Free
Nick Mara x Reader
Imagine on my fandom Instagram?: No
Prompt or Request or Requested Prompt?: No
Style of Writing: Song Imagine
Rating: PG-13 ~ For fluff and cuteness, but more adult commentary or even some triggering content.
Edited: Yes
Word count: 3,914 including lyrics
Ko-fi
Masterlist
Warnings: Mention of puking, Couples angst, Zion being a little bit mean, Mention of abuse. We believe that is all, but please let us know if you catch anything we didn’t.
You can listen to the story be read out loud here.
Post Date & Time: June 29th, 2022 at 10:42 PM
Summary: Nick struggles with the feelings of needing to let the reader go. Seems like they’ve been fighting all the time lately. Maybe they’ve just grown apart. Will they be ok? Or will Nick have to make the hard decision of letting the reader go?
Based off of this song:
♪ Love, love, love
It's a cold world, getting colder
So it hurts my heart to let you down, down
It was young love, but we're older ♪
Nick’s Pov: *Flashback*
“I didn’t compare you to Alexys, y/n,” I say, shaking my head as she frowns at me.
“Yes you did! You totally did. Do I need to call up the boys? They heard it too!” Y/n yells and I sigh, shaking my head.
“I did not compare you! All I said was how I liked something she used to do!” I yell back and she huffs.
“Exactly! You said how you wished I did it too. News flash: I’m NOT Alexys, Nick! I’m me!” she yells as tears come to her eyes.
“You know I didn’t mean it like that!! I just liked that she used to do it! I didn’t mean you had to!” I exclaim and she huffs.
“When you say I wish she did it too, that’s kinda what it implies, Nick!!” she yells back and I groan, rubbing at my face.
“I just missed it recently, that’s all!! Don’t you ever just miss something Anthony did?!” I yell and she shakes her head vehemently.
“No, Nick, I don’t! He was abusive and you know it! I don’t miss a thing that he did because I LOVE YOU! More than I EVER loved him,” she barks with her arms crossed as she turns away from me.
“I’ve told you, it was always you,” she whispers out as tears well up in her eyes.
“I can’t even look at you. What happened to us? You promised this wouldn’t happen! Nick, how could you just throw countless years of friendship and almost three years together away?” she asks as she looks away from me as she continues to cry and I reach out to her.
“I didn't throw anything away. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to sound like I was comparing you guys,” I say in a softer tone as I reach out to her.
“No. Don’t even touch me…” she fumes, pushing my hands away from her.
“I’m going to be sick…” she sobs out as she puts a hand to her mouth.
“You still want her, don’t you? Oh my gosh. What has this been, then?” she asks as she points between us and I quickly shake my head.
“No. I’ve wanted-” I start to deny it before she cuts me off.
“Shit. I’ve just been a rebound girl, haven’t I? Exactly what I didn’t want to be when this started,” she asks as she points between us again before pulling at her hair.
“Nick, you promised! You promised me I wouldn’t lose you!” she screams before hiccuping and I try to reach out to her again.
“You’ve never been, nor would you be, a rebound for me. Hell, I told you when we got together that I’ve been in love with you since we were fourteen, y/n, and that’s still the truth,” I say as I reach out for her and again she pushes my hands away.
“I said don’t touch me and I don’t believe that right now,” she growls at me before letting out a sigh and running off.
I run after her and watch as she slams down on her knees before releasing the lunch we just had into the toilet. I bend down and hold her hair for her. She groans before pushing my hands away again.
“I think I’m going to ask B if I can stay with him for a few days. I think we need a break,” she groans out as she sits and lays her head against the wall.
“No. Come on. Let’s work this out,” I protest and she holds up a hand up at me.
“Just stop…” she whimpers and I feel tears come to my eyes now.
“Mamas, please don’t leave,” I beg, shaking my head to try and will the tears to go away.
“I’m sorry Nick, but I need time. I’ll still be there for you because you're still my best friend as you always will be, but I can’t even look at you right now,” she says as she bites at her lip before standing up.
“I just need time. Comparing me to your ex really hurt me. You know Anthony did that to me all the time. I never thought you’d do it…” she whispers as her tears flow fully now.
I watch as she quickly brushes her teeth, then throws her toothbrush in the trash before pushing past me. She walks down the hall to our room and I stay frozen in my spot. I hear her speaking softly for a few minutes before she comes back out with her backpack over her shoulder.
“Please. Mamas, I’m so sorry. Please, please let us work this out. I didn’t mean it,” I practically beg and she scoffs.
“Yeah. Like you didn’t mean it that time you said her name in your sleep?” she asks and I groan before pushing my anger down.
