#professor chops

[weirdmarioenemies]

Okay... steady... steady...

Got it! Now that it's no longer April Fool's Day in this time zone, I'm legally allowed to rescue the Fool of a hog who doomed himself in the rapids of Niagara Falls. Well, rescue his drowned corpse, for display at the funeral. Assuming he has loved ones. Oh god. I hope he does! Could you come to his funeral? Just in case?

Anyway, time to lift this sucker up and out!

"Gee willikers! Thanks for getting me out of there! I'm starving! Want to go get some brunch?"

Huh??? You survived? AGAIN? How did you do it, Professor Chops?

"It's quite simple, really!"

"Pigs are capable of cloacal respiration: with enough oxygen being ventilated, we can breathe through our intestines! Though most of me was underwater, my pretty pink posterior was exposed to the open air, and I cleverly sucked up as much oxygen as I could through my anus. That allowed me to survive for hours on end!"

Wow! How impressive, Proffy C! You're full of surprises, but more importantly, your rectum is full of oxygen!

MORAL OF THE STORY: pigs are capable of cloacal respiration

[dixieforsmash]

In a secret area of Mangrove Cove, you can find several pigs that look and act just like "Professor Chops". Since the pigs are impossible to tell apart, it is unclear if the pigs present throughout the game are actually the same character. #DixieKongFacts

[mario-pride-icons]

Can we get 🔀 Asexual?

🔀 Professor Chops

[weirdmarioenemies]

Well, after a long day of silliness- more than any hack doctor's recommended daily value of silliness- it is time to rest. We don't want to overwork our selves. We're not even paying our selves! We're here for fun, and we had a healthy amount of fun, and Good Night.

Wait, what's this barrel? Could we be not quite done yet? Could there be a special surprise waiting at the end, as always? It's moving a bit... is someone inside? Who could it be?! Is this- gasp- a special guest appearance? It just might be... and I have a feeling it'll be even more exciting than some guy in a Bluey mascot suit...!

CRASH

CLUNK

CLATTER

"Oinkily boink! Hey there, everyone! It's me, Professor Chops, from the Donkey Kong Country Returns HD game! I'm here to wish you a very happy April Fool's Day! I hope it was full of japes and laughs!"

WOW! It's THE Professor Chops! Who would have thought he would stop by, in real life, and type part of this post for us? Golly! This is certainly a special treat!

"A special treat, indeed! I am grateful for the opportunity to appear here on the blog once again! It means a lot to me that, even though you used up most of your budget on the previous years' grand finales, you were still able to scrounge up a bit to hire an E-list character like me!"

Okay well you're welcome Professor Chops but you weren't supposed to tell the viewers that part.

"Oops! snort Well, I'd best be going, then! I hope you all visit Super Nintendo World to see me, in real life! I think there's even a keychain with me on it! That's pretty cool!"

"Yep, there it is! Check it out! That's me!"

Ok that's enough. Please leave, Professor Chops.

"Can I still help myself to the muffins in the break room?"

You can take ONE on your way out. Bye. Ok good night everyone.

[dixieforsmash]

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Note: All guests and entrees pictured are part of the same household, so everyone is staying safe.

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Professor Chops

Debut: Donkey Kong Country Returns

Did you know? Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze is the best game of all time! That’s just a fact of life! The original trilogy is great, but Tropical Freeze blows them out of the water, even with a distinct lack of silly NPCs. While the originals had wacky new characters to interact with in every game, the modern DKC series only has one... and here he is!

His name is Professor Chops and he is a pig. He sure is a cartoon pig, huh? A domestic pig who got his PHD in hosting checkpoints for primates. He may not talk at all, but I think he sure is a funny guy! Just look at him! Look at this render! It’s almost ‘90s level of funny awkward character rendering!

Here’s the same render, but this time in a barrel! I don’t know why they made this. At no point in any game is he in a barrel. I guess it’s foreshadowing to the next game, Donkey Kong Country: Professor Chops Goes Down Niagara Falls In A Barrel.

If you’re having a lot of trouble with a level, never fear. Professor Chops will summon Super Kong! He must be the REAL leader of the bunch. He’s not just a silverback, he’s a silvereverything! Or maybe a yeti? Certainly not a mean old one, if that’s the case. But Super must just be a title, since he still has the initials DK. Derek Kong?

Anyway! Super Kong, along with his little buddy Super Diddy, will show you how to get through the level perfectly. 

Though Super Kong wasn’t in Tropical Freeze, he got a neat shoutout in Professor Chops’ spirit battle in Ultimate! I must say, it’s a very clever use of the spirit battle format!

[winstein-nin]

Mario Characters as Batman Villains 42 - Professor Chops + Professor Pyg, Wart + Mister Toad

Yes indeed, it's a two-in-one special! Why did I ultimately combine these two? Well, it's not only because Beware the Batman teams up the two of them, but also the fact that I felt that I am uncertain about putting Professor Chops on his own because I fear that there may be a lot of empty space. The size swaps between the two is also another aspect that I liked to do, given how the original Professor Pyg is bigger than the original Mister Toad.

The choice to cast Professor Pyg was down to not only Professor Chops, but also Midbus and Wizpig. Of these three, Professor Chops edges out a bit, and would've been my preferred choice with Wizpig being second. Even though Midbus was suggested twice to me, I felt in my heart that I am not feeling this combination because of Midbus' relative lack of intelligence, and besides, Professor Chops is a professor and a pig!

Their costumes are basically a mix of the Beware of Batman incarnation and certain aspects of the comics, such as Professor Pyg's coat from the animated series, and the apron (under the coat) from the comics. I must say that it's funny to see Wart without his crown, though he's by no means naked since he's now wearing a nice little bowler hat.

How Prof. Chops manage to hold things with his relative lack of fingers is not clear, but I guess cartoon characters always make things work even in the face of the impossible.

Thank you for reading.

[cubern-art]

Quite possibly the only fanart of Professor Chops/the tutorial pig you’ll ever see