When I made this I had a very different idea what these characters should look like. Over the year I got better references from the mmo and they have changed quite a bit. So here are the darker and ediger versions.
I am frightened initially, but that’s to be expected. Luckily, it doesn’t take long for my brain to communicate to the rest of my body that I need to remain calm. I can’t show him that I’m frightened, and even then, there’s nothing much to be frightened of. Situations like these are exactly why I train as often as I do. Situations like these are exactly why I’ve worked to refine my skills with a lightsaber in the previous month.
The figure decides to speak first, letting me know that they feel they are in control of the conversation. This is definitely a ‘he who strikes first, wins’ scenario, and so far I am losing 0-2.
“I believe a greetings are in order, though first an explanation,” he says. His voice comes out distorted from under his helmet, which is black and lined with silver detailing in a rather horrific feeling pattern. “I haven’t come to rob you- not that there’s anything here worth robbing, anyway.”
Okay, a little sassy. Nothing I can’t take though.
“Do you know why I am here?”
He’s asking you a question, Keres. It’s okay to answer. “No.”
The man hums a little, as if he were amused. “Are you telling me the truth?”
I swallow dryly. Then I weigh the pros and cons of each answer I can give him, and all the possible scenarios birthing from me saying each. Finally, I decide on a simple, “no.”
The man takes a step directly forward. His boot comes down against the fish and the stick and the fire all the same, snapping through each as if it were nothing. The flame extinguishes immediately. “You’re a good girl then. For telling me the truth.”
He must’ve seen the darkening of my eyes. There’s a certain hatred developing from me to him, all because of a two word phrase I can’t stand in the slightest. I want to kill him then and there for making me relive something I’m in denial about. I want to make him suffer.
“Did I touch a nerve there?”
I’ll fucking kill you. “No.”
He takes another step forward. Now, I can get a better gage of his height compared to mine. He looms over me, but I doubt he’s over six feet. He’s letting the intimidation speak instead of his size. Funny.
“You should smile. For me.”
I draw my lightsaber without thinking. The green end comes out first, pointing directly at the center of his chest. Emerald light ripples across our features, flickering and expanding in the blades wake. I don’t think before the words come out next.
“I will kill you if you come any closer to me.”
The man’s head tilts down. I try to picture his face underneath, but all I can imagine is something hideous and vile, just like his words. “Are you sure you want to do this girl? Cross a future Sith Lord?”
My brain goes blank. The left side of my lips twitch up into a calm smirk. Slowly but clearly, I look him where I picture his eyes to be. “I can’t cross myself more than I already have.”
A red lightsaber ignites slowly against the green. They skim each other, but I don’t let my eyes wander from his mask. He’s a coward. Hiding behind a mask instead of looking at me with his full eyes. I want him to memorize the face that is responsible for his death. I want him to memorize every detail, as if we were lovers, as he chokes on his own blood.
I don’t have the space to do it here. I need to lead us out of the cave if we’re going to have an honest to Maker duel. He seems to be on the same page at least. One of my feet reaches backwards a step, and another follows. His own move in sync until I break into the open air, and rain makes him appear blurry.
“You are not nearly as good a girl as I thought you to be,” his voice oozes, almost like a promise.
I have nothing to say to him. I have taken abuse in the past. But now I have to show myself that I have not lived all this time and allowed myself to still take abuse from men.
I narrow my eyes. I can see my plan being executed now. First, I do a simple string of jabs to throw him off guard. When he’s comfortable, I jump and kick his face. A punch to the neck will discombobulate him further. Some more strikes to tire him, then choke him upwards with the Force, slam him into the mud, and stab him through his mask before he can say the word ‘Empire’.
I’m about to do it… I’m about to-
I whip to the side, igniting the second half of my lightsaber just in time. It clashes against a blue forcefully. On the other end, I can see the angered and determined face of a pale man with slim eyes and bushy eyebrows, biting his lip in frustration.
“Ah,” the other one chuckles. “Yutaro. I was beginning to wonder when I’d see you again.”
The man with the blue lightsaber softens his power before he speaks. He has just enough time to say, “It’s never soon enough with-” before I twist and kick him so hard he flies backwards.
“I was listening to that,” the first man growls. He pushes his saber against mine so hard I jump back and disconnect. I snap my lightsabers apart so I am holding each in my hand. One green, one red. I twirl the green in my hand once before using it to block his attacks.
They are sharp and powerful. Not slow, but still calculated. They rely more on brute force. I can use this to my advantage. I just need to make a plan.
They’re forcing me to walk backwards, showing his dominance over me. From the left corner of my eye, I see a flash of blue and I jump back quickly.
When the Jedi raises his blue sword over his head, I slip out of the way and watch as he meets the red blade. They’re just as against each other as they are me. I could use this to my advantage too, I know it. The question is, how can I give myself enough time to formulate a plan and get myself out of this? I can’t just run away, there’s no way they wouldn’t notice and stop me. I could attempt to outsmart them, but how? I could use the environment, I suppose. Scale a tree? No. The Sith would just cut it down or follow me. Anywhere I run as long as they’re alive, they’re sure to be right behind me. I just know it.
