#queenofchcos

[hawkguyed]

✪ natasha

[ ✪ ] clint & natasha are stuck in an elevator together.

Honestly, they probably should’ve seen this one coming. The building they were scoping out was old and rickety, the sort of place where it was kind of a miracle it was still standing at all, and it probably went without saying that the elevator wasn’t too reliable. But Clint had cracked a couple of ribs a week ago and, after a significant amount of whining, convinced Natasha to get in it with him anyways rather than taking the stairs up eight floors to where they needed to be. It was probably karma when the thing died halfway between floors four and five.

For a moment, they stood there in silence. Clint could feel Natasha’s eyes on him as he willed the elevator to move, but it didn’t budge an inch. Finally accepting his fate, he turned towards her with a sheepish smile. “So,” he said, shifting his weight awkwardly. “Wanna make out, or...?”

[hawkguyed]

ღ kate

[ ღ ] clint makes an attempt to cheer kate up.

Clint knew Kate well enough to know when something was bothering her, even if she didn’t say the words out loud. She’d been uncharacteristically quiet all night, subdued on the couch and more or less responding to everything he said in grunts and one-word answers. Cheering people up had never been something Clint was great at. If anything, he usually did something more resembling the opposite, but for Kate, he was always willing to try.

The first step was ordering her favorite pizza. He pretended not to pick the pineapples off, didn’t complain about the crust. He turned on one of those movies she liked, even though it wasn’t really something he was into. He laughed at the jokes, a little more dramatically than necessary. He brewed her favorite kind of coffee, let her drink from his favorite Hawkeye mug. It wasn’t much, but it was all he knew how to do. He could only hope it had some effect.

[hawkguyed]

☎

[ ☎ ] clint calls wanada in tears.

Okay, so this situation wasn’t ideal. There was a cop standing over him looking angry, his shoulder ached from where it had made contact with the ground, and his keys had fallen somewhere in the sewer. Clint knew he was gonna have to really bend over backwards to get out of this one. It took some convincing to get the cop to allow him a phone call, and Clint silently thanked Matt for all the half-assed law knowledge he’d been able to bring out. Sometimes being friends with a lawyer was useful!

Scrolling through his contacts, he landed on Wanda with a grin. He should probably call someone like Matt or Natasha, but Wanda was far less likely to get all smug with him when she realized what this whole thing was about. Sniffling into the phone, Clint started off easy. After a few minutes, he let the sniffles shift over to over the top sobs, watching as discomfort distorted the officer’s face. He made sure to only say things Wanda would know were bullshit; the last thing he wanted was to worry her! “You just tell Genevieve I’ll talk to her after maw-maw’s funeral! I’m sorry, I’ve gotta go to jail! It was the jaywalking! I deserve this!” 

Finally, the cop groaned. “Just go,” he sighed. “Jesus Christ, go to the funeral. We’re good, it’s fine.” 

Clint did his best to save his triumphant grin for after the officer left. He was considerate like that!

[ircnicarus]

☼ kate

send ☼ for a congratulatory text for @greatesthawkeye

(✉ → improbably good aim): You have successfully managed to completely confound my last training robot by having a completely ridiculous probability of hitting the target dead on every single time, so to congratulate you, I’m going to give you three options.(✉ → improbably good aim): 1) Dinner at that place near Times Square, the one with the singing clown, 2) tickets to a show of your choice, including Disneyworld, which isn’t really a show but semantics or 3) you get Dum-E as your personal companion for a day. Your choice, you deserve it!

[ircnicarus]

☠ peter

send ☠ for a misguided advice text for @neighborhoodwebhead

(✉ → Pete): What I’m trying to say here, Pete, is that love is a varied and complicated thing. You really need to open yourself up to the other person, and trust that they will do the same thing to you. It involves give and take, like me giving up gluten because it makes me gassy, and getting amazing sex.(✉ → Pete): Did I get off track again? I think I got off track again.(✉ → Pete): Anti electron collisions! Okay, send the plans over, I’ll take a look at them.

[manwlthoutfear-blog]

♣ petee

send ♣ for a text not meant for you for @neighborhoodwebhead

(✉ → Spidey): Sometimes I just wonder whether he gets stuck to the bed while he’s sleeping, you know? Like. Where does the sticky suit begin and the sticky fingers end, Foggy? It’s an eternal question.

[manwlthoutfear-blog]

⁇ daisy

send ⁇ for a worried text for @earthquakesgirl

(✉ → Quaker Oats): I've just spent the past two hours breaking up fights on the street outside my apartment. People usually look twice at a blind man in a suit wading into a crisis, but not this time.(✉ → Quaker Oats): This fear gas has really got people enthralled, Daisy. Let me know you’re safe, please.(✉ → Quaker Oats): If you need a place to stay tonight, come to mine. What’s family for, right?

[multiversalticket]

✘ kate

send ✘ for a text that should never have been sent

(✉ → princess): you gotta stop telling people you’re straight(✉ → princess): it’s embarrassing