31st December 2018 - 13:00
Wow, it's already New Year's Eve..time to make a long post about the year for me 😊
Although, it wasn't one of the best years, I had a couple emotional breakdowns and got into more arguments with my mum (as usual)..but when my birthday and Christmas came around, I began to realize how many people care about me and how many would miss me...
I began working up the courage to ask people to hang out when they had time, and one guy from my class, (who's one of my closest friends now) hung out with me at a nearby park a few times..we talked about a lot of the shit that happened in both our lives...I even told him about when my nan passed away and something weird happened...I started crying in front of him...and I hate crying in front of people since I don't like causing scenes..but he understood and told me that crying was normal, no matter how many times I laughed and apologized...those moments really touched me..and I think I'm easing out of my shell when it comes to showing my negative emotions around my friends..
On my birthday, I didn't receive much, but the quality is better than quantity since I got my first drawing tablet (which I think was my most important present) and I've even been thinking of drawing notebook covers to sell at my mum's fairs next year, once I have enough time and money ^_^
At college, I wore one of those big 18 badges so everyone in my class noticed and gave me birthday wishes, even the classmates I rarely even talked to..this showed me that no one thought ill of me..no matter how many times that anxious voice in the back of my head told me that people hated me or thought I was ugly..
At Christmas, it was just me, my mum and grandad...I finally watched Infinity War 😂 but cried multiple times XD. One of the presents I got was expected but I absolutely love it! It was a handmade wand made out of recycled materials, it even had a small handbook of how to use it..and it's got me back into looking at wiccan things like I did ages ago 😂
A couple of the gifts I got for my mum made her really happy (it was unicorn themed sherbet since she loves unicorns) then my grandad was happy I got him more of his favourite sweets 😊 since he's housebound, we couldn't really get him more tools or things like that, but he enjoys the little things..
Throughout the year, I've made new friends, on here and at college..I've noticed a difference in how I view myself as well since I've been using a self care app which lets me vent every day when I need to, it really calms me down if I'm upset or angry.. (I really recommend it, it's called "Youper")
I've also gotten closer to my friends:
@puppet-down-the-rabbit-hole (who was always there for me when I needed them, especially at the darker times of when I didn't want to live anymore)
@plutonic-5 (who suddenly appeared and gotten me very flustered >////< but..they really did help in starting to like my body..even if that sounds weird, I never liked my body, but now if I'm recording a video or taking a picture with a friend...I notice how skinny I am or how nice I looked in a certain outfit ^_^)
@dark-and-deadly-passion (who was the first person I followed when I started my Tumblr, they got me into rping a lot more and they were there for me as well 😊)
@crankgameplaysgirl28 (who brought me a lot of joy in just messing around while rping and gotten me much more comfortable when talking to others ^_^)
And I think I've made a couple new ones!
@pumpkin-demon (who I've followed for quite a while and admired for their art and love for Anti, which we both share :3)
@puppet-masters-world (who I've only just followed but already got hooked on their content!) and fuck.face.anon (who has shown me that people can actually like me more than a friendship 😄)
Next year...I want to start working out when I can, practice on drawing (traditionally and digitally) and I want to appreciate myself and others, knowing that I don't have to bottle up shitty feelings when they're there to listen..
Thank you to all my followers so far, who have been there since I've started or just joined in for the ride, seeing anyone who likes or reblogs my content helps me know that I am someone..not just an invisible nobody...
(also, thank you @markiplier and @therealjacksepticeye, you two inspired me to create and continue on throughout the few years I've watched your content 😄 PMA forever!)
