at one point in time rafe was your best friend. can summer romance erase all the damage he's done?
✯ warnings:
mature themes, mentions of anxiety, nostalgia, heartbreak, diabetes lingo, injury, ghosting, fluff and fear, domestic violence (not rafe), mean!ex!jj etc.
✯ a/n:
nothing!! please don't engage if you have a hard time with any of these topics <3 this was originally posted on my old blog @/illicitfixations, @/lovelornanonymity and i have rewritten + reshared it here :) trying out a new format with this post, hope you like it!
Rafe followed you out to the front of the venue like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs. His presence trailed you, heavy and guilt-laced, the echo of his shame clinging to the space between your footsteps. You hated the way it had gone down—how JJ’s voice, sharp and raw, had eviscerated him in front of everyone. You were angry, yes—burning with confusion and betrayal—but God, the look on Rafe’s face? Crushed and distant, like a cathedral crumbling inward, stone by stone.
He was always good at hiding the storm inside, but not now. Not here. Not with you. And you needed the truth—needed to peel it from his ribs before this thing between you died a premature death, snuffed out like a match in the wind.
The truck sat in the far corner of the lot, a dark silhouette under the stingy gleam of the streetlights. You could hear his breath hitch behind you, a stutter in the night air. His guilt festered between you, thick and unspoken. The moment your heels stilled on the pavement, he stopped too. You turned, your back resting against the cool navy metal of the truck, and blocked his reach for the handle.
“We’re not going anywhere until you tell me what the fuck that was.”
Your voice cracked like thunder—sharp, demanding, but laced with ache. You weren’t just asking for truth. You were asking for him. Whole and bare.
“I—okay, I—”
“No,” you cut in, trembling as the words spilled. “What the fuck was that, Rafe? I’m trying to hold onto the softness—the flask with the chocolate milk, the stupid grin—and then JJ calls you a drug addict? And I look to you, because I know, know, it can’t be true. But it is, isn’t it? Not all of it maybe, but enough.”
The tears came without warning—hot and blurring and relentless. You hated them. Hated that you were unraveling.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t know how to tell you.”
His voice was barely audible, raw at the edges. He looked so small then, all broad shoulders and broken pieces, and still, it wasn’t enough to soothe the jagged thing clawing inside your chest.
“How to tell me what?!”
Your voice echoed in the night, ricocheting off the asphalt.
“Sweetheart—”
“Rafael.” You softened your voice, quieter now, more tired than angry. “I love you. But you have to stop with the nicknames when I’m like this. It hurts.”
He swallowed hard, Adam’s apple bobbing, then nodded. The wind bit at your arms, raising goosebumps along your skin. Without a word, he shrugged out of his blazer and draped it over your shoulders, fingers lingering—tethering.
“Let’s talk inside the truck. Please. You’re cold.”
You wanted to resist. Wanted to hold the line. But your limbs ached with exhaustion, and so you relented. He opened the door like he always did—gentle, reverent—and helped you in, his hand careful at your back. Then he slid into the driver’s seat, started the engine, and sat there in the hum of silence.
“You remember when my mom died?”
His voice was soft, almost childlike. Of course you remembered. The grief had bound you both—two thirteen-year-olds clinging to each other in a house that no longer smelled like lavender and lemon pie.
“Of course I do,” you said. “How could I forget?”
“I wanted to forget,” he whispered. “Everything. Barry handed me coke and I thought—maybe it’d let me forget watching her die. Forget the smell of her hospital bed. Forget how quiet the house got.”
Tears glistened in his lashes. Your heart cracked wider. Katherine Cameron had been light incarnate, and her death had hollowed him. You reached for his hand—small, tentative. A lifeline.
“That doesn’t make you a bad son,” you said.
He scoffed, bitter. “Makes me a coward. I ran. I used. And every time I saw you, I remembered her. You were the last soft thing in my life and I—I didn’t know how to hold you without bleeding.”
You climbed into his lap then, instinct and grief guiding you. He buried his face in your shoulder, and you held him—held the broken boy you loved and the man he was becoming.
“No, Rafe. It makes you human.”
He pulled back, eyes red. “Why’d you still love me?”
“Because you’ve always been the good guy. Even when you didn’t see it.”
He cracked a half smile. “And here I thought it was for my wicked dance moves.”
You laughed, the tension breaking for a moment.
“Okay, okay, let’s get back before they send a search party,” you said, teasing.
He kissed you softly, reverent. Then took your hand.
But fate had more to say that night—and it waited, watching, as a shadow stepped from the trees.
The music spun slow and sweet around you as Rafe pulled you into the warm cradle of his arms. His hands found your waist, his lips grazing your forehead as you melted into him, breathing in the scent of cedarwood and something unmistakably him. The string lights above shimmered like constellations, casting golden halos over the two of you.
He whispered something to the DJ—something secret and sacred—and slipped him a bill. You laughed as he spun you toward the center of the makeshift dance floor.
"Rafael, what are we doing?"
"Just want to dance with my girl."
And then came the harmonica—melancholy and soft. The lyrics spilled out like prophecy:
Hold me through the shakes, although it's more than I can take…
By the second verse, you were sobbing quietly against his chest. Because it wasn’t just a song. It was a confession. A promise. And you felt it—deep in the marrow of your bones—that he meant every word.
The world fell away. It was only Rafe. Only the way his thumb traced circles on your back. Only the shudder of his breath against your temple. Only the future, raw and waiting, stretching before you like the shore at dawn.
You didn’t need vows. This was one.
The song dissolved into static, swallowed whole by a rush of applause and conversation that felt far too loud, too sudden. Yet neither of you moved. Rafe held you like he was anchoring himself, arms wound around you like silk cords, your fingertips trailing the sharp line of his collar, memorizing the shape of him. You could feel the hum of his heartbeat beneath your cheek—racing, thunderous, as if the very air between you still trembled with the echo of the music.
“Was that too much?” he whispered, the question soft as breath against your temple. It lingered there, warm and uncertain, threaded with peppermint and nerves.
You shook your head, barely a movement, your voice tight and caught somewhere between your ribs. “It was perfect.”
But perfection shattered quickly.
A flicker of silver light.
A camera’s snap.
Then another.
You turned, instinct pulsing behind your eyes, and your gaze locked on a shadow at the edge of the lawn.
Barry.
His presence carved the magic from the night like a scalpel. He didn’t move. Didn’t smile. Didn’t drink or dance. He simply watched, a serpent coiled in the tall grass, smirk dripping venom.
Rafe’s body tensed beneath your hands, his warmth replaced by steel. His breath hitched—not in tenderness now, but in rage. You felt the shift in him, felt the tether of control fray thread by thread.
“Stay here,” he said, voice a low rumble, like the crack of distant thunder.
“No—Rafe, don’t.” You reached for him, fingers closing around his wrist, desperate. “Not here. Not like this.”
But he was already gone.
You saw the way his hands curled into fists at his sides, the cords in his forearms flexing with restraint as he cut through the crowd like a storm moving over the sea. Barry’s smile stretched wider, wicked and knowing. Like a match had been struck and he was waiting for the blaze.
Panic bloomed in your chest.
Not again.
Not like before.
You moved to follow, but a hand landed gently on your arm—Topper. His voice came steady, an anchor in the swell. “I’ve got him. Stay with me, Y/N.”
“Why is he here?”
Topper’s eyes didn’t leave the brewing fire across the lawn. “Because Barry knows when happiness starts to grow roots. And he likes to rip things up.”
You turned away, bile rising in your throat. The warmth Rafe had wrapped around you was unraveling fast, the soft cocoon of safety peeling back to reveal jagged edges. Your vision blurred, the insulin pump at your waist vibrating, persistent.
Low.
Of course it was.
Of course your body would choose now to betray you.
The string lights above flickered like anxious stars. The music had lost all meaning, reduced to a dull pulse beneath the roar in your ears. You saw Rafe’s shoulders rise and fall—sharp, deliberate. And Barry, ever smug, leaning casually against a pillar as if he hadn’t just ruined the night with his very existence.
“Didn’t think you had the balls to show your face,” Rafe said, voice like gravel dragged over pavement. “Especially not here.”
Barry’s eyes drifted—slow and deliberate—until they landed on you.
“Didn’t come for you,” he replied, sing-song. “Just wanted to see how my little investment turned out. She looks good on you, golden boy. Polished. But fragile. Still sweet?”
That was it.
Rafe surged forward—not fists first, not yet—but a breath away from destruction.
Topper gripped his shoulder, dragging him back like a man pulling another from a cliff edge.
“Not here,” Topper hissed. “You throw a punch and you lose everything.”
Barry held up his hands in mock surrender. “See? Still the same temper. Just dressed better.”
“Leave,” Rafe growled, voice shaking, not with fear—but with fury barely leashed. “Before I make you.”
Barry laughed—a sound that felt like spit in a church. “You can clean up your image, Cameron. Hell, you can swap out your girl. But dirt like you? It always sticks.”
And then he was gone, swallowed by the music and the night and the rot he’d left in his wake.
Rafe’s eyes found you instantly.
You were pale, swaying, the world spinning just a little too fast. His blazer hung from your shoulders like a shield slipping off a wounded knight. You clutched the edge of the nearest table, knuckles bleached white.
“Y/N?” His voice tore across the space.
You tried to answer—tried to call out to him—but your throat was dry and metallic and the stars above you were starting to tilt.
“I—Rafe…” The words ghosted from your lips.
Your knees gave out.
But he was there.
His arms scooped you up before you hit the ground, holding you like something sacred. Your body slumped against his chest, and your pump beeped again—urgent, screaming now.
“She’s low,” Topper said, digging through your bag for the glucose.
“I’ve got her,” Rafe whispered, over and over like a mantra, a vow. “I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you.”
He didn’t care who saw. Didn’t care that eyes turned. He carried you to the steps behind the venue, knelt with you in his lap, cradling you like glass.
“Hey, hey—stay with me. Look at me, sweet girl.”
Your eyes fluttered. The world was cotton and light.
Topper handed him the glucose tabs, and Rafe coaxed them to your lips with trembling hands.
“Come on. Open your mouth. Just a little. That’s it.”
The sugar was too sweet. Cloying. But his voice kept you tethered, his hands cupping your face like you were art he didn’t deserve to hold.
Your breath evened, inch by inch.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered, tears sliding down your cheeks. “I didn’t mean to ruin it.”
“You didn’t ruin anything,” he murmured, brushing a thumb across your temple. “I let him get to me. I left you. I’m the one who’s sorry.”
You leaned your forehead against his, breath shallow.
“I hate that he still lives in your head,” you said, voice barely a thread.
“He doesn’t,” Rafe replied, voice raw. “Not anymore. Not after this. He doesn’t get to win.”
Silence settled, fragile and heavy.
“You scared the shit out of me,” he whispered, his hand at the back of your neck.
“You scare me too,” you said, eyes closed. “Not because I don’t trust you. But because I do.”
The party roared behind you—glasses clinking, music rising—but here in this moment, it was just the two of you, suspended in a hush that felt holy.
Rafe stood, still holding your hand.
“Let’s go home.”
You nodded.
And this time, when he said “home,” you believed him.
She says she really likes me
but slept with another
we share no exclusivity
but now I'm some other
communication is key
but my tongue feels smothered
such is its proclivity
to sink my heart and suffer
There was a ....man-shaped thing. Tall and thin, he looked like a slenderman knockoff. He was tall, too tall. And thin. Like a child's drawing of what a tall man might look like, his arms and legs seemed to be jointless. Both were completely disproportionate to his torso.
He wore a suit, but it wasn't severe. It had a touch of whimsy in the collar, lapels, cuffs. When paired with his small top hat, he seemed almost cute as he lurked on the edges of my dream, curved spine, shoulders drawn in and down, stooped and unassuming. A facade of nonthreatening.
