hello :3 may i request where the reader is heavily pregnant and asking yoongi to help her put the lotion on her belly just because she want to ? hshshshs. u can make it nsfw if u want thank youu ☺️☺️
You absolutely may! I went with fluffy and a little suggestive, not fully nsfw. I hope you enjoy it ✨🌸
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You wake slowly, eyes cracking open to take on the dim light of the room. Next to you is your husband, his eyes trained on you with a gentle smile on his face. Letting out a small giggle, you raise your hand up to poke his cheek.
“What’re you staring at silly?” Yoongi continues to smile before grabbing your finger and giving it a small kiss. He sits up further, allowing for his other hand to trail up to your stomach. You feel content, laying in bed with him all warm and cozy.
“Just my beautiful wife…” he trails off, rubbing his hand of your stomach in small circles. You him quietly, loving the feel of his warm hand agains your stomach. An idea suddenly pops into your head and you look back at him.
“Wanna help your beautiful wife put some lotion on?” He nods immediately, climbing out of the bed to head to the bathroom. You gaze at him from your own spot, enjoying he view of his shapely naked ass as he walks out of the room.
He’s been so good to you, helping with everything and being there when you need him. You had never thought Yoongi would be super psyched out to have children but he seems rather excited. He’s always feeling your stomach, eyes going wide as he feels tiny kicks agains his large hands.
He’s back as quickly as he leaves, holding the Shea butter lotion you love in his hands. Not only does it help with your newly acquired stretch marks, but it also smells amazing. Yoongi settles next to you on the bed and pulls the warm covers from your body, watching like a hawk as your soft skin is exposed inch by inch.
He doesn’t try to hide his wandering eyes as they roam over your body. He’s mentioned once or twice how beautiful you look, and you can’t help but be happy that he actually enjoys your round stomach and swollen breasts. Opening the cap of the bottle, he generously squeezes some onto his hand before placing it on your stomach.
“Ah, thank you baby. Feels good.” He hums at your words, slowly circling his hands around your belly. It feels so good, having been pregnant for 8 months now had taken a toll on you. Carrying the weight of another human is demanding, so any sort of relaxation is great, especially if it’s from your beautiful husband.
You gingerly bring your hand up to Yoongis to place it over the top of his long fingers. You see a smirk come to his face while his other hand runs up your body, sliding up your sides smoothly. You hum a little at the contact since your body’s sensitivity had heightened in the past months.
“I can think of other ways to make you feel good…” he says this as he leans forward to kiss your stomach, dragging both hands along your sides. It makes you giggle, but you nod your head nonetheless.
“Kookie”I called out to my boyfriend softly as I laced my hands though his long dark hair. His head pressed down into my legs and he adjusted himself to look up at my face.
“Jagi” He respondes mimicking my intonation. His hand slithered around my hips and his fingers began to draw figures on my skin.
“Let me see if I can braid your hair.” He sighed in faux annoyance and sat on the floor between my legs.
You’ve been coping so well so far. So many weeks – months – passed with you feeling like this but you always managed to withhold them.
But tonight was different. Tonight he was too close, too real.
Too close.
Tonight your mind was chasing itself, running round and around in circles to a point where you couldn’t cope with it any longer. The feeling itself became too much.
If you didn’t say anything now, you felt like the words would force themselves out of you and leave you a mess of a person on the ground.
You stopped, eyes automatically falling onto your feet.He walked a little ahead of you, not you were no longer by his side.
Or maybe he ignored it.
“ Yoongi.”
Although it was your voice calling out, you never felt the words leave your lips. You stared at your hands, your slightly shaking hands that didn’t feel like your hands.
Were you always going to be this pathetic?
You lifted your gaze, cutting your train of thought. Your eyes automatically found Yoongi. They watched him as he continued to walk on, alone.
You watched him take those steps, allowing yourself a moment to simply take him in before everything would change. A few lonely seconds ticked by before he stopped and started to turn your way. You fisted your hands and immediately shoved them into your pockets.
You couldn’t let him see you like this.Not now.
Especially not now.
He let out a small breath, which became visible in the air.
A small puff of grey.
There was a gap between the two of you now.
It wasn’t a big one.
Maybe 10 small steps.
But it was a gap none the less.
A gap which you so very ached for him to close.
You let out a small sigh, lifting your gaze towards the clear night sky.
It was a Wednesday night.
A working night.
A night which resulted in the streets being mostly deserted, especially so deep into the night. However, there was the spare odd car or person here and there. The two of you were truly an exception.
An exception that was repeated on most working nights.
An exception which was caused by coming back from one of the meals you shared. Each night one of you would drag the other out for food; at exactly 2am each time. A meal before burying yourselves back in work.
Now that you thought about it, what the two of you shared was honestly more like a sit-in takeout than an actual meal.
Food bought from a small shop you wouldn’t have looked at twice if you were a passer-by at any other time, on any other day.
But it was a meal all the same, thanks to the company more so than the food.
“ Why are you just standing there?” His chuckle finally broke the silence.
You looked up at him, his voice bringing you back to the present.
Your eyes lingered on him. He had his hands in the pockets of his coat, shielding them from the cool air. His face was softly lit by the light orange glow of the nearby streetlight, casting half of his face in a shadowy darkness while the other remained softly lit. His lips were slightly pulled into a small smile.
It was a tired smile, one you’ve seen often enough by now.
He smiled that way each time he labelled a beat as complete, song lyrics as finished. It was a smile of happiness, of content.
It was a smile that made you smile.
And you did, your lips which began pulling at the corners acted as a trigger for your eyes to break contact and fall back down again.
Could you even do this? With him standing like that? Smiling like that?
A feeling rose in your chest; a slight pressure which you welcomed in.
It was a feeling which would make you feel oh-so-very stupid if not for the fact that you enjoyed it so much. It was a feeling which over-powered any common sense you might have had. Honestly, it scared you a little - not only because of how strong it was, but also because of how easily you indulged yourself it in – welcoming it in as if it belonged.
Each time you were alone with Yoongi or even looked at him for a little too long or a little too carefully, the sensation came.
It was like a game, a pathetic game that got especially worse in quiet situations such as these, with your mind unable to occupy or side-track itself with anything else but him.
What the two of you shared wasn’t big or grand, but it became something all the same.
Something you could count on, knowing perfectly well that it would be there if you ever needed it. Knowing that he would be there whenever you needed him to be.
The ever-present pillar of support.
He and it became something you depended on for help, whether you realized it or not.
You couldn’t even exactly pin point how the thing you shared got so… much.
It started off with simple requests to look over a beat or a verse, to helping with said beat or verse.
Then it turned into sleepless nights at either studio or nights out with this group of friends or the other. It became something you were very comfortable with, to the point where the two of you shared and spoke of things neither had discussed to such extents with another person before.
Being around him felt so easy.
