#prsnl thoughts

[potathoughts]

You chose to forget but she'll always remember.

The Pothatoe // I Never Forget

[potathoughts]

All I ask is a genuine friendship.

Is that too much to ask?

[chengs-pov]

02-18-19 11:24 PM

Hinubog ako ng mundo sa paraan na masakit, mahirap, kaya simula palang nung una, namulat ako na ang kalungkutan ay mananatili panghabang buhay. Habang lumalaki ako mas narrealize ko na sobrang toxic ng mga tao kaya nagbuild ako ng sobrang taas na wall sa puso ko kase ayokong dagdagan yung sakit at lungkot na nararamdaman ko kasi naniniwala ako na lahat ng tao sa buhay natin is temporary lang. Kaya siguro hanggang ngayon natatakot parin ako i engage yung sarili ko sa isang relasyon kasi nandon lagi yung doubts na baka masaktan lang ako, baka di ko kayanin. Kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na once na nagkagusto ako sa tao or minahal, worst is magbibigay ako ng sobra at kapag naiwan ako naka hang bigla, baka di kayanin ng puso. Alam ko na kapag ganon, di ako agad makakaahon. Si Jesse, siguro pinaranas siya sakin ni Lord para iparealize sa akin na hindi pa ako handa, hindi pa ako ganon kalakas, hindi pa ako ganon kabuo to the point na baka makakasakit ako. Lesson para ituro sa akin na kailangan ko munang paghilumin lahat ng sugat at pira piraso ng pagkatao ko bago pumasok sa ganoong bagay which is good naman medyo masaket nga lang Hahahahahahahaha ezz baka ganon talaga. Kaya dun sa makakatuluyan ko, antay ka lang am makin myself better for you HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA😂

[medievalcat]

sometimes I wonder how much of my weird uprbringing is due to How My Culture Is With Women And In General and how much of it is just bc of my family being weird individually. Like this isnt a bitter/sad post really? But I see so many people talk about how mainstream teen culture tm just isnt relatable and universal and that’s true! And that’s something I feel a lot (4ex. my family didnt ground me and they got mad at me in v v  v different ways but also I was never going to go out to begin with. which is funny bc there are certain expectations for women within my culture but also its like ok how would I find a man in the 1st place if you dont let me go out even as an adult lol?) and I don’t mean to say that everyone in my culture has it the same but we’re kind of Traditional, and that’s not inherently and always bad (everyone has traditions just not everyone thinks their tradition is that) but like. it is what it is. lol

[potathoughts]

Opening up to people is one of the hardest thing for me to do; I’m afraid that people won’t be able to understand my messed up thoughts and feelings

[potathoughts]

I told myself that it doesn’t matter; but deep down inside, I’m lowkey expecting something

I should’ve known better

[potathoughts]

I feel like I fell into the pit of sadness and distress; it’s just too deep for me to go back up again

[potathoughts]

2017 Realization

2017 has been yet one of those years where I have more downs than ups

But this time it made me realized that I am blessed as well whether it’s material things or people who are willing to support me. They may not be the one I was expecting, yet they’re still there for me.

I was too full of myself that I keep on denying that I have people besides me. I neglected their presence because I was too busy hoping for someone else’s attention.

I know I don’t deserve them with all my shortcomings and selfiness, I just don’t think I deserve these people who’s been with me for couple of years. I know I’m a terrible friend and I’m always on the receiving end. I know that more than anyone else..

That’s why this 2018, I will start to be more grateful for what I have and give back to the people who were there for me and will still be there for me. It’s time for me to focus my effort to those people who appreciates and value them.