While the Sith defends himself against the Jedi- who’s sweat is dripping off his forehead way heavier than it should mixed with the rain- his right hand shoots out towards me. Immediately, I am flying through the air for one, two, three seconds until a splitting pain runs through my vertebrae. A hoarse shriek escapes my lips as I fall to the ground after hitting the tree, my lightsabers coming to a close on their own. When I crash into the ground, wet dirt enters my mouth and my fingerless gloves have ripped at my palms to reveal thin streaks of blood. The injury stings, but it’ll be worse if I don’t move.
The black clothed hand becomes a tight fist, and I’m thrown stiff and upright again. I can hear my back crack and wince in protest, but there’s nothing I can do for it. Then it begins- the sudden realization that I can’t breathe.
My hands find their way to my throat, as if ripping it open would give me air. Oh, air. Sweet, sweet air. How I’ve taken you for granted for so long! If I live through this, I promise I’ll never let you go again.
Ah, it burns. My senses are drying up, my nose feels sore and enflamed like I inhaled water. In fact, I’m almost certain I am. The rain is burning away at my skin and my insides slowly but surely. My eyes feel teary and everything is gradually becoming darker. And my throat, gods my throat. It feels tighter. It feels like someone poured salt directly down my esophagus. Force, don’t let me die, not like this. Not after all that time, all those months and years I’ve spent wandering around the galaxy. This can’t be my ending- can it? Dying without really knowing where I stand?
Weakly, I tell my right hand to feel the Force around me. After a second of my choking and my fingers wiggling slightly- it clicks. My lightsaber surges into my palm. I flick the switch and hear the unsheathing of the blade. I feel the shadows Force fingers around my throat loosen for a split moment, and then my hand slashes out behind me.
The two men stop themselves to see the giant, red barked tree falling towards them. They both leap out of the way, giving me the air I’ve needed to fling myself out of the way of the tree and away from either of them. I land about 15 feet away from the crashing wood. I don’t see either of them, but I can feel them. The darker robed one must be Aegus. The other one was referred to as Yutaro. Let’s just see if this will be a fair fight.
If I can sense Aegus, he can definitely sense me as well. There’s no use in running or attempting to hide- that could just give away my location faster. I’m not sure I could beat him in battle. To do that, first I would have to match him in anger to match him in strength. I don’t know if I could do that, physically. It’s best I stick to aiming to outsmart him for the moment.
As soon as I ignite the other blade of my saber, the red one, I hear twigs snapping behind me. Whirling around, I raise my saber with two hands to block Aegus’s attack. He presses me down, edging his blood colored blade closer to my face, separated only by part of my own red sword. Behind his mask, his seething expression radiates through. He hates me. Hates me for both rejecting and accepting the Dark side. Hates me for rejecting the Jedi and not being able to give him the satisfaction of killing one. He absolutely loathes me for being in that gray area. He wants me dead.
Fine by me. I’ve wanted him dead the moment the words “good girl” fell from his foul lips.
I push my saber up, hitting his mask with the hilt of my weapon. He falls back slightly, just enough to take pressure off me. I strike up again, this time cracking his mask. Underneath, I can see skin so pale it’s nearly snow white. It’s haunting to see, but I have no time to contemplate or analyze it. I bring my lightsaber overhead to finish him, but he throws me back again. I hit my back against another tree- harder than the last time. I can’t afford to feel pain though, because he’s in front of me again, ready to aggressively finish me off.
I flip back, my toes slipping back in the mud clumsily. When I raise my head, I can see him edging towards me, a scowl evident on his pale lips. I can do this, I can take him.
Where’s that other Jedi? I need to keep an eye on him as well. If he’s staying back, he’s either injured, or hiding until Aegus or I kill each other, and since I didn’t see a blue and red saber clashing after the tree fell, I’m guessing it’s the former. I have to double my guard then.
As if on cue, I feel his presence behind me. I twirl around, meeting his fierce expression. This close, I can see his eyes are amber, slanted, and framed by thick eyebrows. He hates me too. He thinks I’m a Sith, because I haven’t committed myself to the Light. I block his strike, then counter with my own.
He’s fast. It becomes a pattern, a quick, rigorous dance of taking turns blocking and attacking- sometimes at the same time. I can feel Aegus lurking behind us, like a hunter-seething, loathing, hating. He’s analyzing my every move. Every time I hop, twirl, defend, attack- he sees. I know this will give him some sort of advantage when he reaches me, but there’s nothing I can do about it at the moment.
I begin to match Yutaro’s speed. The force tells me when to jump, dodge, when to attack. I can tell he’s taken aback between thrusts. He sees how fast I change between a double-bladed saber and just the one blade. He sees how I dodge. Does he worry the force is stronger with me then he anticipated? He must at least wonder about it now.
I throw my right hand out, and the Jedi stumbles back just enough to let me twist my body around, and slip the green end of the light saber through his abdomen. He makes a choking noise, and I attempt not to wince. I can already feel the twinge of guilt creeping up my throat, but I silence it by pushing my blade through him even more, and listen to him crumple to the ground. Then I twirl my lightsaber in my hand, loosening up the cramps in my fingers.