The silence that fell when the two of you were working was as comfortable and light as the conversations you shared over meals like the one you just had.
It was nice.
It was easy.
It worked.
At least, you thought so.
You hoped he did too.
‘’ Hey, ‘’ he called again, his voice alone forcing you to look up, ‘’ are you okay?’’
‘’ Yeah,’’ you smiled, making the few steps forward to close the gap.
You had never told him that you thought that way and came to think that you would die trying.
But keeping this feeling inside and unmentioned was becoming harder and harder, especially since it had been growing with each meal, with each night at either studio.
The two of you continued walking and although neither of you said anything else, you could feel his eyes resting on you. Only after a few steps did he focus on the street ahead of him.
There were a few times which had you believing that he felt for you what you feel for him. Each time the two of you would end up sitting beside each other in too tight of a space, legs and arms pressed against each other. When he would lean in a little too much to reach for something across the table, or say phrase a sentence a little too softly.
You even thought you caught him staring a few times while working, but you never called him out on it, not daring to.
Perhaps you should have.
You walked a little further in silence before Yoongi broke it, speaking up first.
‘’ Are you sure everything’s alright? You seem to be elsewhere today.’’
You didn’t answer him.
How could you?
How could you explain all of this to him? Was there even a way to do it?
‘’ At the studio I had to call your name three times before you looked at me, ‘’ he chuckled out, ‘’ and then while we ate. I’m still not too sure whether you heard me complaining about what Jin and Jungkook-ah were bickering about.’’
A smile softly spread across your lips, hidden behind your scarf.
About Jin’s snacks going missing.
‘’ Really Y/n, ‘’ he continued, eyes falling back to you, ‘’ if you want to call it a night, I’ll have someone drop you off at-‘’
‘’ No, really, ‘’ you started, turning to lock eyes with him, ‘’ I’m okay…’’
He looked at you.
You tried to bare the gaze. To hold it.
But you broke under the pressure, eyes falling back to your feet.
‘’ You’re not okay, I can see you’re not-‘’
‘’Its just, ‘’ you started, stopping again.
This time he stopped walking the moment you did.
You dug your nails into your palms. What were you doing?!
You looked up at him, finding his dark eyes looking right back at you. His gaze was warm and friendly and you held onto it. The feeling in your chest, the pressure, it became too much.
You couldn’t just ignore it anymore. If it wasn’t today, then it was never.
And never was an awful word who’s meaning you couldn’t bare.
So it was today.
It was now.
‘’ I like you Yoongi.’’
For a horrible second, nothing happened. His expression didn’t alter, his lips didn’t curl up into a smile and he didn’t say anything. The words just hung in the air, like shattered glass waiting to fall. Everything felt horrible and for a moment you felt exposed, as if everything would come crashing down within moments.
But then he smiled, eyes slightly scrunching up.
‘’ I like you too, you’re one of my closest-‘’
‘’ No Yoongi, ‘’ you said, frowning. It took everything in you to interrupt him, to make him realize the weight of the words you had just spoken.
The confession.
‘’ I like you Yoongi. ‘’ Your voice hitched a little, but you hoped, prayed that he would see you.
Hear you.
‘’ Oh. ‘’ He said, looking at you with parted lips and a small frown.
‘’ Oh. ‘’ With the repeated word came a step back.
A step that killed you.
Your gaze fell onto your feet again and you felt your heart shatter inside of your hollowness that repeated his 2 lettered word.
Oh.
‘’ I’m sorry.’’ You whispered, voice muffled by your scarf. You couldn’t even hear the whispered apology and you doubted very much that Yoongi could hear it.
You wanted to disappear. You shouldn’t have said anything.
How stupid of you.
What did you expect would happen? That he’d say the same words back? That he felt for you what you feel for him?
Stupid.
The awful silence dragged on and with each minute that passed you wanted to disappear that much more.
‘’ I’m.. ‘’ He suddenly said, finally looking up at you.
You didn’t dare meet his gaze, but you felt his eyes on you.
‘’ I’m incredibly humbled by your words, really, ‘’ his tone wasn’t hard, ‘’ it’s just… ‘’
His voice trailed off, but after a small sigh Yoongi continued.
‘’ Its just that I thought we were work friends.’’
Word Friends.
Did work friends do what the two of you done?
Did ‘work friends’ spend time with eachothers friends, the way the two of you had? Did ‘work friends’ go out to late night dinners in between working slots the way the two of you do? Did apparent work friends talk about subject the two of you talked about, or even confessed and discussed eachothers lives as thoroughly and deeply as you and Yoongi had?
You didn’t know.
But you did know that you had never had such a ‘work friend’ like Yoongi ever before.
‘’ Work friends.’’ You whispered, tone laced with defeat.
‘’ Yea. ‘’ Yoongi mumbled out, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets.
A knock at the door startles you as you finish applying lotion to your hands, the finishing touch to getting ready for date night. Usually, you and your boyfriend Taehyung make do with smaller dates like a movie night or a trip to the local ice cream shop, but he insists on taking you somewhere nice this time.
So nice in fact that you’ve put on some of your best clothes. You glacé stay the mirror in your room before you walking to the front door, quite satisfied with how you look. You won’t it open and there stands Taehyung looking absolutely stunning. He has on a form fitting suit with his hair slicked back and wowie you’re smitten. Tae leans forward for a quick kiss before mentions how good you look.
“You ready to go, beautiful?” You nod and take his hand, closing the door before making you way to his car. He insisted that he’d pick you up after his meetings today, and you couldn’t be happier to see him.
The drive goes quick and you’re to the restaurant before you know it, something in another language you don’t quite catch. He pulls you inside, telling the hostess there should be a reservation for Kim. She leads you over to a circular table in front of a window with an amazing view of the city.
Tae pulls your seat back so you can sit, gently pushing it inward and towards the table. The place is pretty fancy with high chandeliers and shiny columns. He wanders to his seat across from you before removing his jacket and sitting down.
A waiter comes over soon after, and you quickly peruse the menu before giving her your order. Taehyung takes a bit longer before choosing something for himself. He asks the waiter what she recommends for a drink. As it turns out, they have a wine that’s over 10 years old and Tae wants it.
“A tasty drink for my tasty partner.” He gives you a little wink and you roll your eyes, the waiter giving a small laugh before collecting the menus and leaving. You talk about your day, and he listens carefully, taking in everything that you have to say readily.
The waitress brings back the food and drinks in record time, laying out everything in front of you. It looks delicious so you quickly dig into it all. The wine is phenomenal as well, a sweet red that tastes faintly of cherries. You glance up after a sip to see Tae staring at you delightedly.
“Is there something on my face?” You joke while swiping at your lips with the back of your hand. Pulling it back, you lean in closer to look at him. Tae shakes his head lightly, a charming smile coming to his face.
