#pufferknuckle

[personthatseesdifferently]

You: *being a dork and fuckin around*

Me: ooooh boy I swear to god

You: *grabs my hand* some day you will *kisses my hand*

I am currently posting this from the afterlife because I. Fucking. Died.

[personthatseesdifferently]

I hear you when you tell me you’re not ready. It used to be that when you would say “no, I’m not ready to talk” I would demand we talk about whatever issue that could have waited. I have learned so much this past year. And I finally understand that when you tell me you’re not ready, I need to wait. And I’m happy to. Because what I have to tell you is worth waiting thousands of lifetimes. When you’re ready, PK

[personthatseesdifferently]

Our synchronicities never cease to amaze me. Like the way we have somehow found similar spiritual paths, while living completely separate lives. And yet somehow you still surprise me. You practically begged me to come over, all while trying to retain your “it’s nothing” attitude. I did not expect that. When I walked in, you wrapped me up before I could even shut the door 🥰 You surprised me again. I’m thinking, oh you just horny af cool. I know that kiss, I know that nuzzle, and the way you held me. I know what your love feels like. And it was the best surprise. There’s still no expectations, we both busy as hell. I’m both guiding my future and letting it unfold before me. I don’t know what our future is, J, I guess we’ll find out. 💛

[personthatseesdifferently]

Pk,

I don’t know how to move on from you. I don’t know if I could, or if I even want to. It’s not that I’m waiting for you...I just know that loving you was the best thing that ever happened to me. And losing you was more painful than anything, and I know pain, I wear her like a second skin. And yet the day you left me, the pain pierced through me in every pore of my skin. No, I’m not waiting. I am just accepting that this is part of my story, and that I may never get over you.

[personthatseesdifferently]

From the time I woke this morning, I’ve been non-stop working on school. Finally I decide to let myself rest for the night, with my hand in severe pain and my neck tense as steel cables. I rest for all of five minutes before I realize why I so feverously studied the day away, to distract from you. Now I’m laying here with my chest tight, missing you. At least now I can sleep, and see you in my dreams. Love you PufferKnuckle

[personthatseesdifferently]

Sometimes it still hits. Like getting hit with a cannon ball in the gut. That moment where the world around me becomes blurry. In that moment, I remember that we are no more. 7 years I gave you, and too you gave me. Was that the 7 years of bad luck for breaking my mirror? No, of course not.

It’s just these fleeting moments now, when I suddenly long to throw my arms around you and feel you wrap around my waist and nuzzle in my neck. It’s these moments when I can’t believe we’re really over. Or that we ever really were.

Here’s to us: all that we were, all that we could have been, and all that never was or will be. May our lives be everything they’re meant to be and more. Together or apart, the love is always there.

[personthatseesdifferently]

If only you could see through my eyes, hear the thoughts in my head, feel the rhythm of my heartbeat. If only you could know what’s in my soul. You’d come home.

[personthatseesdifferently]

I’m scared I’m going to mess this up again...I’ve come such a long way with my mental illness and my trauma. And still, I am not fully healed, and who knows if I ever will be? I just don’t want to let my past screw up our future. You are not the same as those men who hurt me.

Will I struggle with my traumas forever? Breathe, Rhiannon. It’s only today...