Brief summary You and Yoongi have been an item for a short while now, but things go south when the two of you fight before he leaves for tour. Neither of you speak for 2 months and you make some choices that you regret, thinking that the relationship is over. Once he comes back, however…
word count: 3,658
main pairing: Yoongi x Reader
genre: angst, light fluff?
warnings: n/a i think??
a/n: this is the longest chapter yet, i think haha. i’d like to give a quick thank you to @shoutingink & @jeaneteflo who never fail to leave a comment on the chapters which not only make me smile, but also encourage me to continue writing. thank you so much for reading and leaving any comments! they don’t go by unseen <3
if you want your tag removed/added, feel free to message me c:
!! I’m always open to messages of any sort !!
When the second knock came you paused the game and sat up, listening. You were tempted to wait for a third knock, so you stalled. Having company over didn’t particularly appeal to you right now, knowing perfectly well that it wasn’t Yoongi at the door right now. It couldn’t be. Although it was late, it wasn’t that late. Not late enough for him to be back. Besides, why would he knock? He had the keys.
Yet…
The small possibility that it was him made you dismiss the notion of waiting for a third knock. You left for the door, swinging it open – only to be taken back.
‘‘ Jimin?’‘ You mumbled.
It was him. Although his face was hidden behind a mask, you knew his frame too well to mistake him for anyone else.
You heard a muffled giggle.
‘‘ I know, I know. Sorry. ‘‘
His presence did take you by surprise at first and apparently your face clearly showed that, as suggested by his apology. It was somewhat uncommon for any of the boys to show up at your place on their own. Although you were friends and close with all of them, usually you all stayed in here as a group, rarely as a pair. Saying that, you weren’t unhappy to see him.
You stepped away from the door and motioned for Jimin to enter, which he swiftly did.
‘‘ I know it’s late, I’m sorry to barge in on you like this, ‘‘ He smiled, pulling down his face-mask and unzipping his hoodie, all while stepping into the small hallway.
You shook your head, letting him know that it wasn’t a big deal.
‘‘ The missing console, ‘’ He started, pausing when you motioned for him to follow you deeper into the apartment, ‘’Jungkook-ah… He realized that it didn’t make the trip back to the dorms with us last night,‘‘ he continued, following after you into the kitchen.
‘‘ So he wants it back? ‘‘ You asked, smirking to yourself. Of course he did.
You pointed at the kettle, to which Jimin nodded. You prepped 2 cups for tea.
‘‘ He’s not the only one, to be honest. ‘‘ He sighed, shaking his head.
‘‘ Taehyung? ‘‘ You wondered.
‘‘ Tae. ‘‘ He confirmed.
You chuckled in response, knowing pretty well what the situation at the dorms must be like right now. Since they were preoccupied with preparations for their comeback, gaming acted as a nice breakaway for them. It never really resulted in anything serious if their gaming was put to a temporary stop, just some whining and questions of when they could play again.
‘‘ So you’re the diplomat this time? ‘‘ You questioned, turning around to reach for the boiled kettle.
‘‘ Ah, I wouldn’t say that. But he’s the youngest. And he likes playing it, so why not let him, you know? ‘‘
You smiled to yourself, knowing just how much Jimin cared for their youngest member. When you first realized how young Jungkook was when he joined the group, it scared you a little. Leaving parents that young would have been hard for anyone. You knew that the boys would take care of him – of course they would – but your heart was put at ease most significantly by your witnessing just how much Jimin cared for Jungkook. Although it was undeniable that they all cared for eachother, the fact that the youngest member had, and still has, his own personal carer always made your heart soften and rest at ease. To know that someone that young had someone who he could rely on – someone that acted as a trusted older brother. It also made you admire Jimin a lot, as he was a kid himself back then, but decided to take care of another anyway in such a significant manner. You knew that doing such a thing put a lot of pressure on somebody; a big responsibility. Yet Jimin never complained and never failed to rise above and beyond the set out expectations that were placed upon him.
You smiled a little, remembering how grateful you felt – and still feel - that you got to experience his big heart first-hand.
Soon enough the two of you were sitting down across from eachother on the small table that the somewhat little kitchen allowed. You wrapped your hands around the warm mug, appreciating the heat that warmed your stiff hands; stiff from sitting in one position for the majority of the day, staring at the TV screen.
For a few moments, neither of you spoke.
And it was okay.