Aegus’s lips twist up into a cold smirk, illuminated by his blade. He surges forward without warning. I raise my lightsaber just in time, but not without sacrifice.
His red lightsaber passes right through the bound together hilts of my two sabers. They come apart in my hands, both blades flickering. My shock gives him the time needed to kick me back into the dirt. Both the red and the green blades fall from my hands and close on their own. I tumble back, dirt covering my face and clouding my vision. My lightsabers! I treasured that dual bladed advantage.
A screech pulls me from my loss. Aegus.
On instinct, I throw both my palms over my head, squinting my eyes as I watch ants slip in the blades of grass I kneel on.
This next part is not for those with weak stomachs.
Aegus grips into my right palm, reigniting the burning sensation from all the scars on top. He pulls it backwards, and my fingers spread on instinct. One moment, I had all five of them. The next moment, I did not.
My right ring finger erupts like a volcano. It burns and hisses and seems to scream all on its own. It is warm and wet for a moment, but then two rows of teeth descend upon it, just above my knuckle.
My back arches in agony, and I can’t help but cry out. My voice goes hoarse in an instant, but the scream doesn’t end. I can’t push him away, no matter how hard I try. My left hand drops the saber, and my mind goes blank with nothing but searing pain and shock.
My knees and boots clamber against the mud as I struggle and cry. I try to tear my finger away without thinking about the situation, and I’m abhorred to find I succeed. My vision narrows like a tunnel, and my heartbeat drums all too loudly in my ears. When I look down, my right hand is covered in thick, red juice. My right ring finger was half of what it was a moment ago, separated in the most raw and unclean way I could think of.
I have just enough time to grab the lightsaber at my side with my left hand before he kicks me down. Then I watch him bolt at me with a loud hiss, and my throw both my palms over my head on instinct. I prepare myself for death.
The blade pierces me, but no pain comes. A tickling sensation follows. Furrowing my eyebrows, I lift my head up and am greeted with a surprise.
Aegus’s blade is trapped in my palms, but stopped from going any further. Besides my finger, I am not injured or impaled. The light that comes from his lightsaber being so close blinds me slightly, and the heat radiating off of it singes, but I’m alright. I’m… blocking his lightsaber with my hands. I can do that? I can do that? Yes! I can do that!
Aegus’s face falls for a moment, then he grits his teeth again and pushes on me more. It’s no use.
I take one hand away from above my head and feel the electric shocks run through my palm. With a thrust, the hand shoots out- more to the Dark side than him- and I wince slightly in pain as the lightning surges out from my fingers like coils and cages Aegus inside. He screams out, and the indigo arcs carry him up and away as he rears in agony. This is it. This is my chance.
I throw my left hand out, pulling a lightsaber towards me. The red one answers my call immediately. As I sprint through the foliage and towards my kill, I notice how beautiful it looks today. Still rainy, but beautiful.
I flip the switch and hear the buzz of the blade spring to life. Reaching Aegus, I see his eyes widen and his lips part in fear. Quickly, mercilessly, I swing the lightsaber at his knee. He falls onto his side, then flat on his back.
Aegus lifts a hand up as if to stop me. His mouth begins to form the word ‘stop’. With a flick of my wrist, he is silenced. The lightsaber goes straight through his chest. I twist it for good measure.
Aegus twitches. Then he stays still.
Once I am sure that he is not faking his death, my knees buckle against each other. The pain coursing from my finger is raw and unmatched by anything I have ever felt. It’s not something I can just repair either. My finger was bitten off. Aegus may have swallowed it.
I still hate him for what he did to my sabers. I’ll find the green one, which is something broken I know I can at least try to repair, but it won’t be as clean as the Haxion Brood’s work. I’m frustrated and upset by the loss. I really enjoyed having a dual bladed saber!
I do eventually find the green bladed weapon. The end of the hilt is damaged and sparking, and the leather I bound it with is singed. When the beam erupts from the emitter, it looks unstable and flickering. There’s no way I’ll be able to fix that. It’s still usable all together, but I don’t know for how long.
After standing still for a while, I decide my best course of action is to begin to make my way back to the cave. My injuries continue to sting and protest, but I don’t blame them for that part. Least of all my right hand.
It seems I have to change planets again.
Maybe it was my exhaustion that brought me to him. It clouded what I could sense and see. I suppose it doesn’t matter how I came across him, looking back on it. All that matters is that I did- that I do.
I stand and watch the river for a while. I watch the cool, spring waters toss over rocks and flow downstream. The color is a mix between pale blue and glistening silver- like a lightsaber. It’s strikingly different from his own weapon, I’d come to realize.
When I finally turn around to continue my journey to my cave, I am stopped in my very tracks.
I’ve turned around just in time to see his lightsaber come to light. It contrasts the fleeting light in the sky. It’s… unlike any I’ve seen before.
Purple. His lightsaber is purple. The hilt is polished silver, but I can’t make out details from this distance. The blade casts a violet glow on its closest surroundings.
“Going somewhere?” he muses.
I didn’t know it in that moment, but I could sense it. This one would change my life. He would change me.