“No, you’re just so beautiful. I never get tired of looking at you.” Your cheeks flush at this even though you’re not surprised. Taehyung has always had a way with words, easily flustering you. You can’t say that you mind though.
You finish your food leisurely, pleased to get to spend time with your boyfriend. It’s insane how smitten someone can be, but you wouldn’t have it any other way you continue to think about how lucky you are as Tae asks for the check to pay.
“Ready to go?” You nod and before you can make a move, he walks back around to grab you coat and pull out your seat. Taehyung wraps the jacket back around your body before kissing your cheek lightly. With that, you start to walk towards the city and out the door.
“I had a wonderful time with you Y/N.” You grin at him and slip your hand into his. Leaning against him, you breath in the crisp air as the sky turns to a pretty plum color.
Yellow - MID MORNING
Taking a deep breath, you gaze up at the sky. It smells strongly of flowers, which is unsurprising as you sit close to a whole garden of them. It’s such a radiant day, insanely warm but great for a picnic. Clouds slowly glide by as you lay back and absorb the sun’s rays.
There’s a slam of a car door, and then Hoseok is walking around the car, baskets in hand. He beams happily, bright smile nearly blinding you as he bounces over the blanket he’s set up. You can’t deny that he looks nearly ethereal in the sunlight, golden rays of the sun highlighting his honey skin.
You watch silently as he sets the baskets down in on the soft blanket and takes out the food that you both made together earlier that morning. He had suggested this picnic date a few weeks back, and since then had been excitedly talking about it almost daily. It was hard to get time together with how busy you both were, so planning ahead seemed to be key.
“I don’t know about you sugar, but I’m excited to sit back and relax.” A grin graces your lips and Hoseoks as he slides down beside you, propping himself up on his elbow to gaze down at your face. His hand ghosts close to one of your hands, eyes flickering across your features. He grabs for it then, holding it in his grasp as he stroked his thumb across the delicate skin.
“I could definitely do with some relaxation, but I’m just excited to spend some time with you Hobi.” His face is shadowed over as he leans in closer, each feature further defined in your eyes. It’s always been a wonder as to how a man could be so handsome.
His hand drops yours as it comes up to cup your face, and he leans in to offer you a quick peck on the lips. You smile at this, leaning farther into his hand as you bask in his presence. He giggles excitedly, pecks your nose, and then falls back into place beside you.
Hoseok gets back up and shuffles over to the baskets, pulling out a number of various items for you to snack on. You follow languidly, leaning almost heavily into his side as he organizes the food. He finishes and sits back, head dipping down to rest on yours as you settle into each other further. Your eyes slowly close as you sink into the comforting feeling.
You’re both silent after this, sitting side by side as the fluffy clouds continue to pass overhead. The feeling of warmth from not only the sun above, but the stunning man next to you brings forth so much comfort. Who would've thought you'd still be so in love nearly 3 years later?
Something slightly wet touches your lips and you gasp, allowing Hobi to slide the fruit he held into your mouth. He chuckles again, loving the look of your bewildered face as he pulls his hand back and sucks the juice off of his fingers. He's never really been one to be subtle...
“You want some more?" His grin morphs into something a bit more suggestive as he smirks and winks at you. You jokingly scoff as he turns back to the basket, turning your own head to hide the slight blush. As excellent as the food looked, Hoseok was looking even better.
Brief summary You and Yoongi have been an item for a short while now, but things go south when the two of you fight before he leaves for tour. Neither of you speak for 2 months and you make some choices that you regret, thinking that the relationship is over. Once he comes back, however…
word count: 3,981
main pairing: Yoongi x Reader
genre: angst
warnings: swearing
a/n: last chapter... for now i think. I’m not too happy with it, to be honest and i think its mostly to do with the ending. someday i may come back and do a pt9 if I find there to be enough to write about. But i digress! Thank you all for sticking around and reading this series - whether you’ve been here from the start { you know who you are^^ } or if you’ve just found it. Thank you for supporting me, for re-blogging and leaving comments. Writing honestly means the world to me. Thank you for supporting a piece of it <.3
!! open to any chat / criticism !!
You walked out of the apartment and didn’t look back. Couldn’t.
If you stopped now or at any other point during the day, looked back or even thought twice it would all be lost. It would all come crashing down, caving in on itself in its own pitiful way.
So you didn’t.
You followed your thought without looking back, telling yourself that its okay and that you’ll live.
But they didn’t hit, the words you half-heartedly told yourself weren’t believed in or even acknowledged.
First up was your workplace.
When you first started working here, you were all too sure that it would last. It was the perfect place to you in every sense and meaning of the word. During your years here, there were a few hiccups here and there, but it was nothing major. Each and every workplace has its own issues now and then and this one was no exception. However, in the end they all turned into inside jokes or valuable lessons that more than one person learnt from. You would often repeat how you’d come crashing down with the place if it ever came to it, how you would go down with the ship if the business started to sink.
It was your comfort corner when you first moved to Seoul. Moved out from your small hometown into a huge industrial city. Not only a city, but a capital. The capital. Although you remembered how utterly nervous and shaken you were first during the job interview and then later on your first day, the place soon became one of the few places which didn’t send your heart and body shaking. It became familiar and friendly, instead of strange and angry. You were dedicated and determined to stay and continue building your career here, convinced that you would continue climbing up with each promotion. You were all too determined to stay, knowing perfectly well in your mind that you’d give up anything to save this place.
But now…Now you couldn’t even bring yourself to feel anything as you were walking away, leaving behind a letter of resignation without a moment’s hesitation.
The dorms were a bit of a walk away, but you didn’t mind.
You walked and let your eyes fall on your surroundings, taking everything in. First, the busy people, all rushing past with their own lives to chase and catch up with. Some had their faces buried in their phones, too absorbed with their own issues to acknowledge anyone else. Others, however, did look at each other and smiled in a greeting, unwilling to force themselves to say ‘ hello ‘ . Secondly, you allowed yourself to looked up at the sky as you walked, your breath visible in the surrounding cold air. You noticed how clear the sky was, a nice pale blue color with some stray puffs of white here and there. You noticed how the sun’s rays fell on the leaves of the trees, how the light bounced off the hurrying people beside you. You took some comfort in the surrounding buzz, in the rushing sound of the wind or the rumble of the engines of the cars beside you, grateful for any noise as a source of distraction.
But all noise died down a bit once you turned onto the street on which the boys lived.
You counted the steps as you reached their front door. You lifted your hand.
For a few fleeting moments it hesitated before the door.
You stared at your hand for a second, forcing it to knock once, twice, three times.
Deep breath.
The door swung open.
Jungkook, a surprised, ‘’ oh, ‘’ leaving his lips.
You forced a smile after a few moments of him staring.
‘’ What? Did you expect the delivery guy? ‘’
He lightly chuckled, stepping aside and motioning for you to come in.
