Pride | eight
Masterlist || index
Brief summary You and Yoongi have been an item for a short while now, but things go south when the two of you fight before he leaves for tour. Neither of you speak for 2 months and you make some choices that you regret, thinking that the relationship is over. Once he comes back, however…
word count: 3,981
main pairing: Yoongi x Reader
genre: angst
warnings: swearing
a/n: last chapter... for now i think. I’m not too happy with it, to be honest and i think its mostly to do with the ending. someday i may come back and do a pt9 if I find there to be enough to write about. But i digress! Thank you all for sticking around and reading this series - whether you’ve been here from the start { you know who you are^^ } or if you’ve just found it. Thank you for supporting me, for re-blogging and leaving comments. Writing honestly means the world to me. Thank you for supporting a piece of it <.3
!! open to any chat / criticism !!
You walked out of the apartment and didn’t look back. Couldn’t.
If you stopped now or at any other point during the day, looked back or even thought twice it would all be lost. It would all come crashing down, caving in on itself in its own pitiful way.
So you didn’t.
You followed your thought without looking back, telling yourself that its okay and that you’ll live.
But they didn’t hit, the words you half-heartedly told yourself weren’t believed in or even acknowledged.
First up was your workplace.
When you first started working here, you were all too sure that it would last. It was the perfect place to you in every sense and meaning of the word. During your years here, there were a few hiccups here and there, but it was nothing major. Each and every workplace has its own issues now and then and this one was no exception. However, in the end they all turned into inside jokes or valuable lessons that more than one person learnt from. You would often repeat how you’d come crashing down with the place if it ever came to it, how you would go down with the ship if the business started to sink.
It was your comfort corner when you first moved to Seoul. Moved out from your small hometown into a huge industrial city. Not only a city, but a capital. The capital. Although you remembered how utterly nervous and shaken you were first during the job interview and then later on your first day, the place soon became one of the few places which didn’t send your heart and body shaking. It became familiar and friendly, instead of strange and angry. You were dedicated and determined to stay and continue building your career here, convinced that you would continue climbing up with each promotion. You were all too determined to stay, knowing perfectly well in your mind that you’d give up anything to save this place.
But now…Now you couldn’t even bring yourself to feel anything as you were walking away, leaving behind a letter of resignation without a moment’s hesitation.
The dorms were a bit of a walk away, but you didn’t mind.
You walked and let your eyes fall on your surroundings, taking everything in. First, the busy people, all rushing past with their own lives to chase and catch up with. Some had their faces buried in their phones, too absorbed with their own issues to acknowledge anyone else. Others, however, did look at each other and smiled in a greeting, unwilling to force themselves to say ‘ hello ‘ . Secondly, you allowed yourself to looked up at the sky as you walked, your breath visible in the surrounding cold air. You noticed how clear the sky was, a nice pale blue color with some stray puffs of white here and there. You noticed how the sun’s rays fell on the leaves of the trees, how the light bounced off the hurrying people beside you. You took some comfort in the surrounding buzz, in the rushing sound of the wind or the rumble of the engines of the cars beside you, grateful for any noise as a source of distraction.
But all noise died down a bit once you turned onto the street on which the boys lived.
You counted the steps as you reached their front door. You lifted your hand.
For a few fleeting moments it hesitated before the door.
You stared at your hand for a second, forcing it to knock once, twice, three times.
Deep breath.
The door swung open.
Jungkook, a surprised, ‘’ oh, ‘’ leaving his lips.
You forced a smile after a few moments of him staring.
‘’ What? Did you expect the delivery guy? ‘’
He lightly chuckled, stepping aside and motioning for you to come in.
‘’ No, no, ‘’ he quickly replied, scratching the back of his neck as he closed the door with his other hand, ‘’ its just that Yoongi-hyung is at his studio right now…’’
‘’ I know. ‘’ Another smile.
‘’ You do?’’
‘’ Yea.’’ You said, breaking his gaze as you started to rummage in your bag, forcing yourself to act as if you didn’t notice how odd it was for you to show up like this, uninvited and out of the blue.
