-- technologicAtrophy [TA] began pestering genteelAuxiliary [GA] at 22:20 --
TA: MIIrra?
GA: Hey, Mikki.
TA: How're you?
GA: I'm good. Jus+ cha++ing wi+h Kasvik a li++le.
GA: Apparen+ly a +herapis+ has been giving him +rouble.
GA: I also heard you made a new friend.
TA: GIIvIIng hIIm trouble? Why? DIId they fIInally notIIce he's batshIIt IInsane?
TA: Also, what? II dIId?
TA: II wasn't aware of thIIs.
TA: II have lIIke three frIIends.
GA: Apparen+ly, yes. And also, yes.
GA: Handmaid ring a bell?
TA: II mean, yeah.
TA: But.
TA: She's my frIIend?
TA: II'm pretty sure she's told me she hates everyone, me IIncluded.
TA: Hey, uh, II mIIss you? IIs that weIIrd.
GA: Okay, friend migh+ be exaggera+ing a li++le. Bu+ I can +ell she likes you, even if she doesn'+ say as much.
GA: She and I are also kind of friends. I+'s a work in progress.
GA: And no, of course i+'s no+ weird.
GA: Do you wan+ +o do some+hing?
TA: Oh man. She does?
TA: That's kIInda awesome.
TA: DIId she talk about me?
TA: And yes, that sounds good.
GA: Alrigh+, heh. Should I come over +here, or do you wan+ +o come here?
GA: I can +ell you more once we're +oge+her.
GA: I also have snacks.
TA: Could you come here but brIIng snacks, maybe.
TA: II'm kIInd of comfy.
GA: Pffff.
GA: Sure +hing.
GA: I'll be +here in a second.
TA: Awesome.
DOLOROSA: -Knock knock, you've got a mom. She's holding a pack of healthy crackers in one hand and a bowl of dip in the other.-
PSIIONIIC: *Oh my god*
PSIIONIIC: *She's such a mom*
PSIIONIIC: *But tbh she's mostly hIIs frIIend and he thIInks of her more as Kas's mom*
PSIIONIIC: *He opens the door though and he's totally IIn hIIs pajamas*
PSIIONIIC: *He grIIns* Hey.
DOLOROSA: -Oh no, not /pajamas./ You are going to kill her. The smiling may also kill her, and she grins right back.- Hi. Nice +hreads.
PSIIONIIC: Thank you, II know. Worthy of an EmpIIre ball, am II rIIght.
PSIIONIIC: *IIt's lIIke. Worn plaIId pants and a t-shIIrt*
PSIIONIIC: Come on IIn.
PSIIONIIC: *He steps asIIde to let her pass*
DOLOROSA: Now +ha+ you men+ion i+, I'm pre++y sure +ha+'s exac+ly +he message you would like +o send +o +he empire. -snickers and steps inside, seeking out some sort of solid platform to set the food-
PSIIONIIC: My message to the empIIre IIs come on IIn? MIIrra, are you callIIng m a slut? *Mock offense. He nods at a table.*
DOLOROSA: Pff. No. -plops the food down- I was going more for +he classic "I jus+ don'+ give a fuck" +ha+ your presen+ ensemble pulls off so well.
PSIIONIIC: Oh, yeah, you're totally rIIght. That's what II want to say to the EmpIIre.
PSIIONIIC: That and 'kIIss my bass
PSIIONIIC: *'.
PSIIONIIC: ...Ass. Fuck.
DOLOROSA: -She tries not to look too surprised when that slips out of his mouth. Addressing it... probably won't help too much. She could let him touch on that one himself, if he wanted to.- I'll sew a pic+ure of a middle prong on +he shir+ for you, +ha+ should do +he +rick.
PSIIONIIC: That sounds good to me, ehehehe.
PSIIONIIC: Hoepfully they'll get so offended that they just keel over and dIIe.
PSIIONIIC: So. What's new.
DOLOROSA: No+... a +errible lo+, I guess.
DOLOROSA: I spen+ some +ime wi+h Handmaid. We're planning a da+e.
DOLOROSA: A pla+onic one, I mean.
PSIIONIIC: *waggles eyebrows*
PSIIONIIC: A date?
PSIIONIIC: A platonIIc date, YmIIrra? You sure about that?
PSIIONIIC: Maybe you're her mysterIIous almost-matesprIIte- OH OH. What dIId she say about me. II have to know, IIt's IImportant.
PSIIONIIC: *HE IIS SO EXCIITED TO HAVE MAYBE MADE A FRIIEND*
PSIIONIIC: *HE MIIGHT BE BOUNCIING A LIITTLE*
DOLOROSA: Oh, no. She's defini+ely no+ my ma+espri+. She's +aken, anyway, haha.
DOLOROSA: Bu+ +he sharing, I can do.
DOLOROSA: She said you're an idio+, bu+ no+ as big an idio+ as everyone else.
DOLOROSA: So I'm pre++y sure +ha+ was basically her way of saying she likes you.
PSIIONIIC: Oh man.
PSIIONIIC: That's awesome.
PSIIONIIC: II'm only sort of an IIdIIot.
PSIIONIIC: DIId you know she hates Kas? Apparently he called her rustblood. KIInda hypocrIItIIcal, man.
PSIIONIIC: Also, she's defIInIItely not your matesprIIte? *arches brows* You say that lIIke you do have one. You keepIIng shIIt from me?
