky and their friends look for her but she is nowhere to be found.
“Where is she Buck?” Steve asks with tears in his eyes. “Have faith pal, we’ll find her.” They don’t find her. It’s time for them to leave for duty and they haven’t found her. She is missing, no one has heard from her. They have tried everything, took help from whoever they could to find her, still in the dark without any clue. Steve leaves for duty with a heavy heart.
When they take down the Red Skull, Steve and Bucky were on an aircraft filled with weapons to destroy cities. They realize they have to crash it somewhere in the ocean. Steve realizes this is for the best, he doesn’t even have much motivation to go back, the one who was waiting for him is no longer there, god knows where. Bucky too sees no way out and agrees with his friend to crash the aircraft. As promised, together till the end of the line.
When the two super soldiers are discovered from the ice, the world changed once again, and their world changed too. A miracle discovered by S.H.I.E.L.D. They try to fit in this foreign world with the help of their new companions, who were misfits in their own ways. As years passed, the realization of losing his girl grew even stronger on Steve. (Y/n) was the love of his life, the one he hurt and disappointed, the one he lost. Oh how he wanted to go back in time and tell her he loves her. To say how much she means to him. He wanted to see her again, to talk to her, to tell her how he felt all these years, how everything seemed incomplete.
On a particular mission, Steve, Natasha and Peter team up to take down a hydra base. Peter is new to the team but a strong asset. They are almost done with the mission when something exploded. There was dust and fire. Steve looks for his teammates but cannot see them, he uses the comms to contact them but still no use.
He is running to look for them when he is shot on his shoulders from the back, he immediately covers himself with his shield and looks back the the attacker.
The attacker stands their with a gun, in full black attire and masked covering half of the face. He cannot see clearly due to the dust. The attacker fires again and he moves closer, using the shield as a guard. After some swift movements from both of them, the gun and the shield are soon discarded as they engage in a hand to hand combat. Steve can feel the punches of the attacker are meant to kill, not just hurt. He is not one to attack but rather defend. Still to knock out his opponent he throws a solid punch on the face.
His opponent loses balance for a second and the mask is broken. The broken mask now enables Steve to see the face of the attacker. Is he hallucinating? Is the gas poisonous? intoxicating? making him see the unbelievable? Before he can do anything, he is suddenly on the ground as his opponent took the chance to get on top of him and started punching him.
Is this gas so strong? He knows those eyes. That face.
“(Y/n)?”
the warmth, the pain, the love, all missing from her face. her stare is blank, like a person without a heart. Steve didn’t think he would ever see her again. But now what he sees, it seems worse than his worst nightmares, he wanted to see her but not like this. Not like this.
She keeps punching him when suddenly she is hit on the neck by Nat, hard enough to make her unconscious and not kill her. She falls on his chest. It’s her, it’s (y/n), it’s Steve’s (y/n). He knows her touch better than anything. It’s her.
“Steve are you okay?” Nat asks looking at the blood on Steve’s face and shoulder. He doesn’t say anything just keeps looking at the girl on top of him. “Peter, get her off of him and bring her with us, I’ll help Steve.” Everything seems like a faint noise to Steve, he doesn’t register anything his teammates are saying. Too busy figuring out what is going on and staring at (y/n). Only when she is being pulled apart from him by Peter that he speaks, well yells
“Stop!! Don’t hurt her.” Both of them look at Steve. “Steve?” Nat looks confused. “Did you kill her? (Y/n)? (Y/n) can you hear me?” Steve’s words are not very loud or clear, due to the bruises on his face. His teammates give each other confused looks.
“She is unconscious, not dead. Steve do you know her?” This question makes Steve hysteric as he wraps his arms around the unconscious body of (y/n) and starts crying, holding her close, too engrossed to care about the current situation. Gradually Peter and Nat help them both off the ground and Steve still doesn’t say anything to them.
When they come back to the compound, the rest of the avengers take Steve to the infirmary to help him. Bucky is already at the infirmary. Peter is about to take (y/n) away to keep her in a cell, as ordered by Nat when Steve yells again. “Where are you taking her?”
They are all confused and Bucky is taken aback by his friend’s weird behavior. “Pal, what’s wrong?” Steve starts explaining whatever happened. Bucky cannot believe it, he rushes towards the person Steve claimed to be (y/n) to check for himself. He is shocked too, cannot believe what’s happening.
“Okay enough someone tell me what’s happening.” Nat shouts and the rest of the team look at Bucky and Steve. Steve doesn’t talk, just keeps staring at (y/n). Bucky explains why they are shocked, why Steve is behaving like this and who (Y/n) is, or was.
They keep (Y/n) in a room, not a cell, though handcuffed. Since she was fighting for Hydra and attacked Steve. Even though Steve wasn’t happy with the handcuffs, after persuasion from Bucky he gave in. Tony too is shocked to see Steve like this, over these years and after the initial difference in opinion, Tony became a good friend of Steve. Sam has never seen his friend like this before neither has Nat. All of them are worried and from what they hear, all of this seems unbelievable to them.
Bruce looks after (Y/n) to bring her to her senses.
(Y/n) gradually opens her eyes and finds herself handcuffed. She doesn’t speak just tugs at her handcuffed arms. Bucky who is outside, hears the noise and the grunts and rushes in. “(Y/n)? is that you?” She shoots up her to look at the voice, conflicted emotions visible in her eyes. “Where am I? Another hydra base?” Rage visible from her voice, still probably better than that blank face.
Bucky calls for Steve and the rest of the team. Steve rushes towards (y/n). He kneels down in front of the chair she is handcuffed to. “(Y/n)? it’s me Steve!” She looks at him with doubt and without surety. Must be some cheap trick of Hydra, after all these years of constant torture and brain washing, who knows what these monsters are capable of. (y/n) doesn’t say anything just keeps on tugging at the handcuffs. “It’s me (y/n)! don’t you remember me, it’s Steve, your Stevie” she laughs dryly at this, she won’t lie though, after all these years, this face, this name, this person in front of her definitely takes her back to those days. Is her brain betraying her again? Well she can’t be blamed after being a Hydra controlled puppet all this time.
As much as she remembers after being brainwashed so many times, she doesn’t even know how she is conscious now, is this some new drug? she hardly feels controlled anymore, even the pain has dulled down. Are these her memories or someone else’s she wonders. “Well that’s where you are wrong, whoever you are, Steve was never mine.” she almost spits. Steve is taken aback by those words. Is that how she feels? “Steve, she was asking if this a hydra base” Bucky informs, Steve doesn’t know how to react, the worst possibilities of what may have happened racing through his mind.
“Wait,” he says as he runs out of the room and comes back with the pouch she gave him. “Do you remember this? You gave it to me, the night I- the night I messed up, the night you vanished, the night I saw you for the last time.” Tears about to escape from Steve’s eyes. She looks at the pouch, realization strikes her, the few memories she has intact are the ones of Steve, even after Hydra has tried to remove that from her brain, this is the pouch she gave him. She looks up from the pouch and looks at the blue eyed man. Her lips quivering.