It’s #ForceFriday and I wanted to share some thoughts. I’m not skinny: I’ve been told I’m “too fat” or “too heavy” for certain roles in shows. A while back, I got a slew of nasty comments on a lot of my old Mara Jade photos calling me the “fat Mara Jade” (among other names) and those comments hurt me so badly that I couldn’t bring myself to wear that costume for a year and a half. I still feel sick to my stomach while wearing that costume, and I haven’t worn it in more than a year since Katsucon 2018. I suffer from a slew of fun mental illnesses, including body dysmorphic disorder. I think it’s important to be open about body image and perception in the cosplay community and understand that “accuracy” is not the most important part of cosplay. Mara is petite like me, but she’s long and lithe and very slender, while I’m round and curvy in not-so-ideal places. It’s easy for me to be body positive for everyone else, but I have to live with the reflection in the mirror, and I have to live with the memory of those cruel words that ruined one of my favorite characters for me. Be kind. Don’t comment nasty things about makeup or body type, or give unwarranted criticism. It’s not helpful, it’s not necessary, and it’s cruel. Cosplay is a wonderful outlet of creative expression for so many people, and we need to be kinder to one another—and ourselves. I might never be happy with the way I look, but I am here for you. PC: @piercingmetalnyc #cosplay #starwars #starwarscosplay #starwarslegends #trashcompactor #marajade #marajadecosplay #marajadeskywalker #lightsaber #purplelightsaber #ultrasabers #ardawigs #ardastyle #starwarsday #cosplaygirl #cosplayer #bodydysmorphia #cosplaypositivity #cosplayersofinstagram #badasscosplay #womenofcosplay #forcegirls #expandeduniverse #wintercon #wintercon2017 #cosplaymodel #handoftheemperor https://www.instagram.com/p/BxkyNeijPah/?igshid=p9d8jw8htgax
Did a #bodypaint session over the weekend, had to try with a #starwars flare #jocelynlovelace #cosplaymodel #cupcakegoth #purplelightsaber https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp7RMOsjHAR/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=v9a51xcz309x
Hoooly crap is this #saber massive! I've never held #Ultrasabers version of one of the #hilts of #DarthRevan . Gotta say, it's definitely not one you would want to hold in #sabercombat or #saberchoreography . But hey, still got to work on this #saber and that's another #KyberCaveSaber restored. #itsalive !!! . #wipwednesday #lightsaber #shelfqueen #ultrasabersbutcher #butcher #lightsaberrepair #saberrepair #purplelightsaber #purpleled #purplelight #obsidian #obsidiansoundboard https://www.instagram.com/p/Bq9i5HXnVjV/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1jtz9m2lrtug9
His hair is a deep chestnut shade of brown. It looks fluffy, soft. His light skin looks smooth, even from my distance. His jaw is sharp, his cheeks strong. A playful smile lies on his pink lips. Everything about his features- no, about him- is soft. That’s the best word I can think of to describe him.
But I can feel the strength falling off of him. It peels off of his robes. They’re like a normal Jedi’s, but tighter at the sleeves, covered by a poncho, and darker in color. He feels different from all the Jedi I previously killed. He’s strong. Soft, but strong.
Tiredly, I shift my feet to show where my attention lies, eyes narrowing to begin my assessment of this visitor. Male, stocky build. Taller than me by a lot, but average for a man. My age. Slightly older? Slightly relaxed form. He watches me just as closely as I watch him. So he’s observant.
His eyes scan over the lightsabers at my sides, eyes lingering longer on the one with the red blade.
“Nowhere,” I say, almost hoarsely. My right hand is starting to go numb again, and I can feel a big, thick drop of blood fall from my half a finger. “Don’t worry, I won’t go too far,” I tell the stranger, even though I’m really not in the mood for a sarcasm contest right now.
“Oh, that’s good,” the stranger bends his knees and angles his violet light defensively. “I would so hate it if you missed this dance.”
Oh, man. He’s kind of quip-y. Killing him won’t be as satisfying as it would’ve been if he was all serious. “We can be honest with each other, right?” He shrugs. “Can we please reschedule this for tomorrow?”
He smiles. It makes his eyes squint and twinkle. It looks nice on him. “Tired from killing the other two, are we?”
Has someone been watching me? Following me, even? No, I would’ve known. I would’ve sensed it. Perhaps he witnessed the fight between Aegus and Yutaro- it was possible I didn’t notice because my focus was elsewhere. Who is this guy?
“What would your mother say?”
I don’t know what it was about his statement that set me off. I just know that it did.
I throw my hand out, letting my hate and exhaustion fuel the lightning that falls out. It wipes the smile right off his face as it cages him, throwing him backwards and out of my vision for an instant.
Then, I remove the red saber off my belt. I twist it between my palm to get a feel of it again, and run forward. It’s not as fast as it could be, but I am tired. My finger needs medical attention.
I thrust the red lightsaber into the boy’s shoulder. It nicks him, but he offers little more than a wince in response. He blocks my next strike. I put more pressure on it, forcing our lightsabers closer to his face. He doesn’t back down, however. He is determined to show me that my rageful exhaustion is no match for his physical strength. We’ll see about that.
