Ren: *serving the first meal he cooked for Team JNPR* 😌 🍲
Jaune: *carefully tasting* Wow…! This is the kind of meal that I could take out on a date, introduce to my family, and have a long-term relationship with!
Jaune: Just kinda take things slow, you know?
Nora: *scarfing down her helping* Oh my gods, I want this food to impregnate me! 🤤
Pyrrha: …it’s as if an angel descended from heaven, landed in the kitchen…
Pyrrha: …and then Ren killed it and stewed its body with root vegetables…! 😋
Ren:
Ren: …all right, I’ll agree to cook this again, but only if you learn to control yourselves.
Ironwood: SPECIALIST SCHNEE! You are a Specialist of the Kingdom of Atlas! Show some dignity in your civilian attire!
Winter: (Wearing OPPAI shirt, Poo-shape hat, HBIC dog-collar) My apologies, sir.
Ironwood: What on Remnant would possess you to wear something like this?!
Winter: I wasn't aware there was a problem until you said something.
Ironwood: What is wrong with you?! Did you even see what it said on your collar?!
Winter: No, sir. It never entered my line of sight.
Ironwood: Where did you even buy this ridiculous get-up? Did someone get it for you?
Jaune: ...
Ren: ...
Oscar: ...
Weiss: ...
Winter: No, sir. I bought it myself.
Ironwood: ...I see. ARC! REN! PINE! SCHNEE! GET IN HERE NOW!
Jaune: Uh-oh... (Enters w/ Weiss, Ren, Oscar)
Ironwood: I know one of you gave Specialist Schnee these clothes, now confess! Do you honestly think it's appropriate to treat your superiors this way?!
Jaune/Ren/Oscar: (Quivering)
Weiss: (Thinking) They asked me to go with them because we're friends. I must follow my sister's lead and deny their involvement because I know they would never-
Jaune/Ren/Oscar: (Pointing at Weiss) IT WAS WEISS'S IDEA.
Ironwood: (Death glares at Weiss)
Weiss: Dear Mother... You were right... NEVER TRUST MEN.
Ren: (Walks in) ...Jaune, you promised that we would do this together. (Disrobes) Brothers don't do this to each other.
Oscar: Wait, are we working out to take down Salem? That's great and all, but I feel like it'll take more than just muscle...
Jaune: Huh? Oh, no, it's just that time of year again for us.
Oscar: Time of year...?
THE HUNTSMAN ANNUAL NUDE CALENDAR EVENT
Oscar: ...The what?!
BAD BOY PECS
ASSERTIVE ABS
SHY DORSALS
INFORMATIVE BICEPS
Oscar: ...A nude calendar?
Jaune: Yup! Every year, we and every other huntsman team does a nude calendar to spread awareness of Huntsmen activities AND to boost morale AND to raise lien for charity~!
Ren: It's so popular that it even rivals puppy and kitten calendars in office workspaces. Each huntsman team is randomly selected to cover a month from January to August. We are in August.
Oscar: What about September to December?
Ren: Popularity based on the top 4 from the previous eight months.
Oscar: What was Team JNPR's rank last year?
Jaune: ...
Ren: ...
Oscar: ...It was last place, wasn't it?
Jaune: It was last place, yes.
Oscar: ...Is this last year's calendar?
Ren: (Nods)
Oscar: Can I look at it?
Jaune: I appreciate your enthusiasm, Oscar~!
Oscar: ...I see you were enthusiastic.
Jaune: Team JNPR always strives for the best, Oscar.
Oscar: ...So, who got first place? Is it December?
Jaune: They've been asked to participate every year. That's the kind of popularity we have to fight.
Oscar: (Opens calendar to December)
Ironwood: (Posing with Clover, Marrow, and Vine)
Oscar: ...AH.
Ren: Only Marrow survived, so we might have a fighting chance this year.
Bleiss: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Don't tell me it's that time of year again! I want to see my darling naked- I really do- BUT NOT WHEN EVERYONE ELSE COULD SEE HIM TOO~!
Bluby: U- Uhm, Bleiss? They're asking us to help with the puppy and kitten calendar...
Bleiss: Be quiet, recolor! Can't you see I'm in mourning~?!
Scarlet: Let me guess... It's calendar season again, isn't it?
Sun: I don't care what it takes. Team SSSNN is NOT gonna be bottom of the barrel again this year!
Scarlet: I wish you used that enthusiasm for something other than being a creep.
Sun: (Ignores, Keeps going)
Sage: (Behind Sun) HEY. I don't like what you did to me last year. You think I didn't notice?
Sun: I'm a burning star, Sage. The world is always gazing at me. They seek a shade to aid in shielding their eyes. It has to be you. There can be no one else.
Sun: (Grabs Sage) IT HAS TO BE YOU, SAGE AYANA!
Sage: ...Me? Alright, that does it! Gimme that camera!