‘’ No, no, ‘’ he quickly replied, scratching the back of his neck as he closed the door with his other hand, ‘’ its just that Yoongi-hyung is at his studio right now…’’
‘’ I know. ‘’ Another smile.
‘’ You do?’’
‘’ Yea.’’ You said, breaking his gaze as you started to rummage in your bag, forcing yourself to act as if you didn’t notice how odd it was for you to show up like this, uninvited and out of the blue.
Jungkook stood quietly in front of you, watching.
You didn’t blame him for not saying anything. You weren’t quite sure what you would say if you were in his position, either.
‘’ Ah, ’’ you finally exclaimed as you started to pull out a black cord from out of your bag, ‘’ you guys left this. I’m pretty sure it’s from the console.’’
Jungkook took the cord from your outstretched hand. He frowned, examining it.
‘’Are you sure-‘’
‘’ Was that the delive!-oh.’’ Taehyung walked out into the hallway, stopping when he saw you. A smile spread across his lips as he quickly hurried over to you, pulling you into a hug as he wrapped his arms around you.
‘’ Y/n! What are you doing here?! You’re freezing! Did you walk here?’’
His concerned remarks made you frown, breaking his gaze as he let you go. You swallowed back the pathetic lump that was starting to form, forcing down a sob along with it.
You looked up at him after a while, a small smile on your lips.
‘’ Y/n? She’s here? ‘’ Jimin asked, head peeking from one of the rooms. He chuckled a little after seeing the three of you standing in the hallway. ‘’ Why are you guys just standing there?’’ He laughed.
‘’ Right.’’ Jungkook said, shoving the cord into his back pocket before leading the way into the main room.
Jimin was quick to get up onto his feet and make his way to you as the other two passed by and settled themselves in the room. He pulled you into a hug, molding himself into you as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. You clung onto him, lightly balling his shirt in your fist before forcing yourself to not think.
‘’ Are you guys the only ones here?’’ You asked as you all settled down.
‘’ Yea. ‘’ Taehyung answered.
‘’ Namjoon, Jin and Hobi-hyung are going over the choreography. They should be back soon enough though, if you want to stick around?’’ Jungkook asked, his eyes locking with yours.
You looked away, focusing on the sky outside through the window. ‘’ Ah no, that’s okay. I just came by to drop off the cord.’’
‘’ The cord?’’ Jimin asked, frowning, ‘’ what cor-‘’
‘’ The one from the console.’’ Jungkook interrupted, pulling out the thing and handing it over to Jimin.
The boy took the thing from him and inspected it in the same way the youngest did. He frowned a little, opening his mouth a little as he looked up at Jungkook. But the younger’s eyes must have said something that his mouth didn’t, because Jimin’s eyes were quick to fall on you. You felt his eyes on you and for a moment you let him take you in before you met his gaze.
He was still frowning, an unspoken question on his still parted lips. But his mouth closed when you didn’t break the gaze. Instead, his expression softened and he nodded a little, as if understanding what was happening.
You quietly thanked him for not asking out loud.
‘’Or you could come over later today?’’ Taehyung asked, his eyes flicking from one person to the next.
‘’ I just came by to drop off the cord.’’ You repeated, getting up with a small smile.
‘’ Oh, okay. ‘’ He said, getting up as well. He led the way to the door, but you came to a stop as you were just about to leave the main room. You turned around and looked at the 2 younger boys sitting down, each focusing on something on the floor.
‘’ See you.’’ You said, lifting your hand up in a good-bye.
They looked up, eyes a little wide.
‘’ See you. ‘’
A soft reply.
You turned around and locked your eyes on Taehyung who was waiting at the door, rummaging through some drawer. Just as you walked up to him, the boy managed to pull out a-
‘’ Scarf?’’ You asked, slightly taken back.
‘’ Yea.’’ He said, staring at you, ‘’ it’s really cold out right now.’’
You smiled at him, taking the scarf from his outstretched hand.
You tugged at him a little, pulling him into a hug.
‘’ Thank you, ‘’ you whispered to him, a small crack audible in your voice.
‘’ Please stay safe, Y/n.’’ He whispered back, his own voice hitching.
During your walk to the next place you didn’t bother noticing anything. You felt too empty and any specific thought would throw you into a fit of sobs, so you locked your eyes on your feet and counted as you made each step instead. 1…2…3..4…5…6..7..8…
By the time you were nearing the place of their dance practice studio, the sun was a few hours past its highest point. For a moment you managed to question if they were still in there and if they would let you in, as agreed on beforehand. But they didn’t fail. Hoseok cleared you upon entrance and you were quick to make your way down to them after that. You counted the doors as you passed by them, eventually finding the one from which familiar muffled music was coming from.
You slipped into the room, softly closing the door behind you while finding a dancing Hoseok and Namjoon. They were both dancing at the same time, Joon watching Hoseok as they both completed the moves at the same time, with the elder watching the other in the reflection of the mirror. You watched as they danced, sharp moves following each beat.
Once the song ended and the two broke out of their finishing positions you clapped a few times.
‘’ Y/n. ‘’ Hoseok smiled, spinning around to look at you, ‘’ so you ended up coming after all?’’ He breathed out.
You smiled softly at him, ‘’ of course. Good job on the moves. ‘’
‘’ Thanks. ‘’ Namjoon smiled in reply, reaching down for his bottle of water. He pressed it against his forehead, relishing in the feeling for a moment and catching his breath before speaking up again, ‘’ you just missed Jin, by the way. He walked out about 5 minutes ago.’’
‘’ Ah, that’s okay, ‘’ you mumbled before quickly changing the topic, ‘’ so how are all of you getting along? The choreo looks a lot faster than before.’’
Joon chuckled, ‘’ you’re telling me?!’’
‘’ Ah, you’re doing well.’’ Hoseok said,patting Namjoon’s back before taking a swing from his own water bottle.
‘’ We’re all doing okay for the stage that we are at, to be frank… ‘’ He trailed off, hesitating a bit.
You briefly prepped yourself for his next words, knowing quite well what was coming next.
‘’ You’ll all do great. ‘’ You smiled, flicking your eyes from one to the other, ‘’ you always do.’’
‘’ Thanks.’’ Joon smiled while Hoseok breathed out a small, distracted ‘yea’, his eyes focused on the floor. Namjoon took another swing of his water before taking a few steps away from you, focusing on his reflection in the mirror as he practiced some of the faster moves.
You and Hoseok stood side by side for a while, quietly watching Joon go over the moves. You counted the seconds as they ticked by.
‘’ Y/n…’’ Hoseok spoke up.
There it was.
‘’ Do you know if Yoongi is planning on stopping by to go over some of the choreo? He says he’s working on something in his studio, but… ‘’
You pretend not to notice his eyes flicking to you as your focus remained on Namjoon instead. Your hands turned to fists at your sides as you clung onto your coat as you crossed your arms.
