This is just a rant of something I need to get off my chest because if I put this on any of my main socials I'd probably just get attacked by these friends so here we go.
One of my friends (R from my last rant)isn't really who I thought she was. We had this argument in one of our group chats and honestly it feels pointless now that I've calmed down, but it started off as whether or not cis is a bad thing (my belief was that it isn't and it's just a description used for the medical field and in conversations surrounding gender identity in spaces that need to differentiate the experiences of cis and trans people).
One of my friends, E, is a Muslim. She does not support the lgbtq community and we've seen her be homophobic and transphobic in the past (Ex: saying the f slur in general and calling Sweetie the t slur) , even in fifth grade. I get that it's her religion and it's how she was brought up, but as a queer girl who's under the trans umbrella I really can't get behind her actions or thought process because it actively harms me. Another thing you should know is that she's an entitled bitch who is always having issues with Sweetie. With this in mind I already knew where she stood so it really wasn't a surprise to me when she was like "I'm already a woman, I don't need to be called 'cis'."
R, on the other hand surprised me a little. She was also on the side of not liking the adjective "cis", a little surprising but she was able to explain her stand point, so while I don't agree, I can see where she's coming from. The issue came about towards the end of the argument where it came down to the definition of a woman. The definition I gave was something along the lines of, "A person who identifies within the social and gender norms generally associated with the female sex." That is what constitutes a woman in my eyes. When R asked me to elaborate on that to help her better understand what I meant I think I said, "Someone who's usually more fem presenting with things like makeup, nails, dresses, etc." I'll admit, that was a poor elaboration on my part and I definitely see where I went wrong there. I should have added a part about identifying as a woman and that's my fault. But what still doesn't sit right with me hours later was her response. She said that my description was offensive (which I understand) because there's more to a woman. That part is true and I was following her up until her next reply. Her reply was that a woman is someone who has a uterus, can carry a baby to term, and has a period.
That doesn't sit right with me at all. By that definition are cis women who are born without ovaries not women? Are cis women who are born without a uterus not women? Are infertile women not women? Are women who choose to have a hysterectomy not women? Adding to that, that is a trans exclusionary way to think and a trans exclusionary definition of a woman.
I doubt she meant it in a harmful way and I'm hoping she's just misguided but that really sits awfully with me. Especially because she says she has nothing against trans people. However, she can't say she has nothing wrong with trans people and specifically trans women and then turn around and give an exclusionary definition of what a woman is.
So yeah, that shocked me and is making me rethink my friendship with her. She hangs out with E a lot so I guess that should have told me something but I guess that was just wishful thinking. I think the best thing for me going forward, especially because I'm starting high school next week, is to slowly distance myself from them and then eventually cut them off. I feel bad thinking about it because we've all known each other since we were in elementary school, but this is just such a big difference in thinking that I don't think I'd feel good about myself hanging out with a homophobe who is also a transphobe as well as someone I thought was chill but may be transphobic.