Oscar: It's pretty pathetic that we're dead last every year to photoshop, noncon photos, and a literal animal from another dimension. That can't be good PR on our part.
Jaune: That's all in the past, Oscar. This year, we have you AND a secret weapon that'll get a kick out of the ladies this year~!
Oscar: It was just you and Ren, right? Also, what's this stupid pose you were doing?
Jaune: Stupid pose? That's not right, right, Yang?
Yang: Snrk~! You kiddin'~? Everybody loves that pose~! C'mon, do it for us~!
Ciel: Excuse me... Are you... You're on Jaune Arc's team, correct?
Nora: Huh...?
----------
Ciel: This is me before Atlas.
Nora: ...WHAT?! But you, uh, you look so... I mean, you look less... I mean-
Ciel: I used to be fat, I know. However, after Bulwark Academy, I became overwhelmed with nerves that I started working myself until I was practically skin and bones... and then after my first year, I put on muscle and... here I am.
Nora: Okay, but where does Jaune play into this?
Ciel: Well... (Zooms out photo)
Nora: HUH?! JAUNE?! Was he your classmate, or-
Ciel: We were visiting his village for a field trip. He was very kind then, and I asked for a photo with him. However, since I was going to Atlas after, I knew asking for anything more would be asking for too much. But now that I'm less of what I was, I thought...
Nora: Wait! Ciel... does that mean... IT'S LIKE THAT?
Ciel: YES. IT'S LIKE THAT.
Nora: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... (Opens scroll, Taps) ...Hey, Ren. It's me. Listen, I need you over here now. Yes now. Right now, yes. Yes, now. (Click~!) Ren'll be here once he gets the message. He knows more about Jaune than I do.
Ciel: ...Nora, if you don't mind me asking, but are you and Jaune-
Nora: NOT EVEN IF HUMANITY AND GRIMMED BONED. (Twitches)
Nora: (Thinking) That's weird. Why'd my heart skip a beat?
----------
Ren: I'm here, Nora. What's this about?
Nora: Ren, does Jaune have a girlfriend?
Ren: Huh?
Nora: You see, this girl is... (Explains)
Ren: Wait, you mean... IT'S LIKE THAT?
Nora: YES. IT'S LIKE THAT.
Ren: (Sits down by Nora) As far as I can tell, Jaune doesn't have a girlfriend. When he was told about leaving to a new station, he seemed especially excited, and he's got some magazines on his dresser that no one with a girlfriend would leave out in the open like that.
Ciel: Could you also speculate what kind of girl he likes?
Ren: ...I remember him mentioning something about like girls with big butts.
Nora: Wait! I didn't tell him about Nora yet! Crap! Ciel has changed so much, I bet Jaune would act like a total dope and not remember her! That'd be so like him!
Nora: JAUNE! Hey, uh, this is-
Jaune: Hm? Oh, hey, Ciel~! Nice seeing you again! How you been?
Ciel: !!!
Ren: (10/10)
Nora: (10/10)
----------
"Say, Jaune... What kinda girls you like in our class~?"
Jaune: In your class? Hm... I guess I can't really choose...
"C'mon, man! You gotta pick one~!"
Jaune: Well, if I have to pick one girl out of your class I like, then... I guess I'd say Ciel. The one with the beret?
Ciel: (Behind a corner, Blushing)
"Huh? Dude, she's a total fattie."
Ciel: (Turns away, Grits teeth)
Jaune: ...So? It's not a girl's size that matters, it's how she presents herself, and seeing Ciel eat and write and talk, she's really elegant.
Ciel: (Walking away quickly, Red-faced)
Jaune: I've seen how you guys eat fish and it's crazy hard to try!
"I thought you liked girls with big butts?"
Jaune: Yeah, but there's more to a girl than just her butt!
----------
Ciel: (Thinking) Growing up, I was always warned that girls gain weight faster than boys. But that didn't matter much to me since I was always fat. I wouldn't like someone who didn't like me, and hearing Jaune say something nice about me that I didn't even know about... I hated boys for a long time because of how they treated me, and I even swore off of them. But something about Jaune is different... But aren't I just doing the same thing others were doing to me? The thing I hated most of all?
Jaune: See ya around, Ciel~!
Ciel: (Waves, Leaves)
Jaune: (Messages to Ciel, Smiles) That was nice... You guys wanna catch a movie?
Nora: I learned something today. About myself.
Ren: Oh?
Nora: Yeah. I learned that I REALLY hate the idea of Jaune getting a girlfriend before I get a boyfriend! That's why my heart skipped a beat earlier!
Ruby: Of course it does! I've been working on it day and night for almost a whole week without sleeping! Heck, the only reason I'm still awake is because I still wanna see your reaction while using it~!
Jaune: Wow, that's some real dedicat- WAIT... Did you... get my measurements while I was asleep?
Ruby: Yeah! I mean, you left your door unlocked, so I got real lucky, huh?