‘’ I’m not too sure, sorry Hobi.’’
He smiled a little, ‘’ it’s okay. I’ll just talk to him later on.’’
More silent seconds passed by as the two of you quietly watched Joon practice. Eventually the silence was broken when he spoke up.
‘’ Hey! Is it like this,’’ Namjoon stepped forward with his left foot then back with the right, doing an arm motion at the same time, ‘’ or is it with the right first then the left?’’
‘’ It’s with the left first, but the arm goes right at- no you need to do it- okay, yea now you just have to- no- wait, ‘’ Hoseok sighed, turning to look at you.
‘’ Give me a moment?’’
‘’ Ah no, don’t mind me. I have to get going now anyway.’’
‘’ You do?’’ Namjoon asked, a bit taken back. He took a few steps to close the distance between Hoseok, you and him. ‘’ I thought you were going to stay until the rest came? Then we could go-‘’
‘’ Maybe some other day. ‘’ You smiled at him.
‘’ Oh yea, of course.’’
You looked at him, actually taking him in.
His wide, startled eyes. His flushed cheeks and pushed back hair. It would have made you giggle on any other occasion. His red cheeks reminded you of the early days where you got to tag along with him and Yoongi, sometimes making trips to different take-out places, others to different small bars that didn’t overprice their stuff.
A pang went through you and you forced yourself to look away from Namjoon and quickly focus on Hoseok instead. On his usually bright smile and warm laugh. On how determined he was to keep others happy, to make them smile. You knew you could count on him, no matter what.
You took in a shaky breath before wrapping your arms around Namjoon. The action briefly startled him, but he hugged you back fast enough. You whispered a small ‘thank you’ to him, not knowing whether he heard you or not, but once you pulled away his expression told you that yes, he did.
Hoseok was quick to pull you into a hug right after. You buried your face in the crook of his neck when your eyes threatened to spill tears you could just about manage to hold back.
‘’ We’ll always be here for you. ‘’ He whispered, forcing you to bite your lip to not sob out.
‘’ Please take care of him.’’ You whispered back once you were sure your voice wouldn’t catch.
You felt him nod into you, but instead of cheering you up the action just broke you a little more.
Somehow, the trip back home felt short. Maybe it was the extra warmth that the scarf provided, or maybe it was the fact that you didn’t exactly want to be home. But then again, it wasn’t like you wanted to be anywhere right now.
You knew holding yourself together around them would be hard, but you didn’t expect it to be as difficult as it was. Maybe you should have thought it out more, played it off better. It took Jungkook a mere few seconds to realize that the cord you brought was bullshit and even less for Jimin to realize the same. Taehyung would have probably realized just as fast if he saw it, but it seemed like he figured everything out on his own. By the time you walked out, you were pretty sure that Jimin knew what was going on. Jungkook would have probably realized by now as well.
Then you came to see Namjoon… Hoseok…
You scoffed.
So much for you not dragging anyone else into this.
So much for you not dragging anyone else down.
Was this really what you wanted for them? Maybe you shouldn’t have even came, seen them all.
But would that not make things worse?
Didn’t you owe it? To Jimin, the only person who knew how to comfort you when nobody else did? When the people that knew you better couldn’t? To Hoseok, who you knew you could forever count on to be the life of anything, any situation? Who you depended on and asked small favors of, resulting in him complying with each one? To Namjoon, the one who helped you out no matter how weird your request or how inconvenient it was for him?
Didn’t you owe it to them all? For coping with you? For letting you be a part of their life, their group, if even for a while?
And how did you repay them for all of that?
You cried out, quickly pressing the scarf against your mouth to muffle out the pathetic noise. If you could just about manage to face them, how could you face Yoongi?
Could you?
You didn’t bother staying quiet when you hit home.
With each piece of your life you packed away came a memory. Each memory fueled the tears that blurred your vision, making you wipe at them with anger.
This was it, wasn’t it?
Today marked the last day of many things, didn’t it?
When you placed the bags in the small hallway, you managed to catch a glimpse of yourself in the small mirror. You noticed how red your eyes were, how puffy your cheeks. You didn’t recognize the reflection.
This time it was you who was left waiting for Jin.
It give you time to prep-talk yourself. To hold back tears and force your breathing to calm down, to slow down.
But it all proved useless when your eyes fell on Seokjin, your eyes automatically tearing up. You noticed how confused his expression was and how realization seemed to wash over him once his eyes fell on. He slipped into the seat across from you and quickly reached for your hand, squeezing it.
‘’ You don’t have to do this. Stay and talk to him, it’ll wo-‘’
‘’ It won’t. ‘’ You whispered, squeezing your eyes shut.
You couldn’t do this, couldn’t let him talk you into things like that. You would listen, you knew you would. And you couldn’t. Not now.
You couldn’t look up at him, knowing that once you saw his wide eyes and frown you’d break even more.
‘’ I’m so sorry.’’ Your voice caught as another quiet sob left your lips, ‘’ please take care of him. I shouldn’t ask this of you, but let me be selfish and request it of you. Please help him be okay.’’
You looked up at him with your wet cheeks, only to find him wiping at his own eyes.
He just nodded, unable to look at you.
You understood why.
The two of you sat in a quiet sobbing silence for a long while. Sometimes it was him squeezing your hand, others it was you reassuring him with a tight squeeze. Neither of you looked at the other, lost in your own mind and thoughts.
You wanted to thank Jin for everything. For being your listening ear, for saving you more than once. For getting you out of trouble, for being there. For being him.
And you wanted to apologize to him, most of all. For pulling him into this mess, your mess. But you also wanted to thank him because in your own selfish way you were thankful that he was willing to be there for you, despite what had happened.
But the actual goodbye wasn’t like that.
It was a long, tight hug outside as you lightly swayed from side to side, eyes too red and tried to cry. It was muffled whispers of ‘thank yous’ and ‘you’ll be okay’. It was soft.
It was gentle.
It was brutal.
Once you reached your door you slipped the key into the lock, only to find that the door was already unlocked.
A shiver went through you, mind going blank.
He was here.
You swung the door open, finding that your bags were exactly were you had left them.
‘’ Yoongi?’’ You called, stepping into the apartment, turning to shut the door, ‘’ are you here?’’
‘’ Are you leaving?’’
You stared at the door, your back facing him.
‘’ Shouldn’t you be at practice? Hoseok said you’ve missed rehear-‘’
‘’ Are you leaving?’’ He repeated, voice a little sharper.
‘’ You shouldn’t miss the practices. The choreography looks a lot more difficult than any of your previous-‘’
‘’ Look at me.’’ He whispered voice a lot closer now.
You could feel how close he was to you.
‘’ Please don’t do this.’’ He mumbled, pressing each palm against the door, caging you between it and his body, ‘’ don’t go.’’