When it came to Jimin, he seemed to make everything easier. Interactions and conversations with him always seemed effortless. They always flowed and never stumbled. He carried an atmosphere with him that made even silence feel comforting. If he told you that you would be okay, no matter the situation and the context in which it was said, you believed him - believed that you would be fine. Believed that things would somehow work themselves out. You knew how comforting his words were.
Although you knew the boys for the same amount of time that they have known eachother, you have grown closest with Jimin probably the latest. It wasn’t really anything planned - and it wasn’t that one of you disliked the other - the two of you simply didn’t spend a lot of time alone within eachothers company alone to bond close. You were usually off with Yoongi and he with Jungkook or Taehyung. It was more common for you to tease him within the presence of the entire group, or for him to joke around while his friends were around. However, that changed one day – and for that night you would be forever indebted to, to Jimin. If you honestly thought about it, you knew why you sought him out that night, him instead of Yoongi. You sometimes heard Yoongi mention how if he ever had any issues he couldn’t deal with, Jimin would be the first person he would go to. He came to explain that there wasn’t a thing Jimin would say that wouldn’t be helpful, that comforting others almost came as second nature to him. That really stuck with you.
Although you had your own friends, you didn’t want them around at the time. They were too close, which meant that they wouldn’t know what to say and how to comfort you. So it was Jimin’s number that you sought out. He came as soon as you texted. Although he was a bit startled at first, finding you sobbing in your room, he didn’t stand frozen for long. Somehow, Jimin knew what to do. Knew how to hold you, what to say and when to let silence fall. He didn’t pry, but did know what questions to ask to help you form coherent thoughts. Ever since that night, things shifted between the two of you and suddenly spending time as a pair came easily.
You always knew that the boys took care of eachother. That in their individual minds, the other members always came first. That night you got to experience the extent of that - the extent to which Jimin’s heart reached. But it also made you realize of how aware he was of others. Of the subtle and small things he could pick up on and sense; how he knew when things weren’t exactly right.
You stared at your hands, wrapped around the mug.
‘‘ Besides, ‘‘ Jimin spoke, ‘‘ sometimes the two of them start messing around and it disturbs Yoongi-hyung. ‘‘
‘‘ Ah. ‘‘ You nodded, lifting the cup to your lips.
There it was.
His eyes studied you face for a minute, before his gaze dropped.
You set the cup down, focusing on his face.
‘‘ The console.. It’s not the only thing that brought you here, is it?’‘
Your tone wasn’t accusing. It was soft, laced with subtle worry.
His eyes rested on his own hands which were wrapped around his own mug. A small, defeated smile played on his lips for a moment before he spoke up.
‘‘ No. ‘‘
You didn’t say anything, eyes resting on his face. He didn’t need to elaborate. You had a fair idea as to why Jimin was still sitting in front of you and wasn’t on his way back to the dorms, the console within his possesion.
He sighed a little, as if preparing himself to speak his thoughts out loud.
You felt as if a cold bucket of water was thrown over you; you weren’t prepared for this.
‘’ Are you and Yoongi-hyung okay? ‘’ His tone was gentle, careful.
The question was innocent. His eyes were soft, worried. Yet no matter the gentleness in which the question was presented by, it still pierced through you.
What were you to say? Judging by what had occurred between you and Yoongi earlier on, he wanted to believe that yes, everything was ‘okay’. That nothing was out of the ordinary. You were supposed to go along with it, ignoring the fact that every fiber of your being wanted to go against acting as if everything was okay. You wanted to officially clear things up, all out in the open. But you couldn’t tell Jimin that. Not when you haven’t cleared things up with Yoongi first. But he didn’t want them cleared up, did he? So were you supposed to lie? To Jimin?
‘’I’m sorry, ‘’ Jimin broke the silence first, dropping his gaze again, ‘’ its just that last night you guys… ‘’ He trailed off.
Your eyes studied his face. The slight frown on his face told you just how worried he really was, how much worry the idea of Yoongi and you not being okay caused him.
You couldn’t leave Jimin hanging like this. But you also wouldn’t allow yourself to lie to him, so you forced yourself to approach this from a different angle.
‘’ What makes you think there’s something wrong? ‘’ You asked, voice gentle.
Jimin’s soft gaze met yours, a little shocked. Had he expected you to brush him off? To prove his worries as false?
‘’ Last night, ‘’ he breathed out, ‘’ you two didn’t really look at each other. ‘’
Ah.
‘’ And at the dorms, in his studio… Usually he’d come out once in a while or let one of us compose in his studio while he works on his own things, but now he’s really determined to stay there alone… ‘’
Oh.
A few silent seconds ticked by, unbroken.
