I started this year sitting round a table every friday
and I stare after every visibly queer stranger on the bus
and I still cry at traffic lights when I just think of you
I lost someone I thought I’d never have when I was sixteen and afraid
I lost someone I thought I’d never lose when I was twenty six and I felt so in love with you
now I am teetering on thirty and in a sudden end of January twist I’m staying sober despite all the things that make wish I didn’t feel a thing
cause life is struggle, life is sugar, life is pleasure and its pain and we bought bread in Paris in your neighborhood that I will now quite likely never see again
and I cry about that one too no matter how silly that might feel cause I allow myself to feel
and given many a god‘s mercy, may Freyr grant me the serenity to cherish that which doesn’t hurt but heals me,
may Freya grant me courage and Fenris grant me rage to strike decisively at things that ache that I can change;
and Loki, mother-trickster-parent-father grant me the clarity of knowing what is what;
and Odin, one eyed wisdom witcher, near Mimirs whispering reproach, may he give me all of the rest and all that's inbetween; to know what I can’t change and what for now I must abide
and to have hope and to just trust that things will change the way they change and I will live and love and prosper
for now I'll keep some hope inside my kitchen drawer that there could be a future shared between us where neither you nor me are hurting and our needs are matched and measured consciously on scales of silver justice