“Steve?” He nods frantically. He hugs her. “Remove these handcuffs now” he says after pulling apart. “Steve she maybe lying, we can’t trust her, we don’t know if this is a trick, she maybe dangerous.” Nat says, always the tactful one. “No, she won’t hurt me. You won’t hurt me would you doll?” The nickname still fresh in her mind. But she doesn’t trust herself or others, neither can she promise of not hurting anyone. “I don’t know, I don’t know what I am capable of, what Hydra is capable of.” she starts crying when Steve reaches up to wipe off her tears. “I remember hearing the news once, when Hydra thought I was under control but I wasn’t, for a brief moment, I remember hearing you and Bucky went into the ice and came back, I didn’t trust the news though, I stopped trusting anything and everything a long time ago.”
When (y/n) is composed and decides to trust these people and they too think she can be helpful, she is brought to a sitting area, where all the avengers sit down, Steve beside her, and asks her about everything.
“That night, the night I last time saw Steve was the night I was taken. I remember running away from him and going into an alley. I saw a shadowy person coming at me and after that blank.” She informs, looking at the ground. “When I came back to my senses, I saw the foreign environment and that I was trapped, I was tied up. I started screaming.” She goes on about how some people came in who she had never seen before, they told her she has been abducted and that they will gave her meaningless life a new purpose.
“Close to Captain America aren’t you? well let’s see what information you can give us about him.” She remembers one of them had asked. (Y/n) was told by Hydra that they had observed her since they got to know about Steve becoming Captain America and her little connection with him. They thought she can be an asset hence they took her.
After Red Skull went down they had to relocate everything. Since Captain America had died for the world, they realized (y/n) was completely useless to them. But at cruel times even useless beings can become useful “They tested different serums and drugs on me, I mostly used to stay drugged except for a few times when they needed my true consciousness.” She was trained, tortured, brain washed, the serums somehow didn’t change her physically, which the Hydra superiors were impressed with, her not so impressive body made her almost invisible in front of people. Who will believe that someone who appears as useless as her can be an assassin? They realized even if she cannot become a good assassin she can always be a good test subject, rather test object.
The different serums and drugs have miraculously kept her young and alive, she has been treated as a lab rat. Whenever she was conscious she tries to fight, or escape. No use. She never agreed to do anything for them unless she was mind controlled by Hydra.
Steve cannot imagine the pain and trauma she must have gone through. He wanted to see her again but not at this cost. He gently holds her hand, like he used to before.
“(Y/n) I don’t know what to say, if only I didn’t mess up that day, if only I ran faster after you, I am sorry, for everything.” The team decides it’s best to give them some space. (Y/n) has already given them some information regarding whatever she has discovered about Hydra all this while, she wants to help them in whatever way possible, Hydra has ruined many lives, she wants it to end.
“Hydra abducting me was not your fault.” Steve looks at her.
“You-you said I was never yours, why?”
“Were you?”
“(Y/n) I still am. I have always been yours, I have always loved you. I love you! I was stupid I didn’t say how I felt before but I should have, I wish I could go back to that night and change what happened but it’s not possible, forgive me please, please, I love you, I have missed you every moment, I wished everyday to see you, talk to you, but now that you are here, now that I see you like this, I feel terrible, disgusted and sad, you deserved nothing but love. Even if I am not directly at fault, Hydra took you to get information about me, so yes it is my fault I couldn’t protect you, couldn’t protect the person who means everything to me.”
(Y/n) too cannot believe she is here with Steve again, it feels like a dream, a dream she has seen many times, but this is real. (Y/n) has always loved Steve, still does but now she is scarred both physically and mentally, if she was a misfit in the society before she is even worse now. She suddenly notices his bruised face.
“Your face is bruised and your shoulder, did I?” Steve interrupts her. “Don’t, don’t do that to yourself.” They both have tears in their eyes. She touches his face gently, as always, still afraid she will hurt him, and now she actually has, even if unintentionally. “I am sorry, I wasn’t myself.” Steve nods. “To be honest, I wasn’t myself too, neither on that night when I messed everything up, nor after you were gone, I don’t think I was my real self. Besides I became so focused on being Captain America that I forgot about Steve Rogers to some extent. You were one of the few people who appreciated that little guy from Brooklyn.”
“I still do, Captain. I still appreciate that guy, I’m still in love with that guy.” Steve didn’t waste any time and pulled her in a kiss. She doesn’t remember the last time she receive any form of affection, the kiss made her feel alive, the kiss made him feel alive.
“Wait your face is bruised, you’re hurt” she says pulling apart. “Like on our first date huh?” Steve asks with a smile on his face. She smiles back.
“Can you forgive me?”
“I guess I can.”
“Can you trust me again?”
“Maybe, but I don’t think I can trust myself, I don’t know what they have done with me, I don’t know if I can become my old self again.”
Steve holds her hand tightly. “How about we deal with it together? How about we heal ourselves together?” (y/n) nods and puts her head on his shoulder. They don’t talk, just sit like that, hand in hand.
After sometime Tony comes and finds them sitting together, he is happy to see his friend smiling. He calls the rest of the team. They all find the couple sitting quietly enjoying each other’s company. Bucky has tears in his eyes, his friend is happy again after what feels like an eternity. Nat smiles looking at Steve, so does Sam. The team is happy to finally see their Captain at peace.
Tony clears his throat. “Sorry to interrupt the moment but let’s all have some food. Miss (Y/n) I have arranged a room for you, take some rest after dinner.”
Tony has arranged the room just beside Steve’s. That room has always been empty, maybe it was waiting for her? Just like Steve?
“I love you (y/n)”
“I love you Steve”
They confess their love once again, while walking up to their rooms, hand in hand.
“Good night doll, just call me if you need anything okay?”
“Steve you want to lie down on my bed? We can talk, just talk, I have no other intentions” she says with a smile, remembering their first date. Steve kisses her and they get inside the room without breaking the kiss. “Oh but I do have other intentions doll” he says with a smirk and closes the door.
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 : steve's physique is altered for a limited time period, leading the reader to realise how fucking sexy she finds steve in all forms. they've always been flirty, but now he's even more reactive and you can't help but try and tease him more. read on a03 (part two)
𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : steve rogers x f!reader
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 6,602 words
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : ( MINOR’S DO NOT INTERACT! 18+ ) experimentation gone wrong, minor tiny ball of fire steve rogers, size kink (questionable?), teasing, cursing, frottage, exhibition, mentions of masturbation / female masturbation, oral (m+f recieving), public sex, fingering, handjobs, creampie, unprotected sex
𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 : i was discussing with my friend about how i feel i'm aro leaning at times but pre-serum steve rogers is the kinda guy i could see myself settling down with, you know. steve in general is hot, but there's something endearing and attractive about him in the beginning and then i guess the thought evolved into me wanting to write bout fucking him silly without having to write something set in the 40s. i couldn’t figure out a name for this btw so uhhh... sorry LMAO
also can someone recommend some preserum/skinny!steve fics that aren't dark like [marge simpson vc] geez kids, can you lighten up?
You have to forcibly drag your eyes away from him, taking in Bucky’s slack jaw and looking over to the experts who… Admittedly have similar expressions painted on their face. Janet and Hank are murmuring amongst themselves, though their eyes don’t leave Steve’s form before they begin jumping into action. Hank turns to Hope, whispering something in her ear before she makes a quick exit out of the room.
“I take it that something went wrong, Mr Pym?” Comes Steve’s voice, sounding unnatural while he’s like this. At this, the older gentleman tries to put on a brave face and a bright smile while he and his wife shuffle through papers, blindly searching for an answer.