“I can’t control my dreams, mamas. We’ve talked about that. It was purely an accident. Just like today was,” I say and she shakes her head.
“I’m sorry Nick, I’m done believing you. I can’t believe you right now and I don’t know if I ever will again,” she whispers out and I let a tear fall.
I helplessly watch as she walks out the front door and sigh as it closes behind her. I sit on the couch and just let myself go numb.
End of Flashback
♪ And we grew apart, look at us now, now
We don't have to fix it all to work it out
If you really love me then you'll let me set you free
Set you free
Just breathe
Let me set you free ♪
Nick’s Pov:
I jump when I hear the door to the apartment open, making me turn to see Zion and Edwin walking in. Zion walks into the kitchen and Edwin comes over to sit next to me. Zion comes back in with a bottle of water and hands it to me.
“How is she doing?” I ask hesitantly and Zion sighs.
“She’s doing about the same as you,” Edwin answers and I shake my head.
“It’s been two weeks…” I whisper out and Zion groans.
“What do you expect, man? You really hurt her. You didn’t see her the night she walked into B’s house. She was, and still is, utterly heartbroken dude. Broke down a bunch of times over the last two weeks,” Zion snaps at me and I nod as tears come to my eyes.
“Shut up, will you? He’s hurting too,” Edwin softly says as he pats my back.
“No. I will not go easy on him, Edwin. You haven’t been there to see her break down. She feels as though he’s lied to her this whole time,” Zion says and I sigh, shaking my head.
“I didn’t lie to her. I made a mistake. Maybe he’s right though, E. Maybe it’s time I just…” I stop myself from talking with a hiccup as I try to hold back my tears.
“Maybe… maybe it’s time I… l-l-let her go…” I choke out while my throat trembles as I hold back my emotions.
“No. Z, tell him that’s not what you mean. You know he loves her. You said it yourself the moment we met these two, they were made for one another,” Edwin says as he shakes his head.
“Yeah, but that’s why she said didn’t want to tell him her feelings. Remember? She was so scared to lose him,” Zion confesses and Edwin lets out a light growl at him.
“Z. If you don’t shut up…” Edwin trails off as he points a finger at him.
“Nick, listen to me. I know for a fact you didn’t mean it. The world has just been super cold lately and you both have changed. You’ve grown up. Your love started out as the love you guys had growing up with one another, easy,” Edwin tries to explain, but I just shake my head in confusion, making him sigh.
“What I mean is, I don’t think you know how to love the older versions of yourselves. You guys fell in love at a young age when love just comes easy to people. Especially when you grow up knowing the other like the back of your hand,” Edwin keeps trying to explain to me from what he’s seen, but I just still give him a confused look.
“You didn’t get together till you were older. Things change, people change and that’s ok. I think you guys have both been stuck in the past. You guys just haven’t learned to grow with one another,” Edwin continues to explain before groaning when I shake my head.
“No. I think it’s time. I think I need to… s-s-set her free. We have been fighting far too much lately,” I whimper out and Edwin sighs.
“If you do that you’ll only break her even more. She’s already feeling like she’s lost you as a boyfriend, don't let her lose her best friend too,” Edwin continues to push and Zion lets out an angry grunt.
“Zion, let's go. He needs some time to think this over by himself. Nick, please take care of yourself. I don’t wanna come back and find you like I did last week,” Edwin cautions with a stern look my way and I nod at him.
♪ Looking back, what we had just ain't what it was
Got too attached way too fast and it's all because
It wasn't easy, easy, for the both of us
You say you need me, need me, it's just comfortable
I get emotional, I wear my heart on my sleeve
It ain't disposable, you know Balenci' ain't cheap ♪
Nick’s Pov:
After the boys leave, I let out a sigh before pushing up off the couch. I walk into the hall and immediately stop in the entrance of the hall when I see one of the many pictures of us. I slowly reach up to it and take it off the wall before I get sucked into the memory.
~ Flashback ~
“Nick!” Y/n cries out as I pinch her side.
“What?” I ask in faux innocence.
“Stop!” she says with a giggle as I tickle her.
“What? I’m just watching a movie with my girl,” I say with a shrug.
“No, you're not. You're tickling me when I wanna watch the movie,” she accuses and I fake innocence again.
“I have no clue what you mean, mamas. I am watching the movie,” I continue to deny as I turn my head to the tv.
“That’s a lie and you know it!” she exclaims and I chuckle.
“Oh ok… how could I ever lie to you,” I say as I snuggle into her neck, making her giggle.
“I love you, Nicky,” she says as she scratches at my scalp.
