What to Expect at a First Counseling Session - Student Perspective
When I went to Psych Services the first time, I didn’t know what to expect. All I knew about therapy was from the movies - you lie on a chaise longue, stare at the ceiling, and talk about your fear of death. Or you sit in a cushiony chair with a box of tissues and cry until you can’t form words anymore. Right?
Not right. Maybe you will talk about death at Psych Services. Maybe you will cry so hard that all you can manage is to blubber out a hiccupy words at a time. I’ve definitely had both of these experiences over the past two years (sorry, there are no chaise longues that I know of). But your first meeting doesn’t have to be that way. It doesn’t have to be any way at all.
My first time at Psych Services, when the counselor asked what was going on in my life and why I was seeking help from Psych Services, I felt like I was expected to divulge my entire life story. I reached back to 2010 and started telling them absurdly personal details from my past. I cried. I felt so uncomfortable. I wasn’t ready to talk about those things. And I wasn’t sure if I was crying because I genuinely felt sad or if I thought that I was expected to (probably both). I mean, it was therapy. You’re supposed to cry and tell all your secrets. Right?
Not right. The first meeting is the beginning of what will hopefully turn into a relationship. It is not the meeting where the counselor is going to answer all of your questions or solve all of your problems. It is the meeting where they ask you what’s going on in your life, and they listen to your answers. They may not do much talking or respond a ton to what you say, although every counselor has a different style. At the first meeting (and every meeting, really), you can talk about whatever you want, and whatever feels comfortable.
For me, telling so much about myself and not getting all my problems solved made me feel like Psych Services was leaving me hanging. I didn’t realize that the first meeting was about listening. I didn’t understand that they let me do all the talking because it was part of the process rather than because they lacked empathy (odds are, they probably have a pretty solid reserve of empathy). I think that meeting would have left me feeling a lot more positively about Psych Services if I had just told them what I was dealing with at that moment: that I was really stressed about the Williams workload, that I was having trouble sleeping. That I was unhappy with how I was doing in my sport and in my classes.
I felt so badly about how the first meeting had gone that I decided to switch counselors. In my second-first-meeting, I didn’t reach so far back - I only said what I was comfortable saying. In fact, I didn’t talk about what I had told the other counselor until nearly six months into my relationship with my new counselor; at the beginning, we mostly talked about other problems I was having that were more rooted in the present. Waiting to talk about the toughest things allowed me to build a relationship of trust with my counselor, and it was a much more natural and comfortable progression than diving immediately into my most personal struggles. Waiting and building a solid relationship was the right approach for me, and that’s what Psych Services is all about.
So, I think there are 2 major things that I learned about the first meeting with Psych Services:
There is no stereotype for a first meeting or for any meeting. The process is about you, what you feel you need help with, and what you are comfortable talking about, not about them or what they “expect” from you (or what you think they expect from you).
You won’t resolve your problems in your first meeting, or maybe even in your first six months. It is unrealistic to expect to feel 100% better after the first meeting - you might even feel worse. But if you keep at it, it might be one of the most valuable experiences you have at Williams (it has been for me).