Once more unto the breach
When I first started this site, I had a lot of good intentions and high goals for myself: I wanted to read more, respond/reflect more and to share this messy, imperfect process with the public. I had a posting schedule, a reading list, a handful of essays started. I vowed to only post original content for a whole host of well-intentioned and high minded reasons.
Then I had a kid. Did you know that labor is hard? Like, really hard. Like, running 10 marathons hard, only after the marathon, instead of curling up in a tub of ice with a beer and 5 pizzas and the warm glow of knowing ‘it’s over, you did it! Now it’s time to rest’, you come home with a whole. New. Person. A whole new person who’s super fragile and who depends on you for literally everything, literally every moment of the day. And who is heavy. Oh, and just to really ice this cake, if you’re the one who gave birth, there’s a whole cocktail of hormones and weird, leaky body things happening (doubly true if you are also breast feeding) to go along with the identity adjustment that you also have to reckon with.
But here’s the flip side: it’s absolutely magical. Seeing the world through A’s eyes, I’m reminded just how much wonder is waiting for us if we slow down and look (and listen carefully). And listen/look she does- I have never been more aware of what I say, how I say it, and imagining certain verbal habits coming out of her mouth has made me much more careful in how I talk, not just about other people, but also myself. She has also, unknowingly, reignited my passion to engage in issues of justice and equity- if I thought getting right with the world was important before, it is doubly so now.
So I return, with fresh eyes, along with renewed appreciation for the messy, the complicated, the unfinished, and the belief that action imperfectly executed is better than perfect inaction. With that in mind, here’s what you can expect to see here:
I’m still going to preference original content, but give myself permission to share (and credit) those things which resonate or trouble my thinking, even if I haven’t figured out how to articulate it yet.
I am going to think before ‘speaking,’ and do so out of a place of compassion, however, I’m also going to do my best not to get stuck in the mental Charybdis that keeps me from saying anything. This means I am going to mess up and say something wrong (which, let’s be honest, would definitely happen even if I overthought everything). Call me on it! Help me know better so I can do better!
While still primarily grappling with issues of race and privilege, I am also giving myself permission to explore other “tough stuff”/”social justice issues” that may be related, directly or tangentially, because really, it’s all related (As Majora Carter points out in her TedTalk)
In the spirit of being gentle with myself (Friends- did you know that raising a baby is hard? Like, really hard?), I’m not going to stick to a specific posting schedule, however I am going to try to share something, be it an essay, a reflection or even a question on a more regular (monthly?) basis. Again, here I ask for your help- if you see it’s been a while, please prod me and remind me of this public declaration of intent.
ETA: also, I intend to include more pictures of kittens.
