#queued moods

[earnestattempts]

Commitments and responsibilities are so weird.  Like I know that the main thing I can’t do in my life is be dependable.  And yet like, that’s all that we’re supposed to be as people.  And I keep trying to figure out “solutions” for how I can be dependable.

Like I want to say “I should just be able to be sick”.

But I can’t even keep to that.

Another part of me is like “I want to have had a life though”.

[earnestattempts]

Hey did anyone ever notice that capitalism is bad?

[earnestattempts]

The fact that there are ethical aspects to professionalism is bad in itself.

Professionalism is a system that is really built around efficiency and reducing conflict.  But “reducing conflict” becomes to a lot of people “acting ethically”, because it involves doing right by the people you are working with.

But the “efficiency” part is in practice outright ableist.  People who are limited and not able to do something some or all of the time are deemed less efficient, and therefore unprofessional.

So there’s this conflation, right?  If you are acting badly, that’s unprofessional.  If you are disabled, that’s unprofessional.  Disability must be bad.

And on the other side of it, the ethical part allows people to feel they are doing a good deed by enacting ableism.  It’s just calling out unprofessional behavior!

[earnestattempts]

So you are obligated to strive to be able, as a disabled person.  So you strive, and in doing so you often enter into contexts governed by professionalism.  In a professional context, you sort of have to say “yes I can do it” to gain entry, and then if you can’t do it, you are deemed bad and unprofessional.

It’s a system that takes the neutral state of disability, and makes it into something that is bad.  Something bad that everyone feels justified in calling bad.

[earnestattempts]

Professionalism as a system is built to be ableist.

Most of the stuff they are trying to weed out with professional behavior is related to disability or illness.  People who aren’t “dependable” or “reliable”, people who will bring their issues into the workplace, etc.

There’s a side to it where it’s about boundaries between people, and that is fine and good.  Not everything about professionalism is bad.

But even then, these codified boundaries can be interpreted as mostly a way to insulate abled people from disabled people’s problems.

[earnestattempts]

To consider ability and disability in regards to creators, you have to engage with the fact that the audience actively wants to go with the option with the least friction.

Which is to say, they want their artists to not be disabled.

[earnestattempts]

Social media is such a strange thing.  Like we are supposed to produce and produce for it, all for some vague...goal.

I have always been afraid of posting, and then felt bad after doing so.  I do it because I want to reach out, and have people see my work.

But sometimes it’s like, how much free stuff can you produce!

I guess that’s why I started doing the patreon.  I wanted to have some actual pay for some of the content I produce.

But then there’s advertising the patreon!!  Ha.  Work multiplies.

[earnestattempts]

Why do things, why be a person.