And if he had expression or a face, maybe he would have been. But instead he wore a mask. Porcelain, very round. There were only faded outlines of what a face might look like - a facsimile of a smiling jack-o-lantern maybe - on the white surface, greyed out like smudged pencil lines. There were no eyeholes. Really, no discernible way to see.
And yet when he turned and faced me, swung his head in my direction, stooped lower.... I knew he saw me.
I knew horror in the ways nightmares don't usually effect me. I tried to wake three, maybe four times before I got it to stick, and one of those times, he was standing in my room, near my door, hovering, stooped above my bed.
at one point in time rafe was your best friend. can summer romance erase all the damage he's done?
✯ [4.1k] warnings:
mature themes, mentions of anxiety, nostalgia, heartbreak, diabetes lingo, injury, ghosting, fluff and fear, domestic violence (not rafe), mean!ex!jj etc.
✯ a/n:
nothing!! please don't engage if you have a hard time with any of these topics <3 this was origianlly posted on my old blog @/illicitfixations, @/lovelornanonymity and i have rewritten + reshared it here :) trying out a new format with this post, hope you like it!
You didn’t want to – really you didn’t. The idea of you and Rafe being alone at a spot – your spot – a place, the place, that you hadn’t shared in close to two years was suffocating to say the least. You have continuously pressed replay on all the world’s worst scenarios; all the things that could go horribly wrong, that would surely break your heart into a million pieces all over again. Your feet feel clucky as they trudge through the sand and like the water that meets the land on the other side, you feel rushed into you; like the waves of a tsunami are crashing against the wall you’ve placed around your heart, the barriers are so close to breaking and they do as soon as you see him. He’s sitting, just past a sand dune, his shirt has been discarded and his hair is wet.
“Hey, hot shot – you've been swimming without me?”
You ask with a forced cheek. He only responds with his signature smirk. It was quiet, awkward for a moment. You couldn’t help but feel like you were being punked as you sat down beside him, his feet digging holes in the sand. You couldn’t remember the last time the notion of him being this close had crossed your mind or even seemed within reach. Which probed your next question to the boy sitting next to you.
“Rafe.”
“Yeah?”
He questioned, with a smile on his face.
“Can you tell me now?”
You asked anxiously, ready for the blow of what you knew was coming – he was going to tell you why he left and you were sure that it was because of you after all. That’s the only thing that made sense in your brain. You watch him anxiously, intently as he shuffles, bringing his hand up to his hair to swoop his long locks out of his face and behind his ears.
“Yeah, I guess I owe you that don’t I, pretty girl?”
You’re on edge as you hear your old namesake leave his lips. He moves his hands behind him, leaning back into the sand. His skin feels hot against it, he notes. He swallows thickly and opens his mouth to speak.
“You know I was different after my mom died, right?”
You’re taken aback by his question – of course you know. She was the fucking sun and he’s just fucking like her; his cheeks and eyes – they belong to her. He belonged to her and it physically pains you to see him lose it after she’s passed away. You remember it all but mostly the way the bright left the blue hue of his eyes in the same moment the breath left her body. It makes your bones hurt to think about it still.
“Yeah – how could I forget? I was too, we all were.”
You said quickly.
“I kept it well hidden then – until I couldn’t anymore, until I didn’t have a choice.”
He’d replayed how he was going to tell you in his head over and over, over the last two years and finally came to the conclusion that he never ever would. But, now – at the prospect of having you within his reach again, he’s sure he’s going to spill his guts any moment.
“Can you spit it out, drama queen?”
You said with annoyance. So he blurted it out – rather frantically.
“I was on drugs, okay!”
He shouted. There was silence for a moment, you – too shell shocked to reply.
“Look – I know you’re perfect and you’ve never done anything wrong in your life, okay? I’m sorry.”
His eyes go dull as he braces himself for your judgemental glare.
“What?”
You ask in a too small voice. He doesn’t know what to say, so he stays quiet for a moment.
“I was on drugs. Nobody knew. Then, I owed Barry a massive amount of money and he knew I loved you more than anyone, alright? So I had to cut ties.”
He said very matter-of-factly.
“I’m sorry.”
You whispered and the ocean breeze made him suddenly cold, or maybe your tone of voice sent a chill up his spine. He’s truly not sure which.
“What do you have to be sorry about, y/n?”
He asked confusedly.
“Not being enough – not being good enough for you to come to me and tell me the truth, that you didn’t feel like you could come to me.”
The crack in your voice as you finished talking cut him straight to his core.
“Pretty girl, it’s not like that, okay? I was trying to protect you.”
Again, there was silence for a little while before either of you spoke. Rafe was trying to find the words; the ones to make you understand that you weren’t to blame.
“You’re not messing with me, right?”
You asked suddenly.
“What do you mean?”
He questioned, confusedly.
“I mean, you actually want to be near me again? You’re not messing with me?”
You asked innocently, feeling far too insecure for his answer to be anything other than yes.
“Of course, I want to be near you. I never wanted to stop being near you. It was just easier to cut everyone out than to explain my pain to someone else. I didn’t want to face all the disappointment either.”
You swallowed thickly and he noticed.
“I’m sorry. I always just assumed it was me, that I had done something.”
You whispered, almost inaudibly. But, he heard you, loud and clear.
“What? What could you possibly have done?”
He asked incredulously.
“I-I don’t know.”
You looked down at your feet, afraid of what he was going to say next, not wanting this intimacy with him to become foreign and far off again. He gently lifted your chin so your eyes could meet his.
“You never did anything wrong and this is not a game. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”
He reassured you gently.
“I appreciate you reassuring me, but it’s going to take a lot more than words for me to trust you again and I think you know that.”
You replied, giving him the kindest smile you could muster up. It wasn’t your intention to be rude or mean to him, you just needed him to know where you stood.
“I know. I’m sorry that I broke your trust, but I hope you know I’m going to spend every day trying to make things right between us.”
“Okay, Cameron.”
You smiled nudging his shoulder. You made your way back to the parking lot with Rafe, not long after the conversation fizzled out.
“Well, I think I’m gonna head home. This was fun.”
You said with a sweet smile.
“Let me drive you, I know you walked, you always walk here.”
Rafe spoke, excitement in his voice.
“Okay.”
You agreed to his idea, smiling kindly his way, following him to the truck you had made your home ever since he had gotten his license. He was the first of the two of you to be able to drive and you had taken full advantage of that, waiting for him after football practices and in the early morning so he could cart you everywhere you needed to go. That was the first thing you missed when he had left you - the intimate car rides, where you experienced a version of Rafe that no one else got to. He opened the door for you, ushering you into the passenger seat and closing it once he made sure you were inside and comfortable. Making his way around to the driver’s side, he took his keys out of his pocket and climbed in, starting the truck. The engine roared, sending vibrations through your spine. It felt euphoric to be here, alone with him. Which was something you had dreamed about for so long. He pulled out of the beach parking lot, hands steady on the wheel, and began the trek to his neighborhood. Tannyhill had become your second home over the years, whether it was play dates with Rafe when you were six or trying on clothes with Sarah when you were fifteen, the Camerons were your family and you were thankful that your favorite one was seated next to you, a backward baseball cap sitting on his head and strong arms fixed on the wheel. You’d never get over the view.
“Y/N?”
He spoke your name with a question in mind.
“Yeah?”
You smiled in his direction.
“Would you wanna come to dinner tomorrow at Tannyhill?”
He asked gently.
“Sure, you know I never pass up Rose’s cooking! What’s the occasion?”
You questioned with a giggle, it was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard.
“Just having you back, I guess.”
He smiled sheepishly.
“That’s sweet, Rafe.”
You spoke softly, the blush coating your freckled cheeks.
“Your parents are going to be there, so I figured you could just join them and we can have a big family dinner.”
“Why are my parents going to be there?”
You questioned, confused at his comment.
“Uh, Ward said he and your dad are working on some big business project or something.”
He replied, not really knowing the answer to what you were asking. He had no idea what the two men were up to.
“Ah, okay. Sure, Rafe, I’d love to come. How fancy do I have to dress, 1-10 on the fancy scale?”
The laugh that escaped his lungs was boisterous. You and Rafe had created the fancy scale after you got bitched out by your dad’s for not dressing appropriately for Midsummer’s in the eighth grade and ever since you always warned each other of the fancy level parties or dinners would be.
“A solid 5.”
He retorted a laugh ever-present on his lips. He forgot how much you made him laugh and how good it felt. He was brought out of his thoughts as he pulled into the driveway, spotting your car sitting right next to your dad’s.
“This has been fun! I missed you.”
You spoke softly and a smile danced across Rafe’s features.
“I missed you too, Y/N.”
Your eyes studied his face, looking for any inkling of deception. There were none, at least not that you could see. His eyes met yours, locking in on your face and not looking away. You swallowed thickly, unsure of what to do. Having his full attention was not something you were used to anymore.
“Thank you, Rafe. I seriously had a really good time tonight. We will do a movie night soon.”
“Of course, you’re still my favorite girl.”
He smiled kindly, ushering you over to your front door, lingering for moments longer than he should have, but not wanting to let you out of your sight.
-
Your phone rang early the next morning and as you groaned loudly, willing whoever was making your phone ring at 7 am to die, you read the contact. It was Topper. Your sluggish fingers slowly but surely slid across the screen to see what in God’s name your best friend wanted this early.
“H-hello?”
You grumbled.
“Wake your ass up!”
Topper yelled into the phone.
“T-top. I’m about three seconds from killing you. Why are you screaming into my phone so early?”
You questioned with annoyance.
“Get up and get dressed. We’re outside your house.”
He said plainly.
“Who’s we? And for what? It’s fucking 7 am?!”
“Don’t be grumpy, princess. We just want to spend the day with your sexy little self.”
Kelce interjected.
“Kelce, please shut up. I’m not awake enough for your bullshit attempts at flirting with me.”
You grumbled with a sneer behind that phone that he couldn’t see.
“Damn, you’re a spitfire today!”
Topper exclaimed, laughing.
“I was up late, okay? Jesus Christ.”
You couldn’t believe he was being so mean to you this early in the day.
“Okay, well get up, get dressed and pack insulin and some snacks. We’re going to be gone all day.”
He replied.
“Top, I can’t. I have this dinner with Rafe tonight, I can’t be gone all day.”
You were nervous to be saying anything to Topper about it at all, he knew your history with Rafe better than anyone. But, you knew you had to tell him the truth.
“Listen, idiot, Rafe is with us. So, come on. We’ll have you both back at Tannyhill in time for your dinner, so either pack a dress or wear one. You’re not missing this.”
You rolled your eyes, but your heart leapt at hearing you were going to spend the day with Rafe by your side whether it was in a group setting or not.
“Fine, I’m coming, Topper! Jesus.”
You said, feigning annoyance.
“Told you she’s not a morning person.”
Rafe interjected, giggling.
You grinned to yourself, realizing you were going to get to spend an entire day and night with Rafe. Scurrying out of bed, you searched through your closet in a hurry and settled on wearing a baby blue sundress with white polka dots that Rafe got you for your birthday the summer before you started high school. He always said that baby blue was your color. You slid it on quickly, pairing it with white platform sneakers and some dainty gold jewelry. You fluffed your hair and quickly packed your insulin after changing your insulin pump site and choosing a new area of your stomach to plunge the needle into. You ran through the kitchen, grabbing a few snacks and some juice to throw in your bag. Before walking out the door to Topper’s jeep, you stopped, took a breath, and smoothed your dress and hair before stepping out of the house and opening the back passenger door, hopping in, to be met with a very tired Rafe Cameron.
“Hey, sweet cheeks! Are you done being an asshole? I need my morning kiss.”
Kelce gave you a sly smirk and Rafe chuckled to himself, knowing pushing your buttons this early was not a good idea.
“Kelceo, Fuck off!”
You exclaimed with a growl, letting him know you weren’t in the mood.
“Fine, I’ll chill. Can you blame me? Look at that dress.”