You’re still stunned, dragging your eyes up and down Steve’s body in utter shock before turning to catch Bucky’s eye. He’s adapted to the situation a lot quicker than any of you have, so he merely offers you a tense shrug. You curse yourself for not opposing the experiment, but in your own defence - in all of your defences, you all thought that out of everyone, Steve (Captain America himself) was the most durable.
“I say that, sir, because I’m pretty sure before I took your experimental particles it was you that was looking up to me, not the other way around.” He quips, resulting in Bucky letting out a snort and settling some of the tension in the room. Because yes, he is looking up at Hank (and likely most of you) because right now Steve is standing at what you’re gonna guess is 5’4” and looking exceedingly less bulky than he had 25 minutes ago.
“This’ what he used to look like?” You say, mainly to yourself because you’ve been to the exhibition. You’ve seen the pictures, deleted friends on Facebook who posted comparison pictures saying if he can do it anybody can in an effort to get someone to join whatever gym scheme was happening. You knew what Steve used to look like, but the question still slips out stupidly.
“Skinner, I'm pretty sure.” Bucky answers, pulling out the brick he calls a phone and typing away rapidly (no doubt updating Sam on the current situation). “Still lookin’ good, Cap” you call out, offering Steve a wink in an attempt to break the tension of the room. You suppose it’s faulted by the worried expression still painting your features, but it still earns you a teasing look from Steve and the beginnings of a blush spreading across his face.
Before you can say anything else, the doors open up with Hope and Bruce rushing in.
“You know, I’m not really sure I’ll be much help. Th-This isn’t really my… area..” The scientists’ words stop when he finally rounds the corner enough to see Steve and then his eyes are also boggling. He’s still stammering as Hank and Janet swarm him, pulling him into their work space and bringing him into the fold, leaving you worrying your bottom lip and catching Steve’s eye - his gentle smile is the only thing stopping you from full on panic mode.
The morning had started with news of The Pym’s arrival and the planned trial run of an experimental variation of the particles the pair used, as well as Hope and Scott. Only this version was being adapted to work similarly to the photostatic veil, in order for the team to use for undercover missions.
Rather than tech, it appeared the approach the pair were going for was that of a shot to the arm and looking back, that really should have been a cause for concern. The second should have been when Scott, the original guinea pig, was taken off the board because of his own exposure to the current Pym particles. You’d reason there’s probably something there that makes the reasoning valid, but you’re concerned so you’ll still grumble.
Enter Steve, your sweet Captain, offering his assistance. “We’d need to test how they go up against the serum at some point, right? Might as well get the results now” He’d reasoned, flashing one of his smiles that made you weak at the knees.
The results, it seems, are that the serum meant rats ass to this one area of science and instead of disguising him as a new person, it had made him lose the 145lbs he’d gained when he’d first received Erskine’s serum, dropped his height back down and yet… He was calm. He’d had some time to come to terms with it, you supposed, having been whisked away by Bruce and brought to the med bay to get checked out by the staff.
You’d hovered alongside Bucky watching as they ran test after test on his bloods, taking swabs, checking his genomes under a microscope. They’d had him there for nearly two hours now, so it stands to reason Steve had enough time to come to terms with the… Malfunction. You, however, had not.
“Now, we did say the particles were highly experimental and the altering of the formula to disguise instead of control of the sizing of the person would be hard to get right” Janet tries, but you’re pacing around with a look that lets everyone in the room know what you think of that response.
“How long do you estimate the particles will stay in effect in my system?” Steve juts in front of you, his small body still managing to catch your waist and pull you down beside him on the exam bed. It’s innocent, meant to stop you from getting in the Pym’s faces like he and Bucky had been doing since it all went wrong, but you can’t help but notice the spark it sets down your spine. The sensation isn’t new, your body always reacting when he touches you but was it wrong for thinking this was an inappropriate time to react like that.
Banner and the Pym’s are still discussing the potential side effects beyond the physical differences but the sound is muffled in your ears, unable to take your focus off the way Steve’s hands are still on your waist. They’re smaller, you think, or maybe your brain is trying to compute the whole situation. Flashes of his small hands holding your waist as you ride his cock invade your thoughts, quickly disturbed by those very hands leaving their place on said waist as he gets up, making you let out a low whine that you quickly try and cover up by clearing your throat.
“We’re running all the tests we can think of, Steve. This should wear off, that’s how it was designed” Banner’s voice says, pausing for a second before adding “Right?” with a look at Hank and Janet.
“24 hours” “48 at most” They both call over each other, turning to one and other and shooting looks amongst themselves. The room goes quiet, filling with awkward tension.
“We’ll work on getting you right, Cap” Bruce says with a pat to Steve’s shoulder, a little too hard before gently rubbing at it with an apologetic look on his face.
You’d all come to the conclusion that his past ailments hadn’t returned soon after Sam had returned, immediately challenging Steve to a race around the facility. He had sweat on his brow, like he’d already raced to the compound (you’re not even sure he was in New York state when Bucky must have informed him, you think to yourself) but Steve had just chuckled and gave a simple “You’re on” despite your minor protests.
You watched as the pair of them warmed up, calling Bucky to come ref’ the race when Sam accused you of being too biased (“And Barnes isn’t?” You’d asked, though neither man had bothered to respond) and then watched as Steve moved like he always did. He barely broke a sweat by the time they’d completed the third and final lap while Sam’s tank was sweat stained, huffing in air like a dying man.
You’d had to leave after the third competition, thighs clenched together as you watched his lean body show it’s hidden strength. You’d excused yourself clumsily, taking one last look as he took down Sam again as they sparred. Absent-mindedly your fingers trailed to your wrists, eyes watching as Steve had Sam’s pinned behind his back.
As you stumbled back to the other side of the facilities campus, you couldn’t help but wonder what had come over you. You’d always been attracted to Steve, even when you’d seen his appearance prior to the serum, but you’d never looked at a photo of him like that and felt yourself throb the way you’ve felt today.
There’s a part of you that feels guilty for it too, partly because you feel superficial. You were attracted to Steve, but you’d never considered his former self. Did you think you were too good for the short and skinny guys, you think cruelly to yourself before a more logical voice cuts in. You’re attracted to him, dumbass. In all his shapes and sizes…. Sizes… And no- you can’t expand on that train of thought, not in public at least.
The other guilty part of you worries about him, hating yourself for sexualising him this way when he’s not this way of his own volition. There was no way to really understand if the experiment would have lasting repercussions to his health and here you were, imagining his skinny fingers deep inside your cunt and lapping at your tits cause he can’t fucking reach your face.
You feel like you deserve it when you flush with hot shame, though your pussy isn’t exactly getting the message, fluttering at the thought.
Steve’s good humor for the situation is gone by the time night falls. He’d forgotten the difficulties that followed since he’d stopped growing at 13, which even with the serum still working in hidden ways had their moments. His neck aches from craning up to look at his team, his clothes - the spare ones Tony had bought in various sizes for any allies that may have to come to the facility to change into - hung off his body, swamping him. Even Peter’s spare clothes didn’t fit him, because apparently no one had considered the kid had muscle hidden under his nerd pun t-shirts and flannel shirts.
Worst of all was his.. Reactions. He could curse his body for it’s decisions at times, because he’d gladly take sweating profusely and tiring out far too fast when exercising over this. Some ‘reactions’ he could handle, like the heavy blush that painted almost the entirety of his body any time he felt teased. That one wasn’t too bad, though it had earned him extra ribbing from Nat and Sam when they realised how easily they’d be able to see if they’d gotten to the soldier.
