i was only an hour into my shift. saw a client that i needed to talk to sitting in the smoking area, went out to talk to her. we got to chatting and i smoked a cigarette with her. in this time, two other clients came out. one of them, a young-ish white woman, went out to the street and started screaming. she came back and sat behind me. "hi," i said, tentatively. "FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING BITCH!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, leaning in to me. "you need to back off," i said. "NO I FUCKING DON'T! FUCK YOU!" she then proceeded to scream a bunch of things that didn't really make sense, at top volume. she did back off and went to the door, rang the bell to get back inside.
when she was waiting for one of my co-workers to let her in, she screamed, "you're a dyke! dyke! dyke! DYKE! DYKE! DYKE!" with each repetition she got closer to me, got a little louder, until she was standing with her face about five inches from mine. "you're just JEALOUS that you don't have a HARD DICK between your legs, you FUCKING DYKE! you want a HARD DICK so you can FUCK WOMEN!"
she did not break eye contact with me. i saw her face, twisted with sheer raw hatred. i really thought that she was going to hit me. she was so loud, so hateful. so completely out of control.
all i did was have a cigarette. all i did was say "hi." this is all i did, and this is what i get. the two clients who were out there with me were just stunned. they both said, "wow, she yells a lot, but i've never seen her go off on somebody like that." "yeah, don't worry about her, she's just crazy." inside, i saw her pointing at me, yelling, and another client shaking his head. i found out later that she was telling everyone that i am amber rose (?) and also the ringleader of a white supremacist gang (?!?).
my coworkers and i decided that she had to go, so we geared up to kick her out, but she was already packed and ready to go. saying that she couldn't be in the house with me because i make her unsafe.
i went in the back room and cried. my sweet co-workers were arguing with the supervisor on call, telling her that i should be allowed to go home early. i have spent too much time this year crying in the back room at work.
this is what i get. for being visibly queer. for being out there. for having an easy place to strike. being visibly queer is NOT a privilege. IT IS NOT. being visibly queer means shit like this happens. being visibly queer means never being able to forget that the world fucking hates you.