He continued his train of putting his foot in his mouth.
“Kelce, cool it, man.”
Rafe spoke, his tone laced with warning. His protective nature made you smile.
“So, what’s so important that you drug me out of bed at 7 am on a Saturday?”
You questioned Topper.
“My mom set us up on a tour of UNC like months ago and I forgot to tell you until this morning.”
He replied nonchalantly, as if it wasn’t absolutely unhinged to let you know the morning of – in a way that only Topper knows how.
“Topper, I’m going to kill you.”
You muttered. You truly couldn’t think of a better way to spend a Saturday, your three favorite boys, and a four-hour-long road trip. Truthfully, what could go wrong?
You were brought out of your thoughts by Rafe’s hand touching your elbow.
“Y/N?”
He was saying your name in question again.
“Sorry, I was zoned out. What’s up?”
You asked.
“Have you eaten yet?”
He asked in a gentle, hushed tone not wanting to draw everyone's attention to the two of you.
“No.”
You replied just as quietly.
“Go ahead and eat, okay? I read that being up on your feet all day can be hard on your body.”
You were shell shocked for just a second – he cared enough to read about what your life is like?
“You’ve been reading about diabetes?”
You questioned.
“Of course I have, you’re my favorite girl.”
He said it again.
“Thanks, Rafe. That’s so sweet.”
He smiled in response and watched as you took the banana out of your bag and began to eat it. When you finished, Topper was pulling into a gas station and asked you to come in with him to pick out some snacks while Rafe and Kelce pumped gas. As you made your way inside, rummaging through the aisles of various snacks, Topper began the inevitable best friend questioning that you knew was bound to happen eventually.
“So, you and Cameron, huh?”
He teased, knowing your history of being in love with him since you were six.
“I don’t think he feels that way. I’m just happy to have him back.”
You gave Topper a kind smile.
“So, what happened? I mean was there a conversation? Did he at least apologize?”
“Yeah, Top. He did.”
You said, matter-of-factly.
“Y/N, if you don’t tell me everything right now, I’m going to fucking combust.”
He said with urgency as he giggled.
“Okay, okay. Jesus! So, we met up at our spot the day after the party and he told me the truth. I have a feeling that it’s not all of it, but he seemed genuine and i’m assuming it’ll all come out in layers over time.”
“Why do you say that?”
He questioned with curiosity.
“Because it seemed like there was more to the story, more to tell. I got a very shrunken down version.”
You replied.
“Well, if you need me to beat his ass I will. You just let me know.”
He spoke with a devilish smirk that you knew meant he was both serious and joking.
“Thanks, Top.”
You laughed.
“Of course, you know I always have your back.”
He replied, snaking an arm around your shoulders.
“Anyways, so we talked about the drugs and why he felt like he couldn’t talk to me, and then he told me he was sorry and he wanted to be friends again. He drove me home and asked me to come to dinner tonight at Tannyhill. I said, yes, so here we are. Oh, and I told him about me being sick at the party-”
“You did what?!”
You were cut off with an incredulous question and raised eyebrows from Topper.
“Yeah, I told him a little about getting sick when we ended things and he didn’t even run like I thought he would.”
You said with a soft, sweet smile. Topper couldn’t remember the last time he had seen you smile like that.
“I told you he wouldn’t. He loves you.”
He replied easily, the truth of the words flew out of his mouth so effortlessly.
“Yeah, we’ll see. I’m not 100% on board yet. I don’t want to get my hopes up and then he runs away again.”
Topper shrugged, he couldn’t disagree with your reservations after the last couple years you’d had. You’d been through so much. All he wanted was to see you happy and he knew if the timing was right Rafe would treat you so well. He’d truly changed.
“That’s understandable and valid. Just don’t write him off yet. He might surprise you.”
He said with an easy smile.
“Thanks, Top.”
The two of you shared a hug after exiting the convenience store, with snacks in hand. As you made your way back to the jeep, Rafe admired your form, watching the wind raking through the skirt of your dress.
“Welcome back, pretty girl. Are you ready for our morning kiss, yet?”
Kelce asked again, sweetly this time. He was starting to get on your nerves.
“Kelceo, cool it.”
Topper stated, climbing into the driver's seat. Kelce was annoying everyone today, kidding or not.
You climbed into the backseat again, plopping down next to Rafe. His sparkling blue eyes took in your smiling form as you tore into a bag of popcorn.
“How are you feeling, sweet girl?”
Rafe questioned, studying your form with his piercing blue eyes. Sweet girl. You hadn’t heard that in a long time and it felt warm against your ears.
“I’m feeling pretty good right now. But, my sugar is low.”
You smiled in his direction.
“How do you know it’s low?”
He asked with genuine curiosity.
“I have this app on my phone, see.”
You turned your phone screen around, which displayed your glucose monitor’s readings. Your blood sugar was low, reading 76 mg/dL. Which was not low enough to warrant panic, but also not high enough to be considered normal.
“So, if 76 is low, what’s considered normal?”
Rafe probed in a genuinely curious fashion.
“Generally, the goal is to keep the daytime blood sugar levels before meals between 80 and 130 mg. But, after-meal numbers are a little bit higher but shouldn’t be more than 180 mg.”
You explained simply.
“Oh, okay. That makes sense. Will you tell me if you start to feel bad?”
He questioned. It made you smile that you seemed to be falling back into your rhythm so easily.
“I won’t have to. You’ll know. But, I promise I will.”
You gave him a reassuring smile and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. The touch, though short-lived, was electric and you wondered if he felt it too. The music topper was playing lulled you to sleep all of thirty minutes into the road trip and you were beginning to stir as soon as he pulled into the UNC visitor’s parking lot.
“Wake up, sleepyhead.”
Rafe ran his fingers through your hair, scratching it in a circular motion. Your favorite way to wake up. When you opened your eyes, you jolted up, embarrassed, realizing your head was on Rafe’s shoulder and drool was pooling at the corner of your mouth, dripping onto the gray t-shirt he was wearing. You turned your head towards him with apologetic eyes as you took in his face, the sweet disposition oozing out of him, as his eyes smiled at you before his mouth did.
“I’m sorry I drooled on you.”
You spoke sheepishly.
“Hey, it’s okay. Not the first time, definitely won’t be the last.”
He chuckled, giving you his classic Rafe Cameron smile before getting out of Topper’s jeep and making his way to the passenger side to open yours for you. As you began to climb out of the car, he picked up your bag, carrying it for you.
“Thanks, Rafe. You don’t have to carry it, though.”
You said, beaming up at him.
“You look so pretty today, I think I’d do anything you asked of me.”
He blurted out without thinking and your eyes went wide as your cheeks filled with a blush.
“You are so sweet, Rafe. Thank you.”
He nodded and smiled your way, yet again.
“I’ll carry it. It will make me feel better if you have a glucose emergency if I know where it is.”
He stated, matter-of-factly, as he placed the brown leather backpack on his shoulder. His words created a flutter in your stomach.
“Okay, losers! Come on, we gotta check-in at the visitor’s center.”
Topper remarked. You and Rafe began following him and Kelce to the front of the building. Topper quickly went inside and left the three of you waiting on the steps as he went to collect your program information, campus maps, and name tags. When he came back out of the door, he handed each of you your designated packets of information and began explaining what the game plan was.
“Okay, so in each of these packets is information specific to your major. Y/N and Rafe, you’re in a group and then me and Kelce are in a group because our majors and buildings are on the same sides of campus. Go through the packet, it’s got a scavenger hunt and then instructions for meeting the bigger tour group after lunch. We will see you guys then.”
He finished what he was saying and Rafe was already moving, ready to get away from Topper and Kelce and celebrate his alone time with you.
“Okay, sounds good.”
Rafe spoke, taking the packet of information from Topper’s hands, and turning to you with a smile.
“You ready?”
He questioned with a smile.
“As I'll ever be, lead the way, Cameron.”
You gestured to the sidewalk in front of you, beaming up at his tall form, opting to go the opposite direction of Kelce and Topper.
Topper and Kelce quickly scurried off, putting you and Rafe alone again, finally. You love the other two stooges with every fiber of your being, but you’d always loved Rafe more. If soulmates were a thing, he was yours in a platonic way of course, because there’s no way he felt about you the way you felt about him. You were okay with that. Rafe in any way, shape, or form was enough for you, as long as you had him in some way, you’d be okay. As Rafe began talking to you, you were brought out of your daydream.
“So, what do you want to hit first, the football field?”
He asked sarcasm present in his tone, though playful and innocent.
“Sure, if you’re gonna be playing here, we should check it out first.”
You gave him a small smile.
“Are you thinking about coming here in all seriousness?”
“Yeah, I was offered a full scholarship for cheer and academics pending my final grades next year.”
“What?! That’s amazing, Y/N!”
“Thanks, Rafe. I wish my brother thought so.”
“What do you mean? Hasn’t he wanted you to go to UNC like forever?”
He asked, confusion ever-present in his voice.
“I mean, yeah. He’s just been different ever since I got sick.”
“What do you mean?”
He questioned.
“It’s like most of the time, I’m a bug he’s trying to swat away.”
You replied with nonchalance, though Rafe could register the pain in your voice.
“Maybe he just worries about you?”
He asked, suggestively.
“Maybe. I don’t know. You’ll see tonight what I mean.”
You muttered.
“Well if it makes you feel any better, we’ll be here together. At UNC, I mean.”
He said with a sweet smile.
“Really?!”
The joy that riddled your face made Rafe smile.
“Yeah, I’ve got some scouts coming to see me play in the fall and I’m excited. UNC is my dream school, though. So even if I have to be a walk-on or not play at all, I’ll still be coming here. They’ve already given me a scholarship.”
“As they should, Mr. Valedictorian.”
You smiled brightly at him.
“Hey, how do you know I’m valedictorian?!”
He chuckled but was surprised. He had never talked to anyone about his class standing.
“Well, I did some digging after realizing I was second in our class, and to my surprise, my favorite Cameron was the one that beat me out.”
You gave him a sly smile.
“Since when am I your favorite Cameron?”
He asked jokingly, though the notion made his heart soar.
“Since always.”
“Oh, come on! You and Sarah have been thick as thieves for the last two years.”
“Maybe. Sarah’s always been a good friend to me. Topper and Kelce too. But, you’ve always been number one in my heart, I hope you know that.”
The kindness exuded from your eyes. You meant every word.
“You’re something else, you know that.”
He chuckled, but you suddenly felt like you had said the wrong thing, swallowing thickly. He observed your form, realizing where your mind had gone.
“No, no, I mean that in a good way. There’s just no one like you. You’ve always been just so perfect. It’s hard to measure up.”
“It’s a facade, trust me.”
You spoke, rolling your eyes at the notion that anything that had anything to do with you was in the same category as perfect. You were brought out of your thoughts as the two of you made your way to the entrance of the football field, following other students into the gates. Rafe looked on in awe at what would be his stomping grounds in just a few short years, his eyes sparkled as he daydreamed about the baby blue uniform he’d get to wear with his name and number sewn into the back. He’d get to matter here. He’d get to be somebody other than Ward Cameron’s son. He’d hope to make you his girl, here. But, quickly pushed that thought down as you began speaking to him.
“What? Are you imagining all of your fans screaming your name? All the girls throwing themselves at you?”
You chuckled.
“Nope. Just one.”
“Shutup! Who is it, Cameron? You have to tell me!”
“You’ll know soon enough, you know how bad I am with secrets.”
You giggled and its music to his ears.
“Boy do I! Remember that time in second grade when we brought that puppy to my house from the street and we were only able to hide it from my mom for three hours before you blabbered?!”
“Not my best secret-keeping moment.”
He chuckled, remembering that day with you. Your soft curls that too often fell on your face and the look of pure fear in your eyes when your mom found out about the puppy.
“That was a good day.”
You spoke softly.
“Yeah, it was.”
