When My Real Name Became the Mask
I spent most of my life with personal social media accounts I never actually felt at home in. I posted the things people were “supposed” to post — school, career updates, relationship milestones — but it always felt like putting myself on display in a marketplace. A catalog of life instead of a life.
The only thing that ever felt real were the pen‑pal style connections from the early internet, before everything became curated and performative.
Somewhere along the way, especially after my marriage ended, I stopped showing people my life. I stopped posting where I went, what I had, what I achieved. None of it felt meaningful or in the moment anymore.
Now I don’t have my name anywhere online. I use my pseudonym — Jade — on Tumblr, Instagram, and YouTube. And strangely, it’s the name I’ve grown into. The one that feels like me.
My real name has become the mask. When people say it in real life, they’re talking to the version of me that exists for them — not the person I actually am. The true me lives under my pseudonym, where no coworkers, relatives, or acquaintances can find me.
It’s odd, but freeing.
The ghost version of me is the one tied to my legal name.
The living version is Jade.