And he'd only…okay, he wasn't sure exactly why he'd done it. Practical, didn't want that sand to get into her eyes but Kaidan could have just told her not reached out and brushed it away from the faint ring of scar tissue that had just missed her eye he'd like that story some day
And now…now she was looking up at him, shock evident in the way those sharp eyes had gone round, the liner all smudged after two days of helping the colonists shift out from under their mind controlled strangeness.
And…here they were, her staring at him and him frozen and…
"I have got plant guts in my boots, for fuck's sake why" Ashley's complaint broke the crystalized air around them and Kaidan huffed a laugh as Shepard blinked.
Her little, crooked smile made him catch his breath. "I think I've been a bad influence on her."
It couldn’t be that hard to find a hotel room on the Citadel, right? At least that was what Kaidan had thought, but apparently with all the dignitaries and other people there to celebrate the victory at the Battle of the Citadel rooms were scarce.
Kaidan groaned after being turned away from yet another hotel and closed his omnitool in a moment of frustration. He hadn’t been surprised to hear the VOQ was full, but he also hadn’t expected it to be so difficult finding a room somewhere else. Swearing quietly under his breath he opened his omnitool again and pulled up the list of hotels on the Citadel to check if he had missed any. A frown tugged at the corner of his mouth while his eyes flew over the list quickly.
There!
He quickly dialed the number only to hear the disappointing sound of a busy line. Well, it wasn’t that far; he could be there within a few minutes. He hailed an empty skycar and sent a quick thank you to all known entities as he got in and told the driver where he wanted to go.
Not even five minutes later he stepped into the hotel and almost came to a dead stop when he saw the familiar figure of his commanding officer at the front desk. Even without the uniform he would recognize her posture everywhere. He couldn’t help his gaze from lingering on her for a moment before giving himself a mental kick.
“Evening, Shepard,” he said, stepping next to her.
“Kaidan! Are you hunting for a place to stay, too?” A genuine smile lit up Kris Shepard’s face.
“Yeah. It’s crazy.”
“Tell me about it!” she replied emphatically. She was about to say something else when the clerk appeared.
“Here is the keycard to your room, ma’am. It’s not our largest room, but it has a lovely view. Enjoy your stay.” He handed her the keycard and then turned his attention to Kaidan. “Can I help you, sir?”
“Uh, I need a room for the night -,” Kaidan began.
“Sorry, but she,” the hotel clerk interrupted and inclined his head toward Shepard, “got the last free room.”
“Oh. Okay, well -.”
“We can share,” Shepard said suddenly, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. The two men turned to look at her in surprise.
Kaidan shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Okay, uh, thanks. If you really don’t mind?”
“I don’t mind. Really, we can share. I wouldn’t have suggested it otherwise. It’ll be fine!” she repeated, laughing softly at his flabbergasted expression.
The clerk shrugged, giving them a strange look as he typed something into the front desk terminal. “Enjoy your stay.”
Kaidan picked up his bag and followed Shepard to the elevator, his heart beating just a little bit faster than it should have now that he was alone with her. They rode up in silence, both focusing on the door in front of them.
“Shepard, this is a double room, right? With two beds? ” he asked as they reached the room.
She gave him a quick look and held the keycard against the scanner. “I didn’t ask, to be honest,” she answered, pushing the door open when the light turned green. Kaidan followed her inside and stared at the bed. Singular. Bed. A simple standard double bed. No wonder the clerk had given them this funny look.
Just great.
“Well, the clerk was right about the great view,” Kris said, gazing out of the large window granting a breathtaking view of the ward arms and the nebula beyond. She dropped her bag onto the bed, and then let herself fall onto it with a loud sigh as well. Kaidan stepped into the room slowly, and closed the door behind him. She turned her head at the soft sound of the door falling in place and looked at him.
“Everything okay, lieutenant?” she asked with a humorous note in her voice. He didn’t reply right away. He glanced at the furniture in the room, and his heart sank. There wasn’t even a couch, just two armchairs next to a small coffee table. Shepard pushed herself up so that she rested on her elbows. “Cat got your tongue?”
“No,” he finally said, putting his bag on one of the chairs. His gaze flicked over to her. “Just figuring out our sleeping arrangement. You can have the bed and I’ll sleep on the floor.”
She snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous, Alenko. There’s no reason we can’t share the bed! It’ll just be a little cozy.” She kicked off her boots and stood up to take off her jacket, dropping it onto the other chair before stretching like a cat and yawning loudly. “I, for one, am going to catch some shut-eye. And it’s not as if we’ve never had to spend a night in a close space before. Remember that time in the Mako, when we lost radio connection with the Normandy and had to wait all night for pick up?”
He instantly saw the flaw in her comparison, but refrained from pointing out that they had been wearing armor and had had seats of their own. After digging into her bag for her toiletries Shepard padded into the bathroom, returning shortly afterward stripped down to a tank top and skivvies.
The light of passing skycars danced over her toned muscles as she walked through the room and he turned away, looking out over the ward arms. He took a deep breath. It was going to be fine; they were both adults and it wasn’t the first time he’d had to share a bed with someone.
But never with a superior officer who you’ve had a crush on for almost ten years, a small voice whispered in his mind as he made his way into the bathroom.
When he entered the room again she was already in bed, lying on her side, one arm atop the covers, the thin blanket hinting at the curves of her body beneath it.
Come on, you’ve undressed next to her countless times, you’ve helped her with her underarmor. Relax.
