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Honestly? Im super done with the pretentious bullshit. . . . . . . #writer #writing #converse #aesthetic #why #idowhatiwant #yellow #chucks #hipster #pretentious #pretentiousbullshit #bullshit

#writing #chucks #aesthetic #converse #why #yellow #pretentious #bullshit #idowhatiwant #pretentiousbullshit #writer #hipster

What, now I have to give you a reason?

I feel like I need to justify why this new blog exists. Only for myself, of course. I'm not so deluded that I think anyone else gives a flying fuck. "But Self," I say, "You've had a blog for four years! A carefully-cultivated monument to your unique tastes and interests! A veritable catalog of your narcissistic musings, artfully-planned-yet-seemingly-careless humorous insights, and indulgent bitch rants! Photos, memories! Followers (beyond the single digits, no less)! Friends (virtual only, let's not credit me with too much social grace, now)! Why this razed-earth approach? Why start all over again?"

Well, most insightful and, dare I say it, spectacularly beautiful Self. Multiple reasons. I'd like to pretend it's nothing so clichéd as a "new year-new beginnings" type of thing. I've never been one to make New Year's resolutions. I know I'll only promptly break them and there's no need to inevitably disappoint myself.

But I've been restless lately. I've essentially been living the life of a celibate, teetotalling nun since last January (yes, I know that nuns are, by default, typically both celibate and teetotalling. But I've been dry as a motherfucking desert, both literally and metaphorically, for a loooooooonnngggg while so I felt it was worth the extra emphasis). I've never been what one might call socially adept, but one year of living the more-lonely-than-usual life in Tulsa has altered me. I feel very distant from the person I was in Chicago. Those emotions are directly warring with the pull to move back there, which has been becoming stronger and stronger since August. I've changed. I suppose, then, what it really comes down to is that I need this blog as a release until I figure shit out (original!).

Also as something to virtually talk to, because Solitary Confinement 2k13 has, despite my best hopes and heartwishes, turned into Solitary Confinement 2k14. Even my dog, the long-suffering Karl Marx, is tired of listening to me talk to myself. Pitbulls can sigh really aggressively when they're bored. It's pretty fucking sad when you even bore your dog. Goals for 2k14 (201$?): make more than 2 human friends in Tulsa.

So, there are my reasons. In all their auspicious glory. Blogging because I'm confused and lonely. Jesus Christ. I'm one muted color palette and a wispy indie soundtrack away from being a motherfucking Spike Jonze movie.

#reasons #idontneedyourreasons #tulsa #chicagofeelz #pretentiousbullshit

One Million Minds

It’s so difficult to describe our real plight, that amidst our wealth and luxury we’re still failing in the same old ways. And it’s not a lack of humanity, but the persistent stumbling/succumbing to its same old failings. We find religion but not morality, continue to shield the tiny flame of our egos at all cost. Human relationships are unfailingly difficult; tribalism is the default state; the mind craves moral certainty (it is difficult to feel superior without first assuring yourself that you are right). Shall I list the ways we show them they are worthless? How hard would you work to join such a system? It seems so strange to talk about “incentives” to people struggling to meet such basic psychological needs. Of course the expected payout is greater for going to school than for dealing drugs. And it makes sense to save up for awhile before buying that house, car, or TV. Or put down that slice of pizza and hit the gym. But what does it mean when we’re all making these bad choices together? There is plenty of improvement to be made from properly aligning a number of key incentives, but what we really want is to belong, to succeed, to own. So what should we become? Some sort of post-post-man. Aware of our humanity, cognizant of our most base desires, and constantly striving to better define refine our highest hopes and goals. Enjoying food. Enjoying work. Caring for each other. There are beautiful things we can do and make and appreciate. There are ugly things that we can subvert and temper. Does this thinking man stand a chance against tribal man? Against pseudo-thinking man? Against all those fuckers popping out ignorant babies with such frightening speed? I’m not optimistic. Sure, they’ll let us scuttle around the margins as long as we keep our most radical beliefs to ourselves. We can convince and persuade them to accept our most palatable conclusions. And things will get better slowly (with the occasional dark age here and there). I guess I just have a problem with the timeline. I want the flaming light of knowledge and wisdom to burn with an awe-inspiring intensity. I want to set one million minds afire.

#pretentiousbullshit