Personal piety: a struggle.
Compassionate Lord,
Thy mercies have brought me to the dawn of another day,
Vain will be its gift unless I grow in grace,
increase in knowledge,
ripen for spiritual harvest.
Let me this day know thee as thou art,
love thee supremely,
serve thee wholly,
admire thee fully. -Excerpt from "Morning" -The Valley of Vision
There is an incredibly large chasm between the piety of the puritans and modern Christians. Growing up I did not see anyone - literally anyone - devote their entire lives to the kingdom of God. I never saw people spend their mornings in prayer, I never saw people cry over the beauty of the gospel, I never saw people shove their faces into the floor in repentance, I never saw people confess their sins to one another, i never hear people talking about Jesus, or what they learned in their personal devotions that day, or what they had been meditating on lately. I never saw someone say that they were a sinner, with tears in their eyes. I never saw someone desperately seek forgiveness, or take the Lord's supper seriously. I never saw this, I never heard of it existing. I never saw a community of Christian believers devoted to one another - always involved in each other's lives, edifying, rebuking, encouraging, loving and serving one another. I knew that I saw this in scripture, but I had seen none of this in life -and it was never talked about. I did not know the word "piety" until I was eighteen years old (Jonathan Hermes, you're not allowed to say anything about this). - I guess Stephen King didn't use it in his vocabulary when I used to read his novels as a young girl.
As God has grown me into a lover of theology and church history I have discovered a facet of the Christian walk that I had never heard of, witnessed, nor conceived of. A life of total and utter devotion the Jesus Christ our Lord.
"Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain" -1 Corinthians 15:58
I cannot read Valley of Vision without feeling convicted. I read one poem at a time, one prayer after another, each one filling me with a strong -yet refreshing conviction - that I do not take the Word of God seriously enough, I do not take life seriously enough, and I do not take Jesus seriously enough. I do not to die to myself, I do not meditate on scripture, I do not give up sin, I do not sincerely repent, I do not wake up with thoughts of the Lord, I do not fall asleep with thoughts of the Lord. I do not write to him songs from my soul of praise, I hardly spend twenty minutes in prayer a day. Most days, not even.
Yet, I love Jesus. I love Jesus. I love Jesus. I have no hope but in the gospel of Jesus Christ. There is no good thing in me, there is nothing within me that I can myself redeem. I can only boast in the cross of Christ, which has secured for me everything. Why then, if I love Jesus, do I spend most of my time thinking about my goals, my desires, my plans, my money, my life, myself? Any amount of reflection and I am struck with my selfishness, with my lack of piety; with my sinfulness. I have no dedication to holiness - and I am with my culture (my Christian culture here). We seem to think that pursuing holiness, seeking to follow the Scripture; the Holy Word of God makes us self-righteous and legalistic: and I would contend with fervency. Christ said that if we abide in His word then we will know the truth and the truth will set us free (John 8:31-32).
When we are in Christ we are called to pursue Him, and live in full devotion to Him, His Word, and His Kingdom. I put these words down and think "yes, everyone knows this." - Yes, and that is was worries me most. I know that to be true, and I still don't do it. The New Testament wisdom book addresses this a great deal: "If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn't do it, it is sin for them" -(James 4:17), "Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that -and shudder ... faith without works is dead" -(James 2:18-19)
So we know we are to act on our faith, we are to be separate from the world, we are to pursue Christ, but how? How are we to be set apart? How are we to pursue Christ? How are we to act on our faith? In holiness. "Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful" -(Colossians 4:2 )
"We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised" -Hebrews 6:11-12
The truth is I am lazy. I could arise in the mornings, and feed on the word of God. I could crawl in my closet, and pray in humble fear of God my savior. I could go for a walk, meditating on the attributes of God. I could be more humble, I could seek more peace, I could be less self-consumed, I could have mature faithful prayers like the puritans.... I could take God seriously. And that's what it comes down to, I have no sense of reverence for God.
That sucks - it just sucks. I do not live like the scripture is true. I live like it moreso than I did two years ago, but the way I live is hardly different enough from the world to spark curiosity. I do not live as though every person I meet is a soul, destined for deliverance or destruction. I do not live as though this mortal life is temporary, and I await eternity. I do not live as though the Gospel is the greatest news in existence. I do not live as though Jesus could come back any moment. Jonathan Edwards wrote in his resolutions "Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour, before I should hear the last trump." Genius, brilliant, wonderful and meditative. I would have never thought of such a thing, yet what a great resolution. I don't think in these terms, I have no piety. Blah. I suck. You see what I mean?
Now now, I know most of you are thinking "Tiffany, you don't suck, you are ____insert compliment here___." Let's just be realistic, we all have room to grow, and I have more than most. I have been reading Valley of Vision each morning, in an attempt to gain a greater piety, and praise be to God who is inspiring me to pursue Him more. Our God is so merciful and gracious - always faithful to his covenant.
It is time for me to make some resolutions myself. Simple. Easy. Yet so difficult for a sinner like me.
1. To take God at His word, and to view him reverently.
2. To read and meditate on scripture daily.
3. To think less of myself and more of Christ.
4. To pray on my knees, more often, more reverently, more sincerely, for more time of the day.
5. To have sobriety in my daily life - to take each day seriously.
6. To obey, submit to, and love my Savior.
Woah woah, you're thinking, how "totally completely serious" of me, and "not fun at all!"
Surely I believe in enjoying life, having fun, and taking things easy (when appropriate). But I also have to stop thinking that so frequently, about so much. Life is not a joke. and the scripture is not a joke, and God is not joking. How many times have I missed an opportunity to share the gospel with someone because I was too busy "having fun." How many times have I said what I should not have because I was too "laid back" to obey scripture?
Praise be to Jesus Christ who obeyed all the scripture, and was perfectly reverent toward God - praise that his righteousness is counted as mine! Praise be to God that I am free from having to be perfect. Praise be to God that I am freely forgiven and covered in his grace. Thank you, Lord.
I can't do this, but I want to do this. I will try to do this. I will try to be pious, because I love Jesus.
Sorry about this rambling mess, I will try to touch it up later to give it a semblance of cohesion, but don't get your hopes up.