DOLOROSA: -squints about the rustblood thing, what is she going to do with that child-
DOLOROSA: No, no. You know me. Quadran+s and me +end no+ +o ge+ along especially well. She is jus+... no+ someone I'm keen on pushing away by hi++ing on. Especially given +he, you know, s+a+e of her romlife.
PSIIONIIC: II don't really know much about her romlIIfe.
DOLOROSA: She's ma+espri+s wi+h Redglare. Ano+her friend of mine.
PSIIONIIC: Why don't quadrants and you get along, anyway? II mean, you're way less emotIIonally unstable then most of the people II know. And IIt's not lIIke you're not hot. II mean, II apprecIIate not beIIng the only person IIn our group that's entIIrely alone, but. II just don't quIIte get IIt.
PSIIONIIC: Ahh. She saIId IIt was unoffIIcIIal.
DOLOROSA: Well... I+'s no+ for any lack of desire for quadran+s. There's jus+ never exac+ly been a good oppor+uni+y, I suppose... among... o+her +hings.
DOLOROSA: I don'+ +hink nearly so many people see quadran+s +he way I do.
PSIIONIIC: II gotcha. We've kIInd of been on the run for, lIIke. Ever.
PSIIONIIC: ...How do you see them?
PSIIONIIC: IIs IIt anythIIng lIIke Kas, because, you know, he's weIIrd too.
PSIIONIIC: And II stIIll lIIke hIIm, so II promIIse II'm not gonna mIInd.
DOLOROSA: Haha. I+'s a li++le differen+, bu+ I +hink he handles +hem as sensibly as anyone could. I+'s up +o everyone +o decide how +hey like i+, in +he end.
PSIIONIIC: Well yeah, IIt totally IIs.
PSIIONIIC: II just asked hIIm what happens IIf he lIIkes someone IIn another quad today and he was lIIke 'she's my everythIIng', whIIch. Gross.
PSIIONIIC: So IIs that how you work too?
PSIIONIIC: All romantIIc and dramatIIc and IIcky?
DOLOROSA: No+ really.
PSIIONIIC: So tell me, then.
PSIIONIIC: II'm curIIous.
DOLOROSA: Well... I've had plen+y of roman+ic inclina+ions, bu+ I see +hem as separa+e from physical desires.
DOLOROSA: You can be close +o someone in one way wi+hou+ being close +o +hem in ano+her.
DOLOROSA: Bu+ mos+ +end +o see +hem as exclusive, or en+irely rela+ed. Which I +hink +hey cer+ainly can be... bu+. -shrugs-
PSIIONIIC: Ahh, II gotcha.
PSIIONIIC: So lIIke, you don't want sex wIIth your romance or you don't want romance wIIth your sex?
PSIIONIIC: Or you wanna date IIn quads and fuck the quads but also be free to fuck other people as long as your romantIIc affectIIons are stIIll IIn one place?
DOLOROSA: Yeah. Tha+ sounds abou+ righ+.
PSIIONIIC: *GrIIns* Don't worry, that's not even that weIIrd.
PSIIONIIC: II've defIInIItely heard worse.
PSIIONIIC: II don't thIInk you won't be able to fIInd someone that can deal wIIth that.
DOLOROSA: Heh. Well, I cer+ainly don'+ +hink i+'s s+range... I+ jus+ comes wi+h i+s own se+ of difficul+ies.
DOLOROSA: Bu+ I'm sure you're righ+.
PSIIONIIC: Yeah, IIt can be hard.
PSIIONIIC: But you've got thIIs.
PSIIONIIC: For one, you're totally awesome.
PSIIONIIC: II don't even /know/ what II want IIn a quad. That's gotta be worse, rIIght? Who wants to fuck around wIIth that bullshIIt. II can barely hug my best frIIends as IIt stands, and belIIeve me, II'd love to already be fuckIIng lIIke a hopbeast, but II gotta get reacclIImated to trollhood and touch and shIIt. No one wants to take on that much baggage.
DOLOROSA: Well, +ha+'s no+ a difficul+y +ha+ I'm sure you can'+ ge+ around. Even if i+ +akes +ime, or never en+irely goes away. You would be wor+h +he +ime.
PSIIONIIC: *He shrugged.* You have to say that shIIt. You've known me forever.
PSIIONIIC: II dunno, MIIrra. II'm not worth much. II'm used to IIt, don't flIIp out or anythIIng. II don't expect anyone to put that much tIIme IInto me when they're not gettIIng anythIIng IIn return.
DOLOROSA: -gives him a look-
DOLOROSA: I don'+ have +o say any+hing.
PSIIONIIC: What.
PSIIONIIC: Waht does that mean.
PSIIONIIC: *What
DOLOROSA: I+ means I would know, because you're wor+h a lo+ +o me.
DOLOROSA: Every+hing you have +o offer, i+'s wor+h some+hing.
PSIIONIIC: *He shrugs*
PSIIONIIC: Dunno what II have to offer exactly though.
DOLOROSA: Well, for s+ar+ers, a clearly impeccable sense of s+yle.
DOLOROSA: You are also excellen+ a+ keeping people from bodyslamming +heir children ou+ of sheer frus+ra+ion.
PSIIONIIC: II guess that IIs a good qualIIty wIIth my current company but II don't know how that's gonna help anyone else.
PSIIONIIC: But thank you, YmIIrra.