Jungkook stood quietly in front of you, watching.
You didn’t blame him for not saying anything. You weren’t quite sure what you would say if you were in his position, either.
‘’ Ah, ’’ you finally exclaimed as you started to pull out a black cord from out of your bag, ‘’ you guys left this. I’m pretty sure it’s from the console.’’
Jungkook took the cord from your outstretched hand. He frowned, examining it.
‘’Are you sure-‘’
‘’ Was that the delive!-oh.’’ Taehyung walked out into the hallway, stopping when he saw you. A smile spread across his lips as he quickly hurried over to you, pulling you into a hug as he wrapped his arms around you.
‘’ Y/n! What are you doing here?! You’re freezing! Did you walk here?’’
His concerned remarks made you frown, breaking his gaze as he let you go. You swallowed back the pathetic lump that was starting to form, forcing down a sob along with it.
You looked up at him after a while, a small smile on your lips.
‘’ Y/n? She’s here? ‘’ Jimin asked, head peeking from one of the rooms. He chuckled a little after seeing the three of you standing in the hallway. ‘’ Why are you guys just standing there?’’ He laughed.
‘’ Right.’’ Jungkook said, shoving the cord into his back pocket before leading the way into the main room.
Jimin was quick to get up onto his feet and make his way to you as the other two passed by and settled themselves in the room. He pulled you into a hug, molding himself into you as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. You clung onto him, lightly balling his shirt in your fist before forcing yourself to not think.
‘’ Are you guys the only ones here?’’ You asked as you all settled down.
‘’ Yea. ‘’ Taehyung answered.
‘’ Namjoon, Jin and Hobi-hyung are going over the choreography. They should be back soon enough though, if you want to stick around?’’ Jungkook asked, his eyes locking with yours.
You looked away, focusing on the sky outside through the window. ‘’ Ah no, that’s okay. I just came by to drop off the cord.’’
‘’ The cord?’’ Jimin asked, frowning, ‘’ what cor-‘’
‘’ The one from the console.’’ Jungkook interrupted, pulling out the thing and handing it over to Jimin.
The boy took the thing from him and inspected it in the same way the youngest did. He frowned a little, opening his mouth a little as he looked up at Jungkook. But the younger’s eyes must have said something that his mouth didn’t, because Jimin’s eyes were quick to fall on you. You felt his eyes on you and for a moment you let him take you in before you met his gaze.
He was still frowning, an unspoken question on his still parted lips. But his mouth closed when you didn’t break the gaze. Instead, his expression softened and he nodded a little, as if understanding what was happening.
You quietly thanked him for not asking out loud.
‘’Or you could come over later today?’’ Taehyung asked, his eyes flicking from one person to the next.
‘’ I just came by to drop off the cord.’’ You repeated, getting up with a small smile.
‘’ Oh, okay. ‘’ He said, getting up as well. He led the way to the door, but you came to a stop as you were just about to leave the main room. You turned around and looked at the 2 younger boys sitting down, each focusing on something on the floor.
‘’ See you.’’ You said, lifting your hand up in a good-bye.
They looked up, eyes a little wide.
‘’ See you. ‘’
A soft reply.
You turned around and locked your eyes on Taehyung who was waiting at the door, rummaging through some drawer. Just as you walked up to him, the boy managed to pull out a-
‘’ Scarf?’’ You asked, slightly taken back.
‘’ Yea.’’ He said, staring at you, ‘’ it’s really cold out right now.’’
You smiled at him, taking the scarf from his outstretched hand.
You tugged at him a little, pulling him into a hug.
‘’ Thank you, ‘’ you whispered to him, a small crack audible in your voice.
‘’ Please stay safe, Y/n.’’ He whispered back, his own voice hitching.
During your walk to the next place you didn’t bother noticing anything. You felt too empty and any specific thought would throw you into a fit of sobs, so you locked your eyes on your feet and counted as you made each step instead. 1…2…3..4…5…6..7..8…
By the time you were nearing the place of their dance practice studio, the sun was a few hours past its highest point. For a moment you managed to question if they were still in there and if they would let you in, as agreed on beforehand. But they didn’t fail. Hoseok cleared you upon entrance and you were quick to make your way down to them after that. You counted the doors as you passed by them, eventually finding the one from which familiar muffled music was coming from.