You shuddered, eyes burning. Your breathing shallowed and your voice wouldn’t do what you wanted it to do.
‘’ Don’t go, ‘’ he repeated, voice more desperate, ‘’ I don’t give a fuck about anything you did, anything you thought of doing. I don’t fucking care. Just… please…’’
You shivered, shaking with a sob.
‘’ None of that matters, don’t you get that? ‘’ He pulled at your shoulder, forcing you to look at him.
‘’ Don’t you see how much you fucking matter to me? How much of me you’re holding, how much of me you’ve always held? If you go now or tomorrow or 50 fucking years from now I won’t be okay because you’ll be taking so many parts of me with you. ‘’
‘’ Yoongi, please-‘’ You whispered, shaking with a sob, ‘’you deserve better, someone good for you. Plea-‘’
‘’ Good for me! ‘’ He scoffed, taking a few steps away from you. ‘’ You’re good for me! So you messed around with other guys, big fucking deal.‘’ He threw his arms in the air, ‘’ I’m a big boy, I can handle that. Don’t treat me like a kid.’’
‘’ And what does that make me, huh?’’ You yelled, angry tears wetting your cheeks, ‘’ some fucking girlfriend I am, right?’’
‘’ A good one! We should have talked before I went. That’s what the fight was about to begin with, do you remember? I do. I realized when I walked in and saw the fucking bags right up at the front door. All of this started because we argued about us not communicating. ‘’
He scoffed, a bitter chuckle leaving his lips. ‘’ Well, they’re communication enough. The message is loud and clear. Now, please don’t fucking go.’’
You squeezed your eyes shut, taking in a shallow breath, ‘’ please don’t say that.’’
‘’ What? Don’t go? ’’ He asked, closing the space between the two of you to rest his forehead on yours, his own eyes squeezing shut, his breath gently fanning your face.
You looked up at him. There was hope in his tone and it was too clear for you. You knew that if you stayed a moment longer he would convince you into staying. Into repeating the loop. Into breaking him further.
A memory flashed by as you took in his soft expression of your fingertips tracing his round, gentle features as you lay side by side.
You reached out now, letting your trembling fingertips selfishly trace his features. You cupped his face and let your thumbs lightly run over his closed eyes, his cheekbones, his nose and eventually his soft lips.
You took them in yours and kissed him as softly as you could manage.
You pulled away after a while and his eyes fluttered open.
‘’ Thank you for everything.’’ You whispered, reaching to grab at your bags.
You turned around and reached for the handle, pressing on it to allow the door to open.
Brief summary You and Yoongi have been an item for a short while now, but things go south when the two of you fight before he leaves for tour. Neither of you speak for 2 months and you make some choices that you regret, thinking that the relationship is over. Once he comes back, however…
word count: 3,658
main pairing: Yoongi x Reader
genre: angst, light fluff?
warnings: n/a i think??
a/n: this is the longest chapter yet, i think haha. i’d like to give a quick thank you to @shoutingink & @jeaneteflo who never fail to leave a comment on the chapters which not only make me smile, but also encourage me to continue writing. thank you so much for reading and leaving any comments! they don’t go by unseen <3
if you want your tag removed/added, feel free to message me c:
!! I’m always open to messages of any sort !!
When the second knock came you paused the game and sat up, listening. You were tempted to wait for a third knock, so you stalled. Having company over didn’t particularly appeal to you right now, knowing perfectly well that it wasn’t Yoongi at the door right now. It couldn’t be. Although it was late, it wasn’t that late. Not late enough for him to be back. Besides, why would he knock? He had the keys.
Yet…
The small possibility that it was him made you dismiss the notion of waiting for a third knock. You left for the door, swinging it open – only to be taken back.
‘‘ Jimin?’‘ You mumbled.
It was him. Although his face was hidden behind a mask, you knew his frame too well to mistake him for anyone else.
You heard a muffled giggle.
‘‘ I know, I know. Sorry. ‘‘
His presence did take you by surprise at first and apparently your face clearly showed that, as suggested by his apology. It was somewhat uncommon for any of the boys to show up at your place on their own. Although you were friends and close with all of them, usually you all stayed in here as a group, rarely as a pair. Saying that, you weren’t unhappy to see him.
You stepped away from the door and motioned for Jimin to enter, which he swiftly did.
‘‘ I know it’s late, I’m sorry to barge in on you like this, ‘‘ He smiled, pulling down his face-mask and unzipping his hoodie, all while stepping into the small hallway.
You shook your head, letting him know that it wasn’t a big deal.
‘‘ The missing console, ‘’ He started, pausing when you motioned for him to follow you deeper into the apartment, ‘’Jungkook-ah… He realized that it didn’t make the trip back to the dorms with us last night,‘‘ he continued, following after you into the kitchen.
‘‘ So he wants it back? ‘‘ You asked, smirking to yourself. Of course he did.
You pointed at the kettle, to which Jimin nodded. You prepped 2 cups for tea.
‘‘ He’s not the only one, to be honest. ‘‘ He sighed, shaking his head.
‘‘ Taehyung? ‘‘ You wondered.
‘‘ Tae. ‘‘ He confirmed.
You chuckled in response, knowing pretty well what the situation at the dorms must be like right now. Since they were preoccupied with preparations for their comeback, gaming acted as a nice breakaway for them. It never really resulted in anything serious if their gaming was put to a temporary stop, just some whining and questions of when they could play again.
‘‘ So you’re the diplomat this time? ‘‘ You questioned, turning around to reach for the boiled kettle.
‘‘ Ah, I wouldn’t say that. But he’s the youngest. And he likes playing it, so why not let him, you know? ‘‘
You smiled to yourself, knowing just how much Jimin cared for their youngest member. When you first realized how young Jungkook was when he joined the group, it scared you a little. Leaving parents that young would have been hard for anyone. You knew that the boys would take care of him – of course they would – but your heart was put at ease most significantly by your witnessing just how much Jimin cared for Jungkook. Although it was undeniable that they all cared for eachother, the fact that the youngest member had, and still has, his own personal carer always made your heart soften and rest at ease. To know that someone that young had someone who he could rely on – someone that acted as a trusted older brother. It also made you admire Jimin a lot, as he was a kid himself back then, but decided to take care of another anyway in such a significant manner. You knew that doing such a thing put a lot of pressure on somebody; a big responsibility. Yet Jimin never complained and never failed to rise above and beyond the set out expectations that were placed upon him.
You smiled a little, remembering how grateful you felt – and still feel - that you got to experience his big heart first-hand.
Soon enough the two of you were sitting down across from eachother on the small table that the somewhat little kitchen allowed. You wrapped your hands around the warm mug, appreciating the heat that warmed your stiff hands; stiff from sitting in one position for the majority of the day, staring at the TV screen.