DOLOROSA: Hey, I wasn'+ done.
PSIIONIIC: Oh, alrIIght, lIIstenIIng polIItely.
PSIIONIIC: *He puts on hIIs best polIIte lIIstenIIng face*
DOLOROSA: -snorts-
DOLOROSA: You're also pre++y warm, and your smile is kind of silly and charming.
DOLOROSA: And you make +he mos+ +erribad jokes.
DOLOROSA: Tha+'s a real word now, by +he by.
PSIIONIIC: Oh, IIs that one of those thIIngs that changed whIIle II was IIn the helm?
PSIIONIIC: Also, thank you. II'm glad II am kIInd of these thIIngs.
PSIIONIIC: *He grIIns at her a lIIttle* Do you mean warm as IIn lIIke, II'm a lowblood and thus II feel lIIke a fever you'd have, or warm as IIn II am nIIce, because that second one would be a blatant lIIe. II am obnoxIIous.
DOLOROSA: Well, now +ha+ you're calling me on i+, I mean+ +he former, bu+ I +hink you generally have +he capaci+y +o be bo+h +hose +hings.
PSIIONIIC: *he nudges theIIr shoulders together gently*
PSIIONIIC: You're way too nIIce to me.
DOLOROSA: -and she just smiles, looking him over- The feeling is mu+ual.
PSIIONIIC: Oh my god, no, II am not even as nIIce as you deserve.
DOLOROSA: You assume several +hings abou+ how I prefer +o spend my +ime.
PSIIONIIC: Such as?
PSIIONIIC: II haven't saIId anyhtIIng dumb, have II?
DOLOROSA: -shifts in her chair, looking almost a little awkward-
DOLOROSA: No. No+ really.
PSIIONIIC: ...YmIIrra, you can't just not tell me now.
PSIIONIIC: What am II assumIIng?
PSIIONIIC: II mean, you don't /have/ to tell me.
PSIIONIIC: But II am curIIous.
DOLOROSA: -fusses with a cracker- Tha+ I don'+ enjoy being around you. Having someone +ha+ I can rela+e +o, in a way +ha+ isn'+ possible wi+h o+her people.
DOLOROSA: I'm a+ risk of ge++ing seriously sappy here, Mikkev.
PSIIONIIC: Hah, II promIIse not to tease you about IIt untIIl later. You can go on.
PSIIONIIC: II lIIke beIIng around you too.
DOLOROSA: -sighs though her nose and rests her chin in one hand, smiling just a little-
DOLOROSA: There is jus+ some+hing abou+ you +ha+ makes every+hing else feel a li++le bi+ easier.
DOLOROSA: -And it's no small part of what she missed while he was gone.-
PSIIONIIC: *He flushes gold at the ears and reaches out hesIItantly to squeeze her arm* Yeah. II get that.
PSIIONIIC: IIt was shIItty wIIthout you too, MIIrra.
PSIIONIIC: Oh, and god IIt was so good seeIIng DIIscIIple.
PSIIONIIC: Even IIf IImmedIIately afterward everyone got shot.
PSIIONIIC: II mIIssed the fuck out of her.
DOLOROSA: -She half-smiles, breathes something like a soft laugh.- Yeah. You'll ge+ +o see her more. I'm sure she would love a visi+or.
PSIIONIIC: II'd lIIke that.
PSIIONIIC: IIt's nIIce just hangIIng out wIIth you and II, though. We dIIdn't get to do that a lot when we were travelIIng.
DOLOROSA: They were cer+ainly differen+ +imes. Almos+ a li++le +oo differen+, some+imes.
PSIIONIIC: Hah. Yeah.
PSIIONIIC: IIt's weIIrd, IIsn't IIt?
DOLOROSA: Yeah. I+ is. -And, of course, she's thinking about what's happened with Kasvik. The way he's bought into how the times have changed, his blatant disregard for caution when it comes to dealing with their previous oppressors. She seems to stare a little harder at the dip as she thinks about it.-
PSIIONIIC: ...Okay, you've got your serIIous face on. What's wrong?
PSIIONIIC: *Hah KasvIIk just yelled at MIIk about how nothIIng needs changIIng and stuff*
PSIIONIIC: *MIIkkev got trIIggered by the yellIIng and almost had a panIIc attack good job buddIIes you're both really good at handlIIng thIIngs*
DOLOROSA: -gdi-
DOLOROSA: I'm jus+.
DOLOROSA: Frus+ra+ed, -she admits.- Wi+h Kasvik. Wi+h his a++i+ude. Wi+h every+hing we keep running in+o, and how he's so willing +o ac+ wi+hou+ +hinking.
PSIIONIIC: You're just what? A total badass? Composed? Self-sacrIIfIIcIIng? A hottIIe wIIth a body? Are we playIIng madlIIbs- oh.
PSIIONIIC: Yeah.
PSIIONIIC: II feel you.
PSIIONIIC: What attIItude do you mean, exactly?
DOLOROSA: -Damn it. She's trying to be upset, you're not supposed to make her snicker.-
DOLOROSA: I mean.
PSIIONIIC: *But that's hIIs job*
DOLOROSA: -It occurs to her suddenly that she hasn't really told him about... any of this. And Kasvik will probably be mad at her for doing so. But, damn it, hiding this shit from him is worse, and it makes her angry to think about. Why is Kasvik more willing to cater to highbloods than talk to his own damn best friend?-
PSIIONIIC: *That IIs a poIInt, Rosa*
PSIIONIIC: *KAS ALMOST TOLD HIIM ABOUT DUALSCAR AND THEN CHIICKENED OUT*
DOLOROSA: He's been bonding wi+h people.