“Hmm… that’s good to hear. Cause I love you too,” I say as we both slowly relax into one another.
“Tired, Nicky?” she asks as she continues to massage my scalp.
“Hmm…” I tiredly mumble out.
“Sleep, my love. Sleep,” she says before giving my cheek a kiss and before I know it, my eyes close.
It’s not till much, much later that I wake up to the sound of chuckles. With a light groan, I open one eye to see Zion, Edwin and Austin standing in front of the tv. Austin has his phone and I hear a click before they all start to snicker again.
“Well good morning, Nicky boy,” Zion jokes as he bats his eyelashes at me and I roll my eyes.
I feel a puff of air on my neck and then y/n lets out a small groan. I look down at her now that she’s literally on top of me as she cuddles into me a little more. She nuzzles her nose into my neck then seems to go right back to sleep.
“Would you guys shut up? You're going to wake her. Believe me, you guys don’t want a cranky y/n,” I whisper out harshly to them before pulling y/n a little closer.
“Whatever…” Zion says before walking out of the room.
“You guys are so cute together,” Austin says as he sits down in the chair next to the couch.
“Look…” he says as he puts his phone out for me to look at.
I crank my neck just enough to be able to see what he’s talking about. I let out a light laugh when I see he had taken a picture of us cuddling:
“Dude, y’all fell asleep cuddling and holding hands, that’s hella cute,” Austin says and I chuckle.
“It is, isn't it? I really love her, man,” I say and he grins as he pulls his phone back.
“As you should. She's special, man. Take care of her,” he says and I smile.
“Of course I will. I always have,” I say as I stroke her back lightly.
“I mean you already did. Don’t lose that. She’s really broken, man. That Anthony did a real number on her…” he says, making me nod before looking down at her again.
“I know…” I say as I trace the light bruise that’s still on her cheek. She shivers a bit, making me stop so I don’t wake her.
“She’s mine now. He’s not ever coming near her again. If he does, he’s dead,” I say as I hold her a little tighter than before.
“And we all know you’ll keep that promise. You always do, Mr. Protective,” Austin jokes and I chuckle.
“You know it’s really kinda funny that you two got together just because of the abuse,” Austin remarks and I again crank my neck to look at him.
“Why’s it funny?” I ask and he grins.
“Cause you Nick would have never asked her out before it all. I’m sorry to tell you man, but you had absolutely no balls when around her,” he jokes and I scoff before moving my neck back.
“That’s an absolute lie, man,” I agree and he just gives me an ‘mmm-hmm'.
“All I’m saying is she needed you and you needed her without even realizing it…” he explains before trailing off as it goes quiet for a moment.
“Wanna watch something?” Austin pipes up and I shrug.
“Sure. Just not the game…” I say and he lets out a laugh.
“Duh. I’m not stupid. You’d wake her up with all your yelling,” he says and I roll my eyes.
“No I wouldn’t…” I say and he shakes his head.
“Whatever you say man. Whatever you say,” he says as he continues to laugh.
“Hey. Can you send me that picture of us?” I ask and he hums as he presses play on whatever he’s chosen to watch before picking his phone up off his lap.
A few minutes later, I feel my phone buzz next to my hip and I grin as I pull it out. I open the picture up and save it before setting my phone back down.
“Thanks, man,” I say as I turn to look at the tv.
“You're welcome, Nicky…” he says jokingly and I chuckle.
Instead of watching whatever he puts on the tv, I watch her sleep and smile lightly at the fact that she’s now safe in my arms. Three weeks ago, she was in hell and I was in hell that I hadn’t noticed. A best friend should notice when something is wrong, and I had no clue.
But when I learned he was hurting her I couldn’t take it and went full protective. Now three weeks later, we’re only a week into dating and I couldn’t be happier to have her safe in my arms.
~End of Flashback~
I hold the picture as the memory plays out and I let out a light sob as I trace over the picture with my finger. I let another tear fall as I put the picture back up before sighing. I then shuffle to our room and stop in the doorway when I see Mr. Cuddles on the bed.
I chuckle, shaking my head at the very simple name before going over to pick up the old koala. When I lift him up I hold him close to me for a second before rushing to our closet. I quickly put on my shoes and almost fall over in the process.
Once both shoes are on and my feet are safely on the floor, I rush back through to the living room. I stop in the little foyer we have before grabbing my keys off the hook. Then I run out to my car and quickly get into the driver's side.
I set Mr. Cuddles in the passenger seat before starting my car up and pulling my buckle on. Once my buckle is in place and the car is started up, I drive to B’s. After a fifteen to twenty minute drive, I’m pulling up outside his house.