‘’ It may be silly, our comeback is soon after all. It may just be stress. ‘’ His voice trailed off. Then, almost as if an afterthought, he rose the now somewhat cool mug to his lips and took a gulp of the tea you had made.
‘’ It’s not silly, ‘’ you reassured, ‘’ you’re all brothers. It’s natural for you to worry about him. ‘’
Jimin smiled a little at that, before dropping his eyes back onto the table.
You weren’t sure why he was avoiding your eyes. Did he really think he was treading on thin ice- ice on which he didn’t belong? Or was there something more, something that he wasn’t saying?
‘’ I know that he’s working on something with Namjoon right now.’’ You said, searching for his eyes. ‘’ It seems to be important.. ‘’ You let your voice trail off, hoping that he would look up and catch your eye.
He nodded a little, still not looking up. You could feel that there was something more going on, but you couldn’t quite place your finger on it. ‘’ Jimin, ‘’ you started, voice a whisper, ‘’ are alright?’’
You truly didn’t want Jimin to worry. What you had done was already unforgivable, affecting Yoongi in the way that it did. But you wouldn’t let it affect the group – you wouldn’t be the reason for their misery – no matter how insignificant and small it may seem to be.
You studied his face, unsure as to whether he believed your words or even heard your question. His dark gaze was still locked on the table, fingers still lingered motionless around the cup, brows lightly pulled together.
‘’ What is it? ‘’ You asked, tone light.
He looked up, a little startled. Once the two of you locked eyes, he smiled a little, eyes scrunching up.
‘’ Ah nothing, just realizing that I should probably start working a little harder on my own compositions. Few of my works usually make it through. ‘’
A small sigh escaped his lips. He stood up, quickly putting the now empty cup into the sink. You got up along with him, placing your hand around his arm in a re-assuring manner.
‘’ You’ll make it. I’ve read some of the things you wrote and they’re not bad – really. ‘’
It was true. Although you weren’t an expert by any means, the things Jimin wrote weren’t bad; all that he required was a bit more confidence within his own abilities.
‘’ Ah. ‘’ He smiled, turning away. ‘’ Don’t say such things. ‘’
A small chuckle escaped your lips as you let your hand fall from his arm.
‘’ Alright, lets go get this console so that you guys can call a truce down at the dorms. ‘’ You joked, heading for the living room.
‘’Actually, ‘’ Jimin started, making you turn around, ‘’ Jin-hyung is coming back tomorrow. I’m sure he’ll want to see you. ‘’
‘’ He is? ‘’ You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. The idea of seeing Seokjin so soon made you realize how much you had missed him, how much time had passed since he last pulled you into an embrace, since the last trip the two of you shared out. But… ‘’ Was he not to come back later during the week?’’
Jimin nodded. ‘’ Our comeback date got pushed up, ‘’ he spoke, quickly adding ‘’ so expect us all tomorrow. ‘’
You looked at him, slightly stunned.
Comeback date pushed up? But they had only just gotten back. Jin hadn’t seen his girlfriend in months. Those 2 days weren’t enough. They all needed a rest.
But you stopped yourself, biting your tongue. You had caused a row about this sort of thing already and it never ended up well. They were adamant about their responsibilities. That they owed it to their fans, that this was their job. So you decided that instead of lecturing them, you provided all that you could to make this easier for all. You pushed them to take a break when it was obviously clear that one was needed. You provided a getaway place, a change of environment. You tried to provide comfort from an outsider. Not that you were doing a particularly good job of providing that right now…
That give you an idea.
‘’ Jimin, Seokjin’s girlfriend didn’t change her phone number, had she? ‘’
You rolled over, for about the 20th time that night. The clock read 2:57am, meaning that you’ve been tossing and turning for about 3 hours now.
Jimin ended up leaving not long after telling you of Jin’s quick return. You urged him to take the console with him, but he brushed you off, claiming that since it was at your place it would ensure that everyone would show up tomorrow night and that it could be collected then. You didn’t protest, something that you were growing grateful for as sleep clearly wasn’t coming your way.
It started of with worrying about the group. If Jimin noticed, had the others? If so, were any questions asked of Yoongi? What did he say, if he even said anything? You weren’t even sure how you felt about the possibility of the others questioning him. If they were, it meant that they had serious worries concerning him, something that you felt horrible for. If Yoongi was answering.. you wanted him to answer honestly. Earlier, you were adamant about playing along, pretending that everything was okay. But how could you do that if this was already affecting others, as clearly evident from Jimin’s showing up tonight? You sighed, getting up. You were running around in circles inside of your own mind with no end in sight.
