i think the motto of my life could be "think negatively, when has thinking the worst ever lead to a disappointment?" late nights and even later kisses. i'm throwing writers blocks hoping to break down the wall between us just to get a word in, but inspiration has ran drier in my throat and bloodstream than the air we try to breathe in every day. in a room we decorated with "could haves" and "wanted to's", i'm with you and we're alone, but it feels like it's just me. maybe i'm just pretending you're here, it's how i get to sleep when i do get to sleep. sleep is a bad habit i'm dying to try. i don't like guessing once let alone second guessing myself. you're inches away and still out of reach. we're not even on the same page. i suddenly wish i could have been a brain surgeon just to figure out what was going on in your head. or a psychologist, just to get a glimpse.
when i can't see (through) you it drives me insane and i break at every light of your cigarette, i wanna know what you're thinking but bad news is old news. now i don't know what's thicker, the tension or my skull... but i've still memorized every possible sound you make while breathing out. i seriously can't breathe so i'll let you do it for me - a new meaning to 'you take my breath away', i don't know why it was given to me in the first place. our eyes meet and i remember and kick myself for forgetting at/it all. i'm making things up just to have more guests at my pityparty. pretending i'd be given a chance when boys like me lose them anyway. yet here i am. and there you are.
people try to figure me/you/us out, but we don't even have it down yet. they can spend hours writing up all my mistakes but the pen couldn't touch you. so you can calculate how this is all adding up and subtracting years off my life. i'm more worried about how it's dividing us apart. girls are harder to figure out than algebra - yet people still try to do it. the one thing i've found is i don't want to lose her. i'm tripping over words and falling in love. i told her i would have bought her the prettiest flowers but she'd make them look ugly in comparison. she laughed and probably figured i was just being cheap again, but i was being serious.
as far as anything else goes, i'll definitely update about it later, but this one is definitely for you. if you ever question my love i'll answer it, i love you.
xxoo
NOTE FROM AL: i think it's funny how often i see this entry overlooked. obviously it's not the iconic Fourth of July 2005 one (god even in your songs, could you be more obvious) (follow up, while looking back through PW old livejournal, i saw "i miss when people didnt know who i was posting abt in erly 2006),, ANYWAYS july 9th! 5 days after 04/07/2005, aka hes gotta still be talking about the same person ie; mikey fuckin way. "you're inches away and still out of reach." oh god the pining after this emotionally unavailable man. the "girl" stuff comes so late and looks too forced imo- anyways, you get the point, petekey 4 lyfe and better off as lover. NOT the other way around or whatever the summer of like insinuates.
idk dawgz, maybe ya boi needs 2 go 2 bed. feel free 2 refute me im too tired 4 this shit. oh yeah + i made a livejournal if any1 still uses that- it was just 2 sketch out emo losers cryptic + painfully obvioous messages but yahoo! mayb ill actually do smth w it.
#project hail mary
#the amazing digital circus
#photography
#azzi fudd