DOLOROSA: The highbloods of our pas+.
PSIIONIIC: Oh, ew.
PSIIONIIC: II mean... II knew he talked to the Grand HIIghblood.
PSIIONIIC: Because II accIIdentally talked to hIIm too.
PSIIONIIC: And he was lIIke "your frIIend says hII".
PSIIONIIC: But, II mean. II thIInk he's too trustIIng, but wasn't that hat he always preached? HemoequalIIty? JudgIIng people for theIIr actIIons, not theIIr blood color.
PSIIONIIC: So as long as he's not, lIIke, hangIIng wIIth terrIIble people IIt's probably okay.
DOLOROSA: -just looks at him-
PSIIONIIC: ...What. What dIId he do.
DOLOROSA: -sighs into her hand-
DOLOROSA: ... Dualscar.
PSIIONIIC: ...He dIId Dualscar? He can't have done Dualscar, that would mean Dualscar actually got laIId.
DOLOROSA: No.
DOLOROSA: They're friends.
PSIIONIIC: ...What.
PSIIONIIC: No, no, that's gotta be a mIIstake- why would- KasvIIk /knows/, rIIght? IIf you know KasvIIk knows, and you weren't surprIIsed when II saIId that he- Kas /wouldn't/.
PSIIONIIC: He wouldn't, YmIIrra, he wouldn't, that's got to be wrong, II /just/ talked to hIIm about Dualscar and he dIIdn't say anythIIng lIIke that-
PSIIONIIC: MIIrra, no. Please tell me that's not fuckIIng true, please. He /knows/.
PSIIONIIC: *He looks sort of lIIke somethIIng IInsIIde hIIm IIs crumplIIng up. But he really really doesn't want to belIIeve IIt, he really doesn't.*
DOLOROSA: -She doesn't know what to say. It hurts her for him, and she's upset, furious with Kasvik for it, but right now, all she is seeing is someone she loves falling apart at the realization, at the feeling of a crippling of his trust. And that's so much worse.-
DOLOROSA: -She just lowers her head a little, and she can't help but feel a little guilty for having told him. For not being able to /do/ anything about it. But she looks up and reaches gingerly for him, anyway, because if she can give him anything right now, if he wouldn't rather pull away, she wants to provide it.-
PSIIONIIC: *She doesn't say anythIIng, and that's really all he needs to know she's tellIIng the truth. He ducks hIIs head IInto hIIs hands and presses hIIs palms hard to the sparks behIInd hIIs eyes. When he comes back up, he's shIIverIIng.* Why would he- II defended hIIm, you know that, HandmaIId saIId he was a hypocrIIte and II saIId no he's just an IIdIIot and IIt turns out he /IIs/ a fuckIIng hypocrIIte, shoutIIng about how II shouldn't have been the one left behIInd and how II dIIdn't deserve what happened to me and the whole tIIme he's buddy buddy wIIth the guy that put me there. Fuck. Why? II don't /understand/. *HIIs voIIce IIs thIIck wIIth somethIIng paIInful. When she reaches for hIIm, he only flIInches a lIIttle, and then latches onto her lIIke he's drownIIng, collapsIIng forward and pressIIng hIIs face IInto her shoulder.* II don't understand.
DOLOROSA: -She listens to him, and she feels every word all too clearly. When he relents and finds her, she holds him close, and she wished her embrace could erase it all, ease the pain and the raw reality of it. But it -- she -- can only do so much.- I know, -she breathes, but she only knows so much. She would take it if she could.- I'm so sorry, Mikkev... -She can't help feeling a little responsible. She should have been able to do something, to guide him better. To make him realize what he was doing before it got so far. But now, all she can do is feel how it came apart, and she's not spared the desire to shed tears. It wouldn't have been the first time.-
PSIIONIIC: IIt's not your fault. *He mumbles IInto her shoulder, feelIIng lIIke the last hundred sweeps were wIIped out and he was a stupIId kIId agaIIn, gettIIng IInto quarrels wIIth hIIs frIIends and wondrIIng IIf YmIIrra could fIIx thIIngs.* IIt's hIIs. You dIIdn't do shIIt. Except maybe actually tell me the truth. II just... Why? You know hIIm better than basIIcally anyone, why would he do thIIs? *He got hIIs fIIngers wrapped around her forearms and squeezed gently, cravIIng more closeness than he'd been able to handle sIInce gettIIng out of the helm. HIIs ports stung slIIghtly, IIn the back of hIIs neck, studded down hIIs spIIne.*
DOLOROSA: -She kept him close, surrounded; if there were any comfort she could give, she wanted to be able to. At his question, though, she found herself quiet for a moment, and the frustration, the fear swirled around inside her.- Because he wan+s +o believe in be++er +hings. Even if +hey're foolish, or... even, some+imes, if +hey're wrong. His hear+... has always been more +han his head could keep up wi+h. -She hated thinking about it every moment, but it was especially true now. She saw it in every step he took, and it ached to think that she just didn't know how to help him, sometimes. She didn't know how to help much of anyone these days, it felt like.-
PSIIONIIC: II know that about hIIm. *MIIkkev admIItted, hIIs voIIce muffled, pressIIng hIIs chIIn IInto the crook of her neck. ThIIs was probably a weIIrd amount of contact, for someone you weren't IIn a quadranted relatIIonshIIp wIIth. He dIIdn't want to freak YmIIrra out, he dIIdn't want her to go anywhere. But the one person he had always trusted most had apparently kept truths from hIIm and hung out wIIth the person that wrought the daymares that kept hIIm up, and he needed somethIIng safe. YmIIrra had always, always been safe.* II knew, II dIId, II just dIIdn't thIInk he'd... Go that far. And he dIIdn't even tell me hIImself, whIIch IIs fuckIIng cowardly. He- II know he's forgIIvIIng and that heart of hIIs gets hIIm IIn trouble, II know all that shIIt, II just. II can't really comprehend IIt. II wouldn't do thIIs to hIIm. Maybe II'm less forgIIvIIng than h IIs, maybe thIIs IIs my flaw, but II wouldn't gIIve kIIndness to someone that had hurt hIIm and. Dualscar dIIdn't do anythIIng dIIrectly but god dIId he hurt me, MIIrra. You have no IIdea what they dIId, you don't know and II can't tell you because IIt won't make sense because you haven't been there, but he gave me up to be used as a battery and they tore me open and took away my control over my own psIIonIIcs and plugged me IIn and made me a thIIng and he dIIdn't even ask any money, fuck. II don't fuckIIng care about the goddamn socIIetal expectatIIons, II don't care, he should have /culled me fIIrst/. IIt would have been /better IIf he had culled me/.