You got up and shrugged on one of Yoongi’s sweaters, pushing aside the bubbling guilt that was starting to rise inside of you. Although it wasn’t one he had taken on tour, it still somehow managed to smell like him, something for which you were grateful. Once you shuffled into the living room again, you powered on the console and flung yourself onto the sofa. Although the game was on, you weren’t really paying attention. Now you were back to square one, back to the spiral of what to do. This morning, you truly did accept your fate. You were ready to get over your feelings, if that was possible. You were ready to act as if you hadn’t completely messed up. But now.. If this was affecting another person, a third party, did you really have a right to act that way? Perhaps.. what if you waited another day or two? Maybe after tomorrow, things with Jimin might settle and his worries may dissolve? Surely, if he saw Yoongi and you acting he would think that nothing was wrong?
The idea of fooling, of lying to someone that had helped you when you were at your worst, brought a sickening feeling upon you. The hollowness within you grew, if that was even possible. Could you do that? Could you hurt someone that helped you?
Hadn’t you already?
You shuddered, dropping the controller onto your lap and crossed your arms across your chest instead. If you could, you would have sobbed. Cried out all of your feelings, your regret and anger. Crying alone somehow felt different than crying while getting comforted, and so far that’s the only crying you had done. Out of all people, you were comforted by the person who you had hurt the most. You didn’t deserve that. Yoongi didn’t deserve that. So why did he? Why did he comfort you, why did you allow him? Why had you broken down in front of him in the first place? Why were you even sitting here, repeating all of the same questions over and over again with no resolution in sight?
Subconsciously, your fingers rose to your closed lips. The memory of last night pushed itself onto the front lines of you mind. The feeling of his lips against yours, the mutual yearning and need that you both have felt. His plea.
The memory of his tone alone made you shudder. Were you supposed to repeat all of that by confronting him again?
‘’ Hey, why aren’t you in bed? ‘’
The sudden question made you jump a little. It was him. You hadn’t even heard him open the door – let alone walk in.
‘’ I couldn’t-,’’ your voice trailed off as soon as your eyes met his. He was leaning against the frame of the living room door, but his eyes were glazed.
‘’ Have you been drinking?’’
He smiled, an action that soon evolved into a light chuckle. A sound that didn’t fit the situation. ‘’ Yea. ‘’ He said, pushing himself off of the frame and began heading for the bedroom.
You frowned, following him.
‘’ Was anyone with you? ‘’
He didn’t answer. Instead, he started digging in the wardrobe, presumably for something fresh to sleep in. You could smell the alcohol from him, signaling that he wasn’t simply drinking within the dorms. This smell only came from public drinking places. Worry began to rise inside of you. You knew what drinking alone meant – let alone drinking alone in a public place - so you forced yourself to repeat the question.
‘’ Hey, ‘’ You started, reaching for his arm, ‘’’ was anyone else with you? ‘’
He shrugged off your hand.
‘’ As if you’re in any position to ask.’’ He spat.
You stepped back, shocked. Your eyes burned, but nothing came out of them. Your voice failed you, body motionless.
Yoongi stood frozen, head hanging low. ‘’ That’s not what-‘’ He cut off, closing his eyes. ‘’ I’m sorry. ‘’ He whispered, leaning his head on his outstretched arm, leaning on the wardrobe.
‘’ No. ‘’ You whispered, hugging yourself. ‘’ I deserved that… You have every right to say it. ‘’
‘’ No, I don’t. ‘’ He mumbled before looking up, eyes locking with yours.
For the first time his eyes didn’t hide anything. They showed just how much pain was hidden behind them. Pain that you were the cause of.
‘’ You do.’’ You stated. ‘’ I messed up. I really did, I shouldn’t have gone ou-‘’ You stopped.
His head turned away, frowning, as if the action would block out your words. He didn’t want this. He knew what you had done, that much was clear, but he didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t want to hear you confirming everything out loud.
‘’ I’m so sorry Yoongi… ‘’ You whispered, but your words were falling on deaf ears. He just nodded, still frowning at the floor.
I wish none of that ever happened. I regret us not doing more. I wish we didn’t have a petty fight. I wish we sorted it out. I wish we spoke. I wish I didn’t let you go when I was still angry with you.
I wish you hadn’t left.
But you didn’t say any of that. You couldn’t. He already knew.
He sat down, holding his head in his hands. That just told you how much he must have drunk. He took in a breath, as if ready to say something, but stopped himself before the words could be spoken.
