#project 4

[darksidersproject4]

"PROJECT4" | EARLY CONCEPT COVER

"Project 4" is a work in progress title and will publish under an official name in the future.

[eliasrex]

One dose of testosterone takes two needles to administer: one large needle to draw the thick carrying oil from its vial and one thin needle for the actual injection. For this demonstration, I removed needles from my sharps container two at a time and drew a tally mark on myself for each pair, representing one dose or one week of medication per mark.

Sharps containers are designed not to have anything retrieved from within, with edges that catch painfully on withdrawing hands if the whole appendage reaches in. By taking this unintended action for each mark, I sought to represent the burden of performance on transgender individuals: society demands lifelong medication and surgical procedures to grant people a sliver of legitimacy, and those without the means or desire to medically "transition" face scorn or disbelief.

The parts of me visible in frame are arms demonstrating action and racking up tally marks, a bound chest, and shoulder acne. For all its typical undesirability, the acne is one of my preferred traits, as shoulder acne was the first sign that my medication was doing anything over the span of several doses. By contrast, I am medically unqualified for a chest masculinization surgery at present, so the archetypical transmasculine trait of a binder both represents a conformity to the expectations of young trans men and my inability to be fully accepted.

A minute was not nearly enough to extract and count all my used needles, but I sought to demonstrate this weighing of "good trans person" points in that time. Unfair expectations are placed on people who do not bind, tuck, undergo voice training, get expensive surgeries, or lose weight to transition; people can forgo these due medical reasons, financial limitations, safety concerns, closeting, comfort, or any number of other reasons, and doing so does not make them any less transgender.

[immortality-13]

«02. Αυτό είναι για έναν καλοκαιρινό έρωτα»

Είναι πια αργά, νομίζω κοντεύει 4. Η ατμόσφαιρα γίνεται όλο και πιο αποπνικτική, ο κόμπος στο στομάχι όλο και πιο έντονος. Φοβάμαι, φοβάμαι να γράψω. Ξέρω, ακούγεται παράλογο. Όμως τρομάζω μη χυθεί η κόλαση μου στη γη. Είναι πολλά αυτά που έχω να σου πω, πάρε μια βαθιά ανάσα, πιάσε μου το χέρι και κάνε μαζί μου αυτό το δύσβατο για μένα ταξίδι.

Καλοκαίρι του '19. Βράδυ Αυγούστου, εγώ και εσύ στην παραλία. Με κρατάς αγκαλιά ενώ είμαστε ξαπλωμένοι στην ακρογιαλιά και με ενθουσιασμό μου δείχνεις τα άστρα. Έχω πάψει εδώ και ώρα να τα κοιτάζω, καθώς επιλέγω να κοιτάζω τη λάμψη των ματιών σου. Οι καλοκαιρινοί έρωτες, λένε, είναι από τα πιο όμορφα συναισθήματα· με το οποίο και θα συμφωνήσω. Με κάθε σου αγκαλιά, ένιωθα ασφαλής. Με κάθε σου άγγιγμα, ένιωθα ζεστασιά.

Όπως, όμως, φεύγει το καλοκαίρι και τη θέση του παίρνουν τα πρωτοβρόχια του φθινοπώρου, έτσι συμβαίνει και με τους έρωτες του καλοκαιριού. Κάθε αίσθημα ζεστασιάς και στοργής αντικαθιστά το κρύο που φωλιάζει στην καρδιά μου και η μοναξιά. Δεν φταις εσύ, εγώ φταίω. Εγώ σκότωσα την αγάπη μας από λάθος μου. Σε παρακαλώ, μην με αφήνεις. Ξέρεις πόσο φοβάμαι τους αποχαιρετισμούς, κι όμως, δείχνεις πως δεν σε νοιάζει. Έχω δακρύσει, σε κοιτάζω να φεύγεις και έχω μείνει. Ρίχνεις ένα τελευταίο βλέμμα και έπειτα εξαφανίζεσαι, όπως συμβαίνει με τις ηλιόλουστες μέρες του καλοκαιριού σιγά‐σιγά. 

Σήμερα, αρκετούς μήνες μετά, το αίσθημα της μοναξιάς εξακολουθεί να επικρατεί μέσα μου. Δεν θα πω ψέματα, πλέον δεν μου λείπεις. Μπορεί εγώ να έφταιγα για τον θάνατο της αγάπης μας, εσύ, όμως, φταις για όσα νιώθω. Γνώριζες κάθε μου αδυναμία και κάθε μου φόβο, κάθε μου πληγή και κάθε μου ατέλεια. Η απώλεια είναι σίγουρα μια από τις πληγές μου, μια από τις πληγές που αγωνίζομαι να επουλωθεί. Και εκεί που τα κατάφερνα, έπιασες την λεπίδα και με τον τρόπο σου την άνοιξες ξανά, με αποτέλεσμα να φωλιάσει καλά μέσα μου η μοναξιά. Εάν διαβάζεις αυτές εδώ τις γραμμές, να ξέρεις πως σε αγαπώ και σε μισώ· ναι, και τα δύο, γιατί έτσι νιώθω, γιατί έτσι τα έκανα. Γιατί μέσα μου πεθαίνω, και όμως δείχνω ατάραχη. 

-I13.

[crossstitchprojects]

Project 4

[oneyscribbles-blog]

Finding Peace in Isolation

This may not follow the general model of the Art Assignment projects but I decided to make a hybrid of two of them. Constructed Landscape and Quietest Place to be exact. I, like many people am considered an essential worker during this pandemic. I deal with the public face to face for up to 15 hours a day. I find peace in being away from work, I find “quiet” when my mind can finally stop racing. There’s a small lake near my home and seeing how I begin work around 3AM I grabbed my camera and took some photos of a ceramic trailer I made last year. Camping in its own sort of “isolation”. Conversely I took more photos at home where my personal Quiet Place exists. Being home with people and animals that care about me is always the best part of my day. 

[g-shafi]

Project #4 Video Art

Artist Statement

When deciding how to respond to the reading on projection I found it was quite a challenge. One aspect I knew right off the bat I wanted to make sure was prominent in my video was reflected light. I experimented with several materials such as aluminum foil, but was not satistfied with how the light was being projected. In the end I discovered that glass bottles do a great job at producing reflected light, so I decided to figure out a way that I could incorporate them within my piece. This ultimately led me to using a bottle filled with water to simulate ocean waves. I was able to manipulate how calm or violent the waves were based on how smoothly or roughly I handled the bottle. Now knowing I could manipulate the intensity of the waves I decided to show a day and night cycle of how the waves react throughout the day, but I also knew that I had to make something vanish and appear again, so I felt it was fitting to incorperate a sun and moon within my piece as well.          

[jawshus]

project #4: video art

t r a n s f o r m a t i o n