“I’m not asking for special treatment,” Kay snapped, “If you’ve got a problem, then say it.”
“A problem? Of course I have a fucking problem, Kay. Have you heard yourself recently? You need help!”
“I’ve got you.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it. You need real help. Not from me.”
Kay bit his tongue, keeping his gaze steadily on Rory. “How long have you felt like that? This hasn’t come from nowhere.”
“You really want honesty?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“It’s been a while,” Rory admitted. “But I’m sure that you can see why. This isn’t healthy and nothing is going to change.”
“I’m trying my best,” a half-hearted rebuttal. “I swear, Rory, I’m trying.”
Rory sighed and shook his head. Pity. “I get that, Kay, but there comes a point where trying isn’t good enough. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“You want me to — I don’t know? Move out? Get a therapist?”
Rory nodded. “I know that’s not what you want to hear.”
Kay nodded, glancing between Rory and the floor. This was the part he was dreading. Having to finally be honest.
“I did a couple of sessions,” Kay sighed. “But — but she asked a lot of questions. I — I wanted to talk to you before I went back again.”
Rory knew where this was going — where Kay was going with this, but somehow, it still came as a surprise.
“She asked a lot of questions. Mostly about me. And — and I can answer those. I don’t mind. But she wanted to know about you. And I told her a bit, but I just —”
“You wanted to make sure that it was okay?” Rory interrupted, and Kay gave a quick nod.
“I swear, I didn’t say anything bad. I promise I would never do…” Kay cut himself off. “I — I just need to know what I can tell her. If — if there are things I need to hide. You know? You — you don’t deserve to get into trouble over this.”
Rory did deserve to get into trouble. But Kay didn’t want to hear that — it would only end in argument. About how Rory didn’t hurt him, morphing into how Rory didn’t mean to hurt him. Into how Kay didn’t mind. A spiral of toxicity they never seemed to leave.
“It isn’t your responsibility to protect me, you know?” Rory spoke softly. “You know that.”
“But —”
“No, Kay. Shut up. You need to start looking out for yourself. Cut the bullshit.”
“Rory —”
“Don’t even start. You’ve had time to process this, and you’re just pretending all over again. And how’s that working out for you?”
“I get your point.”
“I don’t think you do. If you’re asking me if it’s okay, then you don’t get my point.”
There was a moment of silence, and Kay showed no sign of breaking it.
“Make the appointment. Tell her everything and worry about me later, got it?”
“And that’s an order?”
“Just make the fucking appointment,” Rory gritted his teeth. “I’m not playing games tonight.”
Spoken in as harsh a tone as Kay had ever heard from Rory. An ultimatum disguised as suggestion.
“I’ll call tomorrow… I swear,” Kay whispered, voice catching in his throat. “Thank you. I — I’m sorry it’s taking so long.”
“You can apologise after you follow through. Right now, I don’t want to hear it.”
“Okay — yeah — alright,” Kay fumbled. Harshness like this from Rory was reassuring. “I will.”
Proof that he could do something other than treat Kay as though he were made of glass — threatening to shatter at any sign of conflict.
Proof that he thought Kay could recover.
Proof that he thought their relationship could go somewhere.
He said "Gnight!" first this time, and wished me good luck again minutes before my maths c exam today. :') So happy with life, even if it's stressful atm. I honestly could not care less about school photos tomorrow. Wooooohoo~