Right as I’m about to kill him, something grabs my attention to the left. Not the sun-but a light! No, two of them! Two bright, beautiful balls of crystal clear light.
A shot blows me back. My lightsaber comes to a close as I tumble in the dirt for about the third time today. The cold mud and twigs make the cuts on my hands and temple sting even more- not a good sign. My right ear hears a long, drawn out scratching noise like a saw. Then it fades off like a hum and is replaced with a high-pitched ringing, followed by complete silence. My left ear continues to throb lowly with the beat of my heart, which changes between too fast and too slow. When my body finally stops rolling and stills itself, I can feel a droplet of either sweat or blood run down the right side of my neck. My eyes burn from the dirt that’s undoubtedly in them.
I lie still for a moment, wiped out and exhausted. I’m not dying, the galaxy would never be so kind. What happens next is just like falling asleep. Slowly becoming darker and darker, my vision goes black, and I feel warm.
When I was thirteen, I made an attempt to draw my father from memory. I had only drawn a few times prior to this, mostly out of sheer boredom. I want to say that they came out well, but I don’t have anything to compare my works to. Being on the run your whole life doesn’t lend much time for art museums.
I had no memories of my father whatsoever. I looked into a glass shard from a mirror and attempted to make my own features look more masculine. I don’t know how long it took me to sketch him, but finally I was finished.
In my version of my father, he has dark hair. He looks young, with eyes slanted upwards. I imagine they have hazel flecks, lined with gold and just the slightest hint of deep green. His eyes are framed by thick, dark eyebrows- straight and clean. Under his orbs are dark circles like smudged makeup, similar to my own. His nose is narrower than mine, but splashed with tope freckles all the same. We have the same olive skin and similar chins. His jaw is sharper than mine. His lips are chapped, but curled up at the ends like a smirk. Still, he frowns. I can not make him smile.
My father was very handsome. His name is Kaito Vagor, which in another galaxy translates to “the flight over the sea” and “I wander”, which I think is beautiful. In my mind, he is quiet. He thinks things through, just like me. He knows how to take initiative, believes in facts over feelings but never ignores his gut. Although I’d never met him, I loved the picture of my father, which ended up being completely accurate. I loved him so much, I begged him to be dead. I begged him to be dead so I’d feel like there was a reason I’d grown up without him. But cruelly, no matter how much I prayed and wished, Kaito was alive. I wouldn’t know it in my lifetime, but he was alive.
I couldn’t bring myself to draw my mother. I was too busy trying not to wail at the loss of my father, who I loved dearly despite the rage I’d obtained over the years. After that day, I had no idea where the drawing went. I might’ve destroyed it in my sleep, or lost it on purpose without even realizing.
Now, as I sleep, I think of the image of my father again. I think of nothing else. I see him smiling down at me calmly- on birthdays, cooking me meals in a small hut, training me how to better use a spear. In that life, I am happy. I am content with just Kaito, and I know how to trust people. There is no Clone with the yellow stripe. No Haxion Brood. No Imperial Inquisitors. And, most importantly, there are ten fingers.
I bolt upright at this realization.
I’m alive. My breathing feels thin, but not impossible. My chest is not nearly as sore as I expected, so I decide to count it as a good thing. Still, it rises and falls rapidly as I struggle not to cough on my own breath. My head thrums will a slow, dull pain that makes me wish I had just stayed still. Once I regain my sense of thought, I look around, eyes wide as my heart hammers.
The floor below me is the same stark white color, matching the bed and the walls. It looks like the inside of a ship, I think. I don’t sense danger, but I wouldn’t be surprised if my entire sense of survival were thrown off. I’m atop a cushioned bench, with a firm, small pillow where my head was. The only pop of color in the room is a slim bunch of yellow flowers, sitting in a pale gray vase.
Breathe, Keres. Softly.
My boots are missing from my feet. Instead, light colored gauze wraps around my ankles and stops before it reaches my toes. I wiggle them playfully, watching each duck and weave up and down on my command. It makes me feel childish, but secure that I at least have one part of my body still working for me. Unlike my fingers, there are ten of them. My hands and forearms are wrapped in a matching gauze, contrasting the normal gray gauze that works as my undergarments for my dark, sleek, armor. Replacing said armor is a beige kind of altered Jedi’s robes like the one with the purple lightsaber wore. The normal weight from a lightsaber doesn’t hang on my hips, and when I move my hand to the area I find nothing but air. I’m too tired and groggy to feel frustrated about it.
Brushing hair out of my face, I notice my hair is still in it’s braid, however messy it may be. The palm of my hands are flecked with pink scars, and a few bright red cuts from all my forest fumbles. Some are better healed than others, but none of them sting like they did. My right hand is just as I’d left it, confirming my worst fear. The fear that it was all real.
My right ring finger is gone. There is nothing from my knuckle up, and instead it is only a stump with more gauze wrapped tight around it. I stare at it. My eyes water quickly. I bite my lip to keep it from trembling, but this it to no avail.
I deserved it. I deserved to lose my finger.
I push myself off the bed angrily. My feet feel cold on the floor, but I don’t register it. When I stand up completely, something in my rib pops. This makes me stop for a second before carrying on in haste.
