Top 10 Sad Tech News (But Mostly Fails) of 2011
Now, whilst everyone else is posting major Tech achievements, I want to post some "Lest We Forget" moments of 2011:
A great visionary and marketing genius (although some might say he was a gimmick genius), Steve Jobs' life ended far too soon. However, his impact on our generation has paved the way for much Tech Porn in future. RIP
An Unknown Source gained access to credit card information of PSN's 70 million users. Sony notified its users of an "Illegal Intrusion". Blah blah blah...go f*ck yourselves.
3. RIM Rumors of Being Bought Out
After sales and stock price plumeted, rumours circled of an inevitable RIM buy out. I say it's only a matter of time, but who knows? My brother just bought the new Bold, but I believe his warranty will last longer than the life of the company. We'll see 2012.
Also the drop of BBM service for a week in October did not help matters at all. Their apology statement read:
"Sorry for the inconvenience of not having your precious BBM. Here are some Apples."
4. Celebrity Twitter Fails
Yup, this is "Sad Tech News." Considering the fact that Google is available at our fingertips and the Information Highway is free for all, celebrities still refuse to do their homework before posting on, what my Dad calls, "The Twitter".
First, we have US Congressman Weiner. Yes, his name is Weiner, and guess what he did? Sent a Twitter DM to a woman (who was not his wife) of his, take a guess? YES, his WEINER. Smooth. It was painful to watch his wife stand their in support as he resigned from Congress. What a dick. (Couldn't resist)
Second is Ashton Kutcher, that douchebag. Apparently he did not do his Google homework when he defended Penn State's coach, Joe Paterno, regarding the child-sex scandal. Well, turns out the allegations were CORRECT and Paterno is now facing sentencing. So, Ashton, not only are you divorced from the greatest milf alive, and you're trying too hard on Two and A Half Men, but you're also a big-fat douchebag.
Lastly, Gilbert Gottfried's Japan tsunami joke. Who is Gilbert? He was the voice of Iago (that's an 'i' not an 'L') in Aladdin and of the Aflac Duck. Known for his controversial humour, Gilbert went too far when he tweeted, "I just broke up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, 'They'll be another one floating by any minute now.'" Not only was that incredibly insensitive to a real situation, and it got his ass fired by Aflac, but it's "There'll be." So. Much. Stupid.
Long story short: Go Daddy decided to publicize their support the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA), which would ban pirated content online. In the opposing corner are giants like Facebook, Google, and Yahoo. Ugh, bad move Go Daddy. Well, like a fairy, Go Daddy dropped out due to a rash of defections. And now Wikipedia (y'know that really big site?) moved to a different domain and left Go Daddy to cry in a corner. A tip for the future, always lube up before you decide to f*ck yourself.
After fans waited 14 long years, the finished product was a piece of sheist. A kind-hearted reviewer took pity and wrote these, not so jagged, words about the game: "Playing the game feels like being thrown back into the mid-'90s, and not in a happy, nostalgic sense." That's gotta burn just a little bit.
It may not have been the mythical creature of the iPhone 5 sort, but Siri is pretty awesome. Unfortunately, she's kinda high maintenance and requires a lot of time and energy (If I wanted a girlfriend, I'd be a lesbian). If you do enjoy the benefits she provides however, prepare for nights at home on the couch, because you'll be forced to stay in while she recharges.
8. Apple Employees and Bars
We all know what happened. I remember basically being pulled to my computer via The Force to research the new iPhone, leaked last year.
9. RIM Employees and mini-Bars
I heard that some RIM employees peed on a little kid while on a plane while he was proudly yelling "I have BBM!" - which is the only thing that RIM has keeping them afloat. Okay, maybe they didn't pee on someone but they were RIM employees and that in itself deserves a public flogging.
10. Netflix's Quickster Bullshit
In an attempt to phase out their DVD service, Netflix split their services into two, Netflix and Quickster. They attempted to double charge existing customers who wanted to continue ordering DVDs. After a huge backlash, Netflix CEO, Reed Hastings, mass-emailed an "Apology" to all Netflix users that read more like a "F*ck You" than an actual attempt to rectify the situation. Full email here
Wow, that was a lot of fail. Hopefully 2012 will be more successful, but I doubt it.