The two of you stood side by side, Rafe’s shoulders towering over you, as you both looked onto the field that would be your home for four years. Excitement stirred in your gut at the chance to get out of the Outer Banks, out of Kildare fucking county with your best friends in the entire world and you simply, couldn’t wait. You hoped the next two years would fly by so you could get out of your hometown, finally fall in love, and forget that Kooks and Pogues even existed.
“Okay, Cameron. Let’s go check out the buildings where our classes will be.”
“Sounds good, pretty girl.”
He smiled at you and placed his hand on the small of your back as he led you out of the stadium and back to the quad. Once you made it away from the large crowd inhabiting the stadium, you probed Rafe with another question.
“So, what are you majoring in, big guy?”
“I haven’t fully decided. Dad wants me to be a business and marketing major, but I am really into the idea of English lit. What about you?”
“I’m English Literature with a concentration in creative writing and a minor in entrepreneurship.”
“Nice! What do you want to do with that?”
He probed, curious about your career path.
“I’m not sure, yet. Maybe teach English or become a writer. All I know is that writing and reading makes me feel alive and I’d like to chase that high as long as I can.”
“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.”
You instantly recognized the words he was stringing together into a sentence.
“Rafe Cameron, are you quoting Dead Poets Society to me?”
You smiled so widely at him. This version of Rafe was different. It was one you had seen glimpses of over the years, but this one, he was your person. You were sure of it.
“Don’t all the guys you talk to do that?”
“What? Do you mean the ever-so-educated JJ Maybank who cares about feelings and reading? Yeah, no. I can’t say that they do.”
You scoffed into a laugh at Rafe’s joke slash question.
“Okay, that’s fair.”
He said, letting out a boisterous belly laugh.
“Let’s go look at the Business Administration building first.”
You suggested and Rafe agreed with your idea. Since you both would have classes in both buildings, it truly didn’t matter which you explored first. As you made your way to the building across the quad, your phone started dinging. Your stupid blood sugar, ruining things again.
“What’s that noise?”
Rafe questioned.
“It’s my glucose monitor on my phone. It’s low again.”
You looked on at him, defeated. He gently lifted your bag off of his shoulders and took your phone out and looked down at the readings. 76 mg, way too low for his comfort and probably for yours too.
“It’s 76 mg, Y/N. What do I need to do?”
“Look for anything in my bag with carbs and I'll check again in 15 minutes.”
You reply without the urgency that Rafe is feeling.
“Okay, let’s sit down for the time being. You don’t look like you feel great.”
He motioned to the bench, just off the sidewalk, close to the arboretum. He knew you wanted to see it before you left campus today, so this was the perfect spot.
“I’m okay, just sluggish. I thought I was just tired from last night.”
You let Rafe lead you to sit, his hand on the small of your back. You took his hand as he motioned you down onto the bench and he felt you shaking. Rafe looked through the bag, examining its contents, quickly.
“Okay, there’s bread and a banana. Which is better?”
“Give me the bread. It’s this banana nut bread I make every week.”
“You amaze me you know that?”
He gave you a soft smile and unwrapped the bread from the Ziploc bag it sat in, handing it to you.
“Thank you, Rafe, really, it means the world to have you here and to have your help.”
“Anything for you, I mean that. Are you thirsty?”
“Yeah, there’s water in there, too.”
He nodded, reaching back into the bag to retrieve the water bottle and handing it to you.
“After we get your levels back up, let’s go into the arboretum, and then we will grab some lunch.”
“Sure, thanks, Rafe. I love the Arboretum here, it’s so beautiful!”
“Yeah, I know. You’ve only been talking about visiting it since we were ten.”
“You remember that?”
“I remember everything you tell me.”
You blushed at his confession. You sat there, just chatting back and forth for the fifteen minutes it took for the food to settle before you checked your blood sugar again. Rafe pulled your phone back out of your bag and looked at the screen. 100 mg. We’re back in business baby!
“88 mg, back to normal, pretty girl.”
He spoke, blush coating your cheeks and you watched the corners of his mouth turn up in a smile.
“Thanks, Rafe. You’ve been so good about all of this. It scares most people.”
You thank him sheepishly.
“I’m not most people, you know that.”
He stood up from the bench, placing your backpack on his shoulders once more, and gently took your hand in his, lifting you to your feet. He led you to the sidewalk and you began your trek to the arboretum, his hand on the small of your back once again. You tried not to read too much into his hands constantly being close to you, you and Rafe had always had an intimate relationship that was very hands-on. As you made your way toward the greenhouse, you felt a raindrop hit your nose and before your brain could process what your orbs had just taken in, the bottom of the sky fell out and rain poured from the sky. The same way your eyes leaked when you and Rafe had stopped speaking. As the rain-drenched your clothes, you and Rafe shared a mischievous look, before he grabbed your hand and you both took off running toward your destination. It seemed like you had been running forever when you made it inside the doors of the greenhouse. Once you finally shook the water off of your bodies, reminiscent of a wet dog shaking his fur violently, you had a minute to take Rafe in. The light from the lightning lit up his drenched features. He took his baseball cap off, shaking it out and ringing out the water from his shirt. As he turned to look at you, you moved into him, eyes locking with his, his tall muscular form standing over you. You’re not sure what’s come over you, maybe it’s the care he’s shown you or how different he is now. But, you couldn’t take too much time to process what you were feeling or what you were thinking. The next few moments felt like a scene from a movie, as you placed your hands on his cheeks and kissed his lips, deeply, a moan escaping your lips. He was quick to pull away, bewilderment in his eyes.
“I-I’m sorry, Rafe. I read the signals wrong.”
“I’m not sorry because you didn’t misread anything.”
And just like that, Rafe Cameron was kissing you, gently, deeply, madly, clothes drenched in rainwater and with ecstasy-filled eyes. Rafe Goddamn Cameron was kissing you and you fucking loved it.
at one point in time rafe was your best friend. can summer romance erase all the damage he's done?
✯ [7k]warnings:
mature themes, mentions of anxiety, nostalgia, heartbreak, diabetes lingo, injury, ghosting, fluff and fear, domestic violence (not rafe), mean!ex!jj etc.
✯ a/n:
nothing!! please don't engage if you have a hard time with any of these topics <3 this was originally posted on my old blog @/illicitfixations, @/lovelornanonymity and i have rewritten + reshared it here :) trying out a new format with this post, hope you like it!
You laid with Rafe on that white fleece blanket for what felt like hours. You nuzzled your face deeper into his chest, as you recounted some more of the trauma that you had experienced at the hands of JJ, listening to the constant beat of Rafe’s heart. You knew that when that sound ever stopped that you’d cease to exist. Rafe's phone rang loudly, bringing you out of your conversation and he dug through the pocket of his khaki shorts glancing at the screen - it was Topper. As he answered the phone, he gave you a knowing look, letting you know that the conversation wasn’t over. You made a mental note that you were going to have to have a chat with Top about calling at the most inconvenient times. Rafe rolled his eyes but drug his large finger across the screen to answer the facetime call.
“What is it, Top?”
Rafe questioned, rolling his eyes.
“That’s no way to greet your best friend, jackass.”
Topper quipped, a smile on his lips.
“Well, I’m a little busy right now.”
Rafe replied, moving the camera to show you laid on his chest on the beach.
“Shit, my bad. Have you taken her to pound town yet?”
Rafe grimaced, Topper must've thought you were asleep because there was no way he’d say that with you conscious.
“No, he hasn’t.”
You whispered out, looking up at Rafe with sad eyes and he swallowed thickly. At Topper’s words, you wondered if that’s all this was, some sick ploy to sleep with you or to break your heart on purpose. Realization of the fact that you just shared some of your most vulnerable parts with him made your stomach sink, but you quickly pushed it down.
“Hey, shit. I’m sorry Y/n, I was just messing with Rafe. He really likes you.”
Topper spoke with a tone so genuine you decided to relax a little.
“I think I got that top, thanks for the info.”
You quipped, bringing light-hearted energy back to the conversation. Though, you knew you’d have to talk to Rafe about what he said in private.
“Anyways, losers. There’s a party at my house tonight. I expect to see you two there.”
Topper urged.
“We might make an appearance. We’re spending time together though so probably not.”
Your heart leapt at his words, he was willing to give up a party to spend time with you. Who was this new and improved version of Rafe Cameron?
“Well spend time together at this party.”
Topper urged again, stronger this time.
“We’ll think about it, bye Top.”
Rafe’s tone was gruff and annoyed. Topper was still talking but Rafe hung up the phone not wanting to hear anything else he had to say.
“We can go if you want to, Rafael.”
You spoke sweetly, giving him a smile, as he hung up the phone.
“Are you sure, angel? This is our day, we don’t have to.”
He reassured you, placing a hand on your thigh and giving it a gentle squeeze.
“Yeah, it’ll be nice to spend time with the boys, it’s okay.”
Your cheerful, radiant smile sent a shiver down his spine. When you gave him that smile, he knew he’d do anything and everything to make you happy until he breathed his last breath. You were such a ball of sunshine, his sunshine, that’s all Rafe could manage to think as he smiled at you, thankful for your kind, free-spirited, go with the flow nature. He almost couldn’t believe all you had gone through, he didn’t truly want to believe it. It hurt him to think of JJ’s hands on you, hurting you.
Truth be told, Rafe didn’t need to go to this party, he didn’t even want to. But, you saying that he could meant a lot to him and it meant even more that you’d be there with him, on his arm. You laid with him for a bit longer, watching as the sun went completely down, the light pink and orange hues turning to the black of night before you began packing up the remnants of your picnic and headed to the truck, your hand in his.
-
It was ten o'clock when you made it to Topper’s house and you felt yourself wanting to let loose a bit. As Rafe made his way around the island of the kitchen, he poured himself some tequila in a red solo cup and asked Topper what he had for you to drink.
“Top, what do you have that y/n can drink?”
Topper’s eyes looked like they were going to fall out of his head.
“Shit! I’m so sorry, y/n. I didn’t pick anything up for you.”
He placed his head in his hands.
“It’s okay, Top. I can have a drink or two. It’s no big deal.”
You shrugged your shoulders and your eyes met Rafe’s. He was angry. How could Top be such an idiot, he thought. How could he ask you to come and not think of you when buying beverages? You could tell the thought of alcohol being in your bloodstream made him uneasy.
“There’s insulin in the truck, okay? You tell me if you start to feel weird.”
He reassuringly rubbed his hands up and down your arms and craned his head down where you could reach him. Standing at six foot four, he towered over. He could see the lust present in your eyes and when he leaned in close enough, you locked your lips with his. The kiss was passionate and slow and it felt like everything in the room had disappeared, like it was just the two of you standing there. Then you heard the voice of your abuser. You pulled away and gave Rafe scared eyes as you surveyed the room, looking for where his voice was coming from. He knew what was happening, the fear that you displayed and the voice he had grown to hate told him what was wrong. He didn’t need to ask.
“Hey, angel. Look at me. It’s okay. Need you to promise you’ll tell me if you start feeling bad before I get you a beer, okay?”
“I promise I will.”
You replied, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. He took you out of the kitchen and led you outside to the bonfire where Topper and Kelce stood, in hopes that getting you away from JJ would be enough to calm you. It was - you knew you were safe in the presence of Rafael, let alone of all three of them. Rafe stepped away for only a moment, grabbing you a beer from the cooler, and popping it open before handing it to you. The coolness of the bottle sent a shock through your arm. He made his way back behind you and you leaned up against him, his hands on your hips. You took a sip of the beer in your hands and leaned your head back against Rafe’s pectoral muscles, craning your neck to the side as he leaned down and peppered kisses to the exposed skin. You were entering bliss when you heard the all too eerily familiar voice of JJ Maybank.
“Well, well, well, what do we have here?”
He taunted and Rafe’s eyes shot to his, the grip he had on your waist tightening in protection. Rafe scoffed, not wanting to give JJ the time of day or put you in harm's way by starting a fight.