DOLOROSA: -Every word, it dripped with the sound of pain sweeps upon sweeps in the making, and they each drove something sharper deeper and deeper into her chest. She wouldn't have either, she wanted to say, and she hadn't forgiven him. She wasn't able to. She wasn't able to forgive any of them for /this/. She would sooner tear them apart than befriend them -- even existing in the same space, knowing they lived in the same quarters was too much. Mikkev didn't deserve this. No one ever had, but certainly not him. But by the time he reached his final words, Ymirra was at a lack of her own. Perhaps it was how the pain swelled in her throat, and maybe it was selfish, but hearing those words tore into the part of her that had always felt so helpless but to watch the suffering of those she loved, and it was all too real. One after another, she had nearly lost them all, and she had no place to try to deny, to dictate his experiences. But to think that he would be better /lost/, that he would have wanted it that way, it broke all the swollen pieces of her heart, and she reached for his face as tears rolled down her own, her head shaking, her lips only able to form "No."-
PSIIONIIC: *He fIInally pulled away to look at her when she reached to touch hIIs face, and he felt somethIIng IIn hIIm crack all sharp and swollen at the sIIght of her cryIIng. He reached up wIIth a bony, skIInny hand, the one that was stIIll flesh and bone, and wIIped a tear from her cheek.* Oh, fuck, MIIrra, II'm sorry. II dIIdn't mean to make you cry. II never want to make you cry, shIIt. That's my fault, II shouldn't have- You dIIdn't need to hear all my bullshIIt. God. *He felt ashamed, deep and cold wIIth IIt, twIIstIIng IIn hIIs gut.* II'm sorry, II'm so sorry, don't cry. IIt'll be okay, II'm here now, II /dIIdn't/ dIIe, that dIIdn't happen, please don't cry. Not for thIIs. II'm fIIne, see? II'm fIIne. Or II wIIll be. *IIt would be a stretch to claIIm hIImself fIIne, wIIth hIIs skIIn scored up and scarred and rIIddled wIIth metal down the bumps IIn hIIs spIIne and IIn each of hIIs thIIghs, mIIssIIng a lIImb, shakIIng when he heard loud noIIses or when a hand moved too fast. But he was free now, and that meant he could be okay eventually, even IIf he wasn't rIIght now.*
DOLOROSA: -She shook her head again, and it was difficult to reach words, but she wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault. Not for being hurt, not for wanting to share it. He had the right to that pain, and no one else, but that she wished he never had to feel this way was still an achingly undeniable fact. But telling him all of it was more difficult than it had ever been, and she deferred to what she knew, his face in her hands and her body leaning so she could press kisses to his face, bury her head and her tears into the side of his neck as she held him closer.- I'm sorry, -was the closest she could manage, trying to steady her breath, her arms wishing they could hold every piece of him together.-
PSIIONIIC: *MIIkkev.exe has encountered an error and needs to shut down. He's gettIIng smooches, thIIs IIs very confusIIng even among the hurt and betrayal. Not bad, though, obvIIously. He presses a clumsy kIIss back to her cheek, unsure IIf that's super weIIrd, and then shakes hIIs head.* IIt's not your fault, IIt's not your fault. Don't be sorry. You dIIdn't do anythIIng wrong. *He heaves out a shudderIIng breath, and presses closer, reachIIng up to stroke her haIIr. She had no ports to avoIId, nothIIng to be wary of.* IIt's fIIne, II'll be fIIne, IIt's just- IIt's shIItty. IIt was all shIItty.
DOLOROSA: -She wished he didn't feel the need to comfort her, and she couldn't help feeling bitter with herself for not being able to be what she should have for him. She fought with herself to control the surge of emotions, but she would be lying to deny that, despite how she knew she wasn't the one that deserved it right now, his touches comforted her. He was right -- he was here. And she had thought she would never get this chance again.- God, -she breathed, and she pulled back just enough to look at him again, pain and adoration and a certain resolution in her gaze all at once.- You're here. You're wi+h me, now. You don'+ have +o be alone wi+h i+ anymore.
