i was rereading the devils minion chapter just now to cite my sources for another post and holy shit i don't think i ever really internalized this line before:
You are half mad. There is almost nothing left in the world that you enjoy.
"Except talking to you now and then. It's so easy to hear everything you say."
i have a lot to say about just how different daniel's descriptions of and things he values about armand are compared to the other characters who write about him in the series but this one kind of takes my breath away. you are objectified and belittled your entire life, often treated as inherently irrational or intellectually inferior—especially by the people who claim to love you—and you are so lonely and starved for connection and here comes daniel molloy, who wants nothing more than to listen to you speak
there are so many fucked up and dysfunctional things about the book dm dynamic but one of the things that makes them so compelling is that they genuinely like each other. yes there's this sweeping gothic romance and obsession and codependency but underneath all of that they're best friends who genuinely enjoy each others company and are invested in each others thoughts. this too could be a whole other post but one of the things armand and daniel have in common is a love for and fascination with the world around them but at the same time they both find it difficult or unnatural in some way to engage with that world. one of the gifts they give each other is the courage to indulge that curiosity; they go on adventures and take classes together and have mutual friends to talk about art and philosophy and politics with and at the end of the day they always, always just want to talk to each other
then, of course, when you're someone like armand and you have come to internalize the idea that the people who love you don't like you and don't have any regard for your internal experience, it feels dishonest that someone would claim to love you and to want to know you. daniel must either be unbelievably ignorant or cruel to claim both and it's just not fair that armand alone has to bear the understanding that he doesn't actually mean it. if daniel truly loved him, surely he would not force armand to guard himself from his dishonesty. can't he understand how badly armand wants to believe him?