The worst, for sure, was his dick which seemed to react to everything. The fabric of the joggers he was wearing dragging against his thighs as he got dressed? Hard. The nurse checking his heart rate gently placing her hand on his chest? His dick was hard. Catching you by the waist and realising how easily you allowed him to pull you next to him, allowing him to keep his hands there until he decided to remove them? Hard. Very hard.
He hadn’t been like this since he’d first come out of the ice, which was like he was going through a second puberty. This? God, this made him feel like a fiend. He’d be mortified if anyone noticed him constantly palming at his cock, especially his team. He’d never hear the end of it.
And worst of all, if you saw him he thought he’d surely catch fire and perish immediately. He was normally able to keep himself in check, keep his cock in check but it was like it had decided to go against him. You’d come to the tv room, smiling when you saw your friends were there and settle yourself comfortably next to Steve, which he’d normally be thrilled about. Having your soft, warm body against his, your head resting on his shoulder while you spoke was how he often liked to sit, but now he’s got less to hide behind and all it takes is your arm coming to rest gently against his shoulder, breath hot against his neck as you turn to smile at him, for his cock to embarrassingly start to fill.
Unsure how to adjust himself to hide the growing tent in his pants, he starts to wriggle away only for you to follow with him, sending him a curious look as your body ends up draping over his.
He offers a sheepish smile, before adjusting his position so he’s got one knee up. As he moves, he tries to subtly adjust his dick in his pants though it’s more obvious than he realises and you can’t help but find your eyes falling down to his crotch as you realise.
It’s the best he can think of for the meantime, as you once again settle your body against his and occupy yourself with listening to Sam and Nat’s discussion - unaware of the blush painting your features from the realisation.
You admired that Steve had started this off with a positive outlook, but 24 hours had passed now and his mood had - without question - soured. In his 5’4 frame, he was a ball of rage - stomping to and from the common area with a scowl on his face.
“Ooh, watch out we’ve got Captain Short-stack over here!” Sam called as soon as he saw the tousled, sandy blond hair peeking over the edge of frosted glass, earning himself a glare. “Not in the mood, Sam.” He said, moving to the kitchenette to grab at the cereal.
“Was I being too hopeful for the 24 hours to be all?” He asks no one in particular. You’re nursing your coffee, taking stray pages from Bucky’s morning paper, earning your daily unimpressed look from the super soldier as you check the pages.
The mornings are typically slow, especially for you guys - the early risers, as Stark blithely referred to you all once - as you have the opportunities to wake yourselves at your own pace. You all had your own routines, routines that had evolved to involve each other as you moved around one and other, so the smallest alterations to said routines tend to throw you all off.
Like not being able to reach the bowls for cereal.
Yeah, that would really throw off someone's morning. Your gaze is pulled away from your section of the paper by a nudge from Bucky’s foot, though his own eyes never leave his own reading. Confused, you see Steve’s small frame struggling to grasp the edge of the shelf the bowls are on while Sam stifles his laughs with his orange juice.
He’s about to throw his leg up on the counter and hoist himself up on it when you slide past his body, your slightly taller body still having to stretch up to reach the unit. “I got this, Stevie” You murmur as you pass, fingers trailing across his narrow shoulders and making him shiver.
It’s as your arms raise that your shirt rises and he realises just how short your shorts are, barely covering the cheeks of your ass. When you reach the bowls, your shirt has risen more and the tiniest sliver of skin above your hip is also showing. Heat rises to his cheeks as you turn to him, handing the bowl to him with a sleepy smile. “Eat up, baby” you tease, thumb and forefinger capturing his chin to give a gentle squeeze before moving past him.
“Thank you” He manages to get out, eyes falling to your exposed thighs like autopilot before quickly looking back at your face. The blush spreading on his cheeks isn’t the only thing that’s growing, given the strain he feels in his pants once again.
Catching him quickly adjusting himself, excusing himself back to the fancy cereal dispensers Tony had installed where he could conveniently hide his growing boner, you feel a familiar tingle run through you. Was it bad you were getting off on the idea of Steve getting uncontrollably turned on himself? Had it been your words, your touch? Had it even been you?
You hide your smirk behind your mug as you sit back down. Originally, you thought the night before had been a fluke, but a second time? Was it wrong that a curious part of you wanted to know if he was always hard, was an increased libido a part of the super soldier status that neither of the boys spoke about?
You’d always teased Steve, a part of the flirty nature of the friendship you’d both started but you’d never seen him like this. You reasoned the blush was fainter, you’d seen the dusting of pink across his cheeks when you got particularly raunchy but this was different.
This was the second time his cock had sprung to life like that around you (because of you?). His eyes lift to meet yours only for him to quickly avert his gaze, making you giggle. You take another sip of your coffee, lost in your own head when a thought occurs to you. You could test out your theory, it wasn’t like you hadn’t teased him before. You had a free day after all, you all did, so there was nothing obligatory that stood in the way of you riling him up.
It’s settled, you think to yourself as you drain the last of your cup.
His eyes were all over your skin without him realising ever since your first encounter after breakfast, when you’d showered and changed into that oh so little crop top, stretching right in front of him and allowing the fabric to rise which led to your tits peeking out.
Just as fast as they’d appeared, you’d lowered your arms and nonchalantly gone back to ‘tidying’ your workspace. You were surprised when his voice rang out, sure he’d have been gone by the time you turned around but no.
“I thought I should, uh, let you know that you’re… Exposed when you stretch”
Your bottom lip catches in-between your teeth when you spot that pretty blush on his cheeks once again, turning around and trying to keep up your facade of focus. “Really? How bad, full breast or…” You let the sentence hang, looking at Steve over your shoulder before bringing your hand to cup at the breast most visible to him.
You give it a squeeze, watching as he wets his lips. “Full, yeah” he manages, his eyes finally coming up to meet yours. He looks like he wants to eat you alive and dear god you’d let him. You relish in the tension, desperate to turn it up a notch. “M’ not really planning on leaving the compound today. You think anyone’ll notice, Stevie?” you ask, dropping the pretense of being otherwise occupied and walking over to meet him at the doorway.
“You should cover up” There’s that edge of authority in his voice that so often sets you off, a tone which could probably have you wanton and moaning over his knee if he asked you to bend. “Don’t want anyone lookin’ at you like that” His voice is thick too, like his words might get caught in his throat as you press yourself into his space but he’s got a possessive edge to his words that makes you clench your thighs together.
You rest against the open door, arm outstretched over the back of your head as you lean against it. The move hikes your shirt up on one side, revealing just the peak of a breast as opposed to before but you’re quick to take notice of the hungry look in Steve’s eyes.
Would it be this easy? You think to yourself, wanting nothing more than for him to push himself into your room, spread you out over the bed and do as he pleases with you.
“You sure? What if I try extra hard to keep covered?” You say with a put-on pout, fingers coming down to toy at the strings of the sweatshirt he’d loaned. “I like this shirt, ‘nd you didn’t have a problem with it when I wore it at Coney Island” You mention, bouncing on the heels of your feet and ready to say more but Steve cuts you off.
“Pretty sure it wasn’t that small at Coney Island, doll.” He replies drily, looking up at you and settling you with a look that makes you sink back on your heels. “Cover up” He says before pushing off the door frame and out of your space, leaving the tension of the room.