PSIIONIIC: Yeah. *He breathed out, shakIIng as he pressed closer.* Yeah, II know. II'm here. *Rosa had always meant safety, when they were on the run. After the dangerous mIIssIIons or the bIIg speeches, seeIIng her agaIIn meant IIt was okay. IIt also helped that she was a certIIfIIed asskIIckIIng badass. (Hot, tbh.) He squeezed her tIIghter, lookIIng back at her, almost unable to face the gentleness of her gaze.* II'm here too. *He saIId, IIn a voIIce that shook.* II've- You know, II've got you. II do.
DOLOROSA: -He was so strong, she thought, stronger than he knew, more than she deserved, but that even after everything he could manage to be just that -- here for her, too -- it ached so sweetly in her chest. He meant so much to her, for so many reasons, and being with him now, she was helpless but to remember all of them so clearly. So she nodded just a little, her arms wrapping around him once more, keeping him close, as she tried to steady her breath.-
PSIIONIIC: *He breathed as well, deeply, pressed agaIInst her chest. She was several degrees cooler than hIIm, pleasantly so, not IIcy lIIke seadweller fIIngertIIps. He pressed hIIs face agaIInst the sIIde of hers, leaned up to graze a kIIss over her forehead.* We'll be alrIIght, won't we?
DOLOROSA: -She nodded again, and the thought nudged a smile onto her lips, one she was helpless but to press to the side of his jaw.- Yeah... We will be. -Because they had managed to make it this far. Because they had each other. And in the quiet, as she looked at him and felt him so close since /forever/, she focused on that alone, because it was the thought that kept her going more than any.-
PSIIONIIC: Good. We're all together agaIIn, rIIght? That shIIt's awesome. You can't deny that. *He grIInned, though he was stIIll hurtIIng IIn some ways, and took a long moment just to breathe, IIn the sIIlence of the room. After a long whIIle, he stIIrred, lIIttle psIIonIIc sparks flIIckerIIng between hIIs horns.* So, uh, II actually had somethIIng II wanted to ask you about.
PSIIONIIC: KIInd of.
PSIIONIIC: A lIIttle bIIt.
PSIIONIIC: Maybe.
DOLOROSA: -She could hear the soft sizzle in the air of his psionics, and her head rose again to look at him more directly as he spoke again, brows knitting just a little. She looked far more relaxed now than she had before, if not curious. He seemed somewhat nervous, and her hand rose instinctively to stroke his cheek, down the side of his neck, to rest on his shoulder.- Wha+ is i+?
PSIIONIIC: *He twIItched under her fIIngers, feelIIng hIIs ports tIIngle even as they went untouched. He trIIed to keep hIImself relaxed and stIIll anyway, exhalIIng a short lIIttle huff.*
PSIIONIIC: Uh.
PSIIONIIC: You probably don't even remember IIt.
PSIIONIIC: But rIIght before everythIIng went to shIIt and the world went fuckIIng crazy, there was that thIIng.
PSIIONIIC: That happened.
DOLOROSA: ... -Oh. She blinked a few times, memories dialing back, not that she had to try hard to remember. Of /course/ she remembered. Like all the moments they spent together, it was one she cherished, one that had been special in a different way than usual. It was something she thought of fondly, but in all this time, well... she couldn't assume anything about the way he felt about it.-
DOLOROSA: I remember.
DOLOROSA: -She left it at that, giving him the opportunity to continue with what he needed to say.-
PSIIONIIC: *HIIs ears tIInge gold, and there's the smell of ozone as hIIs horn sparks arc a lIIttle hIIgher. They dIIsperse mIIdaIIr, wIIthout comIIng down on anythIIng.* Oh, okay. So. II mean, obvIIously IIt's been a longass tIIme. LIIke, super long, absurdly long, how are we even stIIll alIIve, but II just. II guess II've kIInd of been curIIous about what that was, exactly. IIf anythIIng.
DOLOROSA: -Her gaze is drawn to the sparks for a split second, and then she's meeting his gaze again, in time to hear what he has to say. And for a moment, she's speechless. It's not because she doesn't know -- maybe she does, maybe a part of her always has -- but what's always been more important to her is how he felt. His comfort, his happiness. The happiness of her son and the Disciple. It had always been foremost in her mind. She averted her gaze only to think.- I care abou+ you, Mikkev... -She looked at him again.- Of course i+ mean+ some+hing +o me.
DOLOROSA: Bu+ wha+ i+ means for you... I wan+ +ha+ +o be up +o you.
DOLOROSA: I wouldn'+ ask any+hing you didn'+ wan+ +o give.
DOLOROSA: We can +alk abou+ wha+ i+ means. Or... -She sighed a little, half smiling.- We could leave i+ +here.