Clothes. I need my clothes. Where the kriff are my clothes?
Somewhere to the right of me, the familiar hiss of a door opening rings out. I snap my head up.
A Togruta with wet looking red skin appears in front of me. White diamonds surround her eyes, and smaller diamond markings appears across her cheekbones. Her lips are full but not too full, and her pale green eyes are framed by long, soft eyelashes. Her horns aren’t stubby, but neither tall nor sky high. It gives away her age- teens, possibly nearing twenties. She is dressed in a loose brown tunic, covered by a white, stained medical smock. Everything about her appearance is regal, elegant, and objectively beautiful.
“Oh!” she squeaks, one hand covering her chest as she gathers her breath. “You’re up!”
I remain quiet as I meet her eyes. The Togruta shifts a clipboard in her arms and puts it on a shelf behind her. “I’ll be right back with some medicine. Stay right here!” She hurries off and out the door again.
I immediately disobey what she’s asked of me. Fuck her. I take a single step forward and stumble for a moment. My feet adjust to the freezing floor after a second, and in short, quick steps I make my way out of the room. The next area I stumble into is circular, and bustling with at least ten people- I can’t count them all. My eyes squint to adjust to the new light, but my right ear remains unadapting and silent. A few feet ahead of me, I can see the back of what I believe to be the Jedi.
He overlooks a round holo-table displaying a blue hologram I can’t completely make out. Two other people in helmets observe the table with him, nodding and occasionally opening their mouths. After a simultaneous nod from them, they head off to their right, down a hallway. The Jedi meets my eyes from across the way. Then he stands still.
I hate him. This is his fault. It’s always the Jedi’s fault.
A few people in the room pause to glance at me, creating a look of disgust on my face I don’t even try to hide. I am angry at them. I want them to know how angry I am. No one dares to chuckle before conversations start again. The Jedi crosses his arms and looks at me as if he’s bested me at something, or proved himself. Jokes on him though, because he’s vastly overestimated how much I care or am willing to care.
“Oh, you’re… up again!” The Togruta appears with her arms full of cloth. Is that my boot? On top of them are several small bottles and a single syringe. “I just went to bring you your clothes and some medicine. I didn’t think you would be ready to walk so soon.”
I eye the scene suspiciously. I’m definitely on a ship of some sort, most likely no longer on Endor. There are a lot of people on this ship, but for what purpose? And why is a Jedi involved? Don’t speak, Keres. The way he’s looking at me, he’ll just pull a ‘Keres’ and ironically evade whatever you ask him.
I hold out my hands for my clothes, to which the Togruta pours them into my arms while trying to maintain a polite smile.
There is silence between the two of us as I pretend to be very interested in my black and gray outfit and boots. “So,” the Togruta sighs with another smile. “What should we call you?”
I quickly bend over slightly to slip one of my boots on. These people don’t get to know my name.
“I’m Aheka. Aheka Shyn. And you’ve already met Adamus…”
I crane my head up to look at the Jedi. His hair is just as brown and soft looking as before, though his jaw is flexing and tightening as he peers at me from across the room. I can feel eyes continue to watch me as I stuff my other foot into the other shoe. He sure knows how to spark my annoyance, I’ll give him that. He’s sparked it so much, I can feel myself tensing up in a new and intense way.
“He’s not so bad,” Aheka continues. “I know you guys didn’t really get off on the right foot, but-”
“Adamus is responsible for the kriffing ringing in my ear then,” I snap. “So he is that bad.”
Aheka swallows, eyes widening. “I-I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to offend…”
“Aheka. That’s enough,” another voice commands. I drop my gaze back to my boots, chewing on my bottom lip as I hear footsteps come closer. “I’ll take care of this,” the male voice says.
I watch Aheka’s shoes step away briskly and disappear behind another door and hallway. The ship must be awfully large to have so many of them. The only thing I have to think about then is which of those hallways will take me to escape pods.
“A bit rude, wouldn’t you say?” he starts. “Exploding over such a valid question?”
I dare not speak for fear the poison that comes from it will make a hole in the floor.
“Did you hear what she asked?”
“I heard it,” I hiss, attempting to keep my cool. “I just choose not to answer it.”
Adamus looks me up and down. Not in a flirtatious way, but a way that gives him a good observation. Is he analyzing me? He must be, somewhat. I don’t like it. He might find some flaw in my stance or my balance. I stand up straight, forcing myself to meet his eyes in a way that signifies a challenge.
“So, why Endor?”
Well, that’s a funny story. See, you know the Haxion Brood criminal syndicate? Oh, you don’t? Don’t worry- they’re just some of the most hardened and cutthroat criminals in the galaxy! Well, they captured me outside of Kijime. After straight up murdering people of your kind, they were so frightened of me they just chose a distant planet to drop me off at! Funny story, right?
“The will of the Force,” I quip. A satisfying snap runs through my stomach as I watch his left eye twitch. It’s perfect. I want to shatter his expression like that again.
I watch a yellow Twi’lek shake hands with one of the soldiers in a helmet. I’m reminded of Talik for a moment, and I miss her- but I push her from my mind. Mur, Kip, Talik- they’re a part of my past now. Talik can’t chase me anymore.