You slipped into the room, softly closing the door behind you while finding a dancing Hoseok and Namjoon. They were both dancing at the same time, Joon watching Hoseok as they both completed the moves at the same time, with the elder watching the other in the reflection of the mirror. You watched as they danced, sharp moves following each beat.
Once the song ended and the two broke out of their finishing positions you clapped a few times.
‘’ Y/n. ‘’ Hoseok smiled, spinning around to look at you, ‘’ so you ended up coming after all?’’ He breathed out.
You smiled softly at him, ‘’ of course. Good job on the moves. ‘’
‘’ Thanks. ‘’ Namjoon smiled in reply, reaching down for his bottle of water. He pressed it against his forehead, relishing in the feeling for a moment and catching his breath before speaking up again, ‘’ you just missed Jin, by the way. He walked out about 5 minutes ago.’’
‘’ Ah, that’s okay, ‘’ you mumbled before quickly changing the topic, ‘’ so how are all of you getting along? The choreo looks a lot faster than before.’’
Joon chuckled, ‘’ you’re telling me?!’’
‘’ Ah, you’re doing well.’’ Hoseok said,patting Namjoon’s back before taking a swing from his own water bottle.
‘’ We’re all doing okay for the stage that we are at, to be frank… ‘’ He trailed off, hesitating a bit.
You briefly prepped yourself for his next words, knowing quite well what was coming next.
‘’ You’ll all do great. ‘’ You smiled, flicking your eyes from one to the other, ‘’ you always do.’’
‘’ Thanks.’’ Joon smiled while Hoseok breathed out a small, distracted ‘yea’, his eyes focused on the floor. Namjoon took another swing of his water before taking a few steps away from you, focusing on his reflection in the mirror as he practiced some of the faster moves.
You and Hoseok stood side by side for a while, quietly watching Joon go over the moves. You counted the seconds as they ticked by.
‘’ Y/n…’’ Hoseok spoke up.
There it was.
‘’ Do you know if Yoongi is planning on stopping by to go over some of the choreo? He says he’s working on something in his studio, but… ‘’
You pretend not to notice his eyes flicking to you as your focus remained on Namjoon instead. Your hands turned to fists at your sides as you clung onto your coat as you crossed your arms.
‘’ I’m not too sure, sorry Hobi.’’
He smiled a little, ‘’ it’s okay. I’ll just talk to him later on.’’
More silent seconds passed by as the two of you quietly watched Joon practice. Eventually the silence was broken when he spoke up.
‘’ Hey! Is it like this,’’ Namjoon stepped forward with his left foot then back with the right, doing an arm motion at the same time, ‘’ or is it with the right first then the left?’’
‘’ It’s with the left first, but the arm goes right at- no you need to do it- okay, yea now you just have to- no- wait, ‘’ Hoseok sighed, turning to look at you.
‘’ Give me a moment?’’
‘’ Ah no, don’t mind me. I have to get going now anyway.’’
‘’ You do?’’ Namjoon asked, a bit taken back. He took a few steps to close the distance between Hoseok, you and him. ‘’ I thought you were going to stay until the rest came? Then we could go-‘’
‘’ Maybe some other day. ‘’ You smiled at him.
‘’ Oh yea, of course.’’
You looked at him, actually taking him in.
His wide, startled eyes. His flushed cheeks and pushed back hair. It would have made you giggle on any other occasion. His red cheeks reminded you of the early days where you got to tag along with him and Yoongi, sometimes making trips to different take-out places, others to different small bars that didn’t overprice their stuff.
A pang went through you and you forced yourself to look away from Namjoon and quickly focus on Hoseok instead. On his usually bright smile and warm laugh. On how determined he was to keep others happy, to make them smile. You knew you could count on him, no matter what.
You took in a shaky breath before wrapping your arms around Namjoon. The action briefly startled him, but he hugged you back fast enough. You whispered a small ‘thank you’ to him, not knowing whether he heard you or not, but once you pulled away his expression told you that yes, he did.