For a few moments, neither of you spoke.
And it was okay.
When it came to Jimin, he seemed to make everything easier. Interactions and conversations with him always seemed effortless. They always flowed and never stumbled. He carried an atmosphere with him that made even silence feel comforting. If he told you that you would be okay, no matter the situation and the context in which it was said, you believed him - believed that you would be fine. Believed that things would somehow work themselves out. You knew how comforting his words were.
Although you knew the boys for the same amount of time that they have known eachother, you have grown closest with Jimin probably the latest. It wasn’t really anything planned - and it wasn’t that one of you disliked the other - the two of you simply didn’t spend a lot of time alone within eachothers company alone to bond close. You were usually off with Yoongi and he with Jungkook or Taehyung. It was more common for you to tease him within the presence of the entire group, or for him to joke around while his friends were around. However, that changed one day – and for that night you would be forever indebted to, to Jimin. If you honestly thought about it, you knew why you sought him out that night, him instead of Yoongi. You sometimes heard Yoongi mention how if he ever had any issues he couldn’t deal with, Jimin would be the first person he would go to. He came to explain that there wasn’t a thing Jimin would say that wouldn’t be helpful, that comforting others almost came as second nature to him. That really stuck with you.
Although you had your own friends, you didn’t want them around at the time. They were too close, which meant that they wouldn’t know what to say and how to comfort you. So it was Jimin’s number that you sought out. He came as soon as you texted. Although he was a bit startled at first, finding you sobbing in your room, he didn’t stand frozen for long. Somehow, Jimin knew what to do. Knew how to hold you, what to say and when to let silence fall. He didn’t pry, but did know what questions to ask to help you form coherent thoughts. Ever since that night, things shifted between the two of you and suddenly spending time as a pair came easily.
You always knew that the boys took care of eachother. That in their individual minds, the other members always came first. That night you got to experience the extent of that - the extent to which Jimin’s heart reached. But it also made you realize of how aware he was of others. Of the subtle and small things he could pick up on and sense; how he knew when things weren’t exactly right.
You stared at your hands, wrapped around the mug.
‘‘ Besides, ‘‘ Jimin spoke, ‘‘ sometimes the two of them start messing around and it disturbs Yoongi-hyung. ‘‘
‘‘ Ah. ‘‘ You nodded, lifting the cup to your lips.
There it was.
His eyes studied you face for a minute, before his gaze dropped.
You set the cup down, focusing on his face.
‘‘ The console.. It’s not the only thing that brought you here, is it?’‘
Your tone wasn’t accusing. It was soft, laced with subtle worry.
His eyes rested on his own hands which were wrapped around his own mug. A small, defeated smile played on his lips for a moment before he spoke up.
‘‘ No. ‘‘
You didn’t say anything, eyes resting on his face. He didn’t need to elaborate. You had a fair idea as to why Jimin was still sitting in front of you and wasn’t on his way back to the dorms, the console within his possesion.
He sighed a little, as if preparing himself to speak his thoughts out loud.
You felt as if a cold bucket of water was thrown over you; you weren’t prepared for this.
‘’ Are you and Yoongi-hyung okay? ‘’ His tone was gentle, careful.
The question was innocent. His eyes were soft, worried. Yet no matter the gentleness in which the question was presented by, it still pierced through you.
What were you to say? Judging by what had occurred between you and Yoongi earlier on, he wanted to believe that yes, everything was ‘okay’. That nothing was out of the ordinary. You were supposed to go along with it, ignoring the fact that every fiber of your being wanted to go against acting as if everything was okay. You wanted to officially clear things up, all out in the open. But you couldn’t tell Jimin that. Not when you haven’t cleared things up with Yoongi first. But he didn’t want them cleared up, did he? So were you supposed to lie? To Jimin?
‘’I’m sorry, ‘’ Jimin broke the silence first, dropping his gaze again, ‘’ its just that last night you guys… ‘’ He trailed off.
Your eyes studied his face. The slight frown on his face told you just how worried he really was, how much worry the idea of Yoongi and you not being okay caused him.
You couldn’t leave Jimin hanging like this. But you also wouldn’t allow yourself to lie to him, so you forced yourself to approach this from a different angle.
‘’ What makes you think there’s something wrong? ‘’ You asked, voice gentle.
Jimin’s soft gaze met yours, a little shocked. Had he expected you to brush him off? To prove his worries as false?
‘’ Last night, ‘’ he breathed out, ‘’ you two didn’t really look at each other. ‘’
Ah.
‘’ And at the dorms, in his studio… Usually he’d come out once in a while or let one of us compose in his studio while he works on his own things, but now he’s really determined to stay there alone… ‘’
Oh.
A few silent seconds ticked by, unbroken.
‘’ It may be silly, our comeback is soon after all. It may just be stress. ‘’ His voice trailed off. Then, almost as if an afterthought, he rose the now somewhat cool mug to his lips and took a gulp of the tea you had made.
‘’ It’s not silly, ‘’ you reassured, ‘’ you’re all brothers. It’s natural for you to worry about him. ‘’
Jimin smiled a little at that, before dropping his eyes back onto the table.
You weren’t sure why he was avoiding your eyes. Did he really think he was treading on thin ice- ice on which he didn’t belong? Or was there something more, something that he wasn’t saying?
‘’ I know that he’s working on something with Namjoon right now.’’ You said, searching for his eyes. ‘’ It seems to be important.. ‘’ You let your voice trail off, hoping that he would look up and catch your eye.
He nodded a little, still not looking up. You could feel that there was something more going on, but you couldn’t quite place your finger on it. ‘’ Jimin, ‘’ you started, voice a whisper, ‘’ are alright?’’
You truly didn’t want Jimin to worry. What you had done was already unforgivable, affecting Yoongi in the way that it did. But you wouldn’t let it affect the group – you wouldn’t be the reason for their misery – no matter how insignificant and small it may seem to be.
You studied his face, unsure as to whether he believed your words or even heard your question. His dark gaze was still locked on the table, fingers still lingered motionless around the cup, brows lightly pulled together.
‘’ What is it? ‘’ You asked, tone light.
He looked up, a little startled. Once the two of you locked eyes, he smiled a little, eyes scrunching up.
‘’ Ah nothing, just realizing that I should probably start working a little harder on my own compositions. Few of my works usually make it through. ‘’
A small sigh escaped his lips. He stood up, quickly putting the now empty cup into the sink. You got up along with him, placing your hand around his arm in a re-assuring manner.
‘’ You’ll make it. I’ve read some of the things you wrote and they’re not bad – really. ‘’
It was true. Although you weren’t an expert by any means, the things Jimin wrote weren’t bad; all that he required was a bit more confidence within his own abilities.
‘’ Ah. ‘’ He smiled, turning away. ‘’ Don’t say such things. ‘’
A small chuckle escaped your lips as you let your hand fall from his arm.