Following the shirt incident, you’d covered up as Steve requested and sauntered into his office wearing one of his large hoodies, covering your shorts and making you look like you were wearing nothing underneath. Steve had his chair facing away from the desk, talking away on the phone. Had it not been for his voice, you wouldn’t have even noticed he was there as his head wasn’t even visible.
Stifling a giggle, you make yourself comfortable on the sofa he’d stolen from Tony’s office after he’d decided to do a redesign, and distract yourself by mindlessly scrolling through your phone to pass the time.
You’re not sure how long it takes, but your eyes snap up when Steve puts the phone down harshly. “Fuckin’ idiot” he snarls into his fist, making your eyebrows raise. “Workin’ hard, or hardly workin’, Stevie?”
His head snaps up, tension bleeding out of his shoulders when he sees you. “Can tell it’s the latter for you today, huh?” he quips back, unable to stop his eyes from raking up your legs before stopping at your cover-up.
“That’s mine, the hoodie. You're stealing from me now, Sweets?”
“You told me to cover up, I don’t see the issue.” You point out with a smirk. “I would take it off, but then we’d be right back to square one wouldn’t we?”
Choosing to ignore what you said, Steve emerges from his chair and inches closer to you. “C’mere” You’re whining the second you notice, making him huff out a laugh. “Wanna snuggle up to you, Steve. Always’ so comfy, use you like a pillow sometimes”
“Sorry, Doll, but with me like this I doubt it’s gonna work like it usually does.” He sits beside you though, turning his body slightly so he’s facing you and you mirror him on your side. “M’mom used to say I could be bony, like cuddling a bushel of roses” Steve says, though it’s good naturedly and the corners of his lips are turning up at the memory.
At that, you let out a small giggle though you shoot him a sympathetic look. “Well, I hate to say this but I think you’re severely underestimating my ability to get comfortable.” You’re moving your leg, bent at the knee, over his lap as you worm your way closer to him as you speak, your other leg tucking under you.
With the new position, your faces are mere centimetres apart, the both of you facing each other though neither of you can hold the eye contact for long - one or the other dropping to look at the others lips. Looking back up, you can see the desperation on his face and you know you’ve got him right where you wanted him, where you both needed.
“By all means, continue to get comfortable, Doll.” Steve croaks out, his small hands traveling under his hoodie and coming to rest at your hips and running soothing circles over them with his thumbs.
You wet your lips, eyes still on his face as you move your knee over his crotch. You can feel the bulge growing, looking down for just a second and biting down a groan before pressing against his cock. You start slow, lazy movements of rubbing your knee up and down against his length.
Neither of you have looked away from the other's face, hot and heavy breath filling the tension in the room and it would be so easy now that his hands are inching down to your ass, to straddle his lap. To grind your pussy against his bulge or even get off on his thigh.
Your lips are almost pressed together, you can feel the skin of yours catching on his when you’re both caught off guard by heavy footsteps and the sounds of voices coming down the hallway. You both scatter apart just as a rookie knocks against the open door, papers in hand and an apology about interrupting before either of you can say a thing.
Without a question he knew what you’d been trying to do all morning, had to do after you’d both come so close. Each time you saw him after that, the unmistakable look of lust in his eyes was hard to ignore, and yet he went out of his way to ignore you. He had to, after all it was hard to keep his dick in check without you lurking in every corner, reminding him of what almost happened in his office.
He’d managed to evade you til now, the sun setting and most of those who work/live in the facility retiring for the night, but you knew Steve. He was always one of the last standing, working until someone had to remind him otherwise.
You could have sworn Steve cursed under his breath when he saw you enter the war room, not that you could really blame him. The day had gone exactly as planned and you couldn’t help but regret it now, feeling the consequences of your actions dripping down your thighs.
He tries to keep his focus on the copies of blueprints and floor plans in front of him, pressing both his arms against the illuminated table (he wonders if he still looks large and in change in his current state, though he doubts he has any semblance of authority standing at the same height as today’s average middle schooler’) but he shoots a nervous glance at the analyst at the far end of the room as you near him.
“What’cha doing, Cap?” You try for innocence as you toy with the bottom of the hoodie, but you know he sees right through it, however whatever retort he was going to fire out is cut off by you ducking under his arms. You bend slightly, ass pressing against his crotch as you check the papers.
“Wait, is this the building from the last mission?” You ask, noticing the building name written on the edge of the floorplans. “Jesus, no wonder the exit went to crap. Our intel was severely out of date, I mean I'm pretty sure that exit was a blank wall and this” you tap at the marking on the page that indicates a room, “was without a doubt not as big as the floorplan suggests. Pretty sure it was a closet” You say with a roll of your eyes, turning to face him.
He’s got a bemused smile on his face, coy look in his eyes. “I know what you’re trying to do, pretty girl”
“Reviewing a failed mission with my team leader, my Captain?” You try, earning a tut and a shake of the head. He may be physically smaller than you now, but you feel smaller bracketed in his arms while he’s so confident.
“Trying to play innocent, talk about one thing and do another. Don’t know why you decided to do this while I’m like this instead of waiting until I was back to normal” Steve brings his dominant hand up to run his fingertips against your bare arm, making you shiver as he brings his lips to your collarbones, and nudges your thighs apart with his knee, bringing his leg between them which you can’t help but let out a whine at.
“This is normal,” You manage to stutter out, “Wanna fuck you either way, Steve. Wan’ you to touch me” your voice barely above a whisper. You’re rocking against his thigh, turning to check the analyst isn’t looking (thankfully, she appears fully focused on whatever she has on her screen)
Steve’s hands ghost along your sides, pressing under the material of his hoodie and coming to grip at your hips, guiding you into a steady rhythm as you rut against his thigh. You feel hot, trying to quiet heavy breaths as you feel yourself soaking through your panties but you can’t really feel shame. You’re exactly where you’ve wanted to be all day, hell you’ve wanted this long before the events of the last few days that the thought of being caught excites you.
The feeling must be mutual, you realise, when you follow Steve’s line of sight and see him checking the analyst’s still busy. Noticing he’s caught, his face turns a shade of pink but his expression quickly turns smug, shooting you a taunting look before settling his hand in your hair, pulling you down to his level so he can whisper in your ear.
“Wanna see if you can be quiet, Sweetheart. You think you can do that for me?” His lips drag against the shell of your ear as he speaks, turning you around to face the table again. Shakily, you give a nod - not quite trusting your voice even if hushed. His hands move down from your waist, pressing the button of your shorts open before he slowly drags them down just enough that he can pull your panties to the side.
His hoodie is large enough that no one could see exactly what was going on, but if somebody walked in through the doors right now you know just the sight of your shorts being pushed down to your knees would be enough information.
“Knew you’d be a good girl for me,” you feel yourself grow flushed under his praise, biting back a whine when you feel his fingers run through your slick folds for the first time before rubbing against your clit steadily.
You let out an excited gasp as he teases. “You know, I had a plan” The feeling of Steve pressing gentle kisses against your shoulder through the fabric of his hoodie is making your heart pound. “Wanted to do this properly, ask you on a date. What can I say, I’m old school”
At that, you let out a laugh though his increased pressure as he stimulates your clit turns it into a bitten off whine. “I still— still wouldn’t say no, Stevie” you reply breathlessly, struggling to keep your voice down..
“Yeah? We’ll see, won’t we, Sweetheart.”