I quickly turn my car off before unbuckling and grabbing Mr. Cuddles. I set the stuffed animal against the steering wheel and I sigh, knowing what I have to do. After a moment of staring at the koala, I open my car door and get out.
After getting out, I lock my door and walk up the old familiar driveway of the home I used to live in. I walk up to the door and take a deep breath as I raise my hand to knock.
♪ It isn't easy, easy, tryna say goodbye
But just believe me, leave me, you're gonna be alright
We don't have to fix it all to work it out
If you really love me then you'll let me set you free
Set you free
Just breathe
Let me set you free ♪
Your pov:
I sigh when I hear a knock on the front door and pause the movie I’m watching. Then I get up with my blanket dragging behind me to open the door. When I do open the door, I let out a light gasp when I see Nick.
“What are you doing here?” I ask as I lean against the door.
“You forgot Mr. Cuddles, and as your best friend my job is to make sure you have him,” he explains as he holds the koala up.
“Well, thanks.” I reach out and take the bear from him.
“Actually, umm, can we talk?” he quickly asks and I shake my head.
“I don’t know, Nick…” I answer as I shrug and hug the bear a little closer.
“Please, mamas… just give me fifteen minutes,” he practically begs and I sigh before moving to the side.
“Fifteen minutes, that’s all you get,” I explain as he walks through the door.
“So I know all we’ve been doing is fighting…” Nick starts and I nod.
“And I started to think about it…” he continues, but he takes a pause as tears gather in his eyes.
“I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s time to s…set you free. You deserve the world and it seems I can’t give you that like I once could,” he finally finishes and refuses to look up at me. There’s a very pregnant pause as I try to figure out what I’m hearing.
♪ We don't have to fix it all to work it out
If you really love me then you'll let me set you free, yeah
Set you free, yeah
Just breathe, oh, oh
Let me set you free
We don't have to fix it all to work it out
If you really love me, then you'll let me set you free ♪
“Nick, what the hell are you saying?” I ask, shaking my head and he finally looks up at me.
“Mamas, I’ll still be your best friend. I just can’t be the man you need,” he explains and I shake my head.
“Why are you saying this? This isn’t what I want,” I say before putting my head in my hands as my elbows lean into my knees.
“But it’s what we need, y/n,” he continues on and I blow out a frustrated puff of air.
“No, it isn’t! Nick, we can't just stop everything when it gets hard. I thought we loved each other? Do you not love me anymore?” I ask and he looks away from me again.
“No. If you're going to say you don’t, I want you to look me in the eyes and say it,” I command and he keeps his eyes away from me still.
“I don’t love you anymore,” he mumbles out and I groan in frustration.
“That is a fat lie, Nick, and you know it,” I make a point that has his eyes snapping over to mine.
“Say it now. While you're looking me in the eye,” I command again and he lets out a sigh while shaking his head.
“I can't do it! Ok! I can’t tell you I don’t when I really and I mean really do!” he shouts now and I smile softly.
“See, we can’t go thinking things through when we’re not in the right mind space, babe,” I explain as I now get up from my seat.
“But I’m not the man you need…” Nick sadly shakes his head.
“Nick. Honey. Couples fight all the time. We’ll be ok. It just means we have a healthy relationship,” I explain as I lift his face up.
“Are you sure? I don’t wanna be the reason your life is all wrong,” he admits and I smile softly again.
“Nick, the fact you were thinking about me over yourself says a whole lot. I’m very sure you won’t mess up my life. We’ve been together for three years, my love. I’ll always love you. You were and still are my hero, even when we’re in a stupid fight,” I explain as I now sit in his lap and tears make way to his eyes.
“Are you really, really sure?” he asks and I giggle.
“I mean sure, we’ve fought a little more than normal lately, but I wouldn’t change us for the world, Nicky. I absolutely love you and I plan on marrying you one day,” I explain and he slowly starts to smile.
“Oh you do now, do ya?” he asks and I put my forehead to his.
“Of course I do. My number one, remember?” I ask and he smiles.
“Oh I remember. Will you be coming home now?” he asks and I smile, nodding.
“Help me pack up, yeah? I’ll leave a note or text B,” I explain as I get up off his lap and he nods.
“Before we do any of that…” he trails off before pulling me back to him.
“Let me kiss you first,” he smirks as I just nod and then he’s kissing me.
He caresses my face softly and I smile as he pulls away. He puts his forehead to mine and I giggle as his hand lightly trails down my arm. I shiver lightly before his hand grips on mine and my fingers interlock with his.
“Let’s go home? Yeah?” he asks me and I grin before nodding.
“Yeah. Let’s go home,” I agree with my grin growing.
The End…
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