“You like my sloppy seconds, Rafael? Tell me, how does she taste?”
“Don’t you dare call him that, JJ.”
You spat. Rafael was his name so anyone could really use it. But not JJ. He didn’t know Rafe well enough to even use the nickname his parents had given him, let alone the name you used as a term of endearment.
“Wouldn’t you like to know? There’s no sloppy seconds, when you never had someone to begin with, Maybank.”
Rafe retorted, his voice sinister, begging JJ to egg him on.
“Sweetheart, tell your boyfriend to watch his mouth or I'll put a matching scar on the other cheek.”
He grinned cheekily and Rafe grabbed you by the shoulders, moving you out of his path as he stalked toward JJ. Topper and Kelce stood, chests puffed out at his remark, confused about what he meant but the promise of a threat towards you putting them in a mode of protection.
“What the fuck did you say?!”
Rafe growled in his direction.
“I said, It’d be a real shame if I had to put another scar on her pretty little face because you don’t know how to behave, wouldn’t it?”
The crunch of Rafe’s fist hitting JJ’s jaw echoed across the beach, as the blonde flew back under the weight of his right hook. Rafe moved swiftly toward JJ, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, landing not one, not two, but three more blows to his cheek.
“You’re not ever gonna touch her again!”
Rafe screamed as his fists relentlessly wailed into the side of JJ’s head, blood splattered up and landed underneath Rafe’s eye.
“I wouldn’t be so sure, Cameron. I’ll touch her whenever and however I want to.”
He coughed out, JJ was a cocky bastard who didn’t know when to shut the fuck up, even when he was being pummelled into the ground. At his remark, Rafe hit him so hard that he thought he was dead for a second.
“You had enough, Maybank?”
Rafe asked as he drew back from JJ, still holding him by the collar of his shirt.
“Not even close.”
He grunted out before spitting in Rafe’s face, Rafe’s hands released JJ in an attempt to get the saliva off of his face. He was disgusted like anyone would have been. JJ took the opportunity and lunged on top of Rafe, pinning him to the ground, and laying a hit on Rafe’s cheek. You and Topper made your way to them quickly, no longer being onlookers. Topper pulled JJ off of Rafe from behind. JJ was too fast though and wiggled out of Topper’s grasp by the time Rafe was back to his feet. You quickly inserted your body in between them, thinking that was a sure-fire way to stop the fight. It wasn’t. Before you knew it, you looked in JJ’s direction out of the corner of your eye and his fist collided with your nose at full force. Shock littered Rafe’s face and anger infiltrated every fiber of his being.
“Told you I’d touch her how I wanted to.”
JJ remarked, a sinister smirk residing on his face. It was one thing to hear your first-hand account of JJ’s abuse but it was another to watch him put his hands on you, accidental or not, and Rafe went absolutely feral.
“Topper, Kelce, get her out of here!”
Rafe yelled, taking in your shaking, crying form, as your hands covered your face. Topper did as he was told, lifting you bridal style and taking you back towards the house, sitting you on the steps, instructing people to move out of the way before kneeling in front of you. Kelce followed shortly behind.
“Y/N, are you alright?”
Topper questioned softly, grabbing your knee, and squeezing it to give you some reassurance. You continued crying.
“Come on, pretty girl, let me see it.”
“N-no, T-top.”
You choked out.
“I need to look at it, y/n.”
“N-no.”
You continued to sob uncontrollably. Topper made his way behind you, taking a seat and placing you in between his legs.
“It’s okay. Rafe’s gonna be here soon, it’s gonna be fine.”
He whispered into your hairline and squeezed you tightly into a hug. Kelce knelt down in front of you, slowly coaxing you to pry your hands away from your face. When you did, the shock that both boys felt at the sight of your nose was enough to send them reeling. Topper looked at Kelce, his eyes laced with venom and specific instructions and Kelce knew exactly what it meant. He needed to go to Rafe. He nodded his head reassuringly, placing a kiss on your cheek before stalking toward the bonfire where the fight had originated. When Kelce made it back down to where Rafe was, he held off on approaching him fully and instead watched as Rafe stalked toward the offender, hitting him so hard that he knew JJ Maybank was barely conscious. Truth be told, he wanted his best friend to pummel him into the sand, he wanted him to suffer, to be laying in a hospital bed for what he had done to you and Kelce would make sure that whether it was Rafe or not, that’s what was going to happen. He continued to look on at the scene, Rafe punching JJ over and over again. Blow after violent blow landing on JJ’s face, stomach, and chest. He deserved it, Kelce knew that, but what he didn’t expect was Rafe to continue the blows, with seemingly no end in sight. He began to wonder if Rafe could stop if he could control himself enough to be able to. He should’ve expected it because Rafe Cameron had been in love with you since pre-school and anyone who dared to try and hurt you or take you away from him was sure to pay a hefty price. Kelce had paid his the summer before eighth grade when he made a comment about your ever-growing breasts. Rafe had bruised his ribs and his ego for talking about you in such a vulgar way, especially in front of him.
Kelce was brought out of his thoughts and began to make his way toward Rafe when he looked on and saw Rafe pinning JJ’s right arm behind his back, preparing to snap the bone in half if that’s what it took to send the message to the Pogue to stay the fuck away from his girl.
“Rafael!”
Kelce yelled at him, which got his attention immediately. The boys did not use his full name. Rafe looked in his direction with bewildered eyes.
“I’m a little fucking busy, Kelceo.”
He spat.
“I get that, but you need to get up here and check on her. I think he broke her nose. Besides, she doesn’t need to watch you be an animal, Rafe. You’re not that guy anymore.”
Rafe swallowed the words of his friend and gingerly nodded, realization hit him, Kelce was right. He threw JJ to the ground, knowing that for the first time in his fucking life Kelce wasn’t saying some dumbass remark, he wasn’t being an asshole or a bully, he was doing the right thing and currently, the right thing was keeping his best friend out of prison for murder. Instead, keeping him where he belonged, with you.
Rafe’s tall figure quickly stalked towards you, fear in his eyes. Your hands covered your face as the blood pooled from your nose. The crunch of the bone could be felt with every nerve ending that inhabited your body. He kneeled in front of you on the balls of his feet, hands hovering over your figure, afraid to touch you in fear of hurting you worse.
“Baby, I need you to talk to me. How bad are you hurt?”
“R-Rafael…”
You whimpered violently, your hands clutching to your face, blood pooling down past your chin.
“Come on baby girl, let me see your face. I need to look to fix it.”
He spoke sweetly and you trusted his every word. Slowly lifting your hands away from your face, your eyes met Rafe’s worrying form. You winced at the lack of pressure on your wound and fought to get your hands back to it. Before you could complete the movement, Rafe grabbed you by the wrists. He took in the already forming bruises under your eyes and the way the bridge of your nose now sat at a bend that protruded out to the left side.
“Okay, baby. It’s okay. You look so pretty. But I think your nose is broken so I need to take you to the hospital, okay?”
“I-, I don’t wanna go, Rafe.”
You choked out a sob, whimpering into his chest, as he pulled you in. Blood soaked the shirt he was wearing but he didn’t care. You needed to be held and that’s what he was going to do.
“I know baby, but I just want to get you checked out, okay? We gotta make sure you're alright.”
You nodded, giving him permission. Which you were thankful he waited for and you felt his strong arms lift you up, carrying you bridal style, your head resting against his chest, listening to his heartbeat and the scrunch of his button-down moving up and down with each step he took.
“I’m sorry, Rafael.”
“Shh. Nothing to be sorry about, angel.”
He cooed, placing a kiss on your hairline.
“I’m getting blood all over your shirt.”
“It’s okay, you can always buy me a new one.”
He quipped, making you giggle, and even though it made you wince, you were thankful it was laughter created by him. You were brought out of your thoughts as Rafe finally came up on his truck. You marveled at how he opened the door, with such ease, not even shifting you in his arms to readjust. He was so strong and you loved it. He placed you into the passenger seat, buckling you in and reaching into the center console from which he retrieved a box of baby wipes. He had started keeping them in his truck after the first nosebleed he got during football practice and it had been a lifesaver ever since. Today, they’d be used for his girl and while that made him cringe, he was thankful he had them on hand. He slowly pulled them out of the container and stilled his hands, not wanting to spook you.
“Okay, sweet girl, I’m going to clean your face up, alright?”
You hummed in response, talking made it hurt worse and Rafe knew that so he didn’t probe you any further. Once he had your permission, he gently brought the wipes up to your nose and chin, wiping the blood off of your face as he stood between the passenger side door and the seat you occupied. You winced in pain at the feeling of the cold wipes against your bruised flesh.
“I know baby, I know it hurts, I’m so sorry.”
“s’okay Rafey.”
You muttered.
“There we go, my pretty girl is all cleaned up, no more blood.”
He gave you that classic, bright, panty-dropping Rafe Cameron smile and pecked your lips lightly, careful not to touch your nose, but wanting to give you some sort of reassurance that you were safe. You gave him a forced smile and he closed your door, making his way to the driver's side, hopping in and starting the truck. He gave your thigh a reassuring squeeze before pulling off, heading toward St. Olive’s emergency department.
-
After hours of x-rays and CT scans and waiting, the doctor had confirmed yours and Rafe’s worst fears, you had a displaced nasal fracture, which meant they had to pop it back into place. Rafe knew the procedure would be painful, he had dislocated his shoulder before, and when it was popped back into place he screamed like a girl. The memory was enough to make him shudder and the fact that his sweet angel had to deal with that level of pain made him want to cry. He held your hand when a doctor and a nurse brought in long silver tools that looked like medieval torture devices. When your fear-stricken eyes met him, he almost collapsed. Rafe stayed up by your head, sitting on a stool beside you, stroking your hair as you lay flat on the bed. The anticipation of the pain you were about to feel took over all of your senses. You genuinely just wanted them to get it the fuck over with. They injected you with numbing medication first and then quickly got to work, inserting the tools up your nose and pressing hard against the bone. The crunch made Rafe feel sick and it made him feel even worse when he looked down at you and saw the tears running down your face. He placed a kiss on your forehead and continued running his fingers through your hair, while the doctors applied the splint to your nose. After the conclusion of the procedure, you were released from the hospital back into Rafe’s care. Luckily, you slept most of the way home from the pain medicine they had given you before your departure. As you and Rafe quietly made your way into the house, you were met with the unexpected - Ward. His voice bellowed through the thick air of the foyer and the lights flickered on. He was angry and you couldn’t blame him. He was just being a good dad, a good person.
“Rafael Joseph Cameron! What were you two doing out so late?! I’m supposed to take care of her while her parents are out of town. How in the fucking world can I do that if you are gone all hours of the night?! Huh?!”
“Sorry, Dad-”
Rafe stuttered, Ward’s wrath was the only thing in the world that he seemed to be afraid of.
“It’s my fault.”
You spoke, your voice soft and tender, which took Ward away from his anger just enough to voice his concern. He noticed the pained expression you displayed as you moved the ice away from your face and revealed the cast that sat on your nose.
“What the fuck happened?!”
Ward questioned, moving closer to you, hands out in search of your cheeks. You winced away from his touch and Rafe grabbed his wrists.
“Dad, don’t touch it. Her nose is broken, they had to pop it back in place. She’s in a lot of pain.”
Rafe all but barked at his father, his mind associating him as a threat. Ward’s eyes softened.
“Sweetheart, how did this happen?”
His voice was no longer bellowing through the halls of the mansion, it was soft, caring, and kind. It reminded you of Rafe, which was odd considering you were almost sure all of the good qualities in him came from his late mother, Kate.
“Rafe was defending me at a party and the guy had him pinned down. I got in the middle and the guy hit me.”
“Son, is this true? Why were you fighting? You know my rules about fighting.”