“Somewhere you need to go?” Adamus continues.
“Nowhere you can take me,” I promise him quickly.
Adamus curls his pink lips into a sly smile. His eyes twinkle immediately with a spark of charisma. “Listen, no offense, but you don’t look like someone who has somewhere they need to be.”
“Makes sense to me, because you don’t seem like the type of person who would know what that looks like.”
Adamus narrows his pale eyes. I wait for his smile to twitch again, but it doesn’t happen. He almost looks like he wants to laugh. Like I’ve just told him something clever. Instead, he crosses his arms over his chest and begins sauntering backwards. “It was nice talking to you, stranger.”
I take that as him dismissing me. “Fuck you,” I whisper at him as I watch him turn around. The I start back to the room I was unconscious in. With minimal pain on my part, I begin to swap out my clothes with my dark colored outfit that highlights my agility. A small mirror on one of the walls allows me to look at my face.
My eyes are a little red, and there’s a scarlet gash on my forehead, above my right eyebrow. I still look like myself, at least. Same hazel-green eyes, same chapped lips, same brown hair. I’m me. Just roughed up, I guess.
I see and hear Aheka wisp around being me, on the left side. I don’t turn to see her, but I can imagine her pretty face, clear as day. There’s a certain layer of guilt that sweeps around the pit of my stomach. I shouldn’t have been so rude to her earlier. She hasn’t do anything to me. In fact, she’s probably the one who healed me up best she could. She saved my worthless life.
“Hey, Aheka,” I mumble so quietly I expect her not to hear.
“Hm?” She hums sweetly in response.
My mouth suddenly feels dry. I can’t bring myself to turn around and look at her as I say the words, and I realize I’m just as big of a coward as Aegus. “Thank you,” I whisper hoarsely.
It’s quiet for a few seconds, and I start to wonder if she even heard me. “I said-”
“I heard you,” Aheka replies. I can hear her soft smile through her tone. “I’m just doing my job.”
“Are you the medic?”
“It’s just me and another so far. We’re trying to train more, but it’s difficult with our numbers.”
I swallow. “Did you patch me up?”
“Yes.” Aheka says bashfully, as if embarrassed by her work.
“I’m not going to kill you,” I tell her as I turn around to finally face her. I had meant to put her at ease, but I only feel her tense up further at my phrasing. “Can you tell me about my injuries?”
The beautiful Togruta walks to the other side of the room to grab the clipboard she placed there earlier. “A broken rib on your left side, two on your right. Several cuts on your back, calves, and hands. A single cut to your forehead. Your right ankle was dislocated. The right finger on your right hand was already like that when we found you. I’m sorry, but we couldn’t find it.”
“What about my ear?”
“Your ear?” she sets down the clipboard again and begins to walk over to me with a concerned expression. “Is something the matter with it?”
“Yes, my right one.” Her red hand reaches out to touch me, and I flinch away before stilling myself enough for her to hold my jaw gently. “I can’t hear anything out of it.”
“Since when?”
“Since back on Endor. A ship- this one, I think- fired at me and Adamus.”
"They fired at you?!” Aheka furrows her eyebrows in anger. “So that’s why Adamus looked so peeved at Circe. I’m sorry they did that. We’re not usually like that, I promise.”
The tips of her fingers are cold, then warm as they edge closer to my ear. “I knew I noticed you bleeding when I took you in. I should’ve examined you more closely.” Then she snuffs out some hot air. “Perhaps you should start hurting yourself on your left side too, to balance yourself out.”
A weak attempt at humor. I have heard better. Still, I try not to look like I’m so uncomfortable and grimacing to give her the benefit of the doubt.
I clear my throat. “So, who exactly is ‘we’?”
“Oh… Adamus didn’t tell you?” I shake my head no. “I’d tell you we’re nobodies, but that’s not really true,” she whispers, as if we were speaking in a forbidden language. “We’re part of the Rebellion. New, and not really valid, but we’re a part of it. Too small to be the whole thing but well… all rebellions have to start somewhere.”
Oh man. The Rebellion? This is exactly the type of thing I was trying to stay away from. I might’ve well have just ended up in the hands of some Sith activist group. I don’t want to be allied with anyone’s side but my own. I don’t want the Light path or the Dark path- I want my own path.
“And what’s the deal with Adamus?” I venture to ask.
Aheka removes her fingers from my skin gently. She crosses to the other side of the room, and pulls out a long, thick stick with a little puff at the end. “That’s a story I would just butcher telling you. Here, tilt your head this way…”
I tilt my head to the side as she places the stick in my ear. With minimal discomfort, she pulls it out after a moment. The puffy side is stained red and slightly gold. She lifts her hand to my ear and snaps, but I hear nothing. “You didn’t hear that? I see…Well, the good news is I know what to do. I don’t have the materials for it right now, but I’m sure I can find something somewhere.” Aheka gives me a soft smile. “But until then, maybe you should get some rest. I-I know you’ve had nothing but that for the past day and a half, but…”
Is she… looking out for me? No, nobody is that good. She’s being nice for a reason. She wants something from me. I watch her for a minute before walking past her silently. “Wait- ah, where are you going?”
