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I have learned things in the dark that I could never have learned in the light, things that have saved my life over and over again, so that there is really only one logical conclusion. I need darkness as much as I need light.
Barbara Brown Taylor
http://www.purposefairy.com/78027/why-its-important-to-embrace-your-darkness/
Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.
Self Love
I was never really my own best friend nor did I practice self love. Throughout my years of growing up I was my own worst critic. I would always tell myself that 'I'm not smart enough' or that 'I'm not pretty enough'. I was always sucked into the realm of comparing myself to others and am still guilty of that today. I guess I've improved over the years but I can't say I'm completely free from it. The built up of negative thoughts from all these years has lead me to become a very vulnerable person today. I let things get to me too easily, I still compare myself others, and worst of all, I don't love myself.
I am definitely one to complain that life is hard, but honestly, what makes life hard? As an article from purposefairy.com puts it, "Life is hard not because life is hard but because we make it hard and it’s all because of our untamed and savaged mind". It's just that simple.
From this point forward, I need to start giving myself a break, learn to clear my mind from negative thoughts, and most importantly, learn to love myself more.
Your Story Matters.
Yesterday morning, I received the following email from Luminita Saviuc, the founder of the blog Purpose Fairy:
Hi Jenny :)
You have been published:
http://www.purposefairy.com/67021/3-magic-words-you-should-say-today/
P.S. I loved your post!
I clicked on the embedded link, and there was MY article along with my accompanying short bio and picture.
Wow.
Several weeks ago, I had set an intention that I would get an article published with Purpose Fairy, which is one of my most favorite blogs to read. My friend Tracie had suggested that I submit an article. I thought that was a great idea.
Except that I had no article to submit.
And no idea what I would write about.
Hmmmmm.
I've been a writer for years, and most of my writing has been in either fiction or poetry. I've always loved telling stories. Even as a young child I wrote stories about my first bike or the squirrels in the backyard or science fiction yarns of an Earth with no ozone layer. I wrote for the pleasure of it. There was something so gratifying about creating a universe out of words.
During childhood I shared my stories with everyone because I felt like my stories were meant to be shared with other people. I felt a great zest and happiness in jotting things down and giving them to people as presents. It was like giving out candy, and I was just confident that people would appreciate them as I much as I did.
But over time that confidence disappeared. While I still loved writing, I became more and more reluctant to share my work. The joy of sharing had disappeared for a variety of reasons, one of which was, "What if it isn't good enough?" Judgment had replaced joy. The act of sharing such a large part of myself because fraught by anguish and anxiety because I was thinking, "What if no one likes it?"--ergo "What if no one likes ME?"
Then came a time I stopped writing for awhile. In all honesty, I probably needed that time. Though a part of me thought that maybe I wouldn't come back to writing at all. I had become estranged from writing because it had become too charged. I felt too vulnerable, too consumed by criticism.
It was only about four years ago that I started really writing again, and the catalyst was the end of my marriage, which also coincided with the birth of my son. The stress sometimes felt beyond endurance. Writing once again became my respite, something reliable in providing comfort and solace as I went through one of the most difficult periods of my life. It was the beginning of accountability as well as a time to find myself again.
I started writing again in workshops where other people could read my work. This was a huge thing for me, being able to trust others to give feedback on my work, but I was able to feel safe again. I was able to start seeing that the stories I wanted to tell mattered. Especially my own story with its accompanying feelings of shame, heartache, disappointment, and grief. Not only could I tell my story but love my story. I could send love to all the parts of my life that needed healing.
When I started writing the article that eventually appeared in Purpose Fairy, all I knew is that I wanted to share something hopeful about my life. I had just turned 40 years old. Life has had more than its fair share of ups and downs, and it's still not quite where I want it to be. But despite life still being as unpredictable as ever, I felt different from what I had been. And the difference was feeling, "I am enough." I knew then that was what I would write about.
Since my article has appeared in Purpose Fairy a little more than 24 hours ago, hundreds of people have now read it. And liked what I wrote. Even identified with it. There was nothing more satisfying and rewarding than reading comments that said, "Thank you for writing this. I feel like this is my story too."
I read a quote by Kim McManus that applies to the experience of sharing my story so publicly. It says, "Your heartache is someone else's hope. If you can make it through, somebody else is going to make it through. Tell your story."
I have learned that my story is also someone else's story. My story matters. Your story matters. Tell it.
Thank you, Purpose Fairy!
Purpose Fairy has published one of my articles, which is a version of an earlier blog entry that I wrote. Please check it out, and re-post it! Spread the love!
http://www.purposefairy.com/67021/3-magic-words-you-should-say-today/
And for those of you who have found me through Purpose Fairy! Welcome! Love and light to you!
The 10 Day Happiness Challenge
The 11 step guide to spreading love