Ward’s tone was still soft, but disappointment laced his voice. You knew his rules about fighting. Rafe wasn’t allowed to fight unless he was on the brink of death or he was protecting someone else. Ward was very strict about that and always had been. Though most of the tomfoolery and fights Rafe had been in over the years Ward was unaware of.
“It was her ex. He’s hurt her before and he said something smart. I just lost it, Dad.”
Rafe looked down, waiting for Ward’s wrath and disappointment. He lifted his son’s chin, so his eyes could meet his and placed his hand on his cheek.
“I’m not mad, Rafael. I’m just glad you both protected each other tonight. Now, go upstairs, get some rest and we will talk in the morning.”
Ward instructed and the two of you quickly obliged, heading for the staircase. Rafe led you with an outstretched hand that you clung to until you made it to the bedroom.
“You want me to run you a bath, baby?”
“I’d love that, Rafael. Thank you, sweet boy.”
You smiled as best you could, any movement hurting the newly broken part of your face. Rafe momentarily stepped out and into the bathroom, leaving his robe on the bed for you to change into. He wanted to make sure you were comfortable and as much as he wanted to gawk at your beautiful body, he knew now wasn’t the time and when the time came, it would be special. You quickly undressed, wrapping the robe around you. It was white and fluffy and warm, like a fleece blanket. The best part about it was the intoxicating smell of Rafe that lingered in every fiber. You made your way to the bathroom, walking into Rafe being bent over the side, hands dipped in the water to make sure it was just the right temperature. You stood there in the doorway, gawking at the way his bicep contracted as he leaned over the edge of the tub, pouring the bubbles in. Everything about him turned you on, even the way he was blissfully unaware of your presence. You cleared your throat and he turned his neck to look in your direction, arms still outstretched, muscles contracting, as his body leaned over the bath he was preparing for you.
“Hey, pretty girl.”
His sweet smile made your knees weak. How could he think you were pretty right now? ‘It’s just a nickname, he doesn't mean it’, you thought.
“Hi.”
You spoke timidly, making your way into the bathroom and sitting on the lid of the toilet seat. You continued watching him as he finished up, turning the water off, and moving his body toward you.
“Are you ready to get in angel?”
He asks, squatting in front of you, holding your hands in his.
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
You sheepishly smiled, looking into his bright baby blues. He gently pulled you to your feet, holding your hands in his.
“Let me step out so you can undress, baby.”
“No.”
You all but yelled at him, but quickly composed yourself. You wanted him to see you, to see all of you.
“No?”
He looked confused and it made you giggle.
“It’s okay, Rafael. You’ve seen me in a bathing suit, this is no different.”
You played it off, knowing it was indeed very different. You were about to be naked in front of the boy you had been in love with for your entire life. It was very fucking different.
“It’s very different, sweetheart.”
He replied, emphasis on the ‘very’.
“It’s okay.”
You reassure him with a smile and before he can protest, you drop the robe from your shoulders. He shuddered as it hit the floor and his eyes were invaded with the sight of you - your breasts, plump and beautiful, sitting pretty in front of him, begging, screaming, crying for him to touch them. You watched him swallow thickly and stepped closer to him, eyes boring holes into his.
“Do you like what you see, Rafael?”
You questioned, your lips turning upward into a devilish smirk. You knew what the fuck you were doing. Though you weren’t sure how you had never even been naked in front of JJ. This just felt so different, so easy.
“You have no idea how much.”
He replied simply, trying to keep his voice even. He took your hand again, helping you lower yourself into the bubbles and once you were seated he went to exit the room, so you could have time to relax after having such a hard day.
“Rafael, where are you going?”
“I just thought you’d want time to relax baby.”
“Well, it’s hard to relax without you, ya know?”
You playfully rolled your eyes as you joked.
“So, you want me to sit with you, baby?”
He was anxious for your answer, not truly knowing what you wanted from him at this moment - casual sex, intimacy, or both.
“I want you to get in with me, sweet boy. Just hold me for a little while.”
His lips turned up into a smile and he quickly stripped himself of his clothes, placing one foot into the tub and sitting behind you. He spread his legs, pulling you back into him and you laid your head on his chest.
“How’s that, pretty girl? Is this what you wanted?”
He smirked into a chuckle but as much as you wanted to laugh you heard that stupid nickname again and it made you cringe.
“Don’t call me that, I’m not that.”
Your voice was weak and feeble. He was taken aback by your declaration because you were that. You were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
“Do you not like it at all or just right now?”
You almost cried at the sweet question and how well he knew you, how in tune he was with your feelings.
“Just right now, I think. I just don’t feel very pretty right now.”
“I know, baby. But, nothing has changed. It’s just a broken bone, it’ll heal.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m just worried, ya know. I mean, what if when it heals, I don’t look the same or you don’t like me anymore?”
“Baby, you gotta slow down, okay? Just breathe. You are the most beautiful person in the world, inside and out, even when you’re hurt. That’s never going to change. I’m never going to not love you.”
“Y-you love me?”
“I do. I sort of always have.”
He replied boldly. You couldn’t believe the words you were hearing, he loved you too. After all this time, he loved you too.
“Is it okay if I clean you up, baby? I’d prefer if you weren’t covered in blood when I tell you that I love you too.”
You questioned him and a smirk danced across your face. His eyes shot up at the confession laced in the back of the nonchalant nature of such a simple sentence, such a simple question. He was absolutely floored. You loved him too. How long had you loved him too? You took the wash rag in your hands, wringing it out and bringing it up to Rafe’s face, gently wiping the blood away from underneath his eyes, around his mouth, on his cheeks, and in his hairline. You dipped it back into the water, making sure to clean each wound with intent and care, placing a kiss on his nose when you were done.
“I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone take care of me like that.”
He gruffly spoke, attempting to clear his throat. The way you made him feel was electric, every fiber of his being, every nerve ending, every muscle was on fire for the way you cared for him.
“Your mom did, I know that for a fact.”
You spoke sweetly and he smiled, knowing you were exactly right. Kate loved him deeply and cared for him like this. Maybe that’s why he loved you so much, you reminded him so much of her.
“Let’s go to bed, Rafael. I’m tired.”
“I know you are baby.”
He placed a kiss on your temple, taking your hands and helping you stand in the tub, wrapping a towel around your shivering form. He quickly dried off and helped you out of the tub, leading you back into his bedroom. You dried off the best you could and sat on the edge of the bed, the towel wrapped around you beneath your armpits. Rafe was rummaging through his dresser, looking for clothes to wear to bed for the both of you when you ushered him over to you.
“Rafe, come here.”
Your voice was soft, but it was coated with desire and longing. He took in your still naked form, thanking whatever Gods were on his side for letting him be here with you, thanking you internally for letting him see you like this. He made his way over to you, following your instructions, and sat on the bed next to you. He was nervous, being naked beside you sent chills down his spine, the water no longer providing any modesty for either of you. He ran his hand up and down his knees repeatedly, seeing him this nervous made you smile.
“What is it, angel?”
He questioned, afraid to touch you in fear of making you uncomfortable.
“Can you just hold me before we put clothes on? I just want to stay like this for a little while.”
“Is that all, angel? You had me worried for a second. Come here.”
You let out a soft giggle, removing your towel and crawling onto his lap, straddling him, the tip of his dick brushing up against your core. He bit back a groan and you felt him grow hard beneath you. You knew what the fuck you were doing and you smirked as you laid your head on his chest. He held you there, rubbing soft circles into your back as he fought to gain his composure. Getting his dick wet was the last thing on his mind, even with your antics. He wouldn’t allow his physical desires to fuck this up. He finally had you, finally knew that you loved him and wanted him too and he wanted your first time to be special. He looked down at you at the exact moment that you looked up at him, his eyes locking with yours. You plunged your lips into his, bringing your hands up to his face. His mouth opened slightly, letting you in. Your tongues fell in sync with each other, like they were meant to wrestle against each other for all of eternity and maybe they were. You panted for air, pulling away, moving to place gentle kisses on his collarbones and his broad shoulders. He pulled back, pushing you a bit, creating a barrier between the two of you. You swallowed thickly at the hurt you felt, at the rejection.
“We should stop.”
He spoke, his tone even, and it shattered your heart into a million pieces.
“I-i’m sorry. I know I’m not experienced, I know that’s not attractive.”
Your voice shook with embarrassment and your eyes went to your hands which were no longer holding on to Rafe’s arms and instead were in your lap. You squeezed them together, a habit you only took part in when you were extremely anxious. You cursed yourself, you couldn’t even kiss him right, you couldn’t do anything right. Rafe’s hands cupped both of your cheeks and his blue eyes could see the sadness laced in yours.
“Hey, don’t do that.”
He spoke softly, continuing to cradle your face in his hands, staring into your eyes so he’d know you heard every word he was about to say.
“Do what?”
You asked innocently, unsure of whether he was referring to you kissing him or something else.
“Don’t go to the bad place in your head. Everything’s okay.”
You brought your eyes back down to your hands, as he let go of your face, tucking your hair behind your ear.
“Can you t-tell me w-what I did wrong?”
Your face became a deepened shade of red and he furrowed his brows in confusion and his eyes softened.
“Baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just-, if we do this when we do this, I want it to be when you’re my girl like officially. I don’t want us to have to guess and I want you to be sure I’m who you want your first time to be with.”
Your jaw dropped at his confession, at his sweet words. You giggled.
“Rafael, who did you think I was saving it for? I’ve been your girl since we were seven years old.”
He leaned in and you followed, letting his lips softly graze yours, breath hitching in your throat at the feeling of him. You felt euphoric as he kissed you with equal parts passion, violence, and gentleness. His hands made their way to your breasts hovering over them a bit too long. He was still afraid to touch you but you needed him to. You growled into his mouth, which sent him into overdrive, all his senses burning for you.
“Wrap your legs around me, love.”
He whispered against your lips. You followed his directions and he stood with you in his arms, turning to place you flat on your back on his bed. He knelt in front of the bed, where your legs hung over the edge, and took your left leg into his hands, gently kissing from your ankle up to your thigh. You writhed under his touch, his mouth being mere centimeters from your core.
“You’re beautiful, y/n. Thank you for letting me touch you like this.”
He whispered out and you gave him a sheepish smile.
“Are you sure you want this?”
He asked sweetly, breathing over the space where your thigh and vagina came together in an attempt to tease you.
“I’m sure.”
You breathed out, hands wrapping themselves in Rafe’s hair, pulling at the golden brown locks. At the sound of your permission, Rafe began kissing at your entrance, rubbing his thumb over your g spot ever so slowly. You wriggled under his large hands, groaning loudly when the sensation of his lips met your sensitive nub over and over.
You’re so utterly lost in the kisses, in the way his mouth feels against you that you almost forget to breathe.
“I’m gonna put a finger in baby, need you to tell me if it hurts, okay?”
You eagerly nodded and became undone as his finger bottomed out inside of you. Your eyes rolled in the back of your head.
“How’s that feeling, baby?”
“S-so g-good.”
You said, breathlessly.
“Gonna add another, baby. Tell me if it hurts.”
You again nodded as quickly as your head would move. He slid in another one of his long fingers, bottoming out inside of you, letting you adjust before beginning to move them back and forth, picking up the pace and curling his fingers as he felt you clench around his hand, reaching your climax.
“Rafe, I think I have to pee.”
You spoke sheepishly and he chuckled.
“That’s not pee, baby. That’s your body telling you that what we’re doing is making you feel good. You’re about to have your first orgasm.”
He smiled reassuringly and you gingerly nodded, again ashamed at your lack of knowledge and experience. Rafe pulled his fingers out of you and you missed the contact. You let out a tangled whine.
“It’s okay, baby. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Thank you so much for letting me touch you like this.”
You smiled at his reassurance, running his fingers through his hair as he placed kisses under your belly button, where your largest pump site scars resided.
“I love these scars, baby. I love you so much.”
“I love you, Rafael.”