Hoseok was quick to pull you into a hug right after. You buried your face in the crook of his neck when your eyes threatened to spill tears you could just about manage to hold back.
‘’ We’ll always be here for you. ‘’ He whispered, forcing you to bite your lip to not sob out.
‘’ Please take care of him.’’ You whispered back once you were sure your voice wouldn’t catch.
You felt him nod into you, but instead of cheering you up the action just broke you a little more.
Somehow, the trip back home felt short. Maybe it was the extra warmth that the scarf provided, or maybe it was the fact that you didn’t exactly want to be home. But then again, it wasn’t like you wanted to be anywhere right now.
You knew holding yourself together around them would be hard, but you didn’t expect it to be as difficult as it was. Maybe you should have thought it out more, played it off better. It took Jungkook a mere few seconds to realize that the cord you brought was bullshit and even less for Jimin to realize the same. Taehyung would have probably realized just as fast if he saw it, but it seemed like he figured everything out on his own. By the time you walked out, you were pretty sure that Jimin knew what was going on. Jungkook would have probably realized by now as well.
Then you came to see Namjoon… Hoseok…
You scoffed.
So much for you not dragging anyone else into this.
So much for you not dragging anyone else down.
Was this really what you wanted for them? Maybe you shouldn’t have even came, seen them all.
But would that not make things worse?
Didn’t you owe it? To Jimin, the only person who knew how to comfort you when nobody else did? When the people that knew you better couldn’t? To Hoseok, who you knew you could forever count on to be the life of anything, any situation? Who you depended on and asked small favors of, resulting in him complying with each one? To Namjoon, the one who helped you out no matter how weird your request or how inconvenient it was for him?
Didn’t you owe it to them all? For coping with you? For letting you be a part of their life, their group, if even for a while?
And how did you repay them for all of that?
You cried out, quickly pressing the scarf against your mouth to muffle out the pathetic noise. If you could just about manage to face them, how could you face Yoongi?
Could you?
You didn’t bother staying quiet when you hit home.
With each piece of your life you packed away came a memory. Each memory fueled the tears that blurred your vision, making you wipe at them with anger.
This was it, wasn’t it?
Today marked the last day of many things, didn’t it?
When you placed the bags in the small hallway, you managed to catch a glimpse of yourself in the small mirror. You noticed how red your eyes were, how puffy your cheeks. You didn’t recognize the reflection.
This time it was you who was left waiting for Jin.
It give you time to prep-talk yourself. To hold back tears and force your breathing to calm down, to slow down.
But it all proved useless when your eyes fell on Seokjin, your eyes automatically tearing up. You noticed how confused his expression was and how realization seemed to wash over him once his eyes fell on. He slipped into the seat across from you and quickly reached for your hand, squeezing it.
‘’ You don’t have to do this. Stay and talk to him, it’ll wo-‘’
‘’ It won’t. ‘’ You whispered, squeezing your eyes shut.
You couldn’t do this, couldn’t let him talk you into things like that. You would listen, you knew you would. And you couldn’t. Not now.
You couldn’t look up at him, knowing that once you saw his wide eyes and frown you’d break even more.
‘’ I’m so sorry.’’ Your voice caught as another quiet sob left your lips, ‘’ please take care of him. I shouldn’t ask this of you, but let me be selfish and request it of you. Please help him be okay.’’
You looked up at him with your wet cheeks, only to find him wiping at his own eyes.
He just nodded, unable to look at you.
You understood why.
The two of you sat in a quiet sobbing silence for a long while. Sometimes it was him squeezing your hand, others it was you reassuring him with a tight squeeze. Neither of you looked at the other, lost in your own mind and thoughts.
You wanted to thank Jin for everything. For being your listening ear, for saving you more than once. For getting you out of trouble, for being there. For being him.
And you wanted to apologize to him, most of all. For pulling him into this mess, your mess. But you also wanted to thank him because in your own selfish way you were thankful that he was willing to be there for you, despite what had happened.
But the actual goodbye wasn’t like that.