‘’ Alright, lets go get this console so that you guys can call a truce down at the dorms. ‘’ You joked, heading for the living room.
‘’Actually, ‘’ Jimin started, making you turn around, ‘’ Jin-hyung is coming back tomorrow. I’m sure he’ll want to see you. ‘’
‘’ He is? ‘’ You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. The idea of seeing Seokjin so soon made you realize how much you had missed him, how much time had passed since he last pulled you into an embrace, since the last trip the two of you shared out. But… ‘’ Was he not to come back later during the week?’’
Jimin nodded. ‘’ Our comeback date got pushed up, ‘’ he spoke, quickly adding ‘’ so expect us all tomorrow. ‘’
You looked at him, slightly stunned.
Comeback date pushed up? But they had only just gotten back. Jin hadn’t seen his girlfriend in months. Those 2 days weren’t enough. They all needed a rest.
But you stopped yourself, biting your tongue. You had caused a row about this sort of thing already and it never ended up well. They were adamant about their responsibilities. That they owed it to their fans, that this was their job. So you decided that instead of lecturing them, you provided all that you could to make this easier for all. You pushed them to take a break when it was obviously clear that one was needed. You provided a getaway place, a change of environment. You tried to provide comfort from an outsider. Not that you were doing a particularly good job of providing that right now…
That give you an idea.
‘’ Jimin, Seokjin’s girlfriend didn’t change her phone number, had she? ‘’
You rolled over, for about the 20th time that night. The clock read 2:57am, meaning that you’ve been tossing and turning for about 3 hours now.
Jimin ended up leaving not long after telling you of Jin’s quick return. You urged him to take the console with him, but he brushed you off, claiming that since it was at your place it would ensure that everyone would show up tomorrow night and that it could be collected then. You didn’t protest, something that you were growing grateful for as sleep clearly wasn’t coming your way.
It started of with worrying about the group. If Jimin noticed, had the others? If so, were any questions asked of Yoongi? What did he say, if he even said anything? You weren’t even sure how you felt about the possibility of the others questioning him. If they were, it meant that they had serious worries concerning him, something that you felt horrible for. If Yoongi was answering.. you wanted him to answer honestly. Earlier, you were adamant about playing along, pretending that everything was okay. But how could you do that if this was already affecting others, as clearly evident from Jimin’s showing up tonight? You sighed, getting up. You were running around in circles inside of your own mind with no end in sight.
You got up and shrugged on one of Yoongi’s sweaters, pushing aside the bubbling guilt that was starting to rise inside of you. Although it wasn’t one he had taken on tour, it still somehow managed to smell like him, something for which you were grateful. Once you shuffled into the living room again, you powered on the console and flung yourself onto the sofa. Although the game was on, you weren’t really paying attention. Now you were back to square one, back to the spiral of what to do. This morning, you truly did accept your fate. You were ready to get over your feelings, if that was possible. You were ready to act as if you hadn’t completely messed up. But now.. If this was affecting another person, a third party, did you really have a right to act that way? Perhaps.. what if you waited another day or two? Maybe after tomorrow, things with Jimin might settle and his worries may dissolve? Surely, if he saw Yoongi and you acting he would think that nothing was wrong?
The idea of fooling, of lying to someone that had helped you when you were at your worst, brought a sickening feeling upon you. The hollowness within you grew, if that was even possible. Could you do that? Could you hurt someone that helped you?
Hadn’t you already?
You shuddered, dropping the controller onto your lap and crossed your arms across your chest instead. If you could, you would have sobbed. Cried out all of your feelings, your regret and anger. Crying alone somehow felt different than crying while getting comforted, and so far that’s the only crying you had done. Out of all people, you were comforted by the person who you had hurt the most. You didn’t deserve that. Yoongi didn’t deserve that. So why did he? Why did he comfort you, why did you allow him? Why had you broken down in front of him in the first place? Why were you even sitting here, repeating all of the same questions over and over again with no resolution in sight?
Subconsciously, your fingers rose to your closed lips. The memory of last night pushed itself onto the front lines of you mind. The feeling of his lips against yours, the mutual yearning and need that you both have felt. His plea.
The memory of his tone alone made you shudder. Were you supposed to repeat all of that by confronting him again?
‘’ Hey, why aren’t you in bed? ‘’
The sudden question made you jump a little. It was him. You hadn’t even heard him open the door – let alone walk in.
‘’ I couldn’t-,’’ your voice trailed off as soon as your eyes met his. He was leaning against the frame of the living room door, but his eyes were glazed.
‘’ Have you been drinking?’’
He smiled, an action that soon evolved into a light chuckle. A sound that didn’t fit the situation. ‘’ Yea. ‘’ He said, pushing himself off of the frame and began heading for the bedroom.
You frowned, following him.
‘’ Was anyone with you? ‘’
He didn’t answer. Instead, he started digging in the wardrobe, presumably for something fresh to sleep in. You could smell the alcohol from him, signaling that he wasn’t simply drinking within the dorms. This smell only came from public drinking places. Worry began to rise inside of you. You knew what drinking alone meant – let alone drinking alone in a public place - so you forced yourself to repeat the question.
‘’ Hey, ‘’ You started, reaching for his arm, ‘’’ was anyone else with you? ‘’
He shrugged off your hand.
‘’ As if you’re in any position to ask.’’ He spat.
You stepped back, shocked. Your eyes burned, but nothing came out of them. Your voice failed you, body motionless.
Yoongi stood frozen, head hanging low. ‘’ That’s not what-‘’ He cut off, closing his eyes. ‘’ I’m sorry. ‘’ He whispered, leaning his head on his outstretched arm, leaning on the wardrobe.
‘’ No. ‘’ You whispered, hugging yourself. ‘’ I deserved that… You have every right to say it. ‘’
‘’ No, I don’t. ‘’ He mumbled before looking up, eyes locking with yours.
For the first time his eyes didn’t hide anything. They showed just how much pain was hidden behind them. Pain that you were the cause of.
‘’ You do.’’ You stated. ‘’ I messed up. I really did, I shouldn’t have gone ou-‘’ You stopped.
His head turned away, frowning, as if the action would block out your words. He didn’t want this. He knew what you had done, that much was clear, but he didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t want to hear you confirming everything out loud.
‘’ I’m so sorry Yoongi… ‘’ You whispered, but your words were falling on deaf ears. He just nodded, still frowning at the floor.
I wish none of that ever happened. I regret us not doing more. I wish we didn’t have a petty fight. I wish we sorted it out. I wish we spoke. I wish I didn’t let you go when I was still angry with you.
I wish you hadn’t left.
But you didn’t say any of that. You couldn’t. He already knew.
He sat down, holding his head in his hands. That just told you how much he must have drunk. He took in a breath, as if ready to say something, but stopped himself before the words could be spoken.