With no warning, he plunges his tongue inside of your delicate entrance and you feel yourself clench around him, your stomach knotting up once more and your body chasing the high that he was giving you. You hoped what he said was true and that you weren’t about to pee in his mouth, as the damn was breaking around you and the knot within your stomach busted, releasing every feel-good hormone your body held. All you could see were stars as your vision blackened. You looked to Rafe after a moment, your chest heaving up and down. His pupils were blown, desire lacing them.
“How was that, beautiful?”
He questioned, looking up at you with a smirk as he placed kisses over your tummy once more.
“Let’s do it again, but this time, I want you inside me.”
You quipped in a serious tone. You needed him to know you were serious and you wanted him, all of him.
“As you wish, baby. Are you on the pill or do you want me to use a rubber?”
He asked gently.
“I’m on the pill, sweet boy. Thank you for asking, but I want to feel every inch of you.”
He simply nods in response and parts your legs a bit more, throwing your ankles over his shoulders as he positions himself in front of your entrance. You watch him, eagerly waiting for the moment he’s going to be inside of you. He hovers over your face, leaning his forehead against yours.
“Honey-, listen, this is going to hurt a bit, okay? But I promise it’ll feel better quickly. I need you to talk to me through it, okay? I need to know how you’re feeling the whole time.”
“Okay, baby. I promise.”
You smiled brightly up at the gorgeous man hanging his head over you, leaning up to kiss his nose.
“I’m ready, Rafael.”
He nodded and kissed you passionately on the lips, moving down the entirety of your jaw and neck before landing on your breasts, grazing them with his tongue. You sharply inhaled at the new sensation. He gently bit down, sucking at your hardened peak. You groaned loudly, letting him know to stop teasing you.
“Rafe-”
You all but yelled his name, letting him know he was frustrating you.
“Patience. Tell me what you need, baby.”
His voice remained sweet, he sensed your need for him.
“Put it in, already!”
You grunted and he let out a belly laugh.
“Okay, baby. All you had to do was ask.”
He smiled, lining his tip up with your entrance once more and gently pushing in. Before you could even process what had happened, tears leaked out of the sides of your eyes. He was big, much bigger than you had anticipated. Rafe leaned down, wiping your tears away.
“Am I hurting you, angel? You can tell me, I won’t be upset.”
“No, it’s just uncomfortable.”
He gingerly nodded, knowing what you meant.
“I know baby, I’m sorry. It’ll be over soon.”
He gently placed kisses all over your face while he bottomed out and waited for you to adjust to his size.
“Okay, you can start moving.”
You spoke, the feeling of his dick sending you into a euphoric state. Nothing has ever made you feel this good in your entire life. Rafe’s pace quickened as he pounded in and out of you. You felt the familiar knot grow in your stomach and threw your head back.
“How’s it feeling, pretty girl? You’re so pretty like this, baby. Thank you for letting me see you like this.”
“S-so good, Rafe.”
He hit you with another hard thrust, scraping against your sweet spot once more.
“Rafe, I’m gonna cum-”
You gasped.
“It’s okay, baby. I’m right behind you. Go ahead, angel.”
He whispered into your hairline as he leaned down, peppering kisses on your collarbones. The new position let him hit your sweet spot and you screamed out as the second wave of pleasure wracked through your body.
Rafael-, I love you so much.”
You screamed out as he held you, letting you ride out your orgasm. He kissed your forehead as you came down from your high. He pulled out of you, already missing the warmth.
“I love you too, sweet girl. Are you mine?”
“I’m your girl, forever.”
You breathed out against him, letting him run into the bathroom to grab something to clean up with before cuddling into his chest and falling into a blissful sleep.
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at one point in time rafe was your best friend. can summer romance erase all the damage he's done?
✯ [7k]warnings:
mature themes, mentions of anxiety, nostalgia, heartbreak, diabetes lingo, injury, ghosting, fluff and fear, domestic violence (not rafe), mean!ex!jj etc.
✯ a/n:
nothing!! please don't engage if you have a hard time with any of these topics <3 this was originally posted on my old blog @/illicitfixations, @/lovelornanonymity and i have rewritten + reshared it here :) trying out a new format with this post, hope you like it!
Midsummer’s was the event of the season and everyone in the Outer Banks knew it - even the Pogues, who weren’t even socially relevant. The preparations for the pretentious party started exactly one year ahead, booking venues, and caterers, and getting together the oh-so-important list of people that needed to attend to continue to make it relevant. You often joked that this party derived from the origins of your favorite play did a disservice to the work of Shakespeare. You weren’t sure that when he wrote A Midsummer Night’s Dream exactly what he was thinking but you were sure it didn’t include an ostentatious party with false pleasantries and too much alcohol. Yet, this year the overarching theme of love that can be found in many of his works, infiltrated your entire being. This year was just like any other, except this year you’d be attending with Rafe. This year you weren’t annoyed by the presence of the event in your life and instead, you actually welcomed it. You were excited to wear your dress and had planned every detail of how you’d wear your hair and what makeup products you’d use. This year you were excited to be in a public setting with the boy you loved and you were patiently waiting for him to ask you specially but wondered if he was even planning to after having lunch with Topper at the club.
Once every week, you had lunch with Topper. It was a tradition he had started with you two years ago and had somehow managed to keep up with. The first one was right after your diagnosis and he wanted to make you feel loved so he instructed you to wear your best dress and accompany him to lunch. This is why you were now wearing a white form-fitting dress, with lace that went right to your mid-thigh with brown wedges. Your hair was curled, sitting just passed your shoulders and your skin was glowing in the sun as you conversed back and forth with Topper over a ridiculously expensive egg salad sandwich. Luckily, Top was buying.
“So, are you excited for Midsummers? What color are you and Rafe wearing?”
He asked cheerily, excited for the event, excited for you, knowing what it meant for you.
“I, uh, actually don’t know. He hasn’t mentioned it to me. I’m not sure if he’s going to ask at all.”
You spoke awkwardly, fidgeting with your hands.
“Wait what? He hasn’t mentioned anything about it?”
Top looked at you in confusion.
“He said he was going to wear a navy suit, but that’s it.”
You tried to hide the sadness, but your tongue betrayed you.
“Well, do you know what color you want to wear?”
“I already bought my dress like six months ago, you know how my mom is over Midsummers. It’s a champagne color.”
You pulled out your phone to show Topper the pictures from when you tried it on. Turning the screen around and placing it in his hands, you chuckled as his face lit up at the sight of you. The gold-tinted satin curved effortlessly around your body and you loved the way it made you feel.
“Y/n, Rafe’s gonna have a heart attack. You look so beautiful!”
You spoke in a defeated tone, not sure if he even really needed to. You were his girlfriend now, maybe that meant he just assumed you were going together.
“Why wouldn’t he? You’re his girlfriend.”
“I don’t know, it’s just a feeling I guess and it’s still new, maybe he doesn’t want people to know or maybe he doesn’t think he needs to ask since we’re together now.”
You shrugged your shoulders, but Topper knew this was important to you. Not only was this your first time going to Midsummers with Rafe, but this was also your first time going with anyone who wasn’t of the female sex. You went with JJ last year, but you didn’t count that since he hadn’t asked you and he was only able to come because of your status on the eight. This was a big deal. You’d seen your friends one by one get asked to Midsummer's in various special ways, similar to promposals and you wondered when it would be your turn. When you’d have a handsome boy sweep you off of your feet with the kindness of the question and it seemed like now you had that, but your mind was plagued with the notion that he wouldn’t ask. Mostly because every year you waited for him to and he never did.
“You have to know that isn’t true.”
Topper said, breaking you from your thoughts and bringing you back to the conversation at hand.
“I don’t know, I guess I’ve just been waiting on the other shoe to drop.”
You shrugged your shoulders again.
“Come on, you’re talking about the same guy who beat someone half to death for you. Trust me, I know Rafe, he’s going to ask. He probably has something special planned and you’re going to be embarrassed when I have to say I told you so.”
“Whatever you say, Top. What happened with JJ by the way? Is Rafe gonna get into trouble?”
Your brows furrowed in worry.
“No worries, sweet girl. Rafe isn’t in trouble. JJ’s fine, he spent a day or two in the hospital and had a severe concussion and whiplash from what I heard. His face is gonna scar. He got what he deserved.”
Topper’s tone was smug and you let out a small smile at what Topper said. It wasn’t that you wished ill will on JJ or wanted him hurt, because frankly, you didn’t. But it felt damn good that he got what he deserved, after what he had done to you, and it felt even better that it was at the hands of your boyfriend.
“I’m gonna run to the bathroom Top, I’ll be right back.”
You smiled in his direction and he was already pulling out his phone to text the boys a 911 message by the time you had turned around.
Kook Kingz
Top: 911, meeting at the club in 15
Rafe: cool
Kelceo: be there soon, but I'll be late
Rafe: Wow what a surprise
When you returned to the table, Topper made a shitty excuse about needing to meet Kelce and after exchanging a hug and a kiss on the cheek, you made your way to your car, leaving the club to meet your mom downtown for a shopping day. Topper sat at the table the two of you had previously occupied and waited for Rafe. Fifteen minutes later, he strolled through the club, black dress pants, loafers, and a white, quarter-length button-down shirt covering his body. His hair was messy, he kept little gel in it these days per your request. He sat across from Topper and placed his hands on a menu with no real intentions of ordering anything. He looked up, meeting the eyes of his friend.
“So, what’s this about Thornton?”
Rafe asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice. Having just walked out on his dad because of the supposed emergency, he didn’t want to be here any longer than he had to.
“Your girl.”
Rafe’s ears burned at the mention of you. ‘Is something wrong?’ He thought. He almost spiraled at the notion, wondering where you were, what your blood sugar levels were if you had eaten enough, and how you were feeling today, though he had talked to you just a little ago.
“And I’m listening…”
Rafe muttered. Kelce was still nowhere to be seen, he was always running behind schedule. Rafe and Topper often joked he’d be late to his own funeral.
“You’ve got her all stressed about Midsummer’s: “will he ask me? Won’t he? Does he want me to go with him? Does he want to keep us a secret? Does he think I assume we’re going together because we’re dating? Oh Topper, please help me!” Dude, you’ve got to talk to her.”
Topper pleaded with Rafe to clear up the confusion, but not before a pretty spot-on impression of you left his lips, minus the improv and over-emphasis he threw in to get his point across.
“What’d I miss?”
The third musketeer chimed in, arriving ten minutes later than his predecessors.
“Kelceo, nice of you to finally join us.”
Rafe quipped, a sarcastic smile plastered on his lips. Topper tipped his drink at Kelce, giving him a warm island boy welcome.
“Didn’t miss much, just y/n freaking out because Rafe hasn’t asked her to Midsummer’s.”
“Yet!”
Rafe exclaimed.
“You are going to ask her right? Don’t make me beat your ass.”
Kelce said flatly.
“Of course, I’m going to, okay? I didn’t mean to make her freak out, I’ve just been having a hard time figuring out how to do it. She’s so perfect. It has to be perfect. But, I have a plan.”
“Well, let’s hear it then! I’m not about to let you ruin this for her.”
Topper stated with a hint of attitude.
“What do you mean ruin this for her?”
Rafe was genuinely confused, it was a just stupid party. He wondered why you cared so much. You never had before.
“She’s never been asked before. This is a big deal for her and she’s wanted you to ask her for like fifteen years. So, the thought of you thinking you didn’t have to or that you didn’t want to go with her, it hurt her feelings, Rafe.”
Rafe swallowed thickly, thinking back to all the years that he wanted to ask you but was too much of a pussy to, not knowing he was hurting you every time he took someone else instead. He remembered the sad look in your eye when you were there with JJ last year. He now knew why, he now knew your eyes weren’t just sad, they were pleading, begging him for help. Help he didn’t offer because you were better off without him, right?
“Earth to Cameron! What’s this supposed plan?”