I don’t answer her. It’s not like telling her would make a difference anyway. I pass the room with the holo-table, not seeing my target anywhere. Adamus.
I let my instincts lead the way. I walk through one of the hallways on the right side, then take a left. A few soldiers walking past give me weird looks, but I pay no mind. They’re lucky I didn’t just kill them right then and there.
The Force leads me to another door. Yes- this is where I’ll find him. I can practically smell Adamus’s disgusting stench from here. It opens without me pressing a button.
“Our first assault should’ve been on Endor. We could’ve taken it if it weren’t for Oden’s ridiculous vote.”
“No, don’t be foolish! We should focus on a defense more than anything. We…”
Adamus notices me and turns to face me. His arms unfold themselves as he starts over to me silently, careful not to disturb the others with the movement of his stocky body. The other men in the room, all sharing a similar uniform, continue discussing what I assume to be their rebellious little plans that I intend to be no part of. Adamus reaches out to hold my left arm as if I were a child that needed to be held still.
“Lovely to see you,” he begins. I see that he has to crane his neck to meet my eyeline, and I imagine punching him square in the jaw. “What can I do for you?”
He’s closer than he’s been before. He doesn’t smell as bad as I previously said, actually. It’s not nearly as… stench-y. It reminds me of something I can’t really place. Some type of wood, maybe? I can see a scar across his lips that pauses before his jaw, then resumes on his neck and under his robes. There’s another one right under his right eye. His eyelashes look so soft and dark brown. Something in my stomach pulls me to look in his eyes.
“Am I interrupting your sausage party?” I say, watching his lips twitch in annoyance for the third time today.
“That’s disgusting,” he counters calmly, struggling to keep his cool.
“But… accurate.”
Adamus squints his eyes in a brief wave of annoyance. “What did you come here for?”
My eyes flicker around the room with paranoia, making sure no one is watching our conversation. Luckily, all the men in uniform seem be clenching their fists as one of them makes some big, dramatic speech while waving his arms around. “Where can you take me?”
Adamus stiffens his body, and I watch the charismatic twinkle return to his irises as my stomach drops. “Ilum, perhaps?”
Ilum would be perfect. It would be… it would be home. “Why would I want to go there?”
“You were talking about it in your sleep.”
Fuck. Adamus.
His grip on my arm intensifies slightly. “I can take you there if you tell me your name.”
I stare up into his piercing orbs. A small shrug graces my shoulders. “Why am I so important to you?” I hiss. “First you stalk me, then you shoot at me, and now you’re demanding my identity. How do I know you’re no better than the Empire?”
Adamus narrows his pale eyes at me. “We’re the rebellion,” he says as if it were obvious.
“What does that have to do with anything?” I counter sharply. “Because you’re not part of the oppressive government, you can’t be oppressive yourselves? Fuck off.”
I hold his stare then. I am not one to back down from challenging authority, or messing with anyone who thinks they’re in control of something. That always tends to include men.
Adamus keeps squaring his jaw in frustration, much to my delight. Then he returns to the table, and a hush falls over the uniformed men. “I have a proposal,” he speaks.
“Does it include her?” One of the men with gray hair and frown stapled to his lips jabs a finger at me.
“It does,” Adamus replies. “I propose we set a course to Ilum. The planet is sacred to the Jedi and could prove useful to me and the uh… new associate here.”
“Didn’t she attack you on sight?” one of the men counters- a Chiss with blue skin and deep red eyes.
“She had every reason to attack. But now she’s going to help us. Right, my new associate?”
Oh no. No, Adamus! Please don’t put the spotlight on me. Before I can respond, Adamus answers for me, probably sensing my discomfort. “Right. Everyone in favor of heading to Ilum, raise your hands.”
Adamus raises both his hands as if surrendering. Nervously, five men follow suit. Adamus turns to me, eyebrows raised. Immediately, I throw up my left hand as a vote.
“Oh, yay! A unanimous vote. That sure makes things easy. Well, off to Ilum then!”
“Ah- General Adamus!”
“Can’t hear you Rass I’m already out the door!” He grabs my arm again as he leaves the room and shuts the door behind us. Separating me from the pit of political vipers he calls his council.
It’s #WaybackWednesday and I haven’t worn or shared Jaina Solo in a hot second. Fun fact: I had barely enough time in between a Snow White shoot and this Jaina shoot at Katsucon 2017 to change my makeup, and my eyebrows are totally black. Whoops! Jaina Solo: Fairwind Cosplay PC: @myratheoncosplay Wig by @ardawigs . #cosplay #starwars #starwarscosplay #starwarslegends #jainasolo #jainasolocosplay #expandeduniverse #katsucon #starwarsblackseries #soloastarwarsstory #ardawigs #ardastyle #jedi #jedicosplay #saberguild #ultrasabers #purplelightsaber #swordofthejedi #cosplayer #cosplaymodel #cosplayersofinstagram #badasscosplay #youngjediknights #youngjedi #jainasolofel #womenofcosplay #timothyzahn #starwarscomics (at Katsucon) https://www.instagram.com/p/BrlLqxMDeR1/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=3jjru4h2rf4d