He laid down next to her, trying not to think what had passed between them only a few days earlier. He had lent her a hand getting up, and they had collided, holding on to each other so they wouldn’t lose their balance and coming to a stop with her face only centimeters from his. He remembered the feel of her hand on his chest and the way she hadn’t pulled away immediately. Her lips had been parted almost expectantly, and he had been so close to kissing her.
He wished he had.
He swallowed and closed his eyes, forcing himself to relax, but it was useless. She was so close to him. He could feel the body heat radiating from her and the low hum of her biotics brushing against his, pulling and calling softly; a gentle whisper of dark energy.
“Good night,” she whispered turning her head slightly to look at him through half-closed eyes, her voice drowsy. His heart skipped a beat. She looked beautiful.
“Good night,” he replied and rolled onto his side, facing away from her. He lay completely still, the faint scent of her perfume drifting over to him. It reminded him of a fresh sea breeze. She shifted her position slightly, pressing her backside lightly against his and he suppressed a groan. The problem wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy her being so close to him, but quite the opposite. He wished he could turn around and run his hands over her lithe and lissom body, feeling her soft skin and toned muscles shift under his touch. Annoyed with himself he punched the pillow and all but buried his face in it.
She had to know what she was doing to him.
Why should she? the cruel little voice said again. You’re her friend and subordinate, nothing more. But go ahead, torture yourself some more.
He listened to the rhythm of her breath becoming deep and regular. She shifted positions again, turning around and draping her arm loosely over his midriff, murmuring unintelligibly in her sleep. Her breath was hot on his skin and he let out a long, quiet sigh.
This was going to be a long night.
You could just enjoy it.
After a few moments he carefully pushed her arm away, hoping that his nerves would calm down once there was no immediate body contact. She mumbled, rolling over to her other side, and he let out a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding. Slowly he relaxed and fell into a dream-riddled, uneasy sleep.
Several hours later he woke, hair tickling his nose, an unaccustomed weight on his upper arm, and the heat of Shepard’s body pressed against his, wrapped in his embrace. He opened his eyes and glanced down at their tangled limbs. He swallowed hard and let go of her, the heat of a blush rising up from his collar.
“Uh, Shepard,” he began, slowly easing himself free.
She opened her eyes and they widened with shock. “Oh! I’m sorry, Kaidan.” She scooted away and stared at his shirt for a moment. “I drooled on your shirt,” she added quietly.
“Really? I hadn’t noticed.” He sat up, rubbing the back of his neck and glanced down. He missed her warmth already. They looked at each other sheepishly, both not seeming to know what to say. “Is it okay if I call dibs on the shower?” he asked eventually.
“Sure,” Shepard replied quickly. Then, after a short pause, she added, “You’re a very comfortable pillow.”
Grabbing his shower kit and fresh clothes Kaidan headed into the small bathroom. He turned to close the door, and glanced at Shepard. Their eyes met, and he held her gaze for a moment before shutting the door with a soft click. He exhaled slowly.
Shepard had missed the dayshift’s evening meal and Kaidan chewed on his lip a moment, before requesting her location from the VI.
“Commander Shepard is currently located on deck three in the gym.”
She hadn’t flinched...if she had *flinched* he’d be in the medbay making a more official report. She’d just very suddenly not been in arm’s reach.
Ah, hell. He needed to get a few miles in on the treadmill, anyway. This stretch of deep space listening while they waited for Saren to move was starting to get under his skin.
There were a few others working out all carefully turned away from the corner where Shepard was beating the hell out of a training dummy. Sweat pouring down her neck, her shirt wringing wet, but angled almost awkwardly so she could see the whole room. Cold eyes snapped from where she’d been quartering the area to click over him like a target.
He nodded and took his place on the treadmill conveniently located on the far wall, with a view of the whole space and kicked into a slow ramp up.
It only took a few minutes for her shoulders to drop. When she shifted to let him watch her back he took a breath. Alright, then.
Pairing: (pre-relationship) Female Shepard/Kaidan Alenko
Rating: General
Word Count: 545
Summary: He’ll never forget the feeling of her arms around him, pulling him from the beacon’s grasp. Or the horror he felt as she was thrown from it, unconscious before she even hit the ground.
Read on AO3
played through the ME1 prologue for the first time since I started writing fanfic and this happened…
title from: “somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond” by e. e. cummings
For antivanrogue.
You never forget your first love, radiant as one can only be in memories, and the way the vids tell it you'll die with your frail, wrinkled hand laced into the time-weathered hand of your last. Love is about the beginning, and the end.
No one talks about the middle.
Passion that burns bright and fast, sex and self-destruction in a red sand and biotic blue haze. The long stretches, promises made in the flush of love, tattered by long deployments and drifting orbits.
Kaidan carries Rahna like a junk file on his omni-tool drive, a file he never quite remembers to delete, a folder not accessed in ages. He opens her now, though, whiskey and sadness bringing all his ghosts to the forefront.
He met Annelise during his last extended shore leave on Arcturus. His current assignment had him in port nearly every week, and he'd lose hours in the curve of her spine and the honey between her thighs. A biotic, like him. A bit brtitle the way all biotics were. Kind eyes. Told him she'd never imagined a connection like this. Dreams of a future came to him, unbidden. He hadn't used the word love in over seven years.
If there'd been arguments, he pushed them aside. After all, there would be time enough to address all of that in the future.
Only Annelise hadn't wanted to fight. He would have done anything for her, had she only let him.
Kaidan drinks, remembering Rahna, and Annelise, the men and women between them, silently toasting the next one to come along.
Maybe next time, he thinks. Maybe that will be the last time. Forever time. Because no matter how hard the universe tries, it can't quite kill the romance in Kaidan Alenko's soul.