It was a long, tight hug outside as you lightly swayed from side to side, eyes too red and tried to cry. It was muffled whispers of ‘thank yous’ and ‘you’ll be okay’. It was soft.
It was gentle.
It was brutal.
Once you reached your door you slipped the key into the lock, only to find that the door was already unlocked.
A shiver went through you, mind going blank.
He was here.
You swung the door open, finding that your bags were exactly were you had left them.
‘’ Yoongi?’’ You called, stepping into the apartment, turning to shut the door, ‘’ are you here?’’
‘’ Are you leaving?’’
You stared at the door, your back facing him.
‘’ Shouldn’t you be at practice? Hoseok said you’ve missed rehear-‘’
‘’ Are you leaving?’’ He repeated, voice a little sharper.
‘’ You shouldn’t miss the practices. The choreography looks a lot more difficult than any of your previous-‘’
‘’ Look at me.’’ He whispered voice a lot closer now.
You could feel how close he was to you.
‘’ Please don’t do this.’’ He mumbled, pressing each palm against the door, caging you between it and his body, ‘’ don’t go.’’
You shuddered, eyes burning. Your breathing shallowed and your voice wouldn’t do what you wanted it to do.
‘’ Don’t go, ‘’ he repeated, voice more desperate, ‘’ I don’t give a fuck about anything you did, anything you thought of doing. I don’t fucking care. Just… please…’’
You shivered, shaking with a sob.
‘’ None of that matters, don’t you get that? ‘’ He pulled at your shoulder, forcing you to look at him.
‘’ Don’t you see how much you fucking matter to me? How much of me you’re holding, how much of me you’ve always held? If you go now or tomorrow or 50 fucking years from now I won’t be okay because you’ll be taking so many parts of me with you. ‘’
‘’ Yoongi, please-‘’ You whispered, shaking with a sob, ‘’you deserve better, someone good for you. Plea-‘’
‘’ Good for me! ‘’ He scoffed, taking a few steps away from you. ‘’ You’re good for me! So you messed around with other guys, big fucking deal.‘’ He threw his arms in the air, ‘’ I’m a big boy, I can handle that. Don’t treat me like a kid.’’
‘’ And what does that make me, huh?’’ You yelled, angry tears wetting your cheeks, ‘’ some fucking girlfriend I am, right?’’
‘’ A good one! We should have talked before I went. That’s what the fight was about to begin with, do you remember? I do. I realized when I walked in and saw the fucking bags right up at the front door. All of this started because we argued about us not communicating. ‘’
He scoffed, a bitter chuckle leaving his lips. ‘’ Well, they’re communication enough. The message is loud and clear. Now, please don’t fucking go.’’
You squeezed your eyes shut, taking in a shallow breath, ‘’ please don’t say that.’’
‘’ What? Don’t go? ’’ He asked, closing the space between the two of you to rest his forehead on yours, his own eyes squeezing shut, his breath gently fanning your face.
You looked up at him. There was hope in his tone and it was too clear for you. You knew that if you stayed a moment longer he would convince you into staying. Into repeating the loop. Into breaking him further.
A memory flashed by as you took in his soft expression of your fingertips tracing his round, gentle features as you lay side by side.
You reached out now, letting your trembling fingertips selfishly trace his features. You cupped his face and let your thumbs lightly run over his closed eyes, his cheekbones, his nose and eventually his soft lips.
You took them in yours and kissed him as softly as you could manage.
You pulled away after a while and his eyes fluttered open.
‘’ Thank you for everything.’’ You whispered, reaching to grab at your bags.
You turned around and reached for the handle, pressing on it to allow the door to open.
‘’ Please… don’t leave me…’’
You walked out, closing the door with a click.
@shoutingink @jeaneteflo @infiresjimin @mykookiechimchim @baeni @connatellohamato @minsugarkookie @letters-and-lemons @darkangelssoul @coletteisaprincess @teddybearmuke @wingedtragedywriter @mrsrealmadrid @jochelle @ravencacaw @atlantist5959 @yoong-no @jungcooked @kpaxlyra @guacj @sashmellouw