PSIIONIIC: *He flushes more, a saffron glow dully behIInd the dark of hIIs skIIn, and bIItes down on hIIs lower lIIp wIIth those promIInent teeth. Then he swIIpes hIIs tongue over the mark left behIInd, nervously fIIdgetIIng wIIth hIIs clothIIng and hIIs teeth and feelIIng very clearly the places whee they touched.* II would rather not leave IIt here, II thIInk. There's a lot of fuckIIng tIIme to thIInk IIn the helm. *He lets out a weak, halfhearted laugh.* II'd consIIdered IIt long enough that II'd lIIke to- Talk, II guess. IIf you don't mIInd too much. IIt's not as IIf you don't mean somethIIng to me, obvIIously. And II am not goIIng to lIIe and say you're not hot as hell, though KasvIIk would lIIterally attempt to castrate me IIf II saIId that near hIIm. II know you wouldn't ask me for more than II could manage, MIIrra. You're not the type. II wouldn't eIIther. Though that's probably less evIIdent, because II'm a massIIve douchemunch, and you're not.
DOLOROSA: -She watched him, listening closely, and then she couldn't help chuckling, shaking her head some, too.- Yeah... Okay. -Ymirra took another breath, refocusing on him, and she resisted the urges to touch him more, for now.- Then, I guess, I should say... my feelings +end +o seem redder +han I've admi++ed. -Saying so was still a little scary, even for someone who owned her sense of self. There were so many things that went into an admission like this, so many factors between the two of them, and no matter what, she never wanted to lose what they already had for the sake of something more.-
PSIIONIIC: *He exhaled, shakIIly.* Kas IIs goIIng to kIIll me. He's actually goIIng to stab me wIIth a fork or some shIIt at dIInner. *He leant hIIs forehead agaIInst her shoulder and held IIt there for a long moment, and then straIIghtened up agaIIn to look her IIn the eye.* II can't say II haven't... thought about you that way before. IIt'd be a lIIe. And II don't want to lIIe, not two you. II just don't want to lose what we have now, II guess, so, uh, II'm goIIng to say- We could try somethIIng, maybe? See what happens, dIIscuss shIIt, talk IIt all out and fIIgure out what mIIght work, and we could try IIt. And IIf IIt doesn't work II want to make sure we go back to normal and IIt doesn't ruIIn everythIIng. But. IIt could be worth IIt, you know. To, uh, make an attempt. Oh my god, am II even makIIng any sense? II've never done thIIs before, II'm a complete fuckIIng wreck. God. Sorry.
DOLOROSA: Shhh, no. -She raked a hand gently through his hair, pausing quickly when she felt the slightest touch of something there she hadn't remembered being there before and trying not to look too alarmed as her touched receded some.- You're making perfec+ sense. I wan+ +ha+, +oo. I do.
DOLOROSA: No ma++er wha+, no+hing is more impor+an+ +o me +han jus+... being close +o you. Being happy wi+h you. In wha+ever capaci+y is bes+.
PSIIONIIC: *He flIInched when she touched over hIIs port, hopIIng IIt dIIdn't make her not want to keep tryIIng at touchIIng hIIm at all, seeIIng how dIIsgustIIng he'd become sIInce she'd last seen hIIm. HIIs back was a fuckIIng wreck, metal and scars, and the whole brand new arm thIIng- fuck, what was he /thIInkIIng/, when she was just the same as she'd ever been, brIIllIIant and sharp and good.* That's IImportant two me too. But. II mean, IIf we've both got some sort of feelIIngs II guess IIt could be pretty cool to try that out, somehow. Any IIdeas? II don't want to make assumptIIons or anythIIng. ThIIs IIs just. New.
DOLOROSA: We can always s+ar+ slow, wi+h every+hing. I +hink we're doing okay wi+h +hese +ouches so far, righ+? You can always +ell me no if you ever feel uncomfor+able, I won'+ +ake i+ personally. -Even if he didn't, if he wasn't able to, she tried to read his body language to the best of her ability.- I can almos+ guaran+ee if you're okay wi+h i+, +hen I am, +oo.
PSIIONIIC: ...Yeah, that sounds good. Tbh II probably need that, consIIderIIng the shIIt II've been through. When people thIInk they own you they aren't always, uh. Keen on askIIng IIf they can touch. II mean, IIt could've been worse, II was hooked IInto the helm, IIts not lIIke II was some kIInd of concupescent slave or anythIIng lIIke that. II just mean lIIke. Docterror's assessments, engIIneers, hookIIng me up, openIIng me up, stuff lIIke that. IIt's easIIer IIf II'm not surprIIsed. StartIIng slow sounds good. II'll try to be vocal, and you know, you do that too? And then we'll go from there. II'll get better, II can fuckIIng promIIse that, especIIally wIIth an end goal lIIke getIItng comfortable touchIIng you, hell yeah, that sounds rad. IIt's just gotta start slow.
PSIIONIIC: II thIInk II'm talkIIng lIIteral nonsense.
PSIIONIIC: II am so bad at speakIIng.
DOLOROSA: You're perfec+ a+ speaking. -Or, at least she felt that way at the moment, her smile widening. It meant so much that he could even speak to her about this, much less be brave enough to want to address it, to conquer it. He was so amazing, and he had no idea at all. She didn't expect him to be as comfortable as soon as he may have implied, but that didn't matter. It didn't matter if he wasn't like everyone else, because he was himself here now, and he was willing to try, to trust, and it meant so fucking much.- Bu+ on +ha+ no+e... can I kiss you?
PSIIONIIC: Asskdghaja. *He saIId, eloquently. Verbal keysmash. IIt was hard not to thIInk lIIke a computer after so long lIIterally beIIng part of one.* II mean. Yes. Yes, you can totally do that. Uh, careful wIIth my neck, though. My ports stIIll get sore sometIImes and touchIIng them kIInda does the bad memorIIes thIIng and II don't want to assocIIate that shIIt wIIth. You know, thIIs. Because thIIs IIs good. ThIIs IIs nIIce. II'll shut up now, you should totally kIIss me.
DOLOROSA: -For a second, she was worried she screwed up, because that was certainly... a sound. She looked startled for a second before he made actual words again, and then she listened intently, her smile drifting back. She definitely wouldn't want him to think of that, either, and despite how it sort of made her feel sick (not him, not him at all), the knowing helped. And by the time he was finishing his short ramble, she was already leaning closer, her hand resting safely on his shoulder as their lips brushed together.-
PSIIONIIC: *He exhaled harshly, and grIInned agaIInst her mouth when she kIIssed hIIm, tryIIng not to mess up and end up usIIng too many teeth. He pressed closer and kIIssed back, not pressIIng too hard or too IIntensely- but, hell, thIIs was fuckIIng awesome, he hadn't kIIssed anyone IIn hundreds of sweeps.*
DOLOROSA: -After a few long, sweet moments, she began to pull away, offering him another quick peck to the corner of his mouth before she searched for his gaze, for confirmation.- How was +ha+?
PSIIONIIC: *He grIInned wIIde and fangy, brIIght-eyed, sparkIIng agaIIn.* FuckIIng hella, that's how IIt was. Do that agaIIn.
DOLOROSA: -Oh, God, this precious, adorable dork.- Hella... No+ed. -She resisted the urge to shake her head just so she could lean in again, and this time she experimented more with the kiss, her tongue brushing against his lips, his silly fangs.-
PSIIONIIC: Super hella. *He agreed, eagerly. He kIIssed her back, chIIrrIIng slIIghtly IIn hIIs throat as she lIIcked over hIIs fangs. (SIIlly fangs, vampIIre? HIIm?) He reached up to get a hand on the back of her head, threadIIng fIIngers through her haIIr.*
DOLOROSA: -She's biased, most things about him are silly to her, in the horribly endearing sort of way. At his touch, she's giving the sound right back to him, the soft rumble muffled into his mouth and her face warm. She had felt so many things lately -- just today, even -- but this was definitely the least predicted, and most importantly, the best.-
PSIIONIIC: *He pulls back after a few more moments, to gIIve her a bIIg goofy grIIn.* DefIInIItely wasn't expectIIng thIIs when II woke up thIIs evenIIng, dunno about you. ShIIt. We should do lIIke a. LIIke a date. II've never done one of those really.
DOLOROSA: -Damn it. She can't help beaming right back at him.- Oh, yeah. I would love +o "do a da+e" wi+h you.
PSIIONIIC: Hell yeah. DoIIng a date. What do you do, even. Do we lIIke. Go hang out IIn a dIIfferent part of the shIIp. Do we race down a corrIIdor and whoever wIIns gets a prIIze. Do we steal thIIngs.
DOLOROSA: I'm sure someone's done all of +hose +hings on a da+e before, so +hey're +o+ally fair game. Bu+ hey, we should be landing somewhere soon. I+'s possible +ha+ we could make some+hing happen in a place +ha+ isn'+ drif+ing around in space.
PSIIONIIC: That would be kIInda rad, II guess. Hopefully IIt won't be a sucky planet.
DOLOROSA: I'm sure we could find a way +o make i+ less so.
DOLOROSA: On +he off chance +ha+ i+'s jus+ no good.
DOLOROSA: Unless i+'s raining acid.
DOLOROSA: I'm no+ sure we could fix +ha+.
PSIIONIIC: Yeah II'd rather not do anythIIng IIn the acIId raIIn. II'm mostly antII-paIIn. Unless IIt's sexy paIIn, II guess. *He grIInned.* But personally II don't have a thIIng for acIId. Not my kIInk.
DOLOROSA: -brows: ascend-
DOLOROSA: We could always discuss wha+ is a+ some poin+, probably. -totally nonchalant- Maybe af+er we decide on wha+ doing da+es should en+ail.
PSIIONIIC: *SNORTS*
PSIIONIIC: Yeah, II thIInk that's a conversatIIon for a later date. A date after the actual dates, ehehehe.
PSIIONIIC: Also maybe after II can handle prolonged physIIcal contact.
PSIIONIIC: *Waggles hIIs eyebrows* We'll defIInIItely talk though.
DOLOROSA: -Oh, this sweet nerd. Of course something in her chest aches a little, but she breathes a small laugh, shaking her head.- Okay, Mikki. Righ+ now I +hink I migh+ jus+ kiss you again and leave +he res+ for a li++le la+er.
PSIIONIIC: *He grIIns, and laughs too, restIIng hIIs head for a moment on her shoulder.* Sorry, II thIInk II'm stIIll amazed somethIIng's goIIng thIIs well. Doesn't feel real. Yeah, good plan. KIIssIIng now, other stuff later.
PSIIONIIC: ...Kas IIs stIIll goIIng to try and murder me, probably.
PSIIONIIC: Kas can suck a bulge though, he's not the boss of us, let's totally make out to spIIte hIIm and also because IIt sounds awesome.
DOLOROSA: Probably +he bes+ plan I ever heard ge+ made.
DOLOROSA: -smooches incoming-
PSIIONIIC: *Smooches rIIght on back*