Kelce interjected and Rafe let out a sigh, parting his lips and proceeding to spill his guts.
-
Rafe walked up your brown cobblestone driveway, planting one foot in front of the other, just itching to see your beautiful face. He made his way to the coral-colored front door and knocked three times. It had been two days since you’d gone back home to be with your parents after they returned from Thailand and man, did he miss having you in his bed every night. He was nervous because he was planning to ask you to Midsummer’s today. He knew you wouldn’t be expecting it which was good for him, he wanted it to be a surprise. But, he also felt guilty that you had been agonizing over it for so long, for so many years now and he had yet to deliver. Today that was going to change. Today he was going to show you how different he was.
He stood in front of your home, hands in the pockets of his khaki pants as he looked down at the gray Vans that covered his feet. His shirt was a gray quarter length button down and he wore a baseball cap that sat backward on his head. He got lost in his thoughts of how he was going to ask you, what he’d say, and the what if’s of how you’d react when the door opened. He lifted his eyes from the ground to meet yours at the sound of the door handle twisting and that Rafe Cameron smile took over his features. That smile made your chest tight and suddenly, it didn’t matter if he asked or didn’t because you knew his heart belonged to you.
“Hi, baby.”
He spoke sweetly and you smiled.
“Hi, sweet boy.”
“Come out to the truck, I have a surprise for you.”
You smiled at him and brought your bottom lip in between your teeth, curious at what he could be surprising you with on a Monday afternoon. He took your hand and led you down the steps to where his truck, a deep navy blue, was parked. He led you around to the back driver’s side door and pulled out a bouquet of pale pink tulips, your favorite.
“Rafael!”
You squealed in excitement and he let out a soft chuckle, fully expecting this school girl reaction from you over your favorite flowers. You loved the small things in life and he loved that about you. He knew he’d be willing to go into a store every day and purchase pink flowers until he took his last breath, at that moment, if it meant he’d get to see you this joyous forever.
“Thank you, sweet boy! I love them.”
You gave him the best doe eyes you could muster up, thankful that he remembered they were your favorite and that he brought them to you today.
“You’re welcome, sweetheart. That’s not the surprise though, follow me.”
He stated, taking your hand in his once again and leading you around the back of the truck to his tailgate. You wondered what he could be hiding inside of it and before you could ask any questions, he pulled it down by the latch, revealing your favorite bottle of wine and a blanket with two rattan pillows.
“Are you recreating our first date, already?”
You teased him and he grabbed your other hand, lacing his fingers through yours, now holding both of them at thigh level.
“No, it’s better than that.”
He gave you a smug smile and picked you up by your hips, placing you on the edge of the tailgate before reaching behind one of the pillows and grabbing a lime green gift bag with confetti-colored tissue paper.
“This is for you, angel. I’m sorry it took so long.”
You were confused. What was he talking about? You thought, but instead of asking him, you dove into the gift, throwing the tissue paper behind you on the blanket. When you made it past the threshold of the tissue paper, you gave a simple smile to Rafe, as you read the name of your favorite sugar-free dessert shop that you showed Rafe when you went window shopping downtown on your first date. While it was only a week ago, it still felt so special that he remembered such a tiny detail about you. As you took the box out of the bag, Rafe stilled your hands before you could open it completely and reveal whatever dessert he had gotten for you.
“Before you open it, I have something I’d like to say.”
You swallowed thickly, wondering why in the world he was being so weird right now. It’s just a dessert, you thought. Rafe took your hands in his and sat beside you on the tailgate, turning his body to look you in the eyes.
“I know I haven’t delivered in years prior and that you’ve wanted me to say what I’m about to say for a long time. So, here goes nothing. I love you, sweet girl and I just wanted to tell you that I have never felt this way about someone before. I’m sorry that it took me so long to tell you that and one day when I figure out how to, I’ll explain why it all happened - why I disappeared. You are so special to me and I want to show you how much, so you can open the box now.”
At the sound of the last word leaving his lips, you followed his instructions, carefully removing the bow that tied the box of treats together and prying the cardboard open. What sat inside made your heart leap out of your chest, it was your favorite sugar-free cupcake, red velvet with cream cheese icing, and in pale pink writing it read “Midsummers?”
You pulled the cupcake out of the box, dipped your finger into the icing, and wiped it across the tip of Rafe’s nose.
“It’s about damn time, Cameron.”
You whispered before leaning and placing a sweet kiss on his nose and licking the icing off.
“So, is that a yes or?”
He asked playfully.
“Yes, it’s a yes. It’s always been a yes.”
You gave him a sweet smile and he leaned in, brushing his nose against yours as he parted his lips and planted a passionate kiss on your lips. You thought about a lot of things at that moment, but your mind settled on wanting to remain here, with this man, forever.
-
If there’s one thing you could say for certain about Rafael Cameron, it’s that he was a gentleman. That was what you were thinking about, as he waited for you to descend down the staircase of your parent’s home and accompany him to Midsummer’s. You had told him he didn’t have to pick you up, that you could meet at the venue and just walk in together. But, he protested a good amount until you gave in, wanting to escort you there, himself. A gentleman, you thought. You were anxious, sure. You’d only been on a couple of laid-back dates with Rafe and it felt like this was your coming-out party. After this, everyone would know you were his girl. You relished in that, happy that you had caught the uncatchable eye of him. Unaware that you had always had it and that he was uncatchable because he had always belonged to you. Rafe stood talking business with your father with his back to the stairs and at hearing the click of your heels hit the hardwood, he turned his body toward them, again, waiting on your descent. You kept your eyes on your feet, afraid to fall. As clumsy as you were, you weren’t sure why your mother deemed it appropriate to put you in six-inch heels and you knew you’d fall or be in a great amount of physical pain by the end of the night. Your hand gripped the railing of the staircase and you held on for dear life. Please don’t let me fall in front of him, you thought. Rafe’s radar for you must have been going off because he made his way up to you as you met the halfway mark of the stairs and he grabbed your hand ushering you the rest of the way down. Your cheeks suddenly became hot as you took in his tall, muscular form covered in a navy blue suit, a white dress shirt peeking out from the jacket with no tie. He had cut his hair off the week prior, tired of the North Carolina heat and the buzzcut was doing wonders for his jawline, especially in this outfit. You felt your core grow warm and cursed yourself internally for being so attracted to this man.
As you made it to the end of the staircase, Rafe stepped back so he could take every inch of you in. It was almost like he was taking a mental polaroid so he could save this view for later. The champagne-colored silk of your dress cascaded like a waterfall over your curves. You took note of the overwhelming admiration in his eyes and it made your chest grow tight. You hoped he’d look at you like that for the rest of your days. Your mother and father interrupted your gaze and posed the two of you for pictures.
“You look like heaven, sweetheart.”
Rafe leaned down, whispering in your ear as your mother continued to capture photos of the two of you. Blush laid on the surface of your cheeks at his words.
“Thank you. You look handsome, baby.”
You smiled at him and placed a kiss on his cheek.
“Okay, big smiles, you two!”
Rafe laced his hand around your back and held on to your waist tightly. The two of you smiled big as you leaned into him. You loved the way his broad shoulders and toned biceps held you there close to him.
“Okay, let’s get a kiss for the camera!”
You rolled your eyes at your mother’s antics. She was excited that the boy you had been in love with for so long, a boy she had loved alongside you, was officially yours and she wanted to document it. Rafe turned towards you and placed his hands on your freshly flushed cheeks and he dove in like a hungry animal, kissing you, just soft enough to make you groan into his mouth.
“Rafael. Not in front of my parents.”
You sneered and he let out a light chuckle. He secretly loved how your body responded to him.
“Okay, mom, that’s enough. We’re going to be late. Love you.”
You spoke softly, but you had enough and were ready to go.
“Love you, angel. Be careful with my baby, Rafe.”
She retorted with a sweet smile.
“Always am, she’s precious cargo.”
He spoke before opening the passenger side door and helping you in, buckling your seatbelt for you, like he always did. He quickly made his way to the driver’s side door, opening it and placing his body in the seat, starting the truck up, and buckling himself in. He placed his hand in yours and brought it up to his mouth, placing a kiss on it, as he pulled out of the driveway and headed to the venue.
When you and Rafe arrived, he got out of the truck and made his way to your side of the vehicle, opening your door and helping you step down onto the concrete and making your way outside of the club. You stood there for a moment, waiting for the rest of his family. You were expected for pictures with the rest of the Cameron crew before you all walked in together. Rafe deplored the idea of waiting outside for them, but he was happy to have more photos with you, so he didn’t complain as Rose demanded pose after pose. Once you made your way inside, you spotted Topper and Kelce from across the grass standing at the bar, already pretty close to drunk as they swung back more Mai Tai's. You shook your head at them and you and Rafe shared a giggle. Rafe led you to the bar where they stood with his hand placed at the small of your back.
“Well hello, beautiful!”
Kelce whistled as you and Rafe made your way over to the drunk pair. Rafe rolled his eyes at his antics.
“Hi, Kelce.”
You smiled in his direction and gave your pleasantries to Topper, who sent back a slurred “hey pretty girl” before continuing his conversation with the blonde in front of him.
“Do you want something to drink, baby?”
Rafe questioned, his arm never leaving your waist.
“I’m okay, I don’t think they’ll have anything I can drink anyways.”
“They might not, but I do.”
He said with a smirk and pulled out a flask from his inside jacket pocket.
“Rafael! What is that?”
“It’s your favorite non-alcoholic beverage.”
He smiled cheekily and you giggled.
“How did I get lucky enough to have a grown man fill a flask with chocolate milk?”
You chuckled and took it from his hands, taking a swig. You handed it back to him and laced your hands around his middle clutching to him for dear life. He laid his chin on top of your head for a moment before pulling you back from him and kissing you sweetly.
“Oh my fucking, God!”
Topper borderline screamed.
“What, Top?”
You both questioned in unison, confused at his outburst.
“You fucked didn’t you?!”
Your face flushed. The drunk version of Topper was always unpredictable but you never expected this kind of outburst from him at Midsummers of all places. You felt all eyes on you and you were embarrassed. Your first time at seventeen and now all of figure-eight was aware of it.
“Topper, cool it.”
Rafe growled at him, aggressively, feeling your body stiffen around his hand. He knew you were embarrassed and uncomfortable and he knew he needed to fix it.
“So you fucked him, huh?”
The eerily familiar voice of JJ Maybank bellowed down your spine and made your ears hot. You turned around to meet his accusatory blue eyes, unsure of where his voice had come from.
“JJ-”
You whispered. He cut you off in the middle of your sentence, you should've known he’d never let you speak.
“You slept with a fucking drug addict, but you wouldn’t sleep with me?!”
You felt confused at his words. Rafe wasn’t a drug addict, he was far from it.
“A drug addict?! Are you high, JJ? You are a drug addict! I’m sorry I didn’t lose my virginity to the boy who beat the shit out of me every day for a year! What are you even talking about?”
You shouted, anger now controlling your body, as it coursed through your veins.
“I don’t know, why don’t you ask your perfect boyfriend, princess.”
Rafe’s face fell as his eyes met yours and that was the moment you knew he had lied to you. You couldn’t believe it. For once, JJ Maybank was telling at least some version of the truth. Rafe had lied to you.
“Rafael, what the hell is he talking about?”
You whispered out, tears rimming your eyes, thinking this had to be some sick cruel joke.
“I-I can explain, angel.”
Rafe stuttered out.
“Cut the nickname shit, Rafael.”
You seethed in anger.
“Let’s go somewhere and talk.”
He spoke softly as he felt you slipping through his fingers.
“Yeah, let’s. You’ve got some explaining to do.”
Rafe swallowed thickly, too scared to reach out to touch you. Too scared that once you knew the truth, once you knew who he was, you’d look at him like you were looking at him right now like he wasn’t human like he wasn’t worth anything after all.
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