#q'ran

[studiozeroorezoiduts-blog]

It is We Who created you and gave you shape; then We bade the angels prostrate to Adam, and they prostrate; not so Iblis; He refused to be of those who prostrate. (Allah) said: "What prevented thee from prostrating when I commanded thee?" He said: "I am better than he: Thou didst create me from fire, and him from clay."

    —Quran, sura 7 (Al-A'raf) ayat 11-12[11] Story of Iblis (Lucifer)

[startingtoboremebaby]

Was It Fleeing...?

Honestly, I might've had the most profound, frightening and amazing spiritual experiences of my life.

The sun set tonight, and Sukkot came to an end. My family and I sat in our tent which has been dubbed Sukka, and listened to the Torah portion. It was nice, but sleepy.

There is a girl that I follow on tumblr. I followed her because she likes Doctor Who. She is Muslim. I have never known a Muslim, and have never spoken to her. Tomorrow, she is taking her shahada. I didn't know what shahada is, so I researched it. The words, the Arabic, the Islam.... The praise to allah and all that goes with it.... It's fascinating. As a Messianic believer, I know that Muslims call for the extermination of all who do not believe as they do. But I've never been one to automatically discredit an entire culture without investigating various prospects of it. I'm the polar opposite of a Muslim. I'm okay with that. And I don't condemn a Muslim, because it turns them away from the prospect of ever leaving their god an turning to the true God. Yahweh. I don't want to offend but I also refuse to hide what my true faith is.

As I read the first words of the shahada, not the translation but the Arabic words, I was confused. I also thought of a song by Santana where they go "sha la la la li la la la la" because shahada honestly sounds like that when I read it. I was....not scared. I am not scared of words. I am not scared of their meaning. I am not scared of who reads them and who believes them. Not much scares me because I'm either foolish, I have too much faith, or both. I'm betting on the last one.

I read the story of one girl's conversion to Islam, and her journey. How she felt so enlightened after taking shahada and turning to allah. How ever hearing the word Q'ran calms her. It was the most fascinating thing. Because I've never thought, and I mean TRULY thought, of anyone feeling fulfilled as they turn to a false god.

I ran to the Torah. I don't know if I fled from the Q'ran or ran to the Torah. Because I am not afraid. I was not afraid. I know who my God is, even though I hardly ever feel Him here anymore. But it was like reading the Torah brought me home.

Imagine wandering in a place where everything feels the same. You look up and you see darkness. And everything surrounding you is dark. And not solid dark, but beauty. Beautiful darkness. Deceptive colors that lure you in with an addictive beauty that you feel so dampened by and you feel so rejected but so drawn in at the same time. And you stare into the darkness, completely mesmerized by the beauty of it all, and amazed at it. Fascinated by it. You start to accept it, and desire it. Your hands want to reach out to the forbidden beauty, but you feel something holding you back. And for a second, internally, you curse whatever it is that is restraining you. But then you realize....it's darkness. It's beautiful and amazing, but it isn't the basis of your life. You are still a light. And a light that does not wish to be shut out or shut off. And you remember that the darkness isn't what you are. And internally, you return to what you know. You return to the Torah and to your faith and you become enveloped in all of the words that you've known since you were a child. And you realize that the beautiful darkness has turned to light. Not because you have moved away from the darkness, but because your light has grown and expanded and everything is on fire. Everything. And you feel home. You feel like you can breathe.

Tonight, I might've had that breakthrough. I just had to walk through some thick darkness before I realized I was the light. The light cannot exist without the darkness. And I, I prefer to be the light.

I know I will probably offend a lot of Muslims by this post. I am sorry. But just as you proudly profess your faith and allegiance to allah, I will profess me faith and allegiance and love to Yahweh. Please do not condemn me for this. I do not condemn you. I think you are wrong. Very wrong. But you are within your rights to be wrong, and I will gladly fight for your right to believe what you wish.

I just hope I wasn't fleeing... I hope it was an embrace of the Torah and not a fear of the Q'ran.