You try to drop your head down against the desk, hide your face away and roll your hips against his fingers but his free arm worms it’s way across your shoulders and chest, and pulls you back up into a standing position.
“Y’know someone’s gotta keep an eye out, make sure we’re not being seen. ‘Can’t be me, not unless you don’t want--” His fingers leave you for only a second but you're already scrambling at his hand, pushing it back to where you need him. “Promise I’ll keep watching, Steve,” You breathe out, eyes fixed on the only other person in the room other than you and Steve. “Please just keep touching me” your voice is smaller, scared she’ll hear despite the headset you can see covering her ears.
You feel a jolt of electricity run through you the second his fingers resume their motions against your clit, feeling your tits pebble under your shirt at the sensation. “I’ve gotta say, this whole predicament made me re-evaluate some things. Like you,” He’s rubbing at you quicker, your legs shaking but you don’t dare brace yourself against the table, scared if you make any move closer to it that he’ll take his hands away again. “Guess it took me a whole physical transformation to realise if I wanted you, I had to get a move on— Life’s short, you never know what’s gonna happen, you know?”
It feels so good, your thighs trying to clench together at the pressure building up in your abdomen only for Steve’s arm to force them back open. You’re still pressed flush against him as he works you over, the feeling of his bulge pressing against your leg reminding you of how much you’ve wanted to get your hands on his cock since your crush began.
“Soon as Pym’s experiment was outta my system I was gonna ask you out, Doll, I swear.” He whispers against the blades of your shoulder, voice earnest.
Eyes glancing back and forth between the door and the analyst, you move your hand to the waistband of his sweatpants, panting out quiet moans as you pull his cock out. You give a tentative tug, reveling in the shudder you feel against your back, before lifting your hand to your mouth and cringing as you spit in your hand, bringing it back down to his cock.
You feel Steve drop his forehead against your back as you stroke, dragging your thumb against the tip of his cock and collecting the precum leaking from the slit. You preen when you hear his hushed murmurs against your spine, “Such a good girl, so good for me.” as he brings his fingers away from your clit and to your hole. “A fucking tease, but a good girl at the end of the day.”
Matching your rhythm on his cock, Steve starts streadily fucking two of his fingers in and out of your cunt with ease. You’re tight, his fingers sucked in against the heat of your velveteen walls as you arch your back. Your free hand grabs a pencil from the table tracing the lines of the floorplan laid out, hoping if anyone were to look over that you’d look like you were simply looking over your work as opposed to having your Captain’s thick fingers stretch out your cunt.
You feel your body tense, Steve’s own body rigid and your motions halting when you both notice the other person in the room stand from their desk, turning off their devices and gathering their personal belongings, you presume. Taking initiative, you shuffle to the side of the rounded worktable to hide yourself as Steve begrudgingly tucks himself back into his pants.
Busying yourself making it look like you’re working, it feels like minutes go by before she makes her way past the pair of you, not even bothering to say goodbye or even paying you both attention. You hardly have time to heave out a sigh of relief before Steve’s marching around, turning you back around and pressing you against the table.
“Thought she’d never go, was gonna have you cum with my fingers in your mouth to keep you quiet but I think now we’re alone you can make as much noise as you can.” Steve says as he pulls your panties down to meet your shorts and fucks a third finger into you as he speaks, faster than he had before hand and you moan at how wet you sound in the empty room. “You gonna make some noise, Sweets? Gonna sing for me while you milk my cock?”
Your mewling moans are all the answer he needs, tits pressed against the illuminated surface of the desk as his fingers curl into you and hit that spot that makes you see stars behind your eyes. You cry out at that, chanting yes as his fingers press against it again and again.
You can feel Steve shuffling behind you, your brain already feeling too fucked out to care but then his fingers are pulled from you, replaced by the head of his cock dragging against your slick-soaked folds. “You gonna be a good girl, take my cock like you’ve been beggin’ all day, doll?” Steve toys with you, dragging the tip of his cock along your folds as your legs shake.
Hastily you nod, trying your best to spread your thighs wider and cursing your shorts and panties still around your calves for limiting you. Grinning at your eagerness, you feel your moans reverberating against the surface as you feel Steve inching his way in until he’s flush against your ass.
You can feel the way your pussy is gripping at his cock, how your walls drag against him as he tries to pull back out, drunk on the sensation of being filled by him. You feel gentle kisses against your shoulders as Steve continues to pull out, pushing back in with a sharp thrust that brings tears to your eyes and high pitched whine to your lips.
“Quit being nice about it already, Stevie.” You pout, feeling his hands against your ass. You don’t even have to turn around to know his response will be a raised eyebrow, knowing you’ve baited him well enough when he fucks into you with fervor now.
His pace is brutal, fucking you good, fast and hard - not that you're complaining as you feel your body being used by the super soldier. His left hand grips at your hip as he drives into you, deep and hitting you in all the right spots. Your nails are scratching at the surface of the desk as you struggle to find purchase against it, your upper body moved with the force of Steve’s thrusts.
“You’re so damn tight, gripping my cock like a vice” Steve curses out, the snap of his hips as he fucks you bringing you closer to the edge. “Tell me you’re close, Sweetheart. I’m so close, jus’ need you to cum first.”
“Close! Close!” You shout, the pressure builds in your abdomen as you feel Steve driving into you, the head of his cock stabbing at your g-spot with each thrust. Another hit and you’re gone, your body thrashing against the war table and wailing as he fucks you through your orgasm.
You’re gasping out Steve’s name, not caring who can hear you at this time of night, as you feel your walls spasming as Steve continues to thrust into you, chasing his own orgasm. You feel fucked out, cockdrunk and lax as you take it. It doesn’t take long before you feel him spill inside of you, moaning at the sensation of being filled with his cum.
His head comes to rest against your back, your body still folded against the table as you both catch your breath. After a few moments, Steve pulls his softening dick from your cunt and tucks himself back into his pants. You feel yourself being pulled up gently, turned around to face Steve as he pulls your panties and shorts back up your trembling thighs. He lifts you easily, sitting you on the edge of the war table.
With a smile Steve pulls you into a lazy kiss, his hand gently massaging the cheek you’d had pressed against the table as he fucked you. “Do you wanna sleep with me tonight? We don’t have to do anything else, ‘just want to wake up next to you in the morning.” He asks shyly, brushing your hair from your face nervously.
You pull him down to a short, sweet kiss and murmur your confirmation, hopping down from your place on the table. “You don’t sleep with whale noises or anything, right?” You tease, pulling him towards the door and turning off the lights.
“Absolutely not” Steve laughs, pulling you closer to him as you both exit.
Warnings | smut, loss of virginity, fingering, implied oral (m reviving), vaginal sex, unprotected sex
Word count | 2.8k
Summary | you and Steve lose your virginities to each other
Masterlist
Exuberant. If Bucky had to describe the look in his best pal's face, he'd have to use the word exuberant.
When Bucky had suggested the double date, Steve had groaned - long and drawn out - but had relented with a deep sigh. His agreement didn't stop the man from dragging his feet the entire way there, though. A habit that Bucky had come to accept if he was to ever get Steve to meet a dame.
And this one, Steve seemed rather enamoured with. Well, that was an colossal understatement. Steve was completely and utterly besotted with her. The dame was beautiful, even Bucky could admit that. She was the kind of beauty that was often overlooked; it's innocence often snuffed out by the more...sexy girls that filled the dance hall.
Steve's hands rested on your hips, slender fingers curled against the soft fabric of your dress as he slowly swayed with you. You probably looked just as out of place and awkward as him, your hands tentatively rested against his shoulders as your eyes darted about the room.
"Y/n?" Steve mumbled, eyes centred on your lips. Your eyes snapped to his, baby blue calming as you bit your lip.
"Yes, Steve?" You murmured, starting to feel slightly flushed as the boy leant closer.
"Can I- can I kiss you?" Steve pondered, eyes searching your face for the usual disgust or pity that came with that question whenever he asked it. But he didn't find any.
Instead, you nodded. Sure and slow. Steve leant in, a small smile playing on his pink lips as he leant closer. The feeling of them fluttering over your cheek, plump and slightly wet nearly made you swoon. It lingered, his long eyelashes feathering against your skin.
Then, he pulled away. You dropped your hands from his shoulders as you felt your cheeks grow hot and your skin burn deliciously where the kiss still tingled. Steve stepped away from you abruptly, a pink flush spreading from the tips of his ears to under the collar of his shirt.
"Thank you, for teaching me how to dance." Steve muttered awkwardly, finally meeting your eyes with his. You smiled warmly at that.
"It was a pleasure. Goodbye, Steve." You mumbled back as you began to walk away, by Steve's thin hand around yours stopped you. You gave him a puzzled look.
"I hope we can, uh, do this again sometime? Maybe grab some food?" Steve asked, scratching the back of his neck as his body caved in with the nerves.
"I'd love that." You beamed brightly, your cheeks growing even hotter as Steve tentatively lifted your hand to his face and brushed his lips across the back.
"Until next time, then." Steve whispered and you bit your lip.
"Until next time." Then you walked away, and Steve sighed. Something caught his attention, a grinning Bucky out the corner of his eye. Steve breathed a little laugh, but the goofy grin on his face would not go away.
The next time Bucky dragged Steve out with him, you came. And the time after that, the time after, and the time after that. It was their thing now, Bucky often had a new dame on his arm whilst both and you and Steve grew more confident and comfortable around one another.
Cheek kisses were now a common occurrence, as well as Steve's skinny arm wrapped around your waist or his small had grasped in yours. He always had to be touching you somehow in public now, a claim that you were his and that everyone else should back off.
Your ma said it was unusual, that he was a) so skinny and b) that he was so possessive. But you found it endearing, it was just his way of telling others you were already his.
It was that night that Steve finally took you back to their apartment, Bucky having shipped off to England merely a week prior.
It was bittersweet, really. You knew Steve planned signing up again, planned on enlisting. You knew this was going to be his goodbye, his final hurrah with you before he most likely never saw you again.
And quite honestly, you'd made peace with that. The man you'd come to love was perusing what he loved, and even though that didn't seem to be you, you were happy for him.
"So where are you gonna be from this time?" You pondered as Steve fiddled with the key, finally jamming the cool metal into the lock. He hummed as he turned the key, the door sliding open as he tilted his head in thought.
"I was thinkin' Jersey, but I'm not quite sure yet." Steve remarked as he strolled into the small flat, you closely on his heels as the keys were thrown onto a brittle-looking table with a jingling clang. "I just wan' to get out there, ya know? Men like Bucky are riskin' their lives and I'm here, unscathed. It doesn't seem right."
You nodded solemnly, but the bright smile still stayed firm on your lips as Steve led you through the small apartment.
"I just hope I can be in the 107th, you know? Fight with Buck and just make my dad proud." Steve sighed, bordering on dreamily as he flopped down on the sofa - which was clearly in need for some heavy TLC.
You stood awkwardly, hands clasped in front of you as Steve twiddled his thumbs in his lap.
"I just hope that we win, is all." He finished and you gave him a bright smile.
"Well, they won't without you, soldier." You hummed and Steve's baby blue eyes peered up at you through thick lashes.
"You think so?" He pondered and you placed a gentle hand on his cheek.
"Truly. Our country needs a little guy - someone who will fight for those over there rather than those he had at home. As much as we're struggling..."
"There's men dying and no one seems to care." Steve finished your sentence and you nodded.
"Exactly." You muttered as you perched yourself of the sofa beside his skinny frame.
"Can I kiss you?" Steve's low voice mumbled, eyes flicking precariously between your lips and your eyes. Your breathing shallowed, and your heat slipped a beat.
"You know you don't have to ask anymore, soldier." You murmured, turning your face slightly to the side to giving him access to your cheek. But thin fingers grasped your chin in a soft hold, tilting your head back towards Steve as an amused glint flashed in his eyes.
"That's not what I'm asking." Steve's voice rumbled.
"Oh." You paused, hope glimmering in your eyes and Steve couldn't help himself.
His lips were soft against yours, if not a little chapped. It was a little messy, clumsy perhaps, but to you it was perfect. When you pulled away, Steve's lips were spread into a gleeful grin, eyes alight with joy.
"That was..."
"Awful." Steve cut you off and you were both set into spinning fits of laughter. You fell back against the sofa, hands clutched over your stomachs as your wriggled.
"I'm sorry. There are probably better first kisses than me." You said once you began to calm down, wiping the little tear that'd escaped from your cheek.
"You're the only girl I want to kiss." Steve whispered, head lolling to the side to look at you again. You swallowed thickly, eyes finding his lips again - slightly swollen from your disaster of a kiss.
You stumbled back together, knees caving as the backs bumped into the mattress. You and Steve fell together, arms still wrapped around one-another as you both giggled, his lips pecking against yours repeatedly.
You pulled Steve into a longer, deeper kiss - hands cupping his cheeks as his supported himself over you on the bed.
"How should we...start?" You mumbled against his lips, pulling away slightly and opening your eyes to find baby blue gazing down on you lovingly.
"Buck said I need to get you wet? But I'm not sure how I'm meant to, uh, do that?" Steve said doubtfully, both of you bursting back into giggles again as Steve's head dropped to rest in the crook of your neck.
"Maybe you're supposed to use your fingers?" You suggested, lifting a hand and wiggling your fingers. Steve blew a raspberry into your neck as he laughed, your own head through back as you wriggled beneath him with laughter.
The goofiness seemed to cease for a moment as Steve took his head from your neck, meeting your eyes with a soft stare.
"Are you sure about this?" He murmured, eyes loving. You nodded, lip trapped between your teeth.
"Yes." Steve sighed, ducking his head for a moment.
"But are you really sure? I mean, you'd be losing your virginity to, well," Steve looked down at himself, scrawny and small, "me."
You giggled, rubbing your fingers through his blonde locks, manoeuvring them away from his face.
"Of course I want it to be you, I wouldn't be here if I didn't, silly." You expressed, placing a quick kiss to his lips before looking up at the man through your lashes.
"I just need to know you're sure about this, doll." Steve mumbled, gaze burning your skin.
"I'm sure. D'ya know why?" You murmured, and Steve shook his head. "Because I love you." You uttered the words for the first time.
Steve's head snapped up. He couldn't believe it. He never thought he'd ever hear those words falling from a dame's lips, not about him.
"Y-you mean it?" He whispered, voice cracking. You nodded.
"Every word." Steve's heart swelled, his lips spreading gorgeously into a sweet smile.
"I love you too, y/n." Steve beamed, and his lips were on yours again. It was clumsy, sort of messy with inexperience but it was all you wanted in that moment.
Steve's slim fingers began to trail down your body, hiking your skirt around your waist so he could finger the band of your underwear.
"And you're sure about this? We can wait if you're not ready..." Steve asked again, browsed raised.
"Are you sure it isn't you that's not sure? It's fine if you're not Steve, we can wait until you're ready." You countered pulling back from him. Your thumb smoothed over his cheek, a touch that he nuzzled into.
"I'm sure, just a little nervous is all." Steve reassured. You smiled and pecked his lips.
"Wanna know a secret?" You whispered against his mouth and Steve nodded, a small movement. "I am too."
With that you were both laughing again, your legs kicking as Steve's fingers tickled over the inside of your thigh.
"Steve! Steve stop! It tickles!" You panted and gasped through your laughter, Steve's lips curled into something of a triumphant smile against your neck as he slowed his fingers.
"Mmmm, only because I love ya." Steve murmured, placing a kiss to the base on your neck before pulling away enough to help you take your blouse and skirt off.
He froze, ogling your body as his eyes flickered over your brassiere, your heaving chest, your panties, your slightly spread thighs.
"You're so gorgeous, sweetheart." Steve murmured and you giggled.
"C'mere." You mumbled, hooking your fingers into the collar of Steve's shirt and pulling him down on top of you again. He squeaked in surprise, but soon a breathy chuckle was slipping through his lips and onto yours.
You moaned when his fingers tugged down your panties, tracing your lips. He was mesmerised, eyes wide as he watched himself play with your folds.
"Steve!" You moaned when his fingers fluttered over your clit, your thighs snapping shut and your back arching. He pulled away instantly, worry in his beautiful eyes.
"Did I hurt you? Did I do something wrong?" His voice was panicked, filled with the dread of hurting his best girl. You shook your head, taking his hand in one of yours and guiding his fingers back to the same spot.
"No. It felt good. S'good!" You were moaning again, his fingers finding their way over your clit again in little circles.
You pulled away, lips shiny with spit and precum as your tongue smoothed over then. You moaned at the taste of him, Steve's musky sent lingering on your tongue.
"Where did you learn that?" Steve was breathy, voice merely a pant as his chest rose and fell rapidly. His face was red, pleasure still warped over his perfect features as his elbows propped up his thin frame. You smirked, lips curling up as your wiped your mouth with the back of your hand.
"Bucky teaches you about women, Angie teaches me about men." You hummed, placing a chaste kiss to each of Steve's hip bones before crawling over him.
"Well you're very good at it." Steve gasped, eyes sliding shut when he felt your lips on his. You giggled, the laugh flirtatious when you felt his hands on your hips.
He flipped you over, rolling across the bed in the limited space it offered as you both laughed. He placed small pecks all over your face, lips brushing lovingly over your forehead, your cheeks, your chin, the tip of your nose, and finally your lips.
You deepened the kiss, lips locking as your arms secured around his neck. Your hips jumped a little when you felt his tip bump your clit, still slightly sensitive from the orgasm he pulled from you with his fingers. You squirmed, Steve smirking against your lips.
"Steve, please, I need you inside me." Your lips formed a round the words desperately as he pulled away. His face dropped into seriousness, eyes glinting with question.
"Are you sure, doll? We can stop if you need to." You loved how sweet he was, how caring he was. You shook your head, lip tucking between your teeth.
"Please." You repeated, hand cupping his cheek as Steve nuzzled against your touch.
"Okay." He brought a hand down, tickling from your throat to your stomach as he did so. You wriggled beneath him, shrieking with laughter as he chuckled.
You settled once he stopped, nothing but love in your eyes as you watched the way the little crease appeared between his brows, which were furrowed in concentration as he lined himself up with you.
You both moaned when he pushed forwards, hips snug against yours as his length filled you up. His size was impressive for his body, the slim man hiding a good 7 inches.
Steve stilled, breath heavy as you panted against each other's mouths. You could feel the stretch, the slight burn tingling through your walls as you whimpered.
"You okay? Should I- should I stop? I can just pull out gently, it's no big dea-" Steve began to ramble worry in his face as he began to sit back, his length slowly sliding out of you.
"No. No, I'm fine. Just, give me a minute?" You mumbled, eyes pleading with his as Steve let himself slide back in to the hilt.
"Yeah, okay. Okay. As long as I'm not hurting you." Steve whispered, placing a delicate kiss to your hair line. After a moment you wiggled your hips, the feeling of Steve's damp lips resting against your slightly-sweaty forehead and his cock seated within you becoming too much.
"You can move now." You mumbled, and Steve smiled.
"You sure, princess?" He double checked, only starting to slide out of you when you nodded again.
The pace was slow, loving. Heavy breaths and pants were shared between open mouths; hair stuck to skin with sweat; broken moans hung low in the air.
"Oh, Steve!" You cried out when his fingers started fiddling with your clit again, your hips attempting to thrust up against his.
"Is that the right spot, sweetheart?" Steve asked, but he clearly knew it was by the way your eyes had disappeared into your skull. He kept up the little ministrations, rubbing until he felt you on the precipice of another orgasm.
"Please, Steve, more." Your demand made him smirk, the man picking up the pace just a little until you were writhing beneath him, hands clutching his small shoulders.
Somehow, it hit you like a ton of bricks, your walls fluttered and Steve's eyes widened. He quickly pulled out, letting his fingers pull you through your release as little white spots speckled your vision.
Steve's other hand moved to his length, rubbing up and down as fast as he could before he was releasing himself onto your stomach, a plane of white on perfect skin.
"Wow." You breathed and Steve couldn't hold back his laugh, the man collapsing on top of you and letting his head rest on your neck.
His laughter vibrates against your skin, your own joining his in a melody of joy as your hands smoothed through his now-damp hair.
Warnings: Period typical homophobia and antisemitism
Word Count: 89.1k
Series: Roll On - 301.6k - WIP
Summary: In 1938, there's a bar in Brooklyn called Sully’s where people are safe to be themselves. Behind the bar, a girl pours drinks. She's always got a big smile for Steve and she says queer like it's a good thing. On a regular basis, she takes his shoulders in her hands and tries to shake sense into him, saying, "When will you do something about that best friend of yours?"
In 2012, Bucky’s gone, but Steve’s not, and the girl’s hands are too old to shake him. She does her best to make him see sense anyway.
Steve had people who loved him before the war, and it turns out a few of them are still around when he finally comes home.
So for Halloween this year I'm going as pre-serum Steve and I was kinda debating not doing it because I have really big boobs and am kinda chunky, and he's supposed to be skinny. Then it hit me, Steve was bullied and one of the reasons was he had different ideas. What if he was trans? Born in a girl's body, but was a boy? And that's a reason he was bullied?
So with this I'm thinking
Bucky and his mom 100% support him
He tapes his chest
Cuts his hair
After awhile everyone forgets he was born a girl and actually think he's a boy
Girls still don't like him because they know something is off with him, but don't know what it is exactly
He's still really sick a lot
He applies so many different places because he's hoping one won't notice he was born a girl and immediately kick him out, plus health issues
When he gets the serum it turns his body into a male one (because serum and science)
Buuuuut, because he had a big chest it sorta left that behind, hence his HUGE pecs
Basically everything is the same except Steve is trans and once he gets the serum it turns his body male as well
(I'm really sorry if I used any terms or words or phrases incorrectly, please